A Spontaneous Invitation Changed My Outlook on Life

| Julie Hall

It was a spontaneous invitation from my 78-year-old mother to attend their senior holiday dance and party.  I was out-of-state visiting them and I obliged her request, knowing it would make her happy.  How much fun could it really be with everyone so advanced in years?

The club house was nothing fancy — reminiscent of a church basement or school gym, devoid of color, with few decorations.  In front of the small Bingo stage sat the collapsible sound system from the hired DJ, complete with a disco ball spinning crystal dots on the walls, and a lighted 3-foot Santa next to his unit.  The floor was exceptionally shiny, as if someone had spent hours buffing it to perfection for dancing.

The 40 seniors waited in line for cafeteria style dinner of roast beef, green beans, and a roll.  Dessert would be homemade cakes from the neighborhood ladies, served on styrofoam plates.

During our meal, the DJ came alive, obviously loving his job.  I understood he was a retired NYC cop who had found his true calling and was very good at it.  The beat from Glen Miller’s “In the Mood” was evident in my tapping feet, shoulder motions and bobbing head.  Was that ME actually having fun?  Dare I say, the fun was just beginning…

Mesmerized by the fantastic selection of 40’s and 50’s music and jazz beats, the seniors suddenly came alive.  Some with canes, others with oxygen, still others (like my mother) afflicted with heart disease — it didn’t matter to them — they got up and started dancing like they were young again.  Before my eyes, the music became their magic.  Transported  back to the 1940s, the hands of time literally spun backwards to return them to their prime in life.  This was their night and they proudly took ownership.

Over the course of the evening, I found myself looking closely at the weathered faces of the old men.  They didn’t look old to me anymore.  It was like watching an episode of Star Trek when they were brought back in time wearing their US military uniforms. The ladies had vibrant, shiny, hair curls and small waists, just like in the old black and white movies.

The most moving part of the evening was how they looked at each other.  Couples married for 50-60 years still gazed upon each other with love and affection.  I even caught a glimpse of an 80-year-old man stroking his wife’s face while they danced, and I had to hold back the tears because I knew she was fighting an illness.  This, I thought, was true commitment.

They had survived the Great Depression and a devastating world war; raising us was no easy matter either.  These were people who simply did what needed to be done.  They were fiercely loyal, still loved America, and always had a strong work ethic.

For one night, for a few hours, they didn’t care about their diseases, ailments, aches, and pains.  They only wanted to let their hair down and have a memorable time.  There I sat, in love with each of them for the way they treated each other with smiles galore, twirling about as if today were their last day on earth.

The thought crossed my mind, as it probably did theirs, that their time is indeed limited, for some more than others.  How could they dance and enjoy fellowship with such carefree smiles and attitudes?  Because they love life, and offered each other the best gift anyone could possibly receive … the gift of simple joy.  They gave the gift of each other.

I found myself deeply moved by what I saw that evening.  Ours has become a world of convenience, and often inconvenience.  A place where people are always asking, “What’s in it for me?”  A place where we don’t see as much care and concern for each other as was in our parents’ generation.  I felt like Ebenezer Scrooge visiting a strange time and place, who saw the light and understood the meaning in the few hours they allowed me to share with them.  I somehow knew as I watched my parents dance that evening, that I was witnessing the last time they would do so.  Sadly, I was right, which makes this memory even more special.

Our seniors truly are our greatest asset and we have much to learn from them!  In this new year, spend time with a senior.  You won’t regret it, and your heart will grow.

©2013 The Estate Lady®

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com  She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent.  Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Reflection

| Julie Hall

There is a time for everything; now is the time of year to not only give to others, but to give to yourself as well.  Sometimes I think we forget that.

In between decking the halls and flocking to malls, making sure you’ve made a list and checked it twice, singing “Jingle Bells” in every possible rendition, and finding yourself frustrated with the crowds and traffic and (yes, you can say it) the greed you see, we have forgotten to do one very special thing for ourselves … reflect.  There’s only so much one human being can do, and we humans have a tendency to go on auto-pilot during the holidays.

The New Year marks a happy time for most people, because we get to “start all over again.”  What we should be doing is skimming back through 2013.

Facing whatever the year held for us is important: the pain, the struggles, the tears, and the worries.  But let us also not forget the joy, the strength, and the obstacles we overcame.  Some people are afraid to look back.  It isn’t healthy to stay there very long, but it is ok to compare it to where you are now.  You’ve come a long way and you should be proud of yourself.

It was a rough year for many people.  If we take the time to look back, even for a few uninterrupted and peaceful moments, we can see that the past is indeed past; yet we are moving forward at what feels like warp speed.  It is in reflecting that we can also see how we’ve had an effect on people’s lives or how they’ve affected ours.  It is a time to envision how we could have done things better, and feel good about the positive things that have transpired.  It is about personal growth when it comes to the bad stuff we went through.

This personal reflection shows us how strong we became as we battled the indescribable pain of losing a loved one, losing a job, or even sometimes, our sense of “self.”  It is also in that reflection that we should remember those far less fortunate than ourselves — to put things into perspective and realize we are not as bad off as we may think or feel.

It isn’t about loss.  It’s about gain.

Now you can move forward teaching others because you have an experience you didn’t have before.  If everyone had a better attitude, if everyone took the time to reflect on themselves, if everyone learned to forgive themselves and others, the world would be a much better place.  But since neither you nor I can control the world, all we can do is work on our little corner of it.  Our job is not to solve the problems of the universe.  It’s just to be the best that we can be at who we are and what we do (and the word “perfection” does exist when it comes to that).

Imagine a world where everyone tried to be their best.  Now that’s worth reflecting on!

©2013 The Estate Lady®

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com  She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent.  Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Shake Off the “Woogies”

| Julie Hall

Lately I’ve been noticing more and more people with lower spirits than normal and what seems like ever-growing obstacles in their lives.  In my industry, I have colleagues in a wide variety of occupations and I will ask them how the economy is affecting them or their business.  Across the board, most everyone is not necessarily complaining, but weary and concerned.  Rightfully so.

I am no different, as things have an effect on me too.  That’s usually about the time I go to my garden to renew my spirit, give thanks for everything I have, talk to the veggies and to my late parents.  It usually makes me feel better.  No one really knows this, but sometimes I go to my garden just to let out a few tears and decompress.  It is a normal and healthy release for all the unknowns we are living through.  We need to place the emphasis on “living through,” meaning, this will pass and we will do our best to find ways to deal with it all.

When my daughter was a toddler, she often fell because she ran everywhere like the road runner.  There was no typical walking, just running.  She would start to whimper, which quickly escalated to a full-blown cry, from skinned knees or hands, or the jolt of suddenly becoming horizontal.  Wanting to raise an independent daughter, I would go to her side, comfort her with my words and a motherly hug or pat, then encourage her to get right back up and “shake off the woogies.”

I remember the phrase exactly; “you’re okay … look … you’re fine, just a little scratch, no problem.  You just have to get up and shake off the woogies.  Let’s get up and shake them off so they’ll go away.”  It worked like a charm.  She stood upright, shook her little body, and went on with life.

Don’t ask me where my brain picked up that silly phrase, but it made sense then and it makes sense now, to learn to shake off the woogies in our own lives.  The “woogies” mean different things to different people, but the one thing we need to remember is to always get up and do what we can to shake them off.  It’s not as simple as cleaning a toddler’s skinned knee anymore, as our maturity has brought far greater challenges, but if you are creative, you can find a way to shake them off.

I highly recommend growing a garden.

©2013 The Estate Lady®

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com  She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent.  Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Inspiration of the Week: Find a Way or Make a Way

| Julie Hall

He’s a Southern gentleman in his 70s and the father of a dear friend of mine.  John has no idea that he serves as a great inspiration to many … that’s how genuine he is.  To this humble, salt-of-the-earth man, he is just as happy to get up each day and fill it with as much as he can, until he does it all again tomorrow.  He won’t sit still for very long because “there is always something that needs to be done, so I get up and do it.”

I should preface the story by saying that John has a heart condition, but he never lets anything even remotely slow him down.  Having retired a year or so ago, he was determined to attain at least two personal goals:

  1. To not end up with a debilitating illness that rendered him helpless, and
  2. To find a way to make a little extra money to pay his bills, like so many other Americans in his shoes.

John has what I call moxie, or a determined spirit, and a common sense intellect that few possess today.  He comes from the good old days, when hard work and thinking things through produced income.  You would either find a way or make a way.  In fact, he said to me, “Julie, money can be made in lots of ways.  Even if I get paid $5 for something, that’s $5 I didn’t have before.  But you have to be willing to work for it.”

How does John make extra money?  John lives in a small town and listens to a local radio station that reads the classifieds over the airwaves.  You can buy and sell on this radio station.  So John started buying older appliances like refrigerators, freezers, and stoves.  He brings them home, cleans them up, and resells them that week or the next.   It’s the quickest turnaround I’ve ever seen for someone not in this industry!

John’s strategy is simple; he buys several appliances a week for $50 to $100 each.  He resells them on the same radio show, with no advertising costs, and delivers them within a 30 mile radius.  He doubles and sometimes triples his money within a few days, with no overhead.  Now that’s smart!

He knows that not all people can afford, or want to afford, a $2,000 stainless steel refrigerator.  “People have to watch their spending these days,” and he’s spot on.

For those wanting to make extra money, you may want to think along the same lines as my friend.  Find a need that people have that has not yet been filled, and fill it.  He delivers these appliances to some of his older clients who would have trouble getting them otherwise … smart guy with old-fashioned know-how!  What John is doing is spreading by word of mouth in his community; he does not want to get too big because he is a one-man operation and likes it that way.

We all need to take a life lesson from him.  He’s retired, has a heart condition, and nothing has stopped him.  He’s put a good amount of money in his pocket using nothing but his brain and his brawn.  God bless you, John.  Keep it up because you are an inspiration to many!

©2013 The Estate Lady®

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com  She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent.  Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

The Awakening

| Julie Hall

Just this week, I have received numerous emails from people who are very concerned about the falling values of their tangible assets and the soft market that we are currently experiencing.  These emails have asked me on a personal level how I feel about this and how I explain this to my clients.

This topic has touched a lot of nerves, which is why I have written about it recently, discussing what I am seeing at antiques shows and fairs, auctions, etc.  It appears that people are beginning to awaken to the message I have been hollering for years; my message is a simple one.  Don’t shoot the messenger because I am being upfront and honest with you, so that you can make solid, knowledgeable decisions regarding the items you want to sell (or not).

Whether I am conducting a formal appraisal report for heirs, consulting on an estate and working with the children or their elderly parents, my comments are pretty much the same. “Let’s sit for a moment and talk about your options, which options would be best for your estate situation, and the expectations you may have about your possessions.”

  1. The market is soft for several reasons, and the economy is just one of several problematic challenges we are all facing.
  2. Remember that as we lose our older loved ones, their possessions are, quite literally, flooding the market with traditional household furnishings.
  3. The problem is that there are not enough buyers for what’s coming on the market.  The boomers have too much stuff and are trying to downsize.  Their children have no interest in these items either.
  4. It all comes down to the Law of Supply & Demand.  Too much supply and no demand drive prices south.  Have something extraordinary?  Demand will be high since supply is low, and the price will be driven up.

The problem with this near-perfect synopsis of the current marketplace is what is extraordinary to you, and what is extraordinary to those of us in the industry, are two totally different things.  The average person out there thinks what they have is extraordinary just because it may be labeled “antique.”  This couldn’t be further from the truth and I need your help in spreading the message.

“Extraordinary” exists only rarely like a flawless diamond.  The earth provides them, but very seldom.  This type of item will always attract buyers with deep pockets.  A 150 year old Victorian marble-top dresser will not, because they are common, dreadfully heavy, and imposing.  This style has fallen out of favor and very few are buying these kinds of items.  When they do, the prices are low, far lower than the owner feels it should be.  Will they ever come back in fashion, or will they ever go up in value?  I’m not really sure.  I think it is going to be a long while before values start heading north.

Another example of extraordinary would be owning Joe DiMaggio’s uniform, with pictures of him wearing it while standing next to his wife, Marilyn Monroe, and a letter from Joe giving you this uniform.  THAT’S extraordinary!  You have a group of rare items along with provenance of where it came from; serious baseball collectors would be vying for it.

I have taken much time to communicate extensively with my colleagues across the U.S. to discuss the economy and its effect on our clients.  When times are bad, people turn to selling hard assets, and when they can’t sell them or they sell for very little, people have a tendency to get very upset.  Who could blame them?  We are all in agreement that exceptional items will always sell for exceptional prices, but these are few and far between.

Is there a solution to this terrible situation that has befallen us?  Sometimes I wish I had that crystal ball, but since I don’t, I would encourage all of you.  When you consider selling your possessions or heirlooms, first have them professionally looked at by someone who knows exactly what they are doing, not your Aunt Betty’s neighbor or friend who dabbles in stuff.  You need someone who understands not only the market, but the trends we are currently seeing from region to region.

Most of all, the best advice I can offer is to go into it with neutral expectations.  I know mom always thought it was worth a fortune, but chances are it was worth a fortune to her.  If mom paid $5,000 for a designer piece, look at the time period when she purchased it or had it appraised.  Those days are long gone!  Something is worth what someone will give you for it.  It has become a buyer’s market and buyers are more frugal because they know this.

No one person, especially an estate professional, is to blame for the many reasons our market is soft, but it is up to us to educate our clients and each other.  Looking forward to better days …

©2013 The Estate Lady®

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com  She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent.  Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

How Did You Become “The Estate Lady?”

| Julie Hall

It is a question I am asked often; each time I have to smile to myself, knowing the course of events that transpired to get me into the estate business and evolve with it.  Allow me to preface this by saying I don’t think I chose “it”.  I think “it” chose me.

Wilma was 103 years old.  While I had dabbled in the buying and selling of antiques back then (25 years ago), she had heard about me and invited me over for advice on what to do with her beautiful European residential contents upon her death.  She said she was “ready for the hole” which I found amazingly blunt, but she was honest and genuinely worried about her things, as to not be a burden to anyone once she was gone.  She had outlived her husband and children.  We agreed I would return in a couple of weeks to discuss options, etc.

Upon my return, her beautiful home looked like a carnival had just trampled through it.  You can imagine my horror when it was clear to see that her neighbors and so-called friends came over and helped themselves, breaking fine rare German figurines in the process and leaving debris behind for her to clean up.  They had purchased her sterling, antique furniture, antique clocks, etc. from her for a dollar, $5, a few bucks here and there, and her possessions were worth a small fortune … tens of thousands at that time.

It was, for me, a moment of truth – an epiphany, if you will – about the inner workings of human nature.  Truly, I was disgusted by what I saw, and felt both a deep sorrow for her, as well as a disdain for the people who had done this to her.  How could they do that?  We’re supposed to protect those who can’t protect themselves.  From my best recollection, I lifted a silent prayer thinking about all the Wilma’s out there that needed advocates, to protect them from these unscrupulous people who knew her for decades and still totally took advantage of her, with little regard for their actions.  It was unconscionable.

She asked me if she had been taken advantage of, and I looked her straight in the eyes and said, “Yes.  I am afraid so.”  She nodded, knowing what had really happened and thanked me for my honesty.  What she said next was what led me to this industry and to my life’s calling.  “We old folks really need an estate lady like you!”  And right there, sitting on her remaining green velvet antique sofa, the light bulb went off and I received my life’s instructions.  “The Estate Lady” was born.  I quit a cushy pharmaceutical job and went to work for myself, figuring if I was working this hard for them, I might as well work this hard for myself.  It was a tremendous leap of faith.

From that moment to this, there have been many, many obstacles, plenty of tears for what I see in the industry (both good and bad), lots of sweat equity and even blood spilled due to its physical demands.  My back is riddled with arthritis and my once beautiful hands show the signs of hard work.  BUT … I’ve never once looked back.  I’ve never regretted a thing.  I am not rich, but in so many ways I am, because my clients allowed me into their lives.  They shared their secrets and pain, and somehow, no matter how small or large, my compassion, skills, and presence made a difference in their lives.  That is what allows me sleep like a baby every night, knowing I have served so many to the best of my ability.  It is the driving force of my spirit.

If you know someone interested in pursuing this industry, share this link with them: http://www.aselonline.com/index.html.  They can expect lots of hard work with little glamour.  But if they are looking for a career in an industry that serves so many, and are willing to work hard and earn a decent income, it becomes a win-win.

Not everyone is cut out to do this kind of work.  It takes the kindness and compassion of a minister, combined with the grit of John Wayne.  If this sounds like you, I would encourage you to explore it.

I cannot imagine doing anything else with my life!

©2013 The Estate Lady®

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com  She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent.  Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Ashes to Ashes

| Julie Hall

It was one of those estates where you could cut the tension with a knife.  It wasn’t necessarily the fault of the last remaining parent who had just died.  It was her son, who was (to put it mildly) a massive pain in the butt.  He was spoiled, discourteous, disrespectful, and just not what you would consider a good person.  Those who know me would tell you I am an exceptional judge of character, whether it be from an intuition I seem to have inherited from mom, or just decades of observing and working with the good and bad side of human nature.  So, how bad could this son really be?

Well, let’s just say he demanded that I sell mom’s very personal items that we would normally dispose of, or wash and donate.  He dug into our donation boxes that had already been taped shut.  “I want every cent I can get out of this estate, so I want you to sell everything including her underwear.  Then I want you to low-ball the values so I don’t have to pay too much in taxes.”  Can you believe this?  Unfortunately, he was serious.

He was a man of significant financial means and was getting ready to inherit much more.  If selling mom’s undergarments wasn’t strange enough (which I refused to do because I believe in preserving the dignity of those no longer with us), we found cremated remains of his father, who had died two decades before, in a foyer cabinet.  As always, I handle remains with much care when we find them.

After consulting with the attorney handling the estate, it was determined that this son should take care of the remains.  When I handed the box of cremated remains to the son, he literally assumed a bowler’s position and threw the box, from several feet away, under the kitchen sink with the Windex and Comet.  Oh my gosh!  If I had not been there to see it, I never would have believed it.

I managed to get the son out of the estate and rescued the remains from the household chemicals.  After reporting this to the lawyer, we decided I should deliver “Mr. Smith’s” remains to the lawyer, who would try to find another family member to scatter the ashes as Mr. Smith wished.  It was the right thing to do.

I vaguely remember telling the law firm that if they could not find a family member, please let me know and I will scatter Mr. Smith.  I felt horrible that this man’s wishes were never fulfilled and that his remains were treated with such disrespect.  Years later, I received a call from the law firm asking me if the offer was still on the table to scatter Mr. Smith.  No family member would come and get him.  Struck speechless and trying to recall this estate from my long-ago memory, I simply replied that I would be happy to honor the last wishes of this man who clearly had no one who would do it for him.

The spoiled, uncaring family, who wasn’t willing to tend to his remains but more than willing to take his money, was a no-show, despite the best efforts of the law firm to come and get Mr. Smith.  It was then legally arranged for me to do this.  I saw to it that Mr. Smith got his final wish, praying over his ashes as a stranger, but one who clearly cared more for him than his own family.  I would want some kind soul to do the same for me.

For decades, his remains floated and were thrown around.  It was time they were released, and they were.  In a gorgeous area and on a perfect day, this stranger lifted a prayer for him, but silently cursed his son under my breath.  I know I should have been a better person than that, but seriously, how low can one go?

Sorry to quote Forrest Gump, but “Sometimes there just aren’t enough words.”

©2013 The Estate Lady®

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com  She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent.  Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

10 Commandments of Estate Behavior

| Julie Hall

With great reverence for God’s 10 commandments, here are the basic rules which should be followed in any and every estate situation.  Often, we aren’t thinking clearly in the middle of the estate settlement and distribution process.

While there are no laws that pertain to human behavior when handling an estate and the distribution of property, these commandments should be “etched in stone” to remind us how we should behave.

  1. Thou shalt not worship material possessions.  They can be a monkey on your back and, ultimately, you can’t take them with you.
  2. Greed and the love of possessions can be false idols which can, and often do, ruin families.
  3. Don’t forget to take Sabbath for yourself.  We all need time and space to breathe and reflect.
  4. Honor your loved one that just passed away.  Take actions that would respect them and make them proud.
  5. Thou shalt not kill thy family relationships by destroying your chance to find peaceful resolutions.  Mend your fences.
  6. Do not cheat anyone, including yourself, in the estate distribution process.
  7. Thou shalt not steal anything, even if you think no one is watching.  Someone is always watching.
  8. Thou shalt not throw thy sibling(s) under the bus.  What goes around often comes around.
  9. Thou shalt not covet anything a sibling gets.  It’s not worth it; let it go.
  10. Stay true to who you are and walk as straight a path as possible.  Not only is immediate family watching, but your children and grandchildren as well.  Set an excellent example.

©2013 The Estate Lady®

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com  She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent.  Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Simple Yard Sale Becomes Eye-Opener

| Julie Hall

All of us can relate to the ever-growing piles of stuff in our homes and I am no exception.  One day, you’re forced to do a double-take as you scan a room and realize, “Oh my, when did this happen?”  It hit me a couple of months ago and I decided to gather it all up – all the stuff I’m not using or haven’t used in the last couple of years – and have a yard sale with a good friend of mine.  Why not sell it at very reasonable prices to those who want it or need it, and make a little extra money while thinning out my home?  It sounded like a win-win to me.

Most of you know I got my start as an estate liquidator and have been in this business well over 20 years, so this would be a slam dunk for a pro, right?  My friend and I got together all kinds of goodies ranging from antiques and collectibles, to vintage items and some nice household items too.  None of it was junk.  Since both of us wanted to sell these items, we made sure these items were priced very reasonably.  So reasonably, in fact, that you couldn’t even buy them new at Wal-Mart for the prices we set on clothes with tags still on them, kitchen ware, etc.

Since both of us know the industry well, we put on a great spread.  The tables were perfectly lined up and the items were displayed nicely.  So many unusual items that dealers would have loved to buy and resell on Ebay.  The advertising went out flawlessly to 1,500 of my personal client emails, as well as the local newspaper and Craig’s List.  Everything was set to go, or so we thought ….

Much to my surprise and chagrin, when we opened at exactly 7 am, only 9 people were in line.  Only 9!  I remember thinking how weird that was, justifying in my mind that attendees must be at other nearby sites and would come in flocks later on.  As is the personality of a sale, people first come in droves, then a quiet and steady flow, then a little slower, then another wave.  I could predict by looking at my watch when each phase would occur, just by observing the flow of people.  It’s been this way my entire career … until today.

A few here, a few there.  No major groupings of buyers.  People trickled in all morning, but very few bought much; certainly not the frenzied energy of sales in the past.  Something was very wrong and I tried to figure it out while sitting next to my friend.  It was a drawn out, painful process, since we knew we had great items at great prices, did our due diligence with advertising, the location was desirable in my city.  From running down the mental check list, everything was done correctly.

Suddenly my friend turned to me and said, “What’s going on, Julie?  Something doesn’t feel right.  Where is everyone?  Why are they struggling to part with a dollar?”  (A woman just bought a new shirt with the original price tag of $39.99; we sold it for $4 but she wouldn’t pay more than a dollar.)  My friend and I just sat there, scratching our heads.  It wasn’t our sale or the things we had.  We did everything right, but what wasn’t right was the energy people brought into the sale.  It was sad and low, and not the usual jovial energy these treasure hunters normally exuded.

You could tell the dealers were not there in large groups as usual, and the dealers who did come did not buy much because “we aren’t selling much.”  I had seen it with my own eyes.  After all these years, the economy, while appearing to hold on, was in deeper trouble than most realized.

You could see the worry and anxiety on everyone’s face and the struggle to part with just a little bit of money, even though they were getting great deals.  There were a handful of buyers that were serious and clearly had the money to buy large quantities of items, but most could not.

People will always buy, and things will always sell, but just not for the prices they used to … at least not at the moment.  As an intuitive individual, I am sensitive to others’ energy and I know that what I felt and experienced from them was real.

People are in real trouble out there.

Life always amazes me.  You can go into something with a certain mindset, like having a simple yard sale for things you no longer need.  You come out of it a kinder, more understanding person, because you had firsthand exposure to those less fortunate than yourself.  I don’t know what will happen, but my prayer is for everyone, and for things to improve rapidly.

©2013 The Estate Lady®

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com  She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent.  Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

“Dear Dad” (part 2)

| Julie Hall

Part 2

Here are the words a daughter used to encourage her father to face fears of dementia.  You can also watch as Julie reads her letter for her father: http://youtu.be/7yrzE6lGHic

Dear Dad,

I love you and mom more than you could ever know.  We don’t say it every day, but it is always there, always in our hearts.  I was just thinking how odd it must be for you to be seeing multiple doctors, because you never did care for them much, but as you say, “the body is starting to wear out.” 

I recall a conversation you and I had recently at your dining room table one morning.  You told me “not to get old.”  Well dad, I really want to get old; may God bless me with a long and fruitful life.  I have so much to do, so much to learn, and so much to give back.  Mostly, I have much to live for — a beautiful family, where I would love to see my daughter grow and flourish, and see her children find their way into this world.  I want to grow old by my husband’s side — wrinkles, aches, and all.  I can see myself as a frumpy old lady in my garden, talking to the birds and an old cat.

In a world where money and material possessions are priorities, I learned at a young age that those things are great to have, but do not bring happiness or guarantee anything good.  It’s all about the relationships we build and sustain that are important.  I believe that when we leave this place, we take only what we have accrued during our lifetime: important lessons, love for family and friends, good times.

Dad, you confided in me that your memory is not what it used to be and that it has you worried.  It is very important to share this with Dr. Jones so he can give you the appropriate tests to rule out certain causes.  I am a little concerned about your memory, because you are concerned.  There are many reasons why memory can become foggy, and many of the reasons are fixable. 

Mom said you cancelled your doctor appointment, but how can you nip this in the bud if you keep cancelling appointments?  If the shoe were on the other foot, and it was me, mom, or brother, wouldn’t you encourage us to get to the bottom of it?  Of course you would.  You would say you cannot run from this sort of thing and to hit it straight on, and you would be right.  We come from a long line of strong, tenacious people.  Empower yourself, dad, and get the facts so you don’t have to worry.

Please also consider that you have a wife and two children who adore you and want you around for a very long time.  While we have no control over how much time we have in this life, we do have control over the decisions we make, and this would be a good one … to see the doctor and get tests done so they can help you with your memory.  Making good decisions is something you always taught us.  Did you think I wasn’t listening all these years?  I have been.

If I have upset you, that certainly was not my intent.  My words came from a place and concern and love for both you and for mom.  Think about this before you cancel any more appointments.  You have always practiced and preached the very principles of Dale Carnegie, and we learned that from you.  I’ll be the first to admit I am not crazy about doctors, but you might be able to head off some memory issues if you find out what is causing them.

As a child growing up, you would always say to me, “Just give it some thought, Julie, and you will come to the right conclusion.”  You probably thought I never listened, but if that were the case, how did I end up this smart? <grin>  Give it some thought, Dad.  Do it for you, for Mom, for us.  Do it because you deserve to know.  If it’s nothing, then it would have been worry for no reason.  If it is something then we will face it all together.  That’s what family is for.

Per la famiglia (To family)!  Ti amo (I love you)!

Julie

©2013 The Estate Lady®

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com  She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent.  Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com