Are You Leaving Behind a Gift or Guilt?

October 23, 2014 | Julie Hall

Are you leaving a gift or guilt for your loved ones? A bounty or a burden? It’s time to think about it. Seriously.

Living or deceased, in about 90% of the cases I see, older adults are leaving a burden. This is not criticism, but merely an observation. I see older adults:

not thinning out or downsizing
not sorting through files from decades ago
not having old business/company paperwork shredded
not recycling magazines, catalogs, and newspapers that are piled high
not going through boxes that were packed when they moved in years prior
not sorting through closets which contain clothes not worn in years
not sorting through family photos (which means the children won’t know who’s in them)
not whittling down the kitchen’s abundance of glassware and cookware

In short, they are either unwilling or simply don’t have the energy to tackle this. In either case, there is always professional assistance available to help; first, you have to want to do this. Knowing human behavior, I think some of it is also avoidance.

If an older adult doesn’t want to do these things, what makes them think their kids or loved ones will want to do them?

I can tell you firsthand, they don’t.

We should start downsizing at 50 and keep doing a little each year, so what does pile up is manageable and never reaches that daunting level. Here’s the hard-hitting reality of this blog: if you don’t do it now, you are leaving an overwhelming task for your children or loved ones to handle after you leave this place. As a personal favor, please don’t do that.

One of the most horrible things I have ever heard is, “I’m leaving it for the kids to deal with. I won’t be here.” Many will consider this a very selfish way of thinking.

The children or loved ones we leave behind have very busy lives of their own. They may still have children to raise and a full-time job. They may be caring for other family members who are ailing. It’s also possible they are up in age and not quite able to do the cleaning out themselves. It is a task no one wants to tackle, especially when they happen to live 600 miles away and have to take time off work (often their personal vacation time) to clean out an estate.

If you could see what I see when they are in these homes putting in 110% effort with little progress, it is a sad sight to behold. The legacy one intends to leave is not the one the children actually feel. They feel sad, mad, and often have a dazed look on their faces as they complain that mom and dad had years to do this cleaning and never did.

“Why did they leave this for me?”

One of the very best gifts or legacy you could leave your loved ones, is to begin the process of whittling down and clearing out, even if you have to hire help, or find trustworthy volunteers to do it. You may not be there to see the relief and gratitude on their faces, but take it from one who knows. It makes all the difference in the world to them. They will truly appreciate your gift … and your legacy will live on.

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

10 lbs. of Flour in a 5 lb. Sack

August 15, 2014 | Julie Hall

Downsizing may be in vogue, but the very sound of the word can make one cringe, including me, and I help people with it every day!

Funny thing how we humans accumulate so much. We hardly notice how out of hand out accumulations have become until we stop, look around, and then panic as we begin the downsizing/selling process.

I have noticed a commonality among my older boomer clients. They have so much in their homes, because they absorbed their parents’ and their grandparents’ possessions. They did not really sort through them; they did not discard much or donate much to charity. They simply absorbed the bulk of it into their own lives and homes. Was this done out of

OBLIGATION?

SENTIMENTALITY?

TRADITION?

Fast forward 50 years … oh my goodness, what do we do with all this stuff now?

When I am called to assist a family with their downsizing challenges, I go in to ascertain values and the market, resources and options. However, the one thing I am always faced with is this eye-opening issue:

If a client currently lives in 3,000 square feet,

and they are downsizing to 1,000-1,200 sq. ft.,

logic dictates they will need to get rid of two-thirds

of what they currently have

to fit comfortably in their new home.

Therein lies the mystery. They still seem to think that letting go of:

6 pieces of furniture,

8 crystal vases,

grandmother’s china service,

and 9 framed prints

is all they need to discard.

“We can squash the rest of it into our new place.”

I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but …

You can’t fit 10 lbs. of flour in a 5 lb. sack,

any more than

You can fit 3,000 square feet of stuff

into 1,000 sq. ft. of house!

It just isn’t going to happen, no matter which way you squish it.

You could try anyway, but you will dislike your overcrowded new home, create tripping hazards, and not want to show off your new place.

“Why not let go?!”

Deal with it head-on and do it sooner, rather than later, when someone else has to do it for you.

Enjoy your new home; don’t make the mistake of taking too much. Don’t put stuff in storage, and don’t pass the buck to your kids or relatives that do not want or need the extra stuff.

There is a season for everything. Now is your season to let go and start over, fresh and simplified.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

The Expense of “Free”

July 31, 2014 | Julie Hall

Everyone is trying to pinch pennies. But I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t send up a warning to be extra careful if something is “free.” A “free” something will almost always lead to strings attached or something expensive coming later, like a repair, further services of some sort, or worst … it could be a scam. In the professional world, “free” is used to attract you and extract your personal information so they can use it to get money out of you for something else. Here in the 21st century, your information can also be used against you in the cyber world.

It is equally important to realize that paying for a valued service versus a free service does have its differences. A free service (such as an estimate, consultation, product, etc.) will only provide you with a fraction of the information, leaving you hanging for more, but then you will have to pay for it, often in more ways than one. A paid service will get the job done to completion the first time, if you choose the right professional.

Everyone is always attracted to “free” but should we be?

My late father had a saying, “If it’s free, take two.” He was a Depression baby. I am not. This is the thought process of many people. But no, I will not take “two” because I don’t want to clutter up my home with things my child won’t want one day, and I don’t want right now. I won’t do that to my family.

What possible trouble could “free” cause?

Let’s take a closer look at the repercussions…

What if something goes wrong?
What if the service or information is inaccurate? Where does the liability lie?
What if you get hurt, someone else gets hurt, or property (such as your home) gets damaged?
What if they don’t complete the job, or the job goes for months with no accountability?
What if you dislike the results or get really bad information?
What if you hired family, friends, or neighbors? That relationship will never be the same.
And finally, what is your recourse if no money changed hands?

Many times, people have ulterior motives for offering something for free. Not always, but a good bit of the time, it’s true, even in my own industry (as well as every other industry).

“Free” is never free. It just sounds good. Free can mean hasty mistakes, and free can mean costly mistakes. Sometimes free can be very expensive.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Close Encounters of the Creepy Kind

June 25, 2014 | Julie Hall

From ancient times to the present, snakes have been looked at with disgust, as a harbinger of bad luck. Indiana Jones certainly showed his repulsion for snakes from the very beginning. We all know the trouble the serpent caused Adam and Eve.

Everyone always wants to kill snakes, when in reality, they just want to be left alone and can be very helpful to the environment. The snake is really quite incredible, though I must admit I have no love lost for them, as undoubtedly my neighbors testify to my shrieks from several streets away when they slither across my path.

Did you know scientific studies have been conducted to demonstrate that a part of our brain and consciousness senses a snake before we visually see it? Thank God for that!

I’m researching snakes because in the last two days, two large black snakes have crossed my path. Both were large. One was a black Carolina racer (the constrictor kind) and the other a harmless black snake who glided past my garden door and into the woods with gentle, nudging spray from my garden hose (after the neighbors heard the shriek, of course).

A long time ago, I shared a story about a client of mine who lived symbiotically with a 7 ft. black snake named “Frank.” She loved Frank and let him go anywhere he wanted in her house, because he took care of the rodents and other undesirables. Then she added that Frank was far less trouble than her ex-husband and far more pleasant!

Here are some interesting facts about snakes I didn’t know:

Only about 20% are poisonous. (That’s a good thing, right?)
Snakes do not live in Antarctica, Iceland, or New Zealand. (I start looking for real estate there shortly.)
Snakes have no ears but feel vibrations. (I wonder if the vibrations from my spontaneous operatic high “C” had any effect on it?)
Snakes are very helpful. The small ones often eat harmful bugs and insects. The big ones eat rats, mice, gophers, and animals that destroy crops. Good farmers and gardeners know how helpful most snakes are, and are happy to have them around. All snakes, except those that threaten people, should be kept safe from harm. They are part of the chain of living things, as we are! (Thanks to TeacherVision.com for this information.)
In certain parts of the world, they can be as tiny as a toothpick or as long as 33 feet, and weigh 320 pounds. (Eee-gads)
Some snakes can live up to 30 years.
The ancient Greeks and Romans believed snakes to be healers. To this day, two entwined snakes are on the medical Caduceus.
Native Americans and other cultures believe snakes can bring transformation and healing. They also believe they are protectors.

After seeing this, I managed to put my shovel down and watch in wonder as this large snake balanced on its tail. If he was trying to get my attention, he succeeded. Instead of killing him, which I really didn’t want to do, I gently used my 6 ft. long tomato pole to gently guide him away from my back door! He left in no great hurry, as if to say, “OK crazy pole lady, just let me explore and snooze in the sun for a while, eh? I won’t bother you if you won’t bother me.”

And what thanks did I get? I found another snake today, who also slithered right beside me and left me completely alone. I offered him the very same courtesy, after jumping several feet in the air.

Snakes are everywhere this time of year. Think twice before killing them because many species are beneficial!

TIP FOR THE DAY: Be careful if cleaning out an estate, attics, garages, outdoor barns and sheds, etc. Be especially careful if reaching under piles of stuff in these environments. Always wear blue jeans, boots, and heavy gloves!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Caveat Venditor

June 19, 2014 | Julie Hall

“Let the Seller Beware” When It Comes to Selling Gold

Pick an industry – any industry – and there will be good and bad people in it. The estate industry is no different. You find dedicated souls who are simply outstanding and go the distance to help their clients, and then you have those who are in it for a quick buck and could care less. You must heed my advice:

SELLER BEWARE!

Sadly, people do get ripped off every day, and more people get taken advantage of when selling gold jewelry than the sale of anything else.

Most people take their jewelry to jewelers, thinking this is the logical place to sell it. While that’s not a bad choice, there are other options. You owe it to yourself and the estate to shop around. Some go to coin shops, antique stores, or private collectors. Try locating places closest to the refinery; you are likely to make more money.

Here are some tips to help you get your fair share:

Have sterling and gold identified as genuine. Do not sell it at this time; just get help in identifying it. Do not sell it in a rush, unless you have to.
Find a local place that is close to a refinery, get a quote, then take it to jewelers. Do research online to see if you can find a local resource. Most jewelers sell to refiners, so you may want to go straight to the source. Have your facts together first. It is worth taking jewelry to multiple places to get the most $$ you can.
Pay attention to daily spot price of gold and silver, http://www.kitco.com. Prices fluctuate throughout the day every day. This site will give you a per ounce price. You need to understand that the per ounce they are referring to is pure bullion, pure gold, pure silver, NOT 14K, 10K, etc. These are not pure, so the spot price will not apply to a handful of 14K jewelry.
The troy ounce is used in the weighing and pricing of precious metals: gold, platinum, and silver. The troy ounce is different from an ounce you would weigh on your kitchen scale. If you get into weighing metals, you will need a jewelers scale that includes troy ounces or “ozt.” You can buy an inexpensive jeweler’s scale online.
Let’s say that gold is $1,300 per ounce. You will not get $1,300 per ounce for your 10K or 14K because it is not pure gold.
Divide today’s gold price from Kitco.com in dollars per ounce by 31.1 to get today’s gold price per gram. There are 31.1 grams in an ounce of gold or silver. If today’s price was $1,300 per ounce, then: 1300 divided by 31.1 = $41.80/gram. Then, multiply by the fineness of the gold:

10K = .4167
14K = .5833
18K = .7500
22K = .9167
24K = 100% gold

So if you have 10K and the price of gold is $1,300 per ounce or $41.80 per gram, then the price of your jewelry is $41.80 x .4167 = $17.41/gram. If you have 10 grams of 10K at $17.41/gram, your scrap gold is worth $174.10.

Remember, this is for illustrative purposes. The gold still has to be tested/assayed to determine the true percentage of gold.

TIPS:

Keep gold coins separated, because they have numismatic value, as well as metal value.
You can purchase your own gold testing kit, but it will be tested again when you go to sell it.
Weigh your items by grouping together (10K, 14K, etc.). Use a loupe to look inside the piece to find a mark. Not all pieces are marked; this is why they should be tested.
Scrap gold dealers in store fronts (“We Buy Gold”) will likely buy from you at 30-60% LESS than the gold’s worth. A jeweler will usually pay more than this.
Be aware that often gemstones set in jewelry are not included in the offer. Those seem to just go along with the gold, which doesn’t seem fair to me. IF it is a large stone, you may want to have it removed from the setting BEFORE you scrap the gold. Please have the stone identified!
Private collectors may offer a very fair price, if you can find them. Know the worth before you sell.
Gold refiners pay 90% and sometimes more, but they may have a minimum weight requirement.
Old dental gold is usually between 8K and 18K; it must be tested as well.

If you dislike math, this helpful website for gold scrap weight conversion and melt value calculator will do the figuring for you: http://www.silverrecyclers.com/calculators/gold_calculator.aspx.

For a list of reputable dealers in the U.S., see US Mint page on recommended coin and gold buyers: http://www.usmint.gov/mint_programs/american_eagles/index.cfm?action=lookup.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

The Emotional Porter

June 4, 2014 | Julie Hall

When I pack for a pleasure trip, I only allow myself to bring one piece of luggage. I traveled for many years and made a habit of running for my plane in high heels and skirts (way back when). Now that I am older, I do everything in my power to lighten my load, wear sensible shoes, and give my aching back a break. I can’t wait to check my bag, sit down, and relax.

I think many of us lug around our emotional baggage on a daily basis and never bother to “check” it. Maybe we don’t know how to, or maybe we just forget, so we end up dragging it with us wherever we go. It gets rather tiring, doesn’t it?

In my business of helping clients sort through estates, after a loved one has moved to assisted living or has died, I see many children/heirs carry a lot of baggage with them, to the point of personal detriment. I realize that we are not at our personal best when these situations occur, but even after months and years of not making proper decisions, we still carry our emotional baggage wherever we go. It then becomes a monkey on our back, and we get angry and even resentful. It chokes our spirit because we don’t know how to heal it.

This emotional baggage comes from a place of not dealing with our stuff ahead of time, before the loss.

Not speaking our truth,
Not making amends,
Not having that conversation when we could have,
Not asking the questions to get the answers we want,
Not healing wounds that could have been healed.

We forget to forgive ourselves for whatever is eating at us!

Besides all that, I see clients feeling guilty and taking possessions they don’t really want. It only means we have more to carry, or more for our children to carry. Life is hard enough.

We don’t need to lug around someone else’s sentiment or prized possessions.

That was their desire, not ours.

On some deep level, we must consider it our penance to drag around this baggage, like the ghost, Jacob Marley, in “A Christmas Carol” showing Scrooge all the heavy chains he must now carry, due to the choices he made in life. It doesn’t have to be like that; release yourself!

I see many children/heirs carry a lot of baggage with them, to the point of personal detriment. Keeping too much stuff can cause divorce, tension, fighting, resentment, and anger among our still-living family. It’s just not worth it!

Some would argue that everything they kept was sentimental, but you can’t squash mom’s household of stuff into your already-full household of stuff and expect everything to be ok. There is only so much you can keep; it should never cause strife among siblings, spouses, or children.

Holding on to grandmother’s or dad’s possessions are not a mandate, not something you have to do. It’s something you want to do. Seriously edit your selections as you do. If in doubt, listen to your inner voice and pass on the item. Take a photo of it and pass it on.

Don’t be pushed, nudged, guilted, obliged, forced, or coerced by any person, any memory, any ghost, or more importantly, yourself.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

5 Regrets People Make on Their Deathbed

May 28, 2014 | Julie Hall

NOT ONE OF THEM HAS TO DO WITH STUFF!

“Nurse Reveals the Top 5 Regrets People Make on Their Deathbed” http://topinfopost.com/2014/05/12/top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed

In the end, it comes down to you preparing to meet your Maker. I have felt incredibly blessed and humbled after watching a loved one die. It is a process of making peace with everything and everyone, before shutting down the shell that carried us so well through life. It is obvious to me that the farthest thing from their minds were their prized, earthly possessions. It is those of us who are left behind that struggle with the stuff, often transferring our affection for the person to their sentimental object(s). Sometimes, we might even think, “Mom or dad would never forgive me if I gave that away,” or “Grandma would be rolling in her grave if I didn’t keep this.”

I don’t think that’s the case. At all.

I think what we may find in the above article is a slice of human clarity. It’s a glimpse into the world of someone who is getting ready to leave it. This glimpse focuses on human interaction and the many decisions we made along the way, and the things we could have/should have done differently. I think it offers the reader food for thought about our very real, very human interactions, and how we could have a better life or how we could offer a better life for others.

In the end, regrets are not what you take with you. Nor will you take your money, your possessions or collectibles or cars. All you take is what you entered the world with, plus all the love you accrued along the way.

The only thing we should be concerned with is leaving a legacy that would make those who know and love us, know and love us more. Go change your world!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Franklin Got the Mint – Susie Got the Shaft

April 3, 2014 | Julie Hall

Meeting with a mid-age female client this week was an eye-opening experience. Her mother was still living and in a facility, and the daughter was in the midst of starting her life over again in her 50s. The daughter was struggling because her mother was financially strapped; the daughter now supports the mother and the heavy costs of her ongoing care. Facing unemployment herself, she is carrying a burden of monumental proportions.

I was called over to her home to see if there was anything of value that could be sold to keep up with the costs of mom’s care. The daughter’s home was filled with Franklin Mint, Bradford Exchange, Hummel collectibles, Lenox collectibles, Fenton, and any other collectible you can think of that today has very little value. Never mind, these plates cost $39.95 each or more, at the time mom bought them all for her daughter. On Ebay, they sell for $3.99 if they sell at all these days. All of the companies mass-produced these items and mom thought that her daughter could retire on them one day, because she was certain they would be extremely valuable.

Mom spent all of her money on these things that are not only undesirable on the market to most, but they have also cluttered up the daughter’s home. You could see the anger and sadness on her face that “mom bought all of this #*&@# and now she’s broke.”

“Do you have any idea how much money she would have today if she didn’t buy this stuff? Now I can barely make ends meet with her expenses and mine, and I am worried I will get laid off.”

I am not blaming the companies, but it’s worth saying that I see this frequently. They were incredibly smart with their marketing and everyone in mom’s generation felt these collectibles could only go UP in value. But let’s look at it from this perspective … If it’s such a great deal, why would they let tens of millions in on it?

Mom had the best of intentions but she just kept buying against her daughter’s will. The daughter asked her to stop and she didn’t. She bought all of it thinking her daughter could retire on these items one day. Instead, her daughter is working very hard to keep her mother’s care afloat, and having to make grueling decisions on putting mom in a place that offers less care, less amenities, less enjoyment, less everything. This too weighs heavily on the child. The best of intentions went sour in this case.

Moral to the story: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Stick to what you know; stick to time-tested sources of wealth preservation, such as jewelry, gold, silver, etc. Always use your gut instinct and stay away from the TV shopping channels. If you want to leave a powerful legacy for your children, make a plan for your future and set an example for them to follow, when they get to that point in their lives. The best gift a parent can ever give a child is a well-thought out plan for the final chapter in their lives.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

“Buster”

February 18, 2014 | Julie Hall

If you are squeamish about critters, cleaning out an estate is just not recommended. Just as we inhabit a home, our little friends (furry and 8-leggers) inhabit right along with us. We just don’t think about it, because we don’t see them. An occasional spider and other insects are normal, and believe it or not, little field mice are near in proximity too, unless you have a cat. I’ve even had a client who lived symbiotically with a huge black snake she named “Frank,” because Frank took care of all the little mice in and around the house. The client went so far as to explain that “Frank” was a far better companion to her former husband because Frank never was in a bad mood, complained, or hogged the remote!

Handling as many estates as I do, we have become accustomed to dealing with our little friends. We find them too often and, most of the time, they want nothing to do with us and just go away. We prefer it this way! But I have to tell you about my experience with a mouse.

My assistant, who has been with me over a decade, was opening boxes in the attic of a 1930s estate. Together we were up there sorting through what could be saved or sold, and bagging up what was clearly garbage. When boxes have been up there as long as these had been, everything becomes brittle and starts to disintegrate in your hands. She held up an old Xerox box with the lid open to show me there were old mason jars inside and nothing else.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw pink fluffy stuff (which turned out to be insulation material), shredded pieces of newspaper, and small bits of fabric formed in what looked like a bowl. Just as I started to tell her that it looked like a mouse nest, and to be careful, the biggest mouse I ever saw climbed up, balanced itself on the rim of the box, and attempted to stare me down! She was very big around the middle, and clearly we had disturbed her soon-to-be birthing place.

In a split second, with neither myself or my assistant freaking out, the mouse leaped from the edge of the box, with the grace of Greg Louganis dismounting a diving board. I had never seen such speed and agility.

It all happened so fast there was no time to shriek or freak. The mouse flew through the air like the man on a flying trapeze, landed with a small thud on my bust, and had the audacity to use my chest as a trampoline for her final dismount. As soon as she hit the ground, she was gone. Not even a bow did she take. Just a dirty look and who could blame her?

As with all strange things we find in estates, we had to give her a name. There could be no better name than “Buster.” To this day, we affectionately recall Buster and Frank, and the variety of other critters that cross our paths, making each new estate experience far from boring.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Concern and Worry can Wear on You

February 12, 2014 | Julie Hall

Many of my clients are concerned about the state of our economy. I am worried too, and I’m betting some of your wheels are turning constantly. In the midst of uncertainty, it is only natural to feel off-balance and a bit insecure. It’s hard to make solid decisions when so much is up in the air.

Clients need guidance determining what to keep, sell, or donate at a time when the secondary market is so poor. How do you go about getting top dollar for an heirloom in an economy like this? You don’t, unless you have something incredibly extraordinary and high-end that people are willing to dig deep into their pockets to obtain.

Some will decide to hold on to possessions, often going to the trouble and expense of storage; I don’t think that’s a viable option. They think the longer they hold onto it, the more valuable it will become. Most of the time, the answer to that is “not necessarily so.” Storage will eat up and surpass the worth of what you put in there. If you don’t move it into your home right away, I don’t recommend storage. That’s a sign you don’t need it.

Others want stuff gone immediately and sold, never to be dealt with again. They sense the economy will get worse and not improve. They feel it’s better to get what you can now, then nothing at all when things really get rough — if they get rough.

All of these different ideas, opinions, and theories everywhere you look, yet they all have one common denominator: concern and worry. It can really wear on you too, if you’re not careful.

Here is another excerpt I found from my late mother’s writings. It lead me to write this blog, because so many of us are in the same boat. My mother may have read it somewhere and liked it so much she copied it. I hope you find it as inspirational as I did. How did she know I needed to hear these words? Maybe you need them too.

“When you come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will either be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.”

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com