There is Much to be Grateful For

November 21, 2012 | Julie Hall

I’m thankful for things I never thought about before. It could be the economy that has us more thankful for what we do have, or in my case, losing one beloved parent and in the process of losing the other that makes me see things differently than I used to.

I walk outside for a fresh breath and see a perfect sky and the gorgeous leaves this time of year. How could anything be wrong when you see something that beautiful? I don’t yell at my teen as much as I used to. She supported me during a time of tremendous loss and has spoken words of wisdom when she sees me folded over in tears, due to my father’s illness. How could anything be wrong when you’re surrounded by something so beautiful?

I’m not as impatient as I used to be, and I’m thankful for that too. And even though I have always thought of myself as a kind person, I am even more so now, because the world needs as much light and kindness as possible.

We all have worries, fears, and thoughts we shouldn’t have. It is a sign of the times. I walked to the backyard and was greeted by a family of 9 deer who did not run when I got within 15 feet of them. Instead, the timid deer allowed me to slowly approach, and I crouched down only to observe how graceful they all were. How they all remained together to stay safe, warm, and graze. Their big eyes and ears were always on the alert, but they were inquisitive as well. The mother had an injured leg (not life threatening), and she was slower than the rest, but they never left her behind. They stayed together like family should.

It was a “God” moment. Just me and God and his incredible creatures. In that snippet of time, all my worries and troubles were gone. All was right and my mind was “in the moment.” So that’s what it feels like not to have any worries, I thought to myself. I need to do this more often. And so I shall.

My mom used to say you can see things from any angle you choose; you can be mad or glad, happy or sad. It’s all in how you look at things. I’ll start thinking more like that too.

I’m finally beginning to get the picture. Fifty years into this thing called life, I finally get it. Be appreciative. Tell people how you feel. Fix your wrongs. Treat others well. Do the right thing. It all goes back to everything we learned in kindergarten; only somewhere along the way, life got in the way and we may have forgotten.

Let this be a reminder to us all to be more “in the moment” with an appreciative heart, as we enter this holiday season and a new year.

My Favorite Quote

June 18, 2012 | Julie Hall

The Man in the Arena

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

— Theodore Roosevelt, 1910

I don’t think I could ever improve on President Roosevelt. Allow it to be an inspiration to you in your life. We are covered in dust and sweat, and we do try again and again to succeed. If those attempts were to cease, we would end up living a life of regret.

Don’t let that happen!

Keep daring greatly!

What I Learned From An Old Cat

June 11, 2012 | Julie Hall

It seems we are all in relentless pursuit of happiness. Maybe we have trouble finding it because we are so busy in the actual pursuit of it. If you’ve ever watched a kitten chase its tail or a hamster on a wheel, that’s pretty much how I view society in general. We are always racing to get somewhere, but if we are smart, we will learn to step off the track and breathe for a while before getting back on. We need respite and renewal first. Our old cat, Tommy, was the teacher for this one.

This past weekend, my family gathered around to watch a movie together. Halfway through the movie, I looked over at my elderly father who was fast asleep, and most surprisingly, the cat crashed next to him. Then the cat got up, stretched, and moved over to my daughter.

A true lap cat, Tommy is getting old, arthritic in his hips, getting thinner, and certainly not the fierce mouse hunter he once was. He used to stalk his territory and control the mole population. He used to leap in the air at falling leaves in autumn, and attack your leg as you were walking by. Incredibly vocal, he will tell you exactly what he needs when he needs it. But now, you could see youth was leaving him, yet he looked more contented than ever.

Here’s what went through my mind as I witnessed his contentment:

Life is too short not to take cat naps.
Happiness is found in simple things, like getting your back scratched.
No worries if the work doesn’t get done this second. It will get done eventually.
Kick back and dream about catching a big mouse.
He’s earned his rest.
He loves and trusts unconditionally.

I know our furry friends do not have the worries that we humans have, but if we go through life aware of what’s around us, we can learn a lot from nature’s intelligence!

We Have a Choice When We Come to a Crossroads

May 21, 2012 | Julie Hall

There’s nothing easy about letting go. Or feeling like we have no control. Or even having to face the truth about ourselves or a particular situation. So many questions unanswered … and so many more that come flooding in. It leaves our heads spinning.

It seems these days, we all have a burden of some sort to carry. I have witnessed this through the families I work with, and even in my own personal life with an elderly parent who is ill. I often feel a bit stuck when I arrive at that “crossroad” and I am sure many of you feel the same way. Whatever the situation, we have choices we have to make and not always under optimal conditions. But we CAN do it, and do it well, even under the most stressful of times. We have to do it, because failure is NOT an option. We’ve come too far to let that happen.

It took me almost 50 years to realize there are many things we have no control over. What other people do to themselves or impose on us, illnesses that defy explanation, why bad things happen to good people, etc. And sometimes the answers just don’t come when we want them to arrive.

Mom used to call me “superwoman” and that was an appropriate title at the time. But somewhere along the line, I ran out of gas. Sound familiar? Much as I hate to admit it, I simply got tired, and I allowed life to wear me out … for awhile. Now I see too many people count on us, from our spouses to our kids, even our pets look to us!

The bottom line is that WE should be counting on our “selves.” We possess the inner strength to confidently choose a direction.

Standing at the edge of a precipice, someone from behind pushed me and I fell. I had two choices. Continue to fall or learn to fly. I flew well.

Won’t you join me?

The Recipe For a Long, Happy Life

April 16, 2012 | Julie Hall

I met the elderly Chinese lady at one of my estate sales. Instantly drawn to her vibrant complexion and a smile that seemed to guard a thousand secrets, the only hint she was “on age” was her white hair. I commented on her flawless skin and a small-framed, young girl emerged out of nowhere. “I am her great-grand daughter. She doesn’t speak any English.”

My curiosity got the best of me, and I asked the young girl to ask her great-grandmother the secret to such beautiful skin. The young girl turned and chatted with the woman, who promptly burst out in laughter. Through the three-way translation, I learned that the elderly woman was 101 years old and didn’t look a day over 60! Her secret was so simple; she said anyone can do it.

Rule #1: Never deprive your body of any food it wants to eat. If it wants cake, eat it. “Don’t deprive, but be reasonable. By depriving your body, it will get angry with you. If it gets angry, it will not work well for you. If you make it happy, it will treat you well.”

Rule #2: Go out each day barefoot in the grass and walk around. She said to feel the earth’s energy under your feet and draw it in. Breathe deeply while doing it and you will feel invigorated.

I’ve always lived by Rule #1. While it has gotten me a bit chubby, I am happy and thankfully, very healthy. From an Italian household, I was never very good at saying no to carbs.

As for Rule #2, I highly recommend it, particularly in the morning dew. It does feel good to walk around in the grass for a few minutes. A type of meditation where your attention is completely focused on the sensations in your feet, it is relaxing to your mind as well. Since our feet carry us through life, and they are crammed in shoes all day, it’s quite a treat for your feet!

I’ve always had some sort of magnetic attraction to the elderly as they are rich with experience. Give these rules a try for a week and see if they don’t make a difference in how you feel. I’m always happy to share what I learn along the way … now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge calling my name!

I am a Warrior … Are You?

April 9, 2012 | Julie Hall

There’s nothing easy about letting people “in.” If we let them in, they might see our pain and that could leave us vulnerable, or worse, very angry because we don’t know how to deal with it. Lately, I can’t help but feel I’ve been drug through the mud and I’m guessing some of you feel the exact same way.

I watched a movie with my daughter this week called “A Warrior’s Heart.” It has an invaluable message not only for teenagers, but for adults as well. The story centers around a troubled teen who has anger issues due to what happened to him in life. A Native American takes him under his wing and shows him the harsh realities of life and what is expected of him in life, by understanding that a warrior would handle it differently.

“What do you mean by a warrior?”, the troubled teen asked. The Native American answered in a way that moved me to share it with you. He simply said,

“The Native Americans believe a warrior is someone who has had his blood spilled on the battleground. A warrior doesn’t run away from the pain. A warrior just gets it done.”

I instantly saw the parallel here. Suddenly my spirit soared because I always knew I was a warrior, because I tried to deal with things head-on. We have all had our blood spilled on the battleground; figuratively or literally, and so, we have much more in common than we know.

Some people run away and some don’t. It’s how we deal with the mess that can either ruin us or elevate us. With a teen daughter watching my every move, I am determined to show her that women are strong and that her mother is indeed a warrior.

It’s true what they say; it’s not what actually happens to you, but how you react to it and deal with it. I can say this with conviction from my own painful, personal experiences, and hindsight does offer clarity and 20/20 vision.

Go forth today knowing you are a warrior … a very empowering and enlightening thought!

Bring “Oxygen” to Your Own Life

March 5, 2012 | Julie Hall

There never seems to be enough hours in the day. If you are a caregiver, you know this better than anyone, for your schedule is not your own. Yet, I have heard many of my elderly clients say, “You must make the time because it is important to your well-being.” Here are some suggestions I have learned along the way that might bring some “oxygen” to your life, so you can breathe again.

You’re all you’ve got! Make dates with your spouse and children to keep your sanity in check, and the bonds of relationships fresh. This is imperative, so make yourself a promise to do this.
Rest and replenish, even if you have to steal private moments in the backyard, in prayer or meditation, or just sitting.
If you are experiencing guilt, anger, jealousy, resentment, etc., seek the assistance of close friends, a counselor, your minister or rabbi. Realize that most of what you are feeling is perfectly normal. Know when to seek professional help, if you become depressed, anxious, or experience feelings that are not normal.
Combat depression by finding time to engage in an activity that brings you pleasure — a walk with your children or grandchildren, writing in your journal, getting out to shop for 2 or 3 hours. Respite care is available in many communities, just so you can rest from caregiving.
Pay attention to these things: sleeping, nutrition, exercise. Eat as well as you can; snack on fruits (natural pick-me-up) and granola bars, plus plenty of water. The brain is less tired when hydrated and your organs love it too. Sleep is one of the first things we miss in stressful situations. Instead of relying on sleep aids, try listening to soothing music, curling up with a good book, and cutting down on caffeine.
If your loved one is napping, pop a yoga DVD into the TV and do some stretching; very invigorating. Better yet, if you can get away for an hour, go get a massage.
Listen to music during the day, preferably easy listening, classical, or other calming music.
Spiritual self-care: make time for reflection and spend time with nature. Stay connected to your faith-based organization, or consider joining one. Be open to inspiration that will come from others. Surround yourself with kind and loving people.

Caregivers, Care for Yourself First

February 27, 2012 | Julie Hall

I find it hard to believe there is actually a word in the English language that could possibly describe what caregivers go through. There can’t be. What is experienced during the caregiving process is often a deep, emotional shift accompanied by confusion, frustration, even resentment for many. Somewhere along the line, one loses oneself and their individuality blurs with the needs of the loved one.

Most are caregivers out of love and affection, and others caregive because it is not financially feasible to pay for professional care. Perhaps a child has a strong desire to care for mom and dad, or possibly a sense of obligation. They will caregive for as long as they can, only to surrender when they reach a point when they can no longer offer the quality of care the loved one really needs. It make no difference what the scenario is — all have experienced the same emotional labor.

Who then will care for you, the caregiver? Ultimately the answer is you. We’ve all heard the saying: “You have to remain strong for those you care for, so please take care of yourself.” But are caregivers really taking the time to replenish their bodies, minds, and souls? If I were a betting lady, I would say no.

As a dutiful daughter myself, I would put my dad first at every turn, and would eventually become weak in body, mind and soul. Lost somewhere between raising children and tending to fragile parents, there is a place called limbo, and we must prevent ourselves from going there by anchoring to a solid, stable place.

What I have learned along the way from my clients is that it is 100% necessary to tend to yourself. This brings with it the image of being on an airplane; the flight attendant talks about placing the oxygen over your moutn before assisting others. You do this because without you, others might perish. The strong one must get stronger (have oxygen) before helping those who aren’t strong. Place the mask over your face and “breathe.” The same is true when your feet are on the ground, and you are a caregiver.

Next week, I have some specific suggestions to offer for the caregiver to administer “oxygen” to themselves first.

We are Stronger Than We Think

February 20, 2012 | Julie Hall

We just completed 3 estate clean-outs in a total of 36 hours. For someone who is not familiar with the estate industry, this is pretty close to achieving the impossible, not to mention physically back-breaking and mentally grueling. There were many moments during those 36 hours that negative thoughts crept into my mind when I was so tired, so frustrated, so in pain, still emotional from my recent loss of my mom and tending to dad, that I thought about quitting. The Estate Lady® doesn’t quit anything; so for me to admit that is a huge deal. My favorite mantra is “Failure is not an option,” which I borrowed from an old movie.

Coming home from each hard day’s work, I could feel the physical stiffness and arthritic pain take over. Then the tears would come. Then I just wanted to be left alone. My thoughts swung from feeling great accomplishment to feeling so tired that I couldn’t think straight.

It was at those exhausted and weak moments I thought, “This is it — I can’t do this anymore.” But I knew deep down that my love and passion for estate work and helping my clients go through the strain of the process was stronger than that. How would I ever find the strength to keep going?

Just when I thought I couldn’t get up and go anymore, something good would happen and my strength, spirit, and faith were renewed.

I’ve talked with others recently who feel rather low these days. I’d like to pass along a voice mail message a woman left me, who knew I was going through a lot lately.

“You are the type of person where blessings in life will always find you. You are also the type of person who will find blessings in life for you and your family.”

I loved hearing this. It meant someone out there thought enough of me as a person to know I do look for the simple, yet powerful blessings that come our way each day. You have to open your eyes and heart to them, and then they appear.

So just when you think you can’t, you will find the strength and see that you can. Remember, failure is not an option!

Sensible Shoes

January 30, 2012 | Julie Hall

I’ve always been a people watcher. My attention was drawn to a young lady wearing the most obscene pair of shoes. The heels were sky-high and the toes were so pointy, I could feel the gout pain flaring up in my own big toe and bunion. I watched her walk with much difficulty, holding a stack of books in her arms. But when she started up a set of stairs, those long pointy toes got in the way and she fell down, landing on her throat on the corner of an upper step with all her weight. I ran over to see if she needed help, knowing her thyroid (among other things) would never be the same.

I couldn’t help but wonder why we make the decisions we do, and why we sometimes make life so much harder on ourselves than it has to be. At the very least, why torment your feet — that glorious pair of bony attachments at the end of our legs that quite literally carry us through life? Seems a shame to punish them when they are so loyal to us.

I see it every day in my estates. We all carry too much. We all have too much. In fact, we have so much, we have trouble walking through our own lives carrying all our stuff. We aren’t making sensible decisions because we are too preoccupied with how we look and how much we own. What we all need is a good dose of sensibility.

There was a time when I wore stilettos (a very long time ago when I didn’t think about the damage it would do to me now at nearly 50). Today I prefer the simplicity of going barefoot in my own home. And for those times when going barefoot are not optional, I opt for good, sensible shoes. While I have been the butt of jokes from my teenage daughter regarding shoe selection, I have reached a point in my mature life where comfort outweighs how I look.

As for me and my feet, we choose sensibility. It’s my way of thanking them for carrying me through this obstacle-ridden journey of ours, and they in turn reward me with happy feet.

One less pain to deal with in life.