What I’ve Learned as an Expert in “Things” (part 2)

| Julie Hall

I probably don’t have to tell you this, since Wal-Mart and almost every other store are playing holiday music already:  The holidays are coming soon!!

As I write this blog on what I’ve learned as an expert on “things,” I realize that these last two thoughts, promised to you last week, will revolutionize how you view this year’s holidays.  They’ll probably also save you money and frustration when holiday shopping time comes.  Please consider the following observations from this expert in “things:”

3.  It’s what you do with what you have that really counts, not what you possess.  In these tough economic times, it’s important to remember there are others dealing with greater difficulties than you.  Even while we tighten our purse strings, we can still give in many ways that others would be so grateful for.

  • Give of yourself.
  • Go visit someone you have been meaning to see for a long time.
  • Write that letter.
  • Bake those cookies.
  • Volunteer for those needing help.
  • Visit those confined to home by infirmity or sickness.
  • Surprise a loved one.
  • Make that phone call to make amends with one you haven’t spoken to for years.
  • Bring your children to an assisted living or nursing home; watch the residents light up.
  • Say what you need to say, and do so right now.
  • Ask for forgiveness and offer it, no matter what.
  • Offer hugs to those who really need it.
  • Listen to your elders because you will learn so much.

4.  If you have a senior in your life … Spend a full day with them and ask them to share stories of your family history — fun stories, challenges, family secrets, marriages.  Look through old photos.  Record this day and make a book for them (and copies for each sibling) so it may be passed down for years to come.  Many children regret not having more family history, but they realize this only after a loved one has left us.

© 2011 Julie Hall

What I’ve Learned as an Expert in “Things”

| Julie Hall

As an expert in personal property, my days are filled with visiting estates, consulting with my clients, and ascertaining what has value versus what does not.  I help boomer children make sound decisions after mom and dad have passed on, and work closely with seniors, helping them make a plan for their heirlooms and understanding their worth. 

My world revolves around many beautiful things, what they may be worth, and then sadly watch people fight over them after a loved one dies.  Having met thousands of individuals in my career, I can safely say I have learned from each and every one of them.  Here’s what I have learned:

1.  We exit this world the way we enter it — owning nothing but a beautiful spirit that houses love and memories earned over a lifetime.  You can’t take anything with you, so why fight over “things?”

2.  “Things do bring instant gratification, but not long-lasting happiness.  So we keep buying more things to keep feeling good.  Too many of us fill our lives with “things” to ease unresolved pain and issues.  As we continue to go into debt and buy ourselves the latest electronic gadget, we are still left unfulfilled and discontented.  We buy to feel good, we buy because we deserve it, we buy because we are depressed.  But in the long run, it ends up in the hands of family, or a professional such as myself, to sell it.

Next week, I’ll share two more valuable lessons I’ve learned as an expert in “things.”  I hope these lessons today, and the two next week, will alter your plans to gain more and give more “things” during the upcoming holiday season.   Please come back for the other two positive lessons!

© 2011 Julie Hall

“Julie, Are You Sitting Down?”

| Julie Hall

Every now and again, a story so bizarre comes along, you just know you’ll never forget it.

I knew I was in trouble when the voice on the other end of the phone began with, “Julie, are you sitting down? We need to know if you are up for this one.” There was a large 1920’s home in a well-known and desirable area that was “full of junk.”  Certainly in all these years of doing this line of work, I was accustomed to what people describe over the phone and have seen my share of junk in the world.  Very little within a home could ever scare The Estate Lady.  I was given the key to go over to the home to assess it myself, but was told to consider myself warned.

The key worked, but the door didn’t.  Strong as I am physically, there was something barricading the front door … and the back door, and the side door.  My assistant and I peeked in the windows and could clearly see the most unbelievable sight.  Debris was everywhere and anywhere you looked.  The beautiful trees had punched holes through the glass windows and vines grew in the interior of the house.  The floor could not be seen and neither could the furniture.  The bathrooms were inoperable, so I will go no further on that issue.  In all my years, I had never seen one like this.  This, I thought, would take a miracle.  Not one to shy away from challenges, we decided we were up for it.

Once we gained entrance to the interior of the house through a window, it didn’t take us long to realize the resident had not opened his mail in years.  Decades, actually, since 1964 to be exact.  The paper and other debris was up to our knees on the first floor and up to our chest on the second floor.  The attic too was full, as well as the basement.  It is still among the most fascinating cases I had ever seen for hoarding.

The job itself took 9 days to complete, but several dumpsters later, we sifted through 3 massive commercial dumpsters full of mail that had not been opened since I was a baby.  In that mail, we found considerable amounts of money the family never knew he had: overseas accounts, etc.  Financial documents were found that were needed and other personal items were also discovered, long forgotten by family members that had given up on this hopeless situation.

Oddly enough, we also found 9 loaded guns under the debris which we were stepping on all week, several deceased animals, a multitude of unmentionables that I will have to take to my grave, and a duct-taped freezer down in the basement which was reminiscent of the basement in “Silence of the Lambs,” complete with a swinging single light bulb and dirt floor.  And yes, our imaginations went wild.  But the good news is that within 6 days of our completed work and an empty house, it sold for a healthy selling price.  All’s well that ends well — despite the circumstances. 

It made me come home and donate and throw out as much as I could get my hands on!

© 2011 Julie Hall

The Secret Keeper

| Julie Hall

My father used to play a game with me as a small child.  When he wanted to know what mom had bought for his birthday or Christmas, he would say, “Julie will tell me what mom bought.  I can always get it out of Julie!”  I had been sworn to secrecy by my brother because I was the little tattletale in the family.  But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t keep that secret.  Little did I know that as an adult, life would ask me to not only keep them, but to take them to my grave so no one would get hurt.  This story, I can share…

Steven was only 43 years old.  He was top executive, divorced with children, and lived as a bachelor in a very nice home with lovely furnishings.  Steven had a good life and all that he could want or need: a stable line of work, choice real estate, comfortable lifestyle, children, etc.  But something went very wrong along the way.

One night, for no known reason to his family or friends, Steven ended his life.  There was no note found or any indication for the reasoning behind his actions.  We were brought in to sell and clear out the home completely.

During the clearing out phase, I personally found a stack of letters that were found in a closet.  They were in no particular order and wide open.  Many of them were notes and cards obviously exchanged between sweethearts.  Unsure whether to dispose of these or not because the significant other might want them, I opened up the top card only to reveal words that might have offered a reason why he ended his life.  I felt an overwhelming responsibility to do the right thing, but what was the right thing in this case?

There were two choices: I could dispose of the items and keep this secret locked away in my head forever, or I could call the family and somehow search for the right words to explain my findings in a very delicate manner.  Having no previous experience with this particular scenario of suicide, I sat in silence contemplating the situation that had been laid upon my lap.  I had in my hands potential evidence as to why this distraught man ended his life, and my heart grew heavy with the emotions he must have been experiencing.  When my hands held his handwritten note, I could feel he was completely shattered.

After what seemed like an eternity of contemplation, I knew exactly what I had to do.  The family had the right, no matter how painful, to know something as serious as this; I had to give them the opportunity to make the choice themselves.  Calling the closest relative from my cell phone, I wanted to sound calm and reassuring.

When the relative picked up the phone, I greeted the relative and explained that I was still in the home working.  “I’ve found a letter I think you may want to see, but I need your permission to send it to you.  I believe it could offer you an answer as to the reason Steven is no longer with us.  Would you like me to FedEx it out to you?”  Much to my surprise, the family rejected my offer to send it to them and did not want to know the reasons behind his actions.  Some things are just too painful.  His words are forever etched in my mind to be buried with me later in life, unknown to anyone who loved him.

© 2011 Julie Hall

Condition, Condition, Condition

| Julie Hall

When it comes to the worth of heirlooms, there is one characteristic of value that I want everyone to understand: Original Condition.

We all know what the word original means: initial, first, earliest, the real thing.  It means the condition of an item that has been left intact, that way the artist or creator intended it to be.  No stripping, refinishing, repairs, paint, drilled holes, polishing and lacquering, etc.  To a collector wanting to buy a fine item, original shows that the piece is true to the period and proves its’ age by leaving it alone over the course of time.

But everyone out there seems to believe that if mother’s tables are antique, they are definitely valuable.  This is NOT the case; please forward this to anyone who is of this mindset.  There are many characteristics of value, and age is only one of them.  Condition is at the top of the list.  Here is where it gets cloudy …

I’m called to an estate to see lovely antiques, but they are in less than stellar condition.  They are covered in years of nicotine or mold/mildew, or have been exposed to years of humidity or heat.  All the owner understands is that these items are old and should put considerable cash in their pocket.

What an appraiser sees is that they were not taken care of for whatever reason.  The original condition has been altered and getting it back to a “sellable” condition will take a small miracle, not to mention more money than the piece is actually worth.  They can still be sold and a fixer-upper buyer will want them, but at a fraction of the price people have in their heads.  Then people get upset because their pieces are not selling well, or feel jilted because what they “perceived” they would sell for didn’t transpire.  I know … it’s a lot to take in!

Even antiques or semi-antiques in fine condition are not necessarily valuable.  Times are changing.  The economy has changed the market drastically.  The statistics of how many boomers and elderly we have in this country is mind-blowing.  So if you are considering selling your heirlooms, look at them like an appraiser and consider all flaws before setting expectations sky-high.

© 2011 Julie Hall

The Band-Aid Analogy

| Julie Hall

Sometimes you just don’t want to do what lies ahead of you.  The little angel on your right shoulder says you have to do it, and the little devil sitting on your left shoulder tells you to blow it off and forget about it.

This internal tug-of-war happens to each of us every day whether we are consciously aware of it or not.  But when it keeps nagging at you and occupies your every thought, it’s time for action. 

Think of the simplicity of the Band-Aid.  You cover up one of life’s little boo-boos and keep on going.  Eventually, you have to take that sticky thing off and naturally it’s fastened permanently to your arm hairs.  You know it’s going to hurt.  Maybe if you just ignore it, it will go away?  Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way.  You must face it head on.

Now you have two choices with that Band-Aid:

1.  Grab hold of the end and rip it off super fast so the pain only lasts a short while, or

2.  Slowly and painfully peel it back, taking every arm hair with it.

What kind of personality do you have?  Deal with it quickly and relatively painlessly, or do it slowly, methodically, and deal with the pain?

People can be like Band-Aids.  When dealing with estate settlement, very often these two personality types will have to intermingle, and sometimes without much success.

Try to be as amiable as possible and reach a compromise.  No matter which way you look at it, it’s painful, but going through it with someone else who understands and is willing to work together as teammates somehow makes it flow easier.

© 2011 Julie Hall

She Just Didn’t “Get It”

| Julie Hall

Though my efforts were admirable, my client simply did not want to hear the values I placed on her “heirlooms.”  I was there in her lovely, traditional home getting paid handsomely for a couple of hours of my time to offer her an opinion of value, but I am not certain she heard what I had to say.  As with all of my clients, I have a way of being succinct and direct, yet kind and compassionate.  I offer guidance they can trust and direction based on the market and where it is headed.  It is not always an easy combination to attain.

In her home, all things were phenomenally valuable according to her.  She had, after all, done her research.  Her figurines were worth far more than ever recorded, and simple ceramics or collectibles were off the charts.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know these figures just aren’t applicable, especially now.  I tried to bring her down to a realistic place and questioned where she got these “values.”  Some came from research a dozen years ago when the market was strong, and others were on very high retail sites.  These are not viable sales comps.

This is the new reality.  It is worth what someone is willing to give you for it, and in this economy if the offer is fair, take it.  Just know what you have first.

When researching prices on the internet, compare apples to apples and not just asking prices on retail sites.  Find out what the items are actually selling for.

A rude awakening, perhaps, but gone are the days of spending wildly — at least for the next few years.

© 2011 Julie Hall

Quoted on MSN Money by Liz Weston

| Julie Hall

MSN Money’s personal finance expert, Liz Weston, wrote about “How to Avoid Fights Over Mom’s Stuff.”  http://money.msn.com/family-money/how-to-avoid-fights-over-moms-stuff-weston.aspx

Thanks, Liz, for asking me to contribute to a topic that is at the heart of what I do.  This is why I wrote the book, “The Boomer Burden – Dealing With Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff” and “How to Divide Your Family’s Estate and Heirlooms Peacefully and Sensibly”. 

I want to educate people to avoid the harsh and painful reality of fighting and hurt that comes when families have to divide a parent’s possessions.  Thank you, Liz, for bringing attention to this topic with such clarity and insight. 

Welcome to those new visitors who are linking to my blog from Liz’s article.  There are over 100 weekly posts here full of valuable insights about all areas of personal property.  Check out the categories on the right, and sign up to receive my weekly blog.  While you are there, you can click directly to Amazon.com and order my books in either print or ebook versions.

A Case of the Grumpies

| Julie Hall

We are bombarded by tens of thousands of media messages daily.  We even have miniscule handheld gadgets and crazy fingers that fly faster than the typing secretaries we see in the old black and white movies.  As if our desktops aren’t enough, we feel the need to remain “connected” to any new technological advance, and constantly have the media in our face.  Sadly, we are exposed to all the negative energy the world has to offer.  No wonder we are so tired.

As a result of this exposure, the state of the economy, the politicians’ barrage of empty promises, financial strife, etc., we all seem a little angrier and much grumpier than we used to be.

It’s no different for those settling an estate.  Everyone feels a particular piece was sentimental only to them, or “Mom always wanted me to have that.”  Heirs go into the division of assets with the image they will always get what they want and this simply is not the case.  Arguments of what has value, differences of opinion, who-gets-what, things disappearing in the night … all of this happens because our loved ones failed to plan ahead.

Obstacles abound every way we turn.  Frustrating?  Yes.  A reason to go out into the world and make everyone miserable?  NO!

Mom always said we can make a choice how we behave out in the world and inside ourselves.  The next time you see someone walking around with the weight of the world on their back, make a choice and give them a great big smile.  It’s amazing how something so simple can have such great impact on them … and on you!

© 2011 Julie Hall

His Outgoing Message Said …

| Julie Hall

“Hi.  I hope you are going to have a great day.  Sometimes, you’ve just got to go out there, do your best, and grab what you can.  Make the most of your day and make it a great one.”

You may recall last week I wrote about a lovely man who is dying and his energy and attitude were incredible.  He lifted me up with his words and charisma.  Yesterday I called him to reconfirm an appointment to come and look at items he wanted to sell in order to donate the proceeds.  His outgoing message was quoted above.

I thought to myself with so much going wrong these days, here is this one gentleman who probably doesn’t have much time left, and yet he is making a very strong impact on those around him.  Touching them in an incredibly selfless manner.  We don’t see that often, do we?  Not in this me-me-me world.

It is difficult for us to reach deep down and pull up all the good that is within us, especially in the midst of the many challenges we face today.  But if this one man can project beauty and goodness in his darkest days, we can too.

So I will add only one thing to his outgoing message:  Smile a lot today, especially to those you don’t know.  You never know what challenges they are facing.