Beware of “CASH PAID FOR” Ads

February 7, 2011 | Julie Hall

It feels like the personal property world has gone a little bonkers. We have cable shows that demonstrate how to pick and make money off others who do not know the worth of their items, leaving the client feeling taken advantage of. We have people in the industry who are purchasing from their own estates. We have people who have lost their jobs and created overnight “estate liquidation specialist” companies, even though they have little experience.

Seller, BEWARE and BE CAREFUL. Use your scruples. Research the company through the Better Business Bureau, local colleagues, and professional organizations. Make sure you are dealing with someone who is recommended and is a trained professional.

I have long written and spoken on the importance of knowing what you have before you sell it, and that applies in today’s economy more than ever, when everyone is trying to make a buck off you!

Please don’t misinterpret my words. There are many estate experts out there who are truly outstanding at what they do, and ethical too! Even those who purchase from their estates, many are very fair. But like any other occupation, there are those who are not. The good ones are getting harder to find and are worth their weight in gold.

Everywhere in local papers you see, “Cash paid for antiques, collectibles, military items, etc.” Here’s my questions to you, the seller. How do you know that buyer offering cash isn’t offering you pennies on the dollar? How do you know that item he or she is offering $400 for is worth $20,000? Are you too eager? Are they sending red flags like “I’ll take it off your hands?”

Stick to your guns until you know what you are dealing with first, but you too must be fair. If an item appraises at $500, know you will not get that amount and it is unreasonable to expect that you would. Only the exceptional items are selling well in this market.

The majority of true collectors are pretty reasonable and have a tendency to offer a fair amount for an item. But someone who is in it to turn around and make money off the item(s) will often low-ball (not always, but they will try to increase their profit margin).

It is always worth getting a professional opinion, even if it costs a little bit — consider it a small insurance policy!

She was Having a Bad Heir Day

January 31, 2011 | Julie Hall

Joann and her brother were co-executors of their mother’s estate. One day, she decided she didn’t like how her brother was acting regarding the division of mom’s property. So she did what many heirs have done … however unthinkable it was … she asserted control over the issue in a not-so-nice manner.

I think you will agree she went about it all wrong! After I completed a consultation with her, she immediately called a locksmith and had all the locks changed so no one could get in the house but her. “My brother is not going to get the things he wants. He has ticked me off one time too many. I’ll show him … I’m going to get them before he does,” were her exact words. I hope my jaw didn’t drop too much.

Just when you think you’ve heard it all, she proceeds to move all the heirlooms out of mom’s house without notifying her brother of anything, and has them delivered to her storage unit.

This is the perfect example of how NOT to handle an estate unless you want to drain your finances for legal fees. Despite my repeated attempts to talk with her and offer her some sound advice, it fell on deaf ears. To me, it is complete disrespect for the loved one who has died, but this happens more frequently than even I care to admit. Scary, but very true.

When Your Box Gets Too Heavy, Drop It!

January 24, 2011 | Julie Hall

My teenage daughter has recently become my teacher, and I her student. Life has been challenging for many this past year and our family is no exception. Many of my clients have suffered illness, loss of a loved one, and financial trouble in the last year. With the new year here, we have a clean slate and a chance to un-do, re-do or make better than last year.

Lately, life has been a little weird. So much uncertainty. Turning on the TV means risking depression and anxiety just by watching 5 minutes of the news. When will it ever be like it “used to be?”

Not long ago, I had an emotional moment thinking of my father who has Alzheimer’s. It all seemed to come crashing down on me. My daughter came home from school and caught me during a mini-meltdown. I have always believed it’s okay to let children see their parents cry. We are not infallible, but we try to always be strong for them. Then one day, the tables turn and they are strong for us.

Suddenly, she looked at me with the eyes and demeanor of a grown woman. “Mom, there is no need for you to get yourself so upset. What will be, will be, and you can’t control that. Your box has gotten too heavy, so drop it.”

“What box?” I thought. She went on to further explain that the box represents our lives and all the junk inside weighing the box down is the parts of it we need to let go of. “Just drop the box, Mom. You need to be more like me. Let it go until you need it. Don’t carry it around with you. Sometimes it just gets too heavy and you can’t carry it anymore.”

And the thought occurred to me to count the blessings, not the tears. When the box gets too heavy, I am learning to drop it and deal with something more positive. Many boxes out there are getting heavier by the day. Maybe you can learn from my daughter too!

Sneak Peek: Two heirs want the same heirloom

January 17, 2011 | Julie Hall

Here’s the sneak peek from my new book, How to Divide Your Family’s Estate and Heirlooms Peacefully and Sensibly, available at the right side bar of this blog.

Problem: Two of my siblings are fighting over the same heirloom. How do you split that?

Solution: When two or more are arguing over the same item(s), you have a few options, but ultimately it is up to the level of stubbornness of the people involved.

One heir simply turns the other cheek and forfeits to the other. Rememeber that all of the values need to be kept equitable. If Sue gets a $5,000 item and Barbara gets a $200 item, that is not equitable and other arrangements must be made, whether in cash assets or other items, to make up for the $4,800 deficit.
One sibling can offer to buy the item from the others and take it out of their inheritance.
They can write up an agreement and share the item, if it is small enough to share. Then again, this decision only postpones that inevitable decision for later in life. When the siblings die, now their children have to contend with the same issue.
If no one can agree and the arguing continues in a “no one is going to give in” pattern, I recommend the executor sell the item through an appropriate auction and split the proceeds by the number of siblings. Yes, the siblings will be upset, but that is more acceptable than resenting each other the remainder of their lives.
What would mom or dad want? Would they permit this kind of treatment towards one another? In most cases, the answer is no. They would be disappointed, having trusted you to make decisions that they probably should have made while they were alive, but for whatever reason, they didn’t. You can’t go back; you can only go forward. So go forward, knowing what your parents would have wanted and go forth doing what they would have wanted.

Announcing my newest book!

January 10, 2011 | Julie Hall

How to Divide Your Family’s Estate and Heirlooms Peacefully & Sensibly is the only book that walks you through the relational minefield that happens when children/heirs have to divide the personal belongings of their parents.

This is a must-have resource packed with practical expertise and a fair, equitable process for dividing personal property within a family estate. From how to minimize fighting and manage the emotional roller coaster that comes with a loved one’s loss, to understanding legal responsibilities and suggestions for executors, this guide offers solutions based on decades of experience in working with families and estates coast to coast.

This guide is a must-read for every family challenged with dividing an estate and not wanting the family to divide in the process. This guide includes practical problems and solutions, such as:

When more than one heir wants the same thing
What to do when the heirs are a long distance from the estate
When some of the personal property is missing and not available to divide equally
When extended family gets in the way
When you find a treasure and no one else knows you found it
When neighbors or friends expect to get something from the estate

Those of you who have read my first and second books, or read this blog for very long, know that I want to educate you. That’s my goal! There is a lack of information out there that frankly handles the problems and challenges of dividing the estate contents equitably and without fighting. I want to create helpful and very practical guides that cut through to the essentials, and give you all the tools to educate yourself and then do the task effectively.

My new book is available now on Amazon.com. Here’s the link and it’s also available on the right side bar of my blog: http://www.amazon.com/Divide-Familys-Heirlooms-Peacefully-Sensibly/dp/0984419128/ Watch my blog for a sneak peek of the book next week!

5 Promises to Yourself in 2011

January 3, 2011 | Julie Hall

Happy New Year!

These days, it appears increasingly difficult to stay on the level emotionally. So much comes at us that it’s depressing to turn on the TV. To combat this heaviness that many feel, I have 5 suggestions to make us feel more buoyant this year. Please share them with your family and friends, since we all need to support one another.

Let It Go! Let go of anything that weighs you down. Surplus material possessions and stuff that no longer has meaning, people and relationships that are toxic, clean out that closet and give to those in need, etc. Just let go! You will immediately feel lighter, and more open space will provide an uplift in your spirit.
If something you tried last year didn’t work out, keep trying different ways until it does work. As the old saying goes, “there is more than one way to skin a cat.” Try again in different ways; ask close friends or colleagues what they would do. Valued opinions and objective third parties may very well be the sounding board you need or provide you with the brilliant idea that works.
Broaden your horizons. No more excuses! Take that pottery class, dance class, go to that place you’ve always wanted to see, train for a marathon, volunteer, lose weight, etc. Just do it! Spend some time on YOU.
Practice appreciation. Open your eyes and look for the simple pleasures in your life. Put forth a little effort to “see” the good in the world. Sometimes you need to go for a walk and admire the birds, look at the sky, and take some deep breaths. A survey of centenarians (over 100 years old) shows they attribute their longevity to simple pleasures like walking barefoot, watering their garden, swimming, etc.
Train your brain to think positively. Yes, there is alot wrong with the world today, but there is still much good in it. Go forth, do good things, be a good person, and try to make a difference for others. The rewards are far greater than you know! It comes back to you, and it will give you a strong sense of purpose in the new year.

Christmas is over … Now what?

December 27, 2010 | Julie Hall

Christmas is over, and you’ve dragged all the wrappings to the trash can. Now what? Maybe you got what you wanted … maybe you got too much.

Things do bring instant gratification, but not long-lasting happiness. So, we keep buying more things to keep feeling good. If your Christmas happiness has been replaced with that let-down feeling, consider the following suggestions.

Too many of us fill our lives with things to ease unresolved pain and issues. As we continue to go out there and buy ourselves the latest electronic gadget, we are still left unfulfilled and discontented. We buy to feel good. We buy because we deserve it. We buy because we are depressed. But in the long run, each item ends up in the hands of family or a professional to sell it.

There are some who believe “He who dies with the most toys wins.” There are others who feel “He who dies with the most toys, dies anyway.” So what should we do?

** Dress the less fortunate by going through your clothing, shoes, etc. Do the same for the food in your pantry.

** Head into your attic and garage and start clutter-busting. So many things we have are not being used — and can be used by someone who needs them. Find those organizations and give them away.

** Start practicing the art of giving, and refrain from unnecessary purchases for at least six months.

** A cluttered house is often reflective of a cluttered life. Do yourself and your family a favor and clear out while you can, and help others in the process. The end result is a long-lasting and satisfied feeling.

Here’s to a healthy and happy New Year for you!

Intangible Gifts Bring Joy this Holiday Season

December 20, 2010 | Julie Hall

Time’s running out for Christmas shopping, your debt is growning, and you still don’t know what to buy for certain people on your list. What to do?

Why buy anything? Why not give the best gift in the world — yourself?

Go visit someone you have been meaning to see for a long time. Surprise a loved one you haven’t seen for years.
Write that letter, bake those cookies.
Volunteer for those needing your help or visit shut-ins.
Make that phone call to make amends, because you and your mother haven’t spoken in years.
Bring your children to an assisted living or nursing home, and watch the residents light up. Have your children draw pictures and then visit and sing for those in shelters or facilities.
Say what you need to say, and do so right now.
Ask for forgiveness and always offer it, no matter what.
Offer hugs to those who really need it.
Make gifts for everyone on your list.
Listen to your elders because you will learn so much.

Do you have a senior on your list, and you don’t know what to give them?

Spend a full day with them and ask them to share stories of your family history — fun stories, challenges, family secrets, marriages, customs — and look through old photos. Record this day and create a book for them (with copies for your family members), so it may be passed down for years to come. Many children regret not having more family history, but realize this only after the loved one has died.
Find a special photograph and frame it. Ask an elder for a secret family recipe, so it can be carried on; then make it for them.

When we think of the upcoming holidays, we also need to be counting the multitude of blessings we do have, rather than wishing for the ones we don’t have. Make it a special holiday for others, and it will come back to you, in the form of contentment and joy — both in giving and in receiving.

My Christmas gift to you

December 13, 2010 | Julie Hall

Again this year, I’ve helped people understand the necessity of preparation before death, and helped them avoid battles over stuff after death. I have accumulated a wealth of understanding after nearly 20 years of experience handling personal property in estates.

My book, The Boomer Burden — Dealing With Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff, provides practical and effective steps for liquidating and distributing your parents’ assets in a way that both honors them and promotes family harmony.

You’ve probably heard the stories: arguments over stuff, an inheritance lost forever when parents are scammed, siblings estranged, or an adult heir taken from daily responsibilities for months while trying to empty their childhood home.

This book is valuable for both senior adults and Boomer children. My trustworthy counsel covers the following areas:

Divide your parents’ estate with peace of mind
Minimize fighting with siblings during the estate settlement process
Clear out the family home in two weeks or less
Identify potential items of value in the home
Have “that conversation” with your parents
Prepare your own children for the future

Amazon.com carrys my book; you can purchase it in time for your family’s holiday celebrations. If you have a close relationship with parents and siblings, you owe it to all to keep harmony in the home after the unexpected death of a parent. If there are difficult relationships, distance between you and your parents, an accumulation of stuff in your parents’ home, and other thorny issues, please buy a copy of this book and save yourself even more pain and struggle.

One of the most distressing, yet integral parts of estate planning and liquidation is the division of personal property; who gets what? A vital conversation now can go a long way to prevent squabbling between the heirs after mom and dad pass away. For peaceful resolutions and wonderful guidance, please order The Boomer Burden. It has earned wonderful reviews, and it makes a great gift for siblings, parents, children, even clients.

This is my Christmas gift to your family: a wealth of information and valuable resources to protect the relationship, sanity, and peace among your family. The joy of preparation for the inevitable, and the kindness of knowing that everything is in order. Merry Christmas!

“Mom just told that same story and Dad can’t hear it anymore”

December 6, 2010 | Julie Hall

Many of us will gather with close family at Christmas and/or New Years. You may want to observe your parents, or other close relatives, and take note of any new signs of the aging process.

Some of these signs, if occurring infrequently, are no cause for panic. These signs could mean that your parents need to have someone check on them daily, or to consider assisted living.

Declining mobility
Vision problems
Loss of interest in favorite pastimes
Irritability
Hearing loss
Confusion
Repetition
Short-term memory loss
Fatigue
Unopened mail
Changes in the home environment
Unusual spending and/or hoarding (collecting)
Preoccupation with finances
Change in appetite or not eating well
Staying alone, isolation
Depression or anxiety
Bruising from stumbles or falls

What should you do if you notice any of these signs of aging in your parents? You shouldn’t overreact, or force the issue to discussion. You should not ignore the signs either. Just pay attention.

1. Begin keeping a diary or log of what you notice. By paying attention and keeping a record, you will be able to objectively determine if these behaviors are happening infrequently, or if they are getting worse and may need intervention.

2. Begin to think about the future. No one likes to face the inevitable facts of decline and death of our parents. Those who allow themselves to think proactively are much better prepared for the day when all they have left is their parents’ empty house. It’s the adult children who have been in denial who really become unglued when the end finally arrives.

With family gathered, this may be a good opportunity to observe and discuss the facts together as siblings. Go for a walk or out for coffee together. A little investment of time when all are together may ease the challenges you’ll face later.

Whatever you observe, continue to love them and make great memories together as a family!