Close Encounters of the Creepy Kind

June 25, 2014 | Julie Hall

From ancient times to the present, snakes have been looked at with disgust, as a harbinger of bad luck. Indiana Jones certainly showed his repulsion for snakes from the very beginning. We all know the trouble the serpent caused Adam and Eve.

Everyone always wants to kill snakes, when in reality, they just want to be left alone and can be very helpful to the environment. The snake is really quite incredible, though I must admit I have no love lost for them, as undoubtedly my neighbors testify to my shrieks from several streets away when they slither across my path.

Did you know scientific studies have been conducted to demonstrate that a part of our brain and consciousness senses a snake before we visually see it? Thank God for that!

I’m researching snakes because in the last two days, two large black snakes have crossed my path. Both were large. One was a black Carolina racer (the constrictor kind) and the other a harmless black snake who glided past my garden door and into the woods with gentle, nudging spray from my garden hose (after the neighbors heard the shriek, of course).

A long time ago, I shared a story about a client of mine who lived symbiotically with a 7 ft. black snake named “Frank.” She loved Frank and let him go anywhere he wanted in her house, because he took care of the rodents and other undesirables. Then she added that Frank was far less trouble than her ex-husband and far more pleasant!

Here are some interesting facts about snakes I didn’t know:

Only about 20% are poisonous. (That’s a good thing, right?)
Snakes do not live in Antarctica, Iceland, or New Zealand. (I start looking for real estate there shortly.)
Snakes have no ears but feel vibrations. (I wonder if the vibrations from my spontaneous operatic high “C” had any effect on it?)
Snakes are very helpful. The small ones often eat harmful bugs and insects. The big ones eat rats, mice, gophers, and animals that destroy crops. Good farmers and gardeners know how helpful most snakes are, and are happy to have them around. All snakes, except those that threaten people, should be kept safe from harm. They are part of the chain of living things, as we are! (Thanks to TeacherVision.com for this information.)
In certain parts of the world, they can be as tiny as a toothpick or as long as 33 feet, and weigh 320 pounds. (Eee-gads)
Some snakes can live up to 30 years.
The ancient Greeks and Romans believed snakes to be healers. To this day, two entwined snakes are on the medical Caduceus.
Native Americans and other cultures believe snakes can bring transformation and healing. They also believe they are protectors.

After seeing this, I managed to put my shovel down and watch in wonder as this large snake balanced on its tail. If he was trying to get my attention, he succeeded. Instead of killing him, which I really didn’t want to do, I gently used my 6 ft. long tomato pole to gently guide him away from my back door! He left in no great hurry, as if to say, “OK crazy pole lady, just let me explore and snooze in the sun for a while, eh? I won’t bother you if you won’t bother me.”

And what thanks did I get? I found another snake today, who also slithered right beside me and left me completely alone. I offered him the very same courtesy, after jumping several feet in the air.

Snakes are everywhere this time of year. Think twice before killing them because many species are beneficial!

TIP FOR THE DAY: Be careful if cleaning out an estate, attics, garages, outdoor barns and sheds, etc. Be especially careful if reaching under piles of stuff in these environments. Always wear blue jeans, boots, and heavy gloves!

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

The Permission to Let Go

May 7, 2014 | Julie Hall

For more than two decades, I have cleaned out other people’s estates and enjoyed the reward of knowing we really do make a difference in people’s lives. As complicated and contentious as the dis-assembly of a loved one’s estate can be, I have learned that the issues that arise during the process come from much more than grief or even greed.

When I am consulting with a family – usually children who are dealing with the aftermath of losing their parent(s) – I can see their very personal struggle, trying to decide what to keep and what to let go. Many deal with guilt issues and feel compelled to hold on to the items mom so dearly cherished. I can see that the children do not cherish these items; they become resentful at having to bring them home, even though they have no room for them.

What most people need is permission.

Permission to surrender, to relinquish, to let go and find a new home for these items.
Permission to accept that these are not the kind of things you may want to keep for yourself or the grandchildren.
Permission to not pass the buck to the next generation.

When you boil it all down, it seems to be the one issue the kids don’t even realize they are experiencing, until I say, “It’s ok to let go of it.” They know instinctively that I know what they are thinking. Most of the time, a look of awareness hits them, and they just say, “Thank you. I really needed to hear that. How did you know I needed someone to give me permission?”

But the “permission to let go” affects many areas of our lives, not just personal possessions.

It finally dawned on me after living on this planet for over 5 decades. Most of life seems to be about embrace, surrender, and then oddly enough, letting go. It just seems that life has been a series of fabulous blessings, ups and downs, disappointments, tremendous joys, profound sadness, frustrations, surrender, and …. when the time is right, letting go.

Letting go of your small child headed to kindergarten for the first time.
Letting them take the car keys.
Letting them go off to college.
Letting go of our own youth as time marches on.
Letting go of a loved one at the end of their life.

It is part of the cycle of life.

It takes introspection, strength, mindfulness, awareness, and while we are at it, a few thousand tears.

I’m writing this as I hear the jingle of keys. My teenager just shouted up to me, “Bye, Mom!”, jumping in the car along with her newfound freedom, a big smile, and a spring in her step. It is a bittersweet thing and an almost impossible balance: to be happy for her, on the one hand. Yet seeing the beautiful adult emerging, I know I must let go of the child in her, even though I don’t really want to. Here come a few more tears …

But even I know that all butterflies take flight when they are ready. We must also be mindful of all the letting go and sacrifices our previous relatives have done for us.

You probably know someone, if not yourself, who is in the process of letting go of something or someone. Letting go can either be a huge struggle or a freeing experience. I hope it is the latter for each of us.

Letting go. What a beautiful gift, if we can find the strength!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Failure is Just “Redirection”

March 25, 2014 | Julie Hall

Working as a mentor for many in the estate industry, I am often confronted by questions that are not always easy to answer. Just this week, a newcomer to the industry commented that she forgot an appointment and lost the job to a competitor, feeling she had failed at the task at hand. Another called to tell me he is failing miserably at his current occupation and has no passion for it any longer. Even my teenage daughter has struggled with English at school; anything having to do with words and putting them together makes her feel she has failed.

Failure is a terrible word. It can crush the spirit and make us feel small. It permanently mars our confidence level and will have great impact on how we view ourselves now and in the future. I always go back to my theory on planting trees, and the same goes for raising children. If you are going to plant a tree, plant it straight. If you plant it crooked, so the tree grows. I think we are not so very different from trees.

There is not one among us reading this now who has not felt the sting of failure or the tears that accompany that sting. But here’s the thing we need to remember.

Failure is not a bad thing. A “failed” relationship is a sign you need to go in a different direction. “Failing” to get a job, because you accidentally forgot your appointment, may have been a blessing in disguise. Failing at your current job just means you need to find something to do that you love and you will succeed at it.

Failure is a great teacher. It teaches us what we do not want, and this is vital for personal growth. I remember many years ago, I dated a man who was absolutely the wrong kind of guy for me. It ended miserably. He commented later on, when I ran into him, that I must be very disappointed or angry. I simply replied, “Actually, I thank you. You were a wonderful teacher. You taught me what I didn’t want.” He probably thought I was crazy, but I meant it. Because he taught me such a valuable lesson, I knew from that moment what I did want, and I went and found it.

If you feel you are failing at something, you need to take some time to reflect, redirect, and move forward. We need to go inside with our dark thoughts, face them head on, and turn them around to our benefit. If you keep doing the same thing over and over again, and remaining miserable, isn’t THAT the crazy part? I think it is normal to be fearful of change, but if you don’t do it – if you don’t take that risk – you’ll never know what you could have been.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Reflection

December 17, 2013 | Julie Hall

There is a time for everything; now is the time of year to not only give to others, but to give to yourself as well. Sometimes I think we forget that.

In between decking the halls and flocking to malls, making sure you’ve made a list and checked it twice, singing “Jingle Bells” in every possible rendition, and finding yourself frustrated with the crowds and traffic and (yes, you can say it) the greed you see, we have forgotten to do one very special thing for ourselves … reflect. There’s only so much one human being can do, and we humans have a tendency to go on auto-pilot during the holidays.

The New Year marks a happy time for most people, because we get to “start all over again.” What we should be doing is skimming back through 2013.

Facing whatever the year held for us is important: the pain, the struggles, the tears, and the worries. But let us also not forget the joy, the strength, and the obstacles we overcame. Some people are afraid to look back. It isn’t healthy to stay there very long, but it is ok to compare it to where you are now. You’ve come a long way and you should be proud of yourself.

It was a rough year for many people. If we take the time to look back, even for a few uninterrupted and peaceful moments, we can see that the past is indeed past; yet we are moving forward at what feels like warp speed. It is in reflecting that we can also see how we’ve had an effect on people’s lives or how they’ve affected ours. It is a time to envision how we could have done things better, and feel good about the positive things that have transpired. It is about personal growth when it comes to the bad stuff we went through.

This personal reflection shows us how strong we became as we battled the indescribable pain of losing a loved one, losing a job, or even sometimes, our sense of “self.” It is also in that reflection that we should remember those far less fortunate than ourselves — to put things into perspective and realize we are not as bad off as we may think or feel.

It isn’t about loss. It’s about gain.

Now you can move forward teaching others because you have an experience you didn’t have before. If everyone had a better attitude, if everyone took the time to reflect on themselves, if everyone learned to forgive themselves and others, the world would be a much better place. But since neither you nor I can control the world, all we can do is work on our little corner of it. Our job is not to solve the problems of the universe. It’s just to be the best that we can be at who we are and what we do (and the word “perfection” does exist when it comes to that).

Imagine a world where everyone tried to be their best. Now that’s worth reflecting on!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Shake Off the “Woogies”

December 10, 2013 | Julie Hall

Lately I’ve been noticing more and more people with lower spirits than normal and what seems like ever-growing obstacles in their lives. In my industry, I have colleagues in a wide variety of occupations and I will ask them how the economy is affecting them or their business. Across the board, most everyone is not necessarily complaining, but weary and concerned. Rightfully so.

I am no different, as things have an effect on me too. That’s usually about the time I go to my garden to renew my spirit, give thanks for everything I have, talk to the veggies and to my late parents. It usually makes me feel better. No one really knows this, but sometimes I go to my garden just to let out a few tears and decompress. It is a normal and healthy release for all the unknowns we are living through. We need to place the emphasis on “living through,” meaning, this will pass and we will do our best to find ways to deal with it all.

When my daughter was a toddler, she often fell because she ran everywhere like the road runner. There was no typical walking, just running. She would start to whimper, which quickly escalated to a full-blown cry, from skinned knees or hands, or the jolt of suddenly becoming horizontal. Wanting to raise an independent daughter, I would go to her side, comfort her with my words and a motherly hug or pat, then encourage her to get right back up and “shake off the woogies.”

I remember the phrase exactly; “you’re okay … look … you’re fine, just a little scratch, no problem. You just have to get up and shake off the woogies. Let’s get up and shake them off so they’ll go away.” It worked like a charm. She stood upright, shook her little body, and went on with life.

Don’t ask me where my brain picked up that silly phrase, but it made sense then and it makes sense now, to learn to shake off the woogies in our own lives. The “woogies” mean different things to different people, but the one thing we need to remember is to always get up and do what we can to shake them off. It’s not as simple as cleaning a toddler’s skinned knee anymore, as our maturity has brought far greater challenges, but if you are creative, you can find a way to shake them off.

I highly recommend growing a garden.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave

August 21, 2013 | Julie Hall

I hate spiders. Being a lover of nature, I shouldn’t say that but it’s true. Maybe if they weren’t so spooky looking with all those hairy legs. It doesn’t matter what the spider looks like to me; if it’s in the house, it is usually caught by my husband in a container and escorted out … immediately. The movie, “Arachnophobia” had me curled up in a ball, knees in chest, and freaking out if something touched me (like my cat). Even writing this, I have a case of the itchies! Sometimes I think that squishing them would be easier, but I believe in karma.

Recently however, I have changed my way of looking at these formidable creatures. Creepy? Sure, but incredibly smart and beneficial. They are great gardeners since they eat bad insects, and pretty much eat anything they can. (I can relate.) Spider silk is among the strongest material on earth and that’s pretty amazing! People are actually studying their silk to see if it can be replicated. Pound for pound, it’s stronger than steel.

Spiders generally don’t bother people unless provoked, but I would hate to do that by accident. In many cultures, like some Native Americans, the spider is highly revered and considered a goddess. In other cultures, it’s eaten as a meal. Yikes, I don’t want to know how big they are! Some have even made nursery rhymes about spiders. Remember LIttle Miss Muffet who sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey?

I got to thinking about spider webs, because webs are a work of art. Being an appraiser and lover of all kinds of art, I have an appreciation for how long and dutiful this little creature works to create his web art. I certainly would not have the patience or perseverance to create one. It is a lesson in volatility, watching it be destroyed by the pass of a lawn mower, someone’s leg, or a rain storm. But the spider doesn’t give up. It just rebuilds without complaining. Webs are particularly beautiful when the sun catches them just right and you see every line.

See the photo I took in my backyard.

We should take a lesson from the spider. All of life seems to be a web. It goes in so many directions with a crossroad at each intersection. You make a little progress, then you get stuck. Did you know that the vertical spokes of a spider’s web are dry and the horizontal lines are sticky to catch prey? The spider will only walk on the vertical spokes, but of course, their prey doesn’t know that.

I think the goal is to avoid the sticky parts of our own webs, lest we be pulled into a web where we have trouble getting out. Mom always said to walk a straight like in life. I think I’ll stay with the vertical line!

The Violin

July 9, 2013 | Julie Hall

The unexpected grandeur was almost more than I could handle. I have never felt my spirit soar quite like this, having explored the entire interior of Alaska this month. Being in the midst of such untouched beauty is exactly what the doctor ordered to renew my soul after losing so much personally last year.

Part of the trip was a luxury cruise, and like most cruises, one has a tendency to get a bit lazy eating way too much. It did not surprise me that my teenage daughter went in one direction, and hubby and I went in another. There was a small lounge on our way back to the cabin that had hourly entertainment, and it was there that my ears instantly lead me to, almost as if I had to go listen. From a distance I could hear the delicate but soulful draw of the bow against the violin, an instrument I have always had an affection for. In the wrong hands, this instrument can make your head hurt and create cringes as powerful as nails on a chalkboard. In the right hands, it will bring the listener to tears.

The group was originally from the Philippines, with one on the violin and another on classical guitar. What drew me to their sound was the perfection of what I heard, and “perfection” is not a word I use easily. Having studied classical music for most of my childhood and adolescence, I knew a pro when I heard them. The violin is a temperamental instrument, so when you found someone who could make it sing, it was always worth listening.

During their short break, the violin sat by itself on the polished black baby grand. Alone, it was a pretty thing, but it was just an inanimate object that sat there waiting for its owner. It was powerless without him. The gentleman dressed in black returned, picked up the violin, and nestled it under his chin, drawing his bow in preparation to play.

From the moment that bow met with the strings, I knew that this wooden instrument was more a part of him than his own arm. He had clearly dedicated his life to the pursuit of beautiful music and had a love affair with this violin, rarely seen. It was not a matter of commanding the violin to do what he wanted; it was a matter of letting his spirit invade it and the two becoming one. He played classics from all eras, including some easy listening, some classical, some love songs. My eyes never left his upper torso, witnessing how much love he had for the sound they created together, and how his body moved with the violin, bringing it to life. The violin was only too happy to perform.

Corny as it sounds, when he started playing Somewhere Over the Rainbow, I just lost it and the tears came. Never had I heard such clarity, felt such powerful emotion and admiration … on a cruise ship for that matter! His talent was wasted here in the middle of the North Pacific, or so I thought before realizing how much pleasure he brought to those who were listening.

I don’t know his name, this stranger who brought me to tears. Perhaps it was the breathtaking scenery of ice capped mountains, icebergs, and glaciers that had already touched me. what I do know is how rare it is to find someone who has dedicated themselves to one thing, in the quest of being the best they can be. Clearly, he had a calling and a gift, but we all do whether we realize it or not. The time has come to look within ourselves to uncover our gifts so that we can move forward in our lives, touching others with our gifts. I believe this is the purpose of our lives.

Whoever he is, he will never know the positive impact he had on me. I can only hope someone will discover him and get him on a stage where he can touch many more!

Voice of an Angel

May 10, 2013 | Julie Hall

Sometimes life surprises you with a pleasant experience you never saw coming. If you’re a deep thinker like me, you might wonder why it happened to you and what possible purpose this experience could have on your life.

I was coming home from an estate clean out. These are fast-paced, energy zapping days that involve selling items which can be sold, packing up the rest of the entire estate for donation, and leaving the home empty for the heirs so the house can be sold — and it all takes place within a few short days. I was very tired and ready to return home to a hot shower.

On the way home in the car, I grumbled to myself having noticed the gas tank was on “E” and had to stop for gas. Upon getting out of my car at the pump, every muscle let me know they were most displeased. It seemed like it took forever to accomplish such a mundane task. There I was, going through the motions of swiping the credit card, unscrewing the gas cap, squeezing the trigger. If anyone could fall asleep standing up, it would be me at that moment. Unaware of much, I just wanted to get back into the car and go home.

Then I heard something that pulled my attention away from the pain. Over the loud music the gas station was blasting above my head, I heard a very faint, melodic sound. I had to strain to hear it at first; it was so soft. High pitched and perfectly in tune, I blocked out the loud music above to hone in on what apparently only I had heard. No one else seemed to notice. If anyone had a video camera on me, they would have thought I was nuts. Moving my body to the left and right, going around in circles to identify where this gorgeous sound was coming from, I abandoned my car and the pumping gas to find out.

Walking a few steps to my left, there he was … a character few would ever really notice. A young man no older than his mid-20s stood pumping gas not far from me. He was definitely from the country, based on his clothing, but his beard was shaped rather gothic and he had earrings. There he was just pumping gas into his car and he was singing to himself. Never would you think this sound could come out of him. It was an unnaturally high voice to be coming from a man, and it was other-worldly. That’s the only way I can describe it. having studied music for 15 years, I had never heard this sound before.

I listened for several minutes, and whatever he was singing (because it was not English), sounded like what I envisioned angels to sound like.

Sometimes I think life, in its infinite wisdom, knows when we are weary and offers us snippets of unexpected grandeur. Was he just a young man with a special gift, or was he sent to instill a moment of joy to this tired lady and anyone else who might be listening?

I’m afraid we’ll never know. Just one of life’s many mysteries!

The Reflection

April 17, 2013 | Julie Hall

Everyone needs to renew and restore their spirit every now and again, especially in such a hurried society. Some people go away to the country or the beach where they find solitude and solace as a remedy for feeling overwhelmed and worn out. It is a good thing to do so. But do we really journey inside ourselves and heal what’s in there? I’m willing to stick my neck out and say I don’t necessarily think so.

Today I exited my home and approached my car in the driveway. On top of the driver’s side mirror was a kooky little bird behaving in the strangest manner. It was completely enamored with its reflection in the mirror. Its little feet danced and it bobbed its head like crazy, joyous that it found an amiable friend … one that looks just like it! It was so preoccupied with its reflection that it was not deterred by my presence only 3 feet away. The next thing you know, the little bird side-stepped along the rim of the driver’s side mirror until he was completely upside down, flapping its wings and having a wonderful time looking at its new friend.

Don’t you wish we could greet ourselves each day in the mirror just like this?

Everything is relative. The little bird does not have the advanced intellect to realize it was him in the reflection, yet he was a free spirit having the time of its life. When we, the highest created intellect on earth, look in the mirror, we don’t see who we really are or even like the reflection we see. We are too self-critical. So many of us really don’t want to go there, but we need to, in order to restore ourselves and make peace with the person inside.

I’ve been pretty hard on myself lately. The fat fairy keeps visiting me (the wench!), and middle age has settled in, not to mention all that comes with that fact. When I saw that little bird who was so happy to see itself, I thought, “Why can’t we all be more like that?”

Nature has always been amazing to observe. It teaches us lessons if we pay attention. Because of that looney little bird, I will look at myself with more enthusiasm from now on. How could you not smile when you witness something like that … a tiny creature with a Herculean spirit. An important lesson for us all.

Don’t Mess with My Mojo

January 24, 2013 | Julie Hall

Twinkies are soon to be a thing of the past. How could they do that to us carb-aholics who suffer from a permanent sweet tooth and require the perfect comfort food? I can hear mom say, “All good things must come to an end,” but seriously, Twinkies? There goes a special taste from my childhood, along with a few cholesterol points. Sometimes I wish everyone would leave well enough alone. It’s true that we become creatures of habit and enjoy things our way. Then one day we wake up, and someone has messed with our mojo – again.

The same is true for the different chapters in our lives. One day, if we’re lucky, we find the love of our life, then a baby or two arrive, along with mounting responsibilities. Our children grow in the blink of an eye; we start to age. Suddenly, our parents get old, sick, and pass away. So much of this we learn as we move through it. There is great joy, there is great sorrow, and there is everything in between. Just when we understand how to handle it, life throws us a new experience and it all changes again.

I think much of life is about our ability to adapt and accrue wisdom, painful as it may be.

So too, when I am handling an estate where a loved one has recently become ill or died, it is important to remember that each of us bears the scars of loneliness, frustration, pain, depression/anxiety, grief, worry, etc. This is why I go the distance to always treat my clients as if they are family, because I understand their pain. Their mojo will never be the same, and if I can shed a little bit of light and direction at that given moment and alleviate some of their heaviness, I have lived a good day.

The bottom line is I can live without the Twinkies, but I can’t live without my nearest and dearest very well. I need to get over the fact that people and circumstances will mess with my mojo, with or without my permission.

I just looked outside my window at the backyard to see the many squirrels eating the bird seed that has fallen to the ground. Out of the blue, a large bird of prey swooped low and plucked an unsuspecting squirrel who suddenly found himself air-bound. Man, did someone mess with his mojo. All things considered, I’m doing okay … comparatively speaking.