Just when you think you can predict a family member’s actions, you can’t! We all handle infirmity, death, and grief differently. In this case, there was one sibling who was in serious emotional turmoil and could benefit from grief counseling — and I mean that most sincerely, as it helped me greatly.
I went to Walmart to pick up a few necessities before bad weather reached us later that day. There I was, walking through the store with a pleasant demeanor and smile, but no one else was. That was my first observation. I’m a little disappointed in myself for allowing this experience with the zombies to have affected my personality.
Richard is 82 years old and not in good health. He lives in the Midwest and called me asking for help with his possessions. “What did I do to deserve this treatment from my boys? I worked hard all of my life to provide for them, and now they aren’t there for me. What did I do wrong?”
However on this show, some helpful websites were offered that I wanted to share with you, if you didn’t see the show. I cannot vouch for any of them personally, but they might be worth looking into.
Most of this scenario, if not all of it, could have been avoided with some pre-planning. It’s too late for Mrs. Jones. I don’t even want to think about where she is or the kind of care she is receiving. But it’s not too late for us and our loved ones.
It’s true that we become creatures of habit and enjoy things our way. Then one day we wake up, and someone has messed with our mojo – again. Just when we understand how to handle it, life throws us a new experience and it all changes again.
Dividing heirlooms can be one of the most contentious experiences during our adult lives. There is no way to completely eliminate family squabbles, but you can learn to put them out when they are smoldering, instead of when they grow into a full-blown forest fire.
I am deeply honored that you reached out to comfort me. Little did I know that a good dose of healing took place over the holidays because of your kind comments and heartfelt words. You have re-instilled my faith in humankind. Your comments and sincere emails were deeply touching at a time when I needed them most.
I just lost my dad. One minute, he was talking, walking, and shopping with me; the next day he was someone I didn't know. Overnight, his dementia had taken hold and he was lost to us. I'll never know if it was a new prescription that pushed him over the edge, or...
I’m thankful for things I never thought about before. It could be the economy that has us more thankful for what we do have, or in my case, losing one beloved parent and in the process of losing the other that makes me see things differently than I used to. It all goes back to everything we learned in kindergarten; only somewhere along the way, life got in the way and we may have forgotten.
I am known to frequent antique and collectibles shows. Curiosity always gets the best of me and I just have to go and visit with dealers from different markets to get their take on how the market and economy are doing. Yesterday, I went to a large show in my area. This year, it appeared a bit larger, but what the producers of the show had done was allowed flea marketers in with items of lesser quality.
Everybody is in search of something. We search for happiness, prosperity, vitality, etc. We search for understanding, the meaning of life, the mysteries of the universe. We look for people and special places and a million other things – all so that our lives will be meaningful. In all my years of working in estates, I see clients searching for something too, but many of them haven’t quite figured out what it is they are looking for.
Boomer children, be warned. While the poor economy is definitely a huge culprit when it comes to senior scams, we also need to face the fact that many people out there are indescribably unscrupulous, earning money to hurt the ones you love. Since I have had several blog followers ask me to write about the scams that have robbed their loved ones in many different ways, I want to shed light on what our seniors are going through, that often as children we don’t see … or don’t want to see.
The colors of the WWI era postcard were the first to catch my attention. Postmarked 1918, the picture depicts a soldier in uniform holding the hand of a girl he was leaving behind as he heads off to war. When I flipped the postcard over to read it, their lives suddenly sprung to life.
Ready or not, someday it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasures or baubles, will pass on to someone else.
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand the trends and feel what’s going on. Many families are making serious mistakes when it comes to handling an estate and its contents. Here are some examples of what I am seeing:
I just received yet another sad phone call. A client’s deceased father’s home was broken into and 90% of the estate is now gone. The contents of this estate were sitting, waiting for a long distance sibling to arrive in town to divide it with his sister. The old phrase “sitting duck” applies here.
Did you ever think you would hear that from an expert in personal property? It is an occupational hazard, being in estates all week long and handling the countless items I valuate, handle, and advise on. I love my job, but let’s face facts — we all have way too much stuff!
In the past, we’ve talked about supply and demand, how the younger generations don’t want grandma’s china, crystal, or antiques. The market is getting flooded and everyone is trying to sell, sell, sell. So the prices go down, down, down. The bottom line is you need to have a professional come out and look at what you have, so they can advise you on the best way to proceed on the dissolution of the possessions.
Part of my job is paying attention to trends and values in the personal property market. We are seeing changes, not only in the marketplace and in values, but also in how families are approaching the selling of items/heirlooms when mom or dad require long term care. They are running out of money because the high cost of care, and living so long, has taken its toll.
I found this entry in the old journal my late mother wrote back in the 90’s. It is a small, leather, white book with gold leaves; she wrote some of her favorite quotes in it. As an expert in “things,” I really like this quote because it is directly related to what I see everyday. “Love people and use things, not love things and use people.” People are so anchored to their things and equate themselves and their success (as well as their legacy) to these “things.”
We all have them. Some of them are small and insignificant, and others are whoppers. But whatever one is in your closet, remember one very important thing: One day, we too will perish, and we don’t want our loved ones pained further by any skeletons they may find in our closets. What’s the solution?
What I love about my work is that no two days, or families, are alike. I recently worked with a child of an elderly parent who is “ready to get the ball moving and clear out the house now.” Not time to go through it much — just get it empty and ready to be sold. Why? Because he has a financial interest in the property and he openly admitted it.
I’ve just created a new blog called “In the Trenches: THE Alzheimer’s Support Blog for Caregivers.” My goal is for this to become our personal respite for those days when we’ve bitten off more than we can chew, or we can’t handle one more thing without bursting. For those moments where the next straw will actually break the camel’s back, we just need a haven to rest a weary mind and a heavy heart.