Sneak Peek: Practical Wisdom

| Julie Hall

Over the next couple of weeks,  I want to give you a taste of the practical wisdom I have poured into my latest book.  The title is “A Boomer’s Guide to Cleaning Out Your Parents’ Estate in 30 Days or Less.”  I definitely believe this is a realistic time frame, although many boomers spend years struggling with this process.  Sometimes they move the parents’ belongings to expensive storage buildings, while they fight or avoid dealing with the stuff.  It doesn’t have to be that painful or protracted; the estate can be cleared out in a deliberate and decisive way.  It can be done with this guide.

This is a practical workbook that you can take along in your briefcase or pocketbook, and check off completed items, make personal notes, fill in worksheets.

Here’s a taste of what to expect, except in my book there is room for notes and there are boxes beside each item to check when complete.

WHAT TO DO IMMEDIATELY WHEN MOM OR DAD HAVE PASSED AND THE ESTATE REMAINS

The executor has a responsibility to protect all that the parents owned until all decisions have been made about the proper distribution and dissolution methods.  The following are important, critical first steps to be taken by the executor or estate attorney in order to properly protect and prepare the estate on behalf of the deceased parents.

  • Collect keys / change residential and other property locks (no exceptions)
  • New master keys to be in the executor’s and/or estate attorney’s possession only
  • Notify heirs and family members that locks have been changed for security reasons
  • Remove valuables (should only be done by the executor or executrix) including: (see my book for the specifics)
  • Notify heirs and family members that removal of valuables is temporary only until the estate is settled
  • Prepare a list of all valuables to be kept in executor’s or estate attorney’s file for documentation
  • Hire a professional appraiser to assess all valuables

This represents only a third of the material I’ve given in my book for this one list alone.  If you’d like to read more, you can get a copy of my book by clicking on the link at the right of this blog.  Another sample of my book next week!

© 2010 Julie Hall

The Simple Process of Preparing a Will

| Julie Hall

I want to follow up last week’s true story about Carolyn with some simple information about why you need a will.  I know what you are thinking right now … “I’m young and in perfect health; why do I need to rush and prepare a will?”  No one is guaranteed the length of their days on earth; accidents and illness can come suddenly.  A will is necessary even if you feel you have nothing of value.  You probably have sentimental items that you wish to give to specific heirs.

Preparing a will is a fairly simple process that doesn’t have to be any more complicated or time-consuming than going out to lunch with a friend.

A last will and testament is a legal document that gives clear instructions about what to do with your property after your death and how death taxes, if any, are to be paid, along with final expenses that would include any debt and administrative costs.  It states who is to receive the property and in what amounts. 

A will may also be used to name a guardian for any minor children or to create a trust to handle an estate inheritance to protect spendthrift children or others.  Finally, and this is important in the case of your parents, a will can be used to name a personal representative or executor to handle property and affairs from the time of death until an estate is settled.

You do not have to hire an attorney to make out a will, though I highly recommend it.  The law is multifaceted, and all kinds of scenarios can erupt.  Depending on the complexity of the will, it will initially cost  a few hundred dollars to have an attorney explain your options and then draw up the document. 

But what Carolyn had written on notebook paper in her own handwriting could have served as a legal will if it were witnessed and notarized … and found.  When you consider the years and tears that your heirs and family will endure if you pass away without a  will, a few hundred dollars and a legal will becomes the most loving investment you can make in family harmony and peace.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Are You Ready?

| Julie Hall

Carolyn was 96 years old and had a lovely three bedroom home filled with antiques passed down from previous generations.  It was obvious that Carolyn and her predecessors had taken great pride in these heirlooms because they were in immaculate condition.  She had done everything right: she left all items in their original condition, she knew the history and stories that went with each piece, and she kept them out of direct sunlight and away from the heat vents.

I met Carolyn six months prior to her passing.  Her 2 children were present, and everyone wanted to know the values of Carolyn’s possessions from her mother’s and grandmother’s estates dating back to the 1850s.  Earlier, the children had spoken with me privately and told me their mother had not prepared a will and asked me to impress upon her the importance of doing so. 

As I examined each piece, I spoke with Carolyn about the importance of making out a will so she could determine what would happen to all of these valuable antiques, but Carolyn was adamant.  “I don’t need a will.  I’ve written on a piece of notebook paper my wishes for my children, and that’s good enough.  If it isn’t, then they can just fight over it.”  And so they would.  The children looked at me and grimaced.  They knew the complications that awaited them if their mother didn’t draft a legal will: potential years of red tape with hefty attorney fees.

Carolyn eventually passed away peacefully, but there was little peace for the family.  No one ever found the handwritten note, so it became a game of “Mom said I could have this,” and “No, she promised that to me.”  Sadly, it was years before the estate was settled, and no one was happy with the outcome.

I wish this story was the exception, but in my experience, it is the norm.  According to a Harris Interactive study, 55 percent of Americans have not bothered to see an attorney to prepare a will.  Have you???

How different would Carolyn’s passing have been for her family with a little more preparation and a visit to an attorney to make everything official!

© 2010 Julie Hall

Three More Important Tips for Personal Property

| Julie Hall

We’re continuing our discussion of important tips for dealing with personal property in an estate.  Here are the final three tips:

3.  Just because it is old doesn’t mean it is valuable.  This is my personal mantra.  Each day, I must face clients and report the truth based on facts.  Depression glass may have been the rage 12 years ago, but today the market is pretty flat, much like the beloved Hummel figurines of mother’s day.  It’s important to understand the distinction between monetary and sentimental value.  If great-grandfather made it in 1865, it is certainly old and very special to us.  This, however, does not indicate or equate to significant monetary value.  It does hold value in the heart, though.

4.  PLEASE hire a professional before you have a yard sale on your own.  In my career, I have seen things thrown in the trash, dumpsters, yard sales, etc. that children put there or sold for next to nothing.  In actuality, they were worth a small fortune!  Knowledge really is power.   Parents, consider getting your heirlooms evaluated prior to your passing, so you can leave this information for your heirs.  Children, ask questions about the history of these heirlooms while mom and dad can still tell you.  Discuss together the possibility of gifting prior to death.  At the very least, mom and dad should document who gets what.

5.  When using professionals in the industry, check them out first.  Make sure they have no unresolved complaints against them with the Better Business Bureau.  Ask them for professional references, and ask how long they have been doing this work.  Ask your friends, neighbors, and other professionals if they can recommend estate professional appraisers and liquidators.  Be very leary of those who “dabble” in estate sales or yard sales; you need a pro.  If you think hiring a professional is expensive, you should try hiring an amateur.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Important Tips When Dealing with Personal Property from an Estate

| Julie Hall

When a loved one becomes infirm or passes away, the handling of the estate and contents lands on the lap of the heir(s).  If the heir is prepared, it will go much easier than if they operate in a crisis mode.  All too often, I see children who don’t know anything about the estate and contents.  It’s like they are literally walking into a dark house and starting from scratch with no guidance.

Here are some important tips to consider if you are currently dealing with an estate, or soon to be handling one.

1.  Don’t do ANYTHING until you know what it is and what it’s worth.  Do not give items to neighbors, friends, family, or charity until everything has been looked at by a professional appraiser, or you have been advised what the best method(s) is/are to proceed with dissolution of the estate.  It is well worth the cost to get this information.  It will even assist with equitable distribution, thereby keeping things as neutral as possible between the siblings.

2.  What is it worth?  What someone is willing to pay you for it.  It is not worth the dollar amount you see on the internet – that is only an asking price and usually quite inflated at that.  It is not worth what grandma told you back in the 70’s, and the stories that were told by previous generations can be a bit stretched through the years.   As with anything else in life, the value is contingent upon many factors, one of which is supply and demand. 

Since so many china sets have saturated the market, and will continue to do so, what do you think will happen to the price?  If the younger women want Pottery Barn and IKEA, and not grandma’s china, what will happen to these sets?  The prices will continue to plummet.  Always check with a professional appraiser first.

That’s enough to digest this week, but I have three more important tips for you next week!

© 2010 Julie Hall

Estate Etiquette Solutions

| Julie Hall

As promised last week, here’s how you can contribute to a more peaceful resolution when dividing heirlooms in your parents’ estate.

  1. Sit down and say what’s on your mind.  Beating around the bush confuses everyone.  Confrontation is not necessarily a bad thing.  My father always said that the day after a thunderstorm is usually clean, bright, and beautiful.  It clears the air and so does a confrontation that is more about sharing than finger pointing.  Some heirs can’t handle this confrontation, and I would definitely recommend some kind of mediation, if they want to save the relationship.  The down side is that if they don’t fix this early on, the relationship is normally irreparable as the damage is done.  Then, both parties live out their lives with anger in their hearts.
  2. It’s vital to do everything you can to keep the peace.  Regardless of what part you play in this, it will have an impact on you too, most especially a negative impact.  Even indirectly connected, it will touch you in some negative way.  To avoid this, do your best to take the “high road.”  It feels good to do so, though it’s not always easy.
  3. Validate the other person’s feelings if they share them with you.  At least, listen.  Repeat what they said to you so they feel you heard them.  Both should agree to simply do the best you can to smooth it over somehow.  A photo of Mom and Dad sitting in front of you wouldn’t hurt.  After all, this is about honoring them and not about the heirs.
  4. Encourage others to be a part of the healing process, if they would like to be.  It is not about taking sides.  It is about encouraging both parties to do what they can to heal the hurt.  Always remain objective and try very hard to see the other side.  Seeing both sides, or at least putting yourself in the other’s shoes, might very well lend some insight into the situation.  The problem is that we are generally too self-centered to do this.  Promise me you’ll try!

Dividing heirlooms can be one of the most contentious experiences of our adult lives.  There is no way to completely eliminate family squabbles.  But, you can learn to put them out when they are smoldering, instead of when they grow into a full-blown forest fire.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Estate Etiquette

| Julie Hall

It’s an observation worth noting: when it comes to dividing heirlooms and estate contents, everyone tenses up and no one wants to be the first to talk.  You can sense the apprehension in the room, and it appears as if everyone is trying to predict what the other will do.  Will my sister make a fuss?  Will my brother want the same things I want, and if so, what do we do?  Will there be fighting and resentment?

From the perspective of this 20 year veteran who has observed many families, we should be more concerned with our own behavior.  If every heir was in tune with their own behavior and had the ability to stay on the peaceful path, there would be a lot less fighting in the world.

When a parent passes, particularly the last remaining parent, true colors, a few fangs, and an entitlement mentality will eventually surface.  Most feuds break out for four basic reasons:

  • A misunderstanding has taken place and has not been effectively dealt with
  • Everyone grieves differently and emotions can be volatile
  • A situation has been festering for years that probably took place during childhood and will now appear, causing all kinds of problems
  • An heir perceives he or she is being cheated in the distribution of heirlooms

How do you contribute to a more peaceful resolution?  Check back here next week for four valuable suggestions.

Think Before You Throw – How to GO GREEN When Clearing Out an Estate

| Julie Hall

Do it for the earth and do it for your pocket! 

Donating, recycling, and selling are less expensive than a dumpster and may provide cash for your unwanted items.  They may also provide a tax deduction or help out a worthy cause.  Use your imagination when deciding where things could go, other than black trash bags!  Can someone use your items in some form or fashion?  This is the ultimate in recycling. 

Remember the following when cleaning out estates:

  • Have the neighbors in for free household chemicals, garden/yard tools, etc.
  • Create a donation network by discussing what you have to give.
  • Keep watch for charity drives in your community.  Typically, TV and newspapers will run donation requests during the holiday season.
  • Web search for places to sell or donate items.
  • Gazelle.com, venjuvo.com, techforward.com and myboneyard.com all offer varying amounts of compensation for electronics.
  • Mygreenelectronics.com tells you where to find nearby recycling centers for electronics.
  • Paper, cardboard, and scrap metal are commodities that are traded.  Find a buyer in your local phone book.
  • Scrap metal and other household metals, photo frames, etc. are wanted by artists.  (If you take scrap metal to the right place, you can end up with some $$$ in your wallet.)
  • Charities are in a funding crisis; paper, books, games and toys help daycares, senior centers and after-school programs.  Give them a call; they are happy to give you a wish list.
  • Alzheimer’s facilities are always looking for clean linens, towels, etc.
  • Many religious organizations/groups set up homes for refugees, domestic abuse victims, pregnant women, disabled adults, etc.  They need many everyday items that you need to dispose.
  • Inventory the home before buying materials.  Garbage bags, boxes, and cleaning supplies are normally already in the house.
  • Worn sheets and towels, leashes and pet bowls are very much needed by local pet shelters.
  • Remember, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure!

With my prediction of millions of households being liquidated in the next few decades, the very thought of the amount of trash the U.S. will generate is mind boggling.  Do your part to help!

© 2010 Julie Hall

Update: My New Book is Now Available in Print

| Julie Hall

A Boomer’s Guide to Cleaning Out Your Parents’ Estate in 30 Days or Less is now available online in print.  It is soft-bound, like a workbook, with 82 pages.  Every Boomer with retired or elderly parents should have a copy of this book!  Please buy this book before the crisis so you’ll be prepared and armed with knowledge, resources, and guidance.

To buy from Amazon.com, simply click on the link to the right of the blog under “Books By Julie”.  The book is also available through Barnes & Noble online.

I’d love to hear your comments here at my blog, but especially, on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.  Thanks!

© 2010 Julie Hall

“Mom and Dad Left Us a Mess!”

| Julie Hall

Q: My mother died a few months ago and I am completely overwhelmed with the accumulated mess she left behind.  Though I tried to offer help on many occasions through the years, she would hear no part of clearing out her stuff.  I spend most of my days in tears, resentful that she left me this mess, squeezed between my family, my job, and her affairs.  Do you have any advice for me to handle this daunting task?  Can you at least tell others not to do this to their children?

A:  You have touched upon one of the most important aspects of my work and of my public speaking.  In my work, I deal with children every day who are flying in and out of town, trying to handle parents’ estates.  The “Sandwich Generation” is caught between caring for our parents and our children, with not enough of us to go around, especially when geographically remote from either parents or children.

When I speak, I talk openly about accumulation, what to do about it, how to begin thinning out your stuff, or get rid of it altogether.  Evaluation is the first step in any estate settlement process.  Children are often in a crisis mode and don’t know where to begin this daunting task.  Finding a company or person you can trust to help you understand the values of your parents’ personal property is paramount.

Once you are armed with that information, you are better able to decide what can be thrown out, what can be donated, what to keep, etc.  Remember that knowledge is power.  If you do not possess the knowledge to make these decisions, find a professional who does and can offer you objective information.  This professional can also help you sell items of value, and clear out the estate.  These services are especially valuable if you live out of town and have limited time to spend handling the estate.

Often I find my older clients have massive accumulations in their attic, closets, basement, and garage.  The reasons are numerous and not always understandable.  My guess is that they don’t know how to handle the accumulations either.

All too often, I sit beside a child whose parent has just died; they are angry that mom or dad left this mess, and they are grieving too.  This becomes a double blow to their heart and spirit.  If parents could see what I see, they wouldn’t do this to their children.  How would you like to be remembered?

© 2010 Julie Hall