Why Do We Accumulate Stuff?

November 2, 2009 | Julie Hall

With 18 years experience in watching how people react to death and the division of personal property, I have an interesting theory. Down deep, I believe we are all connected not only to one another, but to our ancestors through our DNA. If the cavemen did not gather (collect or accumulate) staples such as kindling, nuts, berries, meat, etc. for their family, they would surely perish, and many did.

I believe we still make the connection of “having enough, just in case” so that we feel safe and taken care of. By today’s standards, however, we simply have too much! We have taken accumulation to the extreme, in many instances.

WE ACCUMULATE FOR MANY REASONS

If we look back into our recent past, we can examine our Great Depression generation. Because they had so little, and often nothing to sustain them, they came through that extremely difficult period in history with a built-in behavioral pattern.

What we have learned

We can waste nothing because we might have to go without again one day.
Be prepared or go without.
Make sure we have enough accumulated. You never know what we might need, and when.
I might need that one day.
If I hold on to it long enough, it will be valuable.

All of these thoughts are completely understandable and all have some truth. In today’s world, however, much of what has been saved through the decades is no longer useful. It has been held too long and should be discarded due to damage, health hazard (mold), obsolescence, etc.

This is the type of accumulation that often the Boomer children are left cleaning up, much to their chagrin and lack of time and knowledge on how to dispose and distribute all this stuff. I have personally thrown out enough bread twister ties to go around the equator at least once!

A great guide and gift idea is my book, “The Boomer Burden — Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff.”

Protect Your Parents from Fraud

October 26, 2009 | Julie Hall

Your parents protected you when you were young with advice and example. Look both ways before crossing the street, never speak to strangers, and a host of other suggestions were meant to protect you. Sadly, our parents reach a point where they need us to protect them!

Here are six suggestions to protect your parents from scams and schemes:

1. Ask or discuss with your parents who has durable power of attorney.

2. Register your parents’ telephone numbers with the National Do Not Call registry (www.donotcall.gov).

3. Discuss with them the list of common frauds (see The Boomer Burden, chapter 7). Ask them to contact you if they suspect anyone is trying to defraud them.

4. Ask your parents to contact you if anyone offers to buy any of their possessions.

5. Make sure a family member personally visits your parents on a weekly basis. If this is a challenge and you have other siblings, take turns.

6. Reduce junk mail for a small fee by going to either of these web sites: www.stopthejunkmail.com and http://mailstopper.tonic.com.

The National Center for Elder Abuse is an excellent resource for information on financial and other forms of abuse against senior citizens. It publishes reports and conducts research on this growing problem. NCEA’s mission is to promote understanding, knowledge sharing, and action on elder abuse, neglect, and exploitation. Its web site also offers links to other excellent resources and organizations also devoted to protecting senior citizens. Their web site is www.ncea.aoa.gov.

Honor your parents by standing between them and anyone who sees them as an easy target.

Scams and Schemes

October 19, 2009 | Julie Hall

Your parents, especially those who live alone, are vulnerable to scams and schemes for three reasons. First, seniors tend to be trusting. They also may be lonely and sometimes distant from those who can protect them. Senior parents are also vulnerable because they worry about their financial security. Finally, scammers know that many seniors have money and valuable possessions.

Even though approximately 50 percent of elderly Americans are victims of financial exploitation, only 10 to 15 percent of the abuses are reported.

The following may indicate that your parents are being victimized:

* Sudden bank account changes, especially an unexplained withdrawal of large sums of money
* Unfamiliar long-distance telephone numbers, expecially from overseas, on their monthly bill
* Significantly lower standard of living (change in eating and shopping habits; unable to afford things they once afforded)
* Selling higher-end items such as furniture, antiques, and so on
* Sudden disappearance of valuable possessions
* Increase in commercial or junk mail
* Sudden change in behavior; symptoms of depression or anxiety
* Increased worries over money

Next week, I’ll share six ways to protect your parents from fraud. If you need the information sooner, and for much more practical advice on helping your parents now, and dealing with their stuff after they are gone, please order my book, “The Boomer Burden”, available from Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/Boomer-Burden-Dealing-Lifetime-Accumulation/

Let’s be AWARE

October 12, 2009 | Julie Hall

Let’s continue to spell out the remedy for the older adult disease of procrastination with a touch of denial.

A stands for Anguish.

W stands for Will.

A stands for Action Plan. Once you have your will in hand, then develop a written plan that lists important people who could help your family or friends after your death. Research and record who you consider to be trusted resources and experts with their name, address, phone number, and an explanation of what they do. Have this plan of action with your will, so your family or friends will know who to contact upon your death. These resources are people such as your attorney, financial planner, banker, real estate appraiser, personal property appraiser, estate sale professionals, and experts you trust to consult about a collection, such as stamps, coins, or books. It is wise, too, to include where you keep your address book in your home, in case someone wishes to notify out of town friends of your death.

R stands for Responsibility and Respect. Responsibility is one of the most lasting characteristics you can leave a family member or friend who must close out your affairs after your death. When you have taken the personal responsibility to handle your estate, you are actually leaving a legacy of respect for those who must handle your affairs.

E stands for Educate. Educate yourself by taking a personal evaluation and appraisal of your personal property and how you would want it distributed. Educate others to what is valuable to you and find out what might be valuable to them. For example, your daughter might value a chipped ceramic plate that was the platter for family birthday cakes — no monetary value, but heaped with sentimental value for her. Give away as much in life as you are comfortable in giving.

Be “aware” of how you want people to remember you when you are no longer here to tell them yourself!

The remedy for procrastination and denial

October 12, 2009 | Julie Hall

When it comes to making arrangements for estate distributions upon one’s death, too many older adults are seized with a rather dramatic disease diagnosed as procrastination with a touch of denial.

Of course, we will all die — it’s a certainty, but many people do nothing about it while they are alive. They think in terms of “if” I die and not “when” I die. Denial makes them procrastinate on very important personal decisions they should be making.

Procrastination and denial have a remedy called “AWARE”.

A stands for Anguish. When a loved one dies and leaves no instructions on what to do with his or her estate, the next of kin becomes angry and resentful of having to mentally and physically handle another person’s lifetime of accumulation. The frustration, anger, resentment and guilt are in their voices when they call me to help them dispose of the household possessions. So, alleviate this emotional strain by spending a small amount of time now when you are mentally and physically able to arrange your affairs yourself.

W stands for Will. “Don’t leave life without it.” Your Last Will and Testament is the wisest document you can possess. Have an attorney help you, since template forms may not hold up in the statutory process for distributing assets. Not just for those of wealth, a will is important for any well-prepared individual. A will is needed to make sure you have designated the right beneficiary when your estate is distributed after your death. The investment in time and money here is minimal compared to the anguish you will cause a loving family member or friend without one.

We’ll finish the remainder of “AWARE” in the next post!

Use your stuff to bless others

October 5, 2009 | Julie Hall

You don’t need me to tell you that times are economically challenging right now. This true story of a recent estate I handled may give us all new perspectives on our accumulated stuff.

I had to clean out the home of a lady who passed away. The family had already been given all the items they wanted from her home. What to do with the rest of the belongings?

Often a family wants to donate the remainder of the belongings to charity and doesn’t have a preference where to donate. When that happens, I recommend Blanket America Ministries http://www.blanketamericaministries.org/.

We cleared all the remaining items of furniture and household goods, and the ministry loaded them on their truck. They ended up taking all this to a woman up in Appalachia who had been burned out of her house. Everything that was unloaded from the truck was exactly what she needed. Amazement and thankful looks were everywhere, from this woman to the ministry volunteers.

The obvious suggestion here is that when you pass away, there are places where your possessions can help someone in need. That’s good, but what about all the possessions that we hold onto now?

We have garages that can’t hold cars, we have linen closets that we have to lean on the door to close, etc. In a word, we have so much we don’t need! Who could we bless now? There are many in need who look for a professional outfit to interview for work, or a house full of furniture due to disaster, or clothes for growing children. Maybe it’s time to seek out a ministry that helps others, and pass along some of the extra stuff we have accumulated.

What do you think?

How did I get into this line of work?

September 28, 2009 | Julie Hall

You may be wondering how I got into this line of work. It happened innocently enough and turned into a real eye-opener!

Receiving a phone call from someone in crisis is common at my office, but when the phone rang one afternoon, and it was a colleague claiming an emergency, I knew the matter was very urgent.

My colleague said one of his clients, who was preparing to move to a safe environment for those afflicted with Alzheimer’s, was at home alone when her neighbors — so-called friends — and a few antique dealers all decided to pay her a visit on the same afternoon. (Word spreads like wildfire any time an older adult begins downsizing an estate, and I caution you to pay close attention to this story so you can protect your loved ones!)

This elderly woman’s home was filled with many valuable possessions. Apparently several people came by to “purchase” all of her assets. My colleague had tried to get the dealers out of the house, but no one took him seriously. Knowing that I deal with this sort of thing daily, he asked me to intervene quickly, even though I had never met this woman.

These neighbors and friends and dealers were literally stripping her home of her lifelong heirlooms, possessions that were supposed to be passed down to her children after her death. Her children would never see those heirlooms again. The neighbors and friends helped themselves, throwing a $1 or $5 bill at her for items worth thousands of dollars. Sadly, they preyed upon her much like a vulture stripping a bone. In her advanced diseased state, she simply didn’t know any better. But they did!

How I wished the family would have known to expect exploitation in times of fragility! This story is one I see frequently. One day, I had had enough and decided to write a book to assist the boomer children, and the elderly parents navigate the final chapter of their lives.

www.TheBoomerBurden.com

Is there an expert in the house?

September 21, 2009 | Julie Hall

You can only imagine what I see each day as I venture into the homes of people getting ready to disolve the estate of a loved one who has passed away. It is an amazing view into the world of human nature — who wants what, the fights over money and things, the greedy relatives coming out of the woodwork, families not understanding the value of things, etc.

You name it and I’ve seen it! Not much seems to surprise me in the realm of estate settlement.

Having spent 18 years in perfecting the process of estate dissolution for my clients and those wanting to learn my area of expertise, I have uncovered a vast need in the country today that virtually no one is tending to. And soon enough, it will be near epidemic level! No one thinks about it until it actually happens and you find yourself in the midst of a crisis.

As our beloved parents leave the earth, they also leave behind one of the largest accumulations of stuff, more than any other generation in history. The Depression Era is known for never throwing anything away, and not always very good at letting it go either. Their parents, our grandparents, actually owned very little by comparison. Therefore, their accumulation was not dealt with, but absorbed by our parents’ generation. This leaves the boomer children with not only mom and dad’s stuff, but now they have to deal with multi-generational items at the same time.

As overwhelming as it is to handle the death of a parent, it becomes absolutely grueling when the kids have to dive into the estate face-first: divide the estate, handle feuds that arise, and clean out the house in a short period of time.

Then it occurred to me that the reason so many flounder in this area, is because there has never been anyone to show them how to go through the process in a logical and timely fashion. No worries — help has arrived!

My book, The Boomer Burden — Dealing With Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff, is a must-have book on how to go through the process from beginning to end, offering trustworthy guidance every step of the way. More on that later…

Seniors, their children, stuff, and grief

September 14, 2009 | Julie Hall

In my work of helping seniors appraise the worth of their personal property, or liquidating it, I have seen examples of unsavory human behavior during the process. This comes from family, friends, neighbors, or strangers.

In dealing with a lifetime accumulation of stuff, seniors are often at a vulnerable place in their lives and daunted by the task. That’s when predators appear, driven by insensitive greed and persuasive powers. These unscrupulous mischief makers could be stopped in their tracks if only the senior had the knowledge of how much their personal property was worth. They should also proactively create a master list of what they perceive to be treasures – either sentimental or financial.

When seniors have avoided making these choices by doing nothing for their estate planning and distribution, they are actually making a decision with dire consequences. I always recommend that seniors distribute their treasures personally now, or in writing for distribution at death. When the gift is personally made, however, they have the satisfaction of seeing the joy on the face of the recipient!

If a personal transaction is not done, then the next best thing is to write down who gets what on a master list. This master list should be kept safely with the will. Both documents will almost always minimize family disputes and exploitation.

Problems generate when the children or close relatives are burdened with dealing with the death of the senior, the pressure of dealing with the estate, and the overwhelming task of disposing of the personal property. Seniors who recognize their own responsibility in this matter and make the decisions themselves are practicing the best defense against family quarrels or exploitation in any guise!

Who is the Estate Lady?

September 8, 2009 | Julie Hall

The Estate Lady is a fitting name for my company. I am the company — a mixture of compassionate advocate, honest rescuer, detailed organizer, wise advisor, certified expert in personal property worth, and observer of human behavior.

I’ve always treasured older adults! Unfortunately, I’ve witnessed many situations when seniors are blatently taken advantage of, when it comes to both their money and their personal belongings. That’s why I paired my love of appraising personal property with dismantling households and channeling accumulated life treasures into the most appropriate way to benefit their owners.

It doesn’t take seniors or their children long to discover that I know what I am doing. My hallmark is trustworthy counsel and behavior in appraising and handling their personal property. My clients — professionals representing seniors such as attorneys, financial advisors, accountants, and bank trust officers, children of older adults, or seniors themselves — discover that my name and my company have built a reputation of honesty and compassion in providing comprehensive personal property services. My point of difference in this industry is that I do a total turnkey in personal property appraisal and liquidation, wiht a host of certifications that reinforce a strict code of ethics and knowledge in all my dealings.

My work is physically exhausting and sometimes sad or dangerous when liquidating and conducting estate sales. It is detailed and precise in appraisal reporting. But, it is always filled with passion and a sense of purpose in helping older adults. I see the most remarkable human behavior, and often the worst behavior, in my line of work!