My Favorite Quote

June 18, 2012 | Julie Hall

The Man in the Arena

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

— Theodore Roosevelt, 1910

I don’t think I could ever improve on President Roosevelt. Allow it to be an inspiration to you in your life. We are covered in dust and sweat, and we do try again and again to succeed. If those attempts were to cease, we would end up living a life of regret.

Don’t let that happen!

Keep daring greatly!

What I Learned From An Old Cat

June 11, 2012 | Julie Hall

It seems we are all in relentless pursuit of happiness. Maybe we have trouble finding it because we are so busy in the actual pursuit of it. If you’ve ever watched a kitten chase its tail or a hamster on a wheel, that’s pretty much how I view society in general. We are always racing to get somewhere, but if we are smart, we will learn to step off the track and breathe for a while before getting back on. We need respite and renewal first. Our old cat, Tommy, was the teacher for this one.

This past weekend, my family gathered around to watch a movie together. Halfway through the movie, I looked over at my elderly father who was fast asleep, and most surprisingly, the cat crashed next to him. Then the cat got up, stretched, and moved over to my daughter.

A true lap cat, Tommy is getting old, arthritic in his hips, getting thinner, and certainly not the fierce mouse hunter he once was. He used to stalk his territory and control the mole population. He used to leap in the air at falling leaves in autumn, and attack your leg as you were walking by. Incredibly vocal, he will tell you exactly what he needs when he needs it. But now, you could see youth was leaving him, yet he looked more contented than ever.

Here’s what went through my mind as I witnessed his contentment:

Life is too short not to take cat naps.
Happiness is found in simple things, like getting your back scratched.
No worries if the work doesn’t get done this second. It will get done eventually.
Kick back and dream about catching a big mouse.
He’s earned his rest.
He loves and trusts unconditionally.

I know our furry friends do not have the worries that we humans have, but if we go through life aware of what’s around us, we can learn a lot from nature’s intelligence!

This Part of Life Doesn’t Come With An Instruction Manual

June 4, 2012 | Julie Hall

I fell to pieces last night … literally an unrecognizable, weepy being frozen in my bathroom. My husband heard my sobs over his ever-increasing TV volume and shoot ’em up Army movie, so I must have really let it all hang out. To his credit and excellent nature, he came to comfort me without saying a word, understanding the pain inflicted on this lovely family.

I always thought I was incredibly strong, but when the realization hits that you are helpless against a loved one’s disease, there is no pain quite like it.

My dad is battling Alzheimer’s and he is losing. I can see it now and the heartbreak is almost more than I can bear. He answers the door when the telephone rings, pushes buttons on the telephone to lower the volume on the TV, and just fell last week and broke his nose. There’s more, but I won’t bore you. Dad is still exceptionally conversational and cares for himself very well. He’ll talk on virtually any topic, but politics and gardening seem to be his favorites.

Recently, for what seemed like an eternity but only took a few seconds in reality, he forgot that I was his daughter. Then a moment later, he caught himself. That is the first time that ever happened. I somehow managed to keep a poker face only through the grace of God, I’m sure, then managed to walk out to my car where I promptly called my brother and let it all hang out again.

I am not complaining. I am hurting. I hurt for dad who never deserved this horrid affliction. I hurt for him because he is in the stage where he knows something is amiss; it seems like a hellish limbo to me. Truth be known, I hurt for all the people out there that have this disease, and for all of us that are dealing with it on a daily basis. “It must be the work of the devil,” I told my husband. “He must be in such a lonely place.”

On the one hand, I praise the doctors for knowing as much as they do and helping as much as they can. On the other hand, I curse them because they don’t know enough. My mom made her exit from life rapidly, and I am seeing what a blessing that was.

As with anything negative, it is the wise who will turn it into something positive. Because of this life experience, I can now add another dimension to my work as The Estate Lady: assisting my clients who are also dealing with this same issue. I can most definitely relate, and now I can comfort them too. It has long been said that in comforting others, you also will be comforted. I certainly hope so. I feel another book coming on. I’m open to title suggestions ….

Literal Gold Diggers

May 28, 2012 | Julie Hall

When I think of a gold digger, my mind conjures up two images: 1) an 1800’s scruffy old man panning for gold, and 2) The Housewives of Beverly Hills, Atlanta, or wherever. In the old days, a gold digger was someone who ransacked the graveyards stealing gold from the deceased. In my world of estates, I see a different kind of gold digger; one that you won’t know exists until a loved one dies or takes seriously ill.

We see estates literally ransacked, like a bunch of coyotes rummaged through the place. Boxes that once sat neatly in the attic and closets are ripped open and left in a jumbled mess, opened with contents spilling out. Closets are left with clothes not on hangers, but in a huge heap on the floor! Kitchen cupboards are askew and I guarantee the silver is long gone. It would appear they left no stone unturned. Were they looking for gold, silver, or cold, hard cash?

What is this incessant need for people to take stuff and help themselves?

I call them Mr. Pilfer and Miss Pickpocket. They come in, often under cover of the darkness, and things disappear, never to be found again. Is it greed, the entitlement mentality, or just a lack of care and consideration for the memory of the loved one?

I have come to the conclusion, after talking with dozens of executors, that one of the problems is there are too many keys floating around. One of the first things I recommend is changing the locks to protect the contents until they are inventoried and/or valuated. Another thorn in the executor’s paw is that sometimes they will tell the family and extended members that “Uncle Joe was known for his cash stashes, guns, gold coins, etc.”

This just happened in the estate I was working in. The executor, thinking he was being honest and open with everyone, told the family there was cash in the house. You know what happened next? Ransack city.

Sometimes, the executor won’t even know there are valuables or cash, but other family members suspect there is money in the estate. It is the executor’s responsibility to protect what is in the estate! No one should go in until all is established and ready to be divided according to the will (if there is one). Hopefully, the executor is honest!

Moral of the story: Loose talk makes valuables walk.

We Have a Choice When We Come to a Crossroads

May 21, 2012 | Julie Hall

There’s nothing easy about letting go. Or feeling like we have no control. Or even having to face the truth about ourselves or a particular situation. So many questions unanswered … and so many more that come flooding in. It leaves our heads spinning.

It seems these days, we all have a burden of some sort to carry. I have witnessed this through the families I work with, and even in my own personal life with an elderly parent who is ill. I often feel a bit stuck when I arrive at that “crossroad” and I am sure many of you feel the same way. Whatever the situation, we have choices we have to make and not always under optimal conditions. But we CAN do it, and do it well, even under the most stressful of times. We have to do it, because failure is NOT an option. We’ve come too far to let that happen.

It took me almost 50 years to realize there are many things we have no control over. What other people do to themselves or impose on us, illnesses that defy explanation, why bad things happen to good people, etc. And sometimes the answers just don’t come when we want them to arrive.

Mom used to call me “superwoman” and that was an appropriate title at the time. But somewhere along the line, I ran out of gas. Sound familiar? Much as I hate to admit it, I simply got tired, and I allowed life to wear me out … for awhile. Now I see too many people count on us, from our spouses to our kids, even our pets look to us!

The bottom line is that WE should be counting on our “selves.” We possess the inner strength to confidently choose a direction.

Standing at the edge of a precipice, someone from behind pushed me and I fell. I had two choices. Continue to fall or learn to fly. I flew well.

Won’t you join me?

Beware of Snowballing Family Lore

May 7, 2012 | Julie Hall

I would be a rich woman if I had a dollar for every time I heard a family member tell the story of an heirloom in which the story gets bigger and better with every telling. It’s like the old parable, “The fish that got away was THIS big …” and every time the story is told, the fish miraculously gets bigger.

So too is the challenge we professionals have with discussing and valuating family heirlooms. I visit clients in their homes and enjoy each of them and listening to their stories. However, I know what the values really are, regardless of the verbal family stories. The hard part for me, and for the client, is providing proof that the following really took place: “Did you know Abraham Lincoln sat in that chair?” “This belt buckle belonged to Robert E. Lee.” “Our grandmother told us Teddy Roosevelt took a picture with daddy, but we don’t know where that picture went.” We know what these items are worth on a monetary level, but you can’t place a value on sentimentality. Sentimentality is priceless and in the mind of the beholder.

Could some of these family stories actually be true? Perhaps they are, but without provenance, or history of the piece (proof of some kind, like a photo of Abraham Lincoln really sitting in that chair), it leaves a question mark and is difficult to valuate. Without proof, we can only appraise what we see based on its’ characteristics.

I look back into my experiences with all kinds of families and wonder why most people seem to exaggerate about old possessions. Here’s what I came up with:

It’s their version of the truth as they see it.
For attention. (I have something special.)
To accentuate the positive.
To make the mundane more exciting.

Maybe Abraham Lincoln did sit in that chair. Or maybe he sat in one just like it and that’s how the story got convoluted. Someone heard what they wanted to hear, and generations of tongues did the rest.

I don’t want you to be disappointed when you go to sell these items and the prices brought don’t match the stories behind the piece. If your items mean that much to you, hold on to them and do your best to research the history of that piece for generations to come.

If I Only Knew Then, What I Know Now

April 30, 2012 | Julie Hall

Over 20 years ago while sitting at my corporate desk, I had this crazy idea that if I was going to work this hard for them, I might as well work that hard for myself. I kept thinking, “Julie, how can you even think of this? You must be off your rocker to consider leaving the reliability of a paycheck and benefits.” But it was like a lightning bolt from the sky – an intense thought that grabbed hold of this young woman at the exuberant age of 28, and it never let go.

From that day to this, I feel compelled to share with everyone reading these words, that if I had a chance to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. It was the right decision, and honestly comes with zero regret. However, it was not an easy road. In fact, there was no road at all in my chosen field. Therefore, I found myself at an instant crossroad before I even took my first step. Do I move forward into the abyss, not knowing what I am doing, and make a road for others to follow one day? Or should I turn around and stay in a job that I didn’t care for, with a steady paycheck? As it turned out, I discovered I am an excellent bulldozer and I paved my way through.

To fulfill your purpose, your calling, it takes great strength and stamina. More than that, it takes tenacity of the spirit, a positive mindset when you feel like crumbling and crying (yes, it will happen), and the ability to get back up when you were just knocked down.

As a mother, when my daughter was learning to walk and she stumbled and fell, I would encourage her to get right back up immediately, brush herself off, and go on to her next adventure. Such is life. Get right back up and no matter what, keep moving forward. Throughout the years, there have been many times I related myself to the hamster that jumped on the wheel with lots of vigor, but never really ended up anywhere. Looking back, I actually was going somewhere, but I couldn’t see it at the time.

Here, in a nutshell, I share with you the most important lessons I have learned as a woman, and in building my dream:

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do it. You can and will find a way. People who normally say things like that can be a bit envious of your spirit, or perhaps live with regret themselves. It’s also possible that they just don’t understand it.
If you don’t try, you will always wonder what “could have been.” Avoid living with regret and guilt by trying your best. Nothing bad can ever come from trying.
When you come to a crossroad in your life, always go with your gut instinct. Our heads often get in the way of what our gut already knows. My gut has never lied to me. Tune into it, listen attentively, and keep moving. Look how many times it took Thomas Edison to get it right!
Stay the course. So you have stumbled and what you had planned isn’t working. Assess what went wrong, temporarily step back and ask, ask, and ask again until the answers come. Sometimes the answers come from an unexpected source.
Figure out what makes you different. What are your special gifts? Are you using them? If not, get to it and watch happiness seep in.
To thine own self, be true. Thank you, Mr. Shakespeare. Speak your mind, communicate openly, and never, ever sell your soul to the dark side.
Identify what it is you want to do with your life. I am an estate professional who specializes in personal property. Do I just sell people’s stuff? No, I sell a solution. Solve their problem, lighten their load, and I can guarantee you a successful outcome. What you want to do is make a difference and make it count.
Follow through with passion and tenacity. If you have an idea, run with it. Don’t flop over on the sofa because you don’t know how to get started. Just take the first step.
Be the best at what you do. If you are going to do something like start a business, or volunteer, or take a new job … do your best. Mom always said, “If you’re going to plant a tree, plant it straight.”
Always look forward and never look back. Ever notice how some people live in the past and seem to get stuck there? It’s ok to visit the past and learn from what went wrong, but then turn it into a positive, so it works to your benefit.
For every problem you encounter, there is a solution.
Always be kind, courteous, and compassionate. Kindness gets noticed because so few people actually practice it.

You Can’t Take it with You!

April 23, 2012 | Julie Hall

Joanne was in her mid-seventies, and her daughter knew mom just couldn’t take care of a house over 4,000 square feet on over an acre of land. Joanne had to have a home that large to house all of her possessions. She needed to downsize and move to Assisted Living, but she was giving her daughter a very difficult time about the move.

The daughter made an appointment for me to come over and educate them in the estate sale process. Her exact words: “Mom’s got 4,000 square feet full of stuff, junk and everything else, and it’s time to sell it all so she can fit into her new place.” To complicate the matter, the house had already sold!

Throughout the conversation at Joanne’s house, I had a familiar feeling that I had to share. I addressed the daughter who had asked me to come: “I would be happy to assist you in selling the remainder of this estate, but I have a funny feeling mom will not part with anything.”

Joanne looked over at me and gave me a “cat ate the canary” grin; I knew she was up to something. The daughter insisted that all of the possessions had to go. Still, I persisted as gracefully as I knew how. “I think your mom might have other plans for it, don’t you, Joanne?” Again, I received the same grin, but she sat silent, as if this was punishing her daughter for trying to make the right decision.

The daughter became increasingly disturbed, and I was caught in the middle. “Mom, what is going on?” Still, no reply from her mother. Once more, I put on my gentle voice and stuck my neck out. “I’d be willing to guess mom has other plans for her possessions. Something like storage.” Mom’s face was simply beaming. I had hit the nail on the head!

The daughter’s face grew dark like an impending storm, and demanded to know what nonsense mom was up to. Finally, it came out. “Julie’s right. I’ve already reserved four extra large storage units. I’m not giving it away, or selling it. It’s mine. No one can have it but me!”

The lady who wouldn’t let go ended up moving and placing everything in storage, to the tune of over $7,000 per year.

Moral: You can’t take it with you, no matter how hard you try!

The Recipe For a Long, Happy Life

April 16, 2012 | Julie Hall

I met the elderly Chinese lady at one of my estate sales. Instantly drawn to her vibrant complexion and a smile that seemed to guard a thousand secrets, the only hint she was “on age” was her white hair. I commented on her flawless skin and a small-framed, young girl emerged out of nowhere. “I am her great-grand daughter. She doesn’t speak any English.”

My curiosity got the best of me, and I asked the young girl to ask her great-grandmother the secret to such beautiful skin. The young girl turned and chatted with the woman, who promptly burst out in laughter. Through the three-way translation, I learned that the elderly woman was 101 years old and didn’t look a day over 60! Her secret was so simple; she said anyone can do it.

Rule #1: Never deprive your body of any food it wants to eat. If it wants cake, eat it. “Don’t deprive, but be reasonable. By depriving your body, it will get angry with you. If it gets angry, it will not work well for you. If you make it happy, it will treat you well.”

Rule #2: Go out each day barefoot in the grass and walk around. She said to feel the earth’s energy under your feet and draw it in. Breathe deeply while doing it and you will feel invigorated.

I’ve always lived by Rule #1. While it has gotten me a bit chubby, I am happy and thankfully, very healthy. From an Italian household, I was never very good at saying no to carbs.

As for Rule #2, I highly recommend it, particularly in the morning dew. It does feel good to walk around in the grass for a few minutes. A type of meditation where your attention is completely focused on the sensations in your feet, it is relaxing to your mind as well. Since our feet carry us through life, and they are crammed in shoes all day, it’s quite a treat for your feet!

I’ve always had some sort of magnetic attraction to the elderly as they are rich with experience. Give these rules a try for a week and see if they don’t make a difference in how you feel. I’m always happy to share what I learn along the way … now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge calling my name!

I am a Warrior … Are You?

April 9, 2012 | Julie Hall

There’s nothing easy about letting people “in.” If we let them in, they might see our pain and that could leave us vulnerable, or worse, very angry because we don’t know how to deal with it. Lately, I can’t help but feel I’ve been drug through the mud and I’m guessing some of you feel the exact same way.

I watched a movie with my daughter this week called “A Warrior’s Heart.” It has an invaluable message not only for teenagers, but for adults as well. The story centers around a troubled teen who has anger issues due to what happened to him in life. A Native American takes him under his wing and shows him the harsh realities of life and what is expected of him in life, by understanding that a warrior would handle it differently.

“What do you mean by a warrior?”, the troubled teen asked. The Native American answered in a way that moved me to share it with you. He simply said,

“The Native Americans believe a warrior is someone who has had his blood spilled on the battleground. A warrior doesn’t run away from the pain. A warrior just gets it done.”

I instantly saw the parallel here. Suddenly my spirit soared because I always knew I was a warrior, because I tried to deal with things head-on. We have all had our blood spilled on the battleground; figuratively or literally, and so, we have much more in common than we know.

Some people run away and some don’t. It’s how we deal with the mess that can either ruin us or elevate us. With a teen daughter watching my every move, I am determined to show her that women are strong and that her mother is indeed a warrior.

It’s true what they say; it’s not what actually happens to you, but how you react to it and deal with it. I can say this with conviction from my own painful, personal experiences, and hindsight does offer clarity and 20/20 vision.

Go forth today knowing you are a warrior … a very empowering and enlightening thought!