Dealing with Stuff

My Christmas gift to your family

| Julie Hall

This has been a growing year for me, a chance to help people understand the necessity of preparation before death, and help avoid battles over stuff after death.  I have accumulated a wealth of suggestions, gleaned from nearly 20 years of experience handling personal property in estates.

My book, The Boomer Burden — Dealing With Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff, provides practical and effective steps for liquidating and distributing your parents’ assets in a way that both honors them and promotes family harmony.

You’ve probably heard the stories:  arguments over stuff, an inheritance lost forever when parents are scammed, siblings estranged, or an adult heir taken from daily responsibilities for months while trying to empty their childhood home.

This book is valuable for both the senior adults and the Boomer children.  My trustworthy counsel covers the following areas:

  • Divide your parents’ estate with peace of mind
  • Minimize fighting with siblings during the estate settlement process
  • Clear out the family home in two weeks or less
  • Identify potential items of value in the home
  • Have “that conversation” with your parents
  • Prepare your own children for the future

Amazon.com carrys my book; you can purchase it in time for your family’s holiday celebrations.  If you have a close relationship with parents and siblings, you owe it to all to keep harmony in the home after the unexpected death of a parent.  If there are difficult relationships, distance between you and your parents, an accumulation of stuff in your parents’ home, and other thorny issues, please buy a copy of this book and save yourself even more pain and struggle.

One of the most distressing, yet integral parts of estate planning and liquidation is the division of personal property; who gets what?  A little talking now can go a long way to prevent squabbling between the heirs after mom and dad pass away.  For peaceful resolutions and wonderful guidance, please order The Boomer Burden.  It has earned wonderful reviews, and it makes a great gift for siblings, parents, children, even clients.

This is my Christmas gift to your family: a wealth of information and valuable resources to protect the relationship, sanity, and peace among your family.  The joy of preparation for the inevitable, and the kindness of knowing that everything is in order.  Merry Christmas!

P.S. I welcome your comments and questions, even suggested topics, at the link below this article.

© 2009 Julie Hall

The Risk of Procrastination

| Julie Hall

“When the boat reaches midstream, it is too late to mend the leaks.”  — A Chinese proverb

Mary was 96 years old and had a lovely 3 bedroom home filled with antiques passed down from previous generations.  With great pride, Mary had done everything right with these heirlooms.  She left all items in their original good condition (never refinished or restored them), knew all the history of each piece, kept them out of direct sunlight and away from heat vents, never placed them in the attic. 

But Mary made a huge error along the way: she procrastinated making an estate plan for her assets and preparing for her own death.  In fact, Mary didn’t even have a legal will.

I remember meeting Mary about 6 months prior to her passing.  Her two children were present, and everyone wanted to know the values of Mary’s lovely possessions.  The children hoped that my visit would convince Mary of her urgent need to prepare a will, so her wishes would be known and fulfilled after her death.  At length, I spoke with Mary about the importance of preparing all her wishes for her children.  I even offered the name and number of an estate attorney who would be willing to come to her home.

I made the assumption that at 96, Mary had accepted her advanced age and her close proximity to death.  However, Mary had a great deal of difficulty accepting her mortality.  “I do not need a will.  I have written my wishes for my children on a piece of notebook paper, and that is good enough.  If it isn’t good enough, then my kids will just have to fight over it.”

The children looked at me and grimaced.  They knew the complications that awaited them if mom did not get legal assistance to prepare her last wishes and plans.  These complications can be years of red tape, tremendous financial pressures to settle the estate, etc.  This is simply not fair to do to children!

What happened with Mary’s estate?  No one ever found her handwritten will, and it became a nightmare for the family.  It became a litany of “Mom said I could have this” or “No, she promised that to me.” 

Mary’s reasons for procrastination will never be known by any of us.  Some are afraid of even talking about death.  We shouldn’t be; it is a certainty.  The older generation seems to be parted into three groups: Those that are completely prepared, those who won’t even discuss it, and leave it all on their children’s shoulders, and those that simply sit on it for years and procrastinate on the inevitable.  For those in the last two groups, life will be most difficult for your children or heirs, upon your demise.

For trustworthy advice on these issues and much more, please click on the right side of my blog at “The Boomer Burden” and order my book.

© 2009 Julie Hall

Leaving a Legacy of Love

| Julie Hall

Anne and Bill are a wonderful example of parents being prepared.  Both are in their mid-seventies, in relatively good health, have two children, several grandchildren, and are geographically remote from their family.  They knew that if, or when, something happens to them, their children would have to journey to get there and assist.  Wanting to make life easier for their kids, they decided to make sure their children understood their wishes.

This couple has been married 52 years, very hard working middle class, who saved a great deal of their money, invested it, and wanted their assets protected.  When it came time to downsize their home to move into a smaller one, they de-cluttered their home, sold most of their belongings, and lived comfortably on what they needed.  Anne no longer has a need for all the silver plate, china, etc. and preferred the space to the clutter.

They hired a financial advisor to assist them with decisions, an estate planning attorney to create a revocable trust, and told their children that everything is in writing and gave them each a copy.  The trust clearly states who is the executor, and who is the health care power of attorney.  Both children were clear on their part of the responsibility.  It was very difficult for their children to listen to what their parents’ last wishes were.  Yet, they knew they owed that to their parents.

Each child has a file containing all the vital information of their parents’ estate and guidelines within, even down to funeral arrangements, music to be played, and how many death certificates to order.  This file remains in their file cabinets, hopefully for many years to come, but is easily accessible if (and when) the fateful phone call comes.

Do you see the ease with which the children have already been prepared, thanks to this wonderful set of parents?  For parents to give this much thought into their own mortality cannot be easy from anyone’s perspective.  Their actions toward their children were kind, generous, accepting, and loving.  Their only wish was to ease their children’s burdens, when they were in the midst of grief, estate dissolution, selling the home, travel, etc.

These are two very fortunate children to have everything spelled out for them when a time of crisis occurs.  I should know, as Anne and Bill are my parents!  Thanks, Mom and Dad, for loving us that much!

© 2009 Julie Hall

Treasure Hunting at Home

| Julie Hall

It’s true that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure!  In my line of work, I spend my days deciphering what has value in estates, what is to be sent to donation, and what has no value.  Not long ago, I was asked to go through a home to evaluate its contents.  Many of the items were not in the best shape due to mold and mildew.  Many items were from the turn of the 20th century or before, and many of these had value.

Imagine the surprise when I found two old pottery vases in the basement that turned out to be a fantastic treasure!  When I mentioned to the executor that the vases had value, he was very surprised.  “They were headed for donation drop off because they are ugly,” he said.

This wonderful story is a glowing example that an appraiser cannot possibly know everything, but will use the knowledge he or she has to further investigate.  As it turned out after further research, the pieces were considerably more value than even the fine arts gallery realized.  One vase ended up selling for $57,500 because it possessed the marks of a very rare artist.  The second piece sold for $4,000.  Not a bad return on investment for a one hour visit from an estate expert.

In this case, it was a very happy ending for all the beneficiaries.  This follows the good and solid advice that you should know what you have before you sell or donate anything, even if it appears to be junk in your eyes.  Especially when dissolving the estate of a loved one, many things are sold or thrown out in haste to simply “get rid of them”. 

Knowing the value of what you have in your home will empower you against those that aim to exploit you, and they are everywhere.   Offer your children or heirs a clear understanding, so these heirlooms will not be sold at a garage sale one day for $1.00.  I can’t tell you how many fabulous items are sold at garage sales for pennies on the dollar. 

In this case, an ounce of prevention really paid off for this family!

© 2009 Julie Hall

The Lady Who Wouldn’t Let Go

| Julie Hall

Joanne was in her mid-seventies, and her daughter knew mom just couldn’t take care of a house over 4,000 square feet on over an acre of land.  Joanne had to have a home that large to house all of her possessions.  She needed to downsize and move to Assisted Living, but she was giving her daughter a very difficult time about the move.

The daughter made an appointment for me to come over and educate them in the estate sale process.  Her exact words: “Mom’s got 4,000 square feet full of stuff, junk and everything else, and it’s time to sell it all so she can fit into her new place.”  To complicate the matter, the house had already sold!

Throughout the conversation at Joanne’s house, I had a familiar feeling that I had to share.  I addressed the daughter who had asked me to come: “I would be happy to assist you in selling the remainder of this estate, but I have a funny feeling mom will not part with anything.”

Joanne looked over at me and gave me a “cat ate the canary” grin; I knew she was up to something.  The daughter insisted that all of the possessions had to go.  Still, I persisted as gracefully as I knew how.  “I think your mom might have other plans for it, don’t you, Joanne?”  Again, I received the same grin, but she sat silent, as if this was punishing her daughter for trying to make the right decision.

The daughter became increasingly disturbed, and I was caught in the middle.  “Mom, what is going on?”  Still, no reply from her mother.  Once more, I put on my gentle voice and stuck my neck out.  “I’d be willing to guess mom has other plans for her possessions.  Something like storage.”  Mom’s face was simply beaming.  I had hit the nail on the head!

The daughter’s face grew dark like an impending storm, and demanded to know what nonsense mom was up to.  Finally, it came out.  “Julie’s right.  I’ve already reserved four extra large storage units.  I’m not giving it away, or selling it.  It’s mine.  No one can have it but me!”

The lady who wouldn’t let go ended up moving and placing everything in storage, to the tune of over $7,000 per year.

Moral: You can’t take it with you, no matter how hard you try!

© 2009 Julie Hall

Why Do We Accumulate Stuff?

| Julie Hall

With 18 years experience in watching how people react to death and the division of personal property, I have an interesting theory.  Down deep, I believe we are all connected not only to one another, but to our ancestors through our DNA.  If the cavemen did not gather (collect or accumulate) staples such as kindling, nuts, berries, meat, etc. for their family, they would surely perish, and many did.

I believe we still make the connection of “having enough, just in case” so that we feel safe and taken care of.  By today’s standards, however, we simply have too much!  We have taken accumulation to the extreme, in many instances.

WE ACCUMULATE FOR MANY REASONS

If we look back into our recent past, we can examine our Great Depression generation.  Because they had so little, and often nothing to sustain them, they came through that extremely difficult period in history with a built-in behavioral pattern.

What we have learned

  • We can waste nothing because we might have to go without again one day.
  • Be prepared or go without.
  • Make sure we have enough accumulated.  You never know what we might need, and when.
  • I might need that one day.
  • If I hold on to it long enough, it will be valuable.

All of these thoughts are completely understandable and all have some truth.  In today’s world, however, much of what has been saved through the decades is no longer useful.  It has been held too long and should be discarded due to damage, health hazard (mold), obsolescence, etc. 

This is the type of accumulation that often the Boomer children are left cleaning up, much to their chagrin and lack of time and knowledge on how to dispose and distribute all this stuff.  I have personally thrown out enough bread twister ties to go around the equator at least once!

A great guide and gift idea is my book, “The Boomer Burden — Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff.” 

© 2009 Julie Hall

Scams and Schemes

| Julie Hall

Your parents, especially those who live alone, are vulnerable to scams and schemes for three reasons.  First, seniors tend to be trusting.  They also may be lonely and sometimes distant from those who can protect them.  Senior parents are also vulnerable because they worry about their financial security.  Finally, scammers know that many seniors have money and valuable possessions.

Even though approximately 50 percent of elderly Americans are victims of financial exploitation, only 10 to 15 percent of the abuses are reported.

The following may indicate that your parents are being victimized:

  * Sudden bank account changes, especially an unexplained withdrawal of large sums of money
  * Unfamiliar long-distance telephone numbers, expecially from overseas, on their monthly bill
  * Significantly lower standard of living (change in eating and shopping habits; unable to afford things they once afforded)
  * Selling higher-end items such as furniture, antiques, and so on
  * Sudden disappearance of valuable possessions
  * Increase in commercial or junk mail
  * Sudden change in behavior; symptoms of depression or anxiety
  * Increased worries over money

Next week, I’ll share six ways to protect your parents from fraud.  If you need the information sooner, and for much more practical advice on helping your parents now, and dealing with their stuff after they are gone, please order my book, “The Boomer Burden”, available from Amazon.  http://www.amazon.com/Boomer-Burden-Dealing-Lifetime-Accumulation/

© 2009 Julie Hall

Let’s be AWARE

| Julie Hall

Let’s continue to spell out the remedy for the older adult disease of procrastination with a touch of denial.

A stands for Anguish.

W stands for Will.

A stands for Action Plan.  Once you have your will in hand, then develop a written plan that lists important people who could help your family or friends after your death.  Research and record who you consider to be trusted resources and experts with their name, address, phone number, and an explanation of what they do.  Have this plan of action with your will, so your family or friends will know who to contact upon your death.  These resources are people such as your attorney, financial planner, banker, real estate appraiser, personal property appraiser, estate sale professionals, and experts you trust to consult about a collection, such as stamps, coins, or books.  It is wise, too, to include where you keep your address book in your home, in case someone wishes to notify out of town friends of your death.

R stands for Responsibility and Respect.  Responsibility is one of the most lasting characteristics you can leave a family member or friend who must close out your affairs after your death.  When you have taken the personal responsibility to handle your estate, you are actually leaving a legacy of respect for those who must handle your affairs.

E stands for Educate.  Educate yourself by taking a personal evaluation and appraisal of your personal property and how you would want it distributed.  Educate others to what is valuable to you and find out what might be valuable to them.  For example, your daughter might value a chipped ceramic plate that was the platter for family birthday cakes — no monetary value, but heaped with sentimental value for her.  Give away as much in life as you are comfortable in giving.

Be “aware” of how you want people to remember you when you are no longer here to tell them yourself!

© 2009 Julie Hall

The remedy for procrastination and denial

| Julie Hall

When it comes to making arrangements for estate distributions upon one’s death, too many older adults are seized with a rather dramatic disease diagnosed as procrastination with a touch of denial.

Of course, we will all die — it’s a certainty, but many people do nothing about it while they are alive.  They think in terms of “if” I die and not “when” I die.  Denial makes them procrastinate on very important personal decisions they should be making.

Procrastination and denial have a remedy called “AWARE”.

A stands for Anguish.  When a loved one dies and leaves no instructions on what to do with his or her estate, the next of kin becomes angry and resentful of having to mentally and physically handle another person’s lifetime of accumulation.  The frustration, anger, resentment and guilt are in their voices when they call me to help them dispose of the household possessions.  So, alleviate this emotional strain by spending a small amount of time now when you are mentally and physically able to arrange your affairs yourself.

W stands for Will.  “Don’t leave life without it.”  Your Last Will and Testament is the wisest document you can possess.  Have an attorney help you, since template forms may not hold up in the statutory process for distributing assets.  Not just for those of wealth, a will is important for any well-prepared individual.  A will is needed to make sure you have designated the right beneficiary when your estate is distributed after your death.  The investment in time and money here is minimal compared to the anguish you will cause a loving family member or friend without one.

We’ll finish the remainder of “AWARE” in the next post!

© 2009 Julie Hall

Use your stuff to bless others

| Julie Hall

You don’t need me to tell you that times are economically challenging right now.  This true story of a recent estate I handled may give us all new perspectives on our accumulated stuff.

I had to clean out the home of a lady who passed away.  The family had already been given all the items they wanted from her home.  What to do with the rest of the belongings?

Often a family wants to donate the remainder of the belongings to charity and doesn’t have a preference where to donate.  When that happens, I recommend Blanket America Ministries http://www.blanketamericaministries.org/.

We cleared all the remaining items of furniture and household goods, and the ministry loaded them on their truck.  They ended up taking all this to a woman up in Appalachia who had been burned out of her house.  Everything that was unloaded from the truck was exactly what she needed.  Amazement and thankful looks were everywhere, from this woman to the ministry volunteers.

The obvious suggestion here is that when you pass away, there are places where your possessions can help someone in need.  That’s good, but what about all the possessions that we hold onto now?

We have garages that can’t hold cars, we have linen closets that we have to lean on the door to close, etc.  In a word, we have so much we don’t need!  Who could we bless now?  There are many in need who look for a professional outfit to interview for work, or a house full of furniture due to disaster, or clothes for growing children.  Maybe it’s time to seek out a ministry that helps others, and pass along some of the extra stuff we have accumulated. 

What do you think?

© 2009 Julie Hall