What’s in Your Plan?

October 5, 2016 | Julie Hall

We all know we need to plan ahead for a time when we won’t be able to speak for ourselves. A crisis can occur at any time, regardless of age or current health. Sadly, it can happen in the blink of an eye. In my career of handling estates, I have seen young clients pass away suddenly, as well as crisis situations occur with our elderly loved ones who fall, have a stroke, or can no longer care for themselves. So much can happen; if we are honest, we simply choose not to seriously think about these issues until they are upon us. Sometimes, that is too late.

Have you thought ahead to make a plan for your cherished possessions, or at least gift them prior to passing away? I encourage everyone to make a plan and put it in a legal document. Write an addendum to your Will, or place certain items in a Trust if they are special to you. An estate planning attorney can help you put these documents together fairly quickly. Put these documents in a safe place, discussing the contents with the executor. The attorney will keep a copy. Let a close, trusted friend know what you are doing and where the originals are kept.

Things to think about:

Plan for special possessions. It is not realistic to think our kids will want all of our possessions. First, find out what they would like to have, then have those items appraised for fair market value. Create a “wish list” and keep it equitable; leave guidance on who gets what. It’s all spelled out in my book, “The Boomer Burden”, available at online booksellers.
Plan for your animals should you pre-decease them. We adore our furry and feathered family but rarely do we make a plan for them. This leaves them in limbo. It’s not fair to them or the loved ones left behind to make painful decisions.
Consider gifting while living. This minimizes future feuding and cuts down on challenging issues when the children/heirs have to divide the estate. Seeing the joy on the recipient’s face is an added bonus!
Make sure someone knows the location of all private files, passwords, keys, titles, deeds, safe deposit boxes, safe combination. This information should be entrusted to your executor (someone you trust implicitly). Note: Multiple executors can often mean more complications and differences of opinions!

I have clients right now who put together a “master binder” of all the things we are discussing here, including written directions on where private documents can be found, such as social security card, Medicare information, life insurance policy, original Will/Trust, etc. They prepaid their own funerals. They asked me to write current appraisals for their furnishings, collectibles, and jewelry, and have made copies for each child. They were even nice enough to direct their children to me when they pass away, to handle the contents of their home, since all their heirs are long distance. Quite literally, they left a “Guidance System” for their children. How wonderful!

Think ahead to special possessions you have received and collected over your life. While no one can make plans for everything in their home, make plans for these valuable items now so no one can feud over them later. When the decision is made ahead of time, you’ve simplified the life of your executor.

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at julie@theestatelady.com.

“Skeletons,” Secrets Cause Strife

February 5, 2016 | Julie Hall

From cleaning out estates all these years, I have learned that many people have “skeletons” that need to be dealt with prior to their passing.

In the land of the forgotten (attics, boxes in the back of the closet, locked trunks, hidden in barns or sheds, etc), we find things I can’t even talk about without teary eyes. I do my best to let go, or tuck these things away somewhere in a spare brain compartment, hoping not to think of them too often.

It is not unusual to find love letters, adoption papers for a child that never knew they were adopted, or evidence of an extramarital affair. On occasion though, we find things like suicide notes, drug abuse issues, different levels of pornography … some so bizarre it challenges my understanding of humans. These still leave a mark of sadness upon one’s soul.

We see the dark portals in people’s lives after they leave. We will never have a clear understanding of why these people did what they did, made certain decisions, or why on earth they would ever leave those secrets behind to be found. I think to myself how fortunate it was that my company was the one who found those items, instead of a family member who may be traumatized for the rest of their life. It is my cross to carry … discretion and protection.

Uncovering these secrets casts a shadow which can change your feelings about the person who has died, not to mention seriously tarnishes their personal legacy.

Some things need to be told to the family

and some secrets need to go to the grave with the deceased loved one.

Remember: The dead cannot defend themselves or their actions.

It is difficult to write these things. We must not only think about ourselves and what we desire, but we must think about those we leave behind and what they may find.

TIP OF THE WEEK:

Clean your home and clean your life!

Leave a legacy, not strife!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

Procrastination is Risky!

November 12, 2015 | Julie Hall

“When the boat reaches midstream, it is too late to mend the leaks.”

~ A Chinese proverb

Mary was 96 years old and had a lovely 3-bedroom home filled with antiques and collectibles passed down from previous generations. With great pride, Mary had done everything right with these heirlooms. She left all items in their original condition (never refinished or repainted them), knew all the history of each piece, kept them out of direct sunlight, and never placed them in her attic.

But Mary made a huge error along the way; she procrastinated about making an estate plan for her personal assets and preparing for her own death. In fact, she didn’t even have a legal will.

I remember meeting Mary about 6 months prior to her passing. Her two children were present, and everyone wanted to know the values of her lovely possessions. The children hoped that my visit would convince their mother of her urgent need to prepare a will, so her wishes would be known and fulfilled after her death. At length, I spoke with Mary about the importance of documenting all her wishes for her children. I shared stories of some past clients who did not plan ahead and what happened afterwards .. usually leaving behind a nightmare for the heirs.

I made the assumption that at 96, Mary had accepted her advanced age and her close proximity to death. However, she had a great difficulty accepting her mortality.

“I do not need a will. I have written my wishes for my children on a piece of notebook paper; that is good enough. If it isn’t good enough, then my kids will just have to fight over it.”

The children looked at me and grimaced. They knew the complications that awaited them if mom did not get legal assistance to prepare her last wishes and plans. These complications can be years of red tape, tremendous financial pressures to settle the estate, family feuds, etc. This is simply not fair to do to children, not to mention it’s a terrible legacy to leave!

What happened with Mary’s estate?

No one ever found her handwritten will on the yellow notebook papers; it became a nightmare for the family. It became a litany of “Mom said I could have this” and “No, she promised that to me.” Mary was wrong in her thought process and her lack of actions to distribute her property the way she wanted it to be. She lost all of that because she did not legally prepare.

Isn’t it interesting that she cared so very deeply for her possessions while she was alive, yet did not have a legal plan for them upon her death?

Mary’s reasons for procrastination will never be known to any of us. Some are afraid of even talking about death. We shouldn’t be; it’s a certainty. The older generation seems to be parted into three groups. Those that are completely prepared, those who won’t even discuss it and leave it all on their children’s shoulders, and those that simply sit on it for years and procrastinate the inevitable. For those in the last two groups, life will be most difficult for your children and heirs.

The good news is there is still time, if you are reading this. Take action today and leave a positive legacy.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

How Will People Remember You?

August 21, 2015 | Julie Hall

When it comes to making arrangements for estate distribution upon one’s death, too many of us are seized with a dramatic disease called procrastination (with a touch of denial). We will all pass away one day; it’s a certainty. But many do nothing about it while they are still very much alive. They think in terms of “if” I die, not “when” I die. Denial makes them procrastinate on very important personal decisions. Should a crisis occur, are you and your loved ones prepared at all?

Procrastination and denial have a remedy called “AWARE.”

A stand for Anguish, Anxiety, even Anger

When a loved one dies and leaves no instructions on what to do with his/her estate and personal possessions, loved ones left behind become angry and resentful at having to mentally and physically handle another person’s lifetime accumulation, especially if nothing was done ahead to prepare and discuss. The frustration, anxiety, and guilt are evident in their voices when they call me to help them dispose of the household possessions.

Alleviate this emotional strain by spending a small amount of time now, when you are mentally and physically able to arrange your affairs yourself. A serious crisis rarely gives you any warning.

W stands for Will/Trust

Don’t leave life without one of these. Your Last Will and Testament/Trust is the wisest document you can possess. Have an attorney help you; template forms may not hold up in the statutory process for distributing assets. Not just for those of wealth, a will is important for every well-prepared individual. You need a will to insure you have designated the rightful beneficiaries and will eliminate other potential problems.

Other estate planning documents to discuss with an attorney include a Durable Power of Attorney, a Healthcare Power of Attorney, and a Declaration of Desire for a Natural Death, better known as a Living Will. The investment of time and money here is well worth it, compared to the anguish you may cause your family and friends without these documents.

A stands for Action

Once you have your will in hand, develop a written plan that lists important people who could help your family or friends after your death. Research and record those you consider to be trusted resources and experts, including their name, address, contact information, and explanation of what they do. Maintain this plan of action with your will, so your family can find this upon your death.

These resources could include your attorney, financial planner, banker, real estate appraiser, personal property appraiser, estate sale professional, realtor, and other experts you trust to consult about a collection you may have (stamps, guns, books, coins, art). Wisely include in your written plan the location of your address book, so out-of-town family and friends can be notified of your death. Always make sure someone you really trust has passwords and keys to your computer, safe, and home.

R stands for Responsibility and Respect

Responsibility is one of the most lasting characteristics you can leave a family member or friend who must close out your affairs after your death. When you have taken personal responsibility to handle your estate ahead of time, you are actually leaving a legacy of kindness and respect for those who must settle your affairs. They will appreciate it and learn by example.

E stands for Educate

Educate yourself by taking a personal inventory and appraisal of your personal property and how you want it distributed. Educate others as to what is valuable to you and find out what may be valuable to them. For example, your daughter might value a chipped ceramic plate that was the platter for family birthday cakes — no monetary value but heaping sentimental value for her. Give away as much in life as you feel comfortable in giving.

Be AWARE of how you want people to remember you when you are no longer here to tell them yourself!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

Are We Ever Really Ready?

August 14, 2015 | Julie Hall

I saw a post on Facebook about “Being Ready” in connection with making difficult decisions. This thought crossed my mind: Are we ever really ready for anything major in our lives?

Life-altering decisions
financial strife
ill health
arriving at personal crossroads
leaps of faith we want to take but are concerned, procrastinating, or just plain terrified

These things seem to paralyze us and ultimately our decisions. Or, are we more concerned with the potential consequences of those decisions that are so frightening to us?

All of these things, whether good or not, can be pretty scary.

Should I take that job in another state?
Do I move forward and start that new company now?
Should I wait for the economy to get stronger?
Is the time right to move mom into a new living environment?
Is my son ready to go off to college?

The questions and issues are limitless … and overwhelming!

I think if we wait until we’re actually really ready, we may have regrets that we didn’t do it sooner while we were still able, or sadly, we may no longer be here to make those decisions. I cannot speak for anyone else, but I refuse to live my golden years with “woulda-coulda-shoulda.” Sometimes, you just have to do it or not. The opportunity will not remain open forever.

I don’t think human nature is ever fully ready to do anything. This is why nature itself forces us to go forward sometimes, such as giving birth. Thank goodness nature “pushes” us into it, or we would rarely volunteer to do it! We have a tendency to think too much and over-analyze (I put myself at the top of that list.).

Big decisions or life-altering events require some introspection and time, but not SO much time that the opportunity comes and then goes. The truth is we know the answers already, deep down inside. We already know what the answer should be. Then our heads and hearts get in the way. Nature provides us with that gut instinct. If we would just pay attention to it and not block it, the answers would come more readily.

In my career, I see those who are prepared, those who are not prepared at all, and those who have made some preparations or plans for their future. Trust me when I share that those who have a plan fare better than those who don’t. But you can’t plan for everything.

Even in unexpected circumstances that may strike you or your family, that you are completely unprepared for, all you can do is your best!

Listen to your instinct.

Take a leap of faith every once in a while.

Believe that anything is possible. Even if you are not ready, here it comes.

Embrace it or walk away from it.

Always try to think positively about your decisions.

It’s never productive to sit on a fence for too long.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

6 Big Mistakes People Make with Personal Property

June 15, 2015 | Julie Hall

Personal property and heirlooms — we spend a lifetime accumulating them, inheriting them, caring for them, collecting them, and talking about them. But we rarely know the values and we rarely make a plan for what happens to our personal property.

Here’s my list of the biggest mistakes. Hopefully, you don’t see yourself in this list.

1. Parents don’t share final wishes with their children. They don’t share vital documents, especially the will/trust, or at least tell the children where they are located.

Children are then left to guess the parent’s wishes, which is a very bad thing. Children live with guilt for the remainder of their lives, wondering if their “guess” was what mom and dad would have wanted. What a heavy load to carry!

2. Parents don’t make a plan for personal property. They don’t create a master list, or ask what the heirs would like to have. They definitely don’t gift any of their possessions while they are still alive.

3. Parents know that death and infirmity will certainly come, but they do nothing to anticipate or minimize fighting after they are gone.

4. Children have opposite opinions because the parents didn’t tell their wishes to the children. This starts fights and feuds that can last for the remainder of their lives.

5. Children are hasty with parents’ possessions. Heirlooms with significant value can end up in a dumpster or yard sale. They decline to hire a professional to ascertain what’s valuable before distribution and disposal.

6. Children have a tendency to give away, throw away, or donate before they know the worth of those items. Be leary of unscrupulous people who ask for a “memento” and go for the most valuable item, which you may or may not have valuated.

Did you see yourself in this list? If so, now is the time to take action and resolve these issues. You don’t want to become one of The Estate Lady’s sad stories!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

Giving While Still Living

April 16, 2015 | Julie Hall

Every estate plan should have a mandatory requirement: give away what you have (or at least part of it) while you are physically and mentally able to do so. It is so important to make sure things are done the way you would like them, instead of through an unsuspecting family member or friend, who could make poor decisions with your assets.

Sometimes, those chosen to make decisions, make very poor decisions; some based on greed and not putting the loved one’s wishes at the forefront. In some cases, the person chosen is just the wrong one to make these decisions; choosing wisely is half the battle. Sadly, some feel they are entitled and help themselves, or they do not communicate clearly with other heirs.

I have seen this scenario so often; it leaves me with chills every time I think about it. I have been brought into homes while mom is literally taking her last breaths. I would have declined the visit, if I had known. I have seen children steal while mom is sleeping in the next room (“She’ll never miss this.”) I have been discovered that children have showed up with moving trucks in the dark of night to take what they want, never to be heard from again. I have seen a woman steal jewelry from a dying girlfriend as she napped. Sigh …

It brings me great joy when I can bring light to dark situations. But what I can’t figure out is why people behave in this manner? How on earth can they sleep at night? I cannot imagine anyone doing such things and sleeping soundly.

My mind returns back to handling my own parents’ estate and how well my brother and I managed it. We split everything right down the middle, down to the penny, just as mom and dad wanted it to be. We loved them so much that we knew their money was first and always for their care. They were the priority and we made sure they had what they needed.

Looking back, I am glad that mom gifted some things to me while she was still living. When my father died last, I realized they had not gifted to my sibling, like mom did for me. So when dad passed, it was important that my brother have grandfather’s war medals of courage, dad’s jewelry and college ring, etc. It was only fair and that was the way we wanted it. Since our parents were no longer there, we carried on in the way they wanted us to treat each other.

For those who may be struggling with this issue, allow me to interject a powerful thought. With all the clients I have had in my career, I can assure you that the ones who

MAKE PLANS
STICK WITH THE PLAN, and
GIFT AHEAD OF TIME

fare much better than those who

DON’T PLAN
LEAVE OTHERS TO DECIDE FOR THEM, and
ANGER OTHERS.

SEIZE THIS MOMENT!

Gift to those who are special to you. If your gifts are significant, please talk with your attorney or CPA for guidance. If your gifts are sentimental, be as equitable as possible and give these items in person, so there are no questions later. This simple gesture will not only offer joy to someone you care about, but you will also simplify what has to be divided later.

Accept this advice from one who really knows!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

Are You Leaving Behind a Gift or Guilt?

October 23, 2014 | Julie Hall

Are you leaving a gift or guilt for your loved ones? A bounty or a burden? It’s time to think about it. Seriously.

Living or deceased, in about 90% of the cases I see, older adults are leaving a burden. This is not criticism, but merely an observation. I see older adults:

not thinning out or downsizing
not sorting through files from decades ago
not having old business/company paperwork shredded
not recycling magazines, catalogs, and newspapers that are piled high
not going through boxes that were packed when they moved in years prior
not sorting through closets which contain clothes not worn in years
not sorting through family photos (which means the children won’t know who’s in them)
not whittling down the kitchen’s abundance of glassware and cookware

In short, they are either unwilling or simply don’t have the energy to tackle this. In either case, there is always professional assistance available to help; first, you have to want to do this. Knowing human behavior, I think some of it is also avoidance.

If an older adult doesn’t want to do these things, what makes them think their kids or loved ones will want to do them?

I can tell you firsthand, they don’t.

We should start downsizing at 50 and keep doing a little each year, so what does pile up is manageable and never reaches that daunting level. Here’s the hard-hitting reality of this blog: if you don’t do it now, you are leaving an overwhelming task for your children or loved ones to handle after you leave this place. As a personal favor, please don’t do that.

One of the most horrible things I have ever heard is, “I’m leaving it for the kids to deal with. I won’t be here.” Many will consider this a very selfish way of thinking.

The children or loved ones we leave behind have very busy lives of their own. They may still have children to raise and a full-time job. They may be caring for other family members who are ailing. It’s also possible they are up in age and not quite able to do the cleaning out themselves. It is a task no one wants to tackle, especially when they happen to live 600 miles away and have to take time off work (often their personal vacation time) to clean out an estate.

If you could see what I see when they are in these homes putting in 110% effort with little progress, it is a sad sight to behold. The legacy one intends to leave is not the one the children actually feel. They feel sad, mad, and often have a dazed look on their faces as they complain that mom and dad had years to do this cleaning and never did.

“Why did they leave this for me?”

One of the very best gifts or legacy you could leave your loved ones, is to begin the process of whittling down and clearing out, even if you have to hire help, or find trustworthy volunteers to do it. You may not be there to see the relief and gratitude on their faces, but take it from one who knows. It makes all the difference in the world to them. They will truly appreciate your gift … and your legacy will live on.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

Dead Men Tell No Tales, But Their Possessions Do

July 25, 2014 | Julie Hall

One thing I have learned from cleaning out estates all these years is that many people have “skeletons” that need to be dealt with prior to their passing.

In the land of the forgotten (attics, boxes in the back of the closet, locked trunks, hidden in barns or sheds, etc), we find things I can’t even talk about because I will get very sad. I do my best to let go, or tuck these things away somewhere in a spare brain compartment, hoping not to think of them too often.

It is not unusual to find love letters, adoption papers for a child that never knew they were adopted, or evidence of an extramarital affair. On occasion though, we find things like suicide notes, drug abuse issues, different levels of pornography … some so bizarre it challenges my understanding of humans. In once case very long ago, we even found pedophile material up in the attic after he died. These things had to be from the 1940s or 1950s, but it still leaves a mark of sadness upon one’s soul.

Uncovering these secrets casts a shadow which can change your feelings about the person who has died, not to mention seriously tarnishes their personal legacy.

Some things need to be told to the family

and some secrets need to go to the grave with the deceased loved one.

Remember: The dead cannot defend themselves or their actions.

It is difficult to write these things. I am choosing to use these challenging illustrations for the greater good, in hopes that we can learn to better prepare for our own estates. Think about the many different facets of an estate and how complex it can be. We must not only think about ourselves and what we desire, but we must think about those we leave behind and what they may find.

TIP OF THE WEEK: Be forewarned. Clean your home and clean your life! Take it from one who knows.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

“Promise Me …”

April 22, 2014 | Julie Hall

(A powerful blog for those with parents who have not yet planned ahead)

An elderly mother says to her son, “Promise me you will never put me in a nursing home. It’s so depressing. Promise me you will never do that.”

The middle-aged son says:

Promise me that you will make plans now, so I won’t have to later under duress.

Promise me that we will discuss this now, instead of at a time when it is either too late, or I will have to make excruciating decisions in a crisis mode.

Promise me that you will give this much thought.

Promise me that you will love us both enough to do this now, so I know YOUR wishes and they can be fulfilled as closely as possible. Research assisted living facilities. Research home health organizations. Have a plan in place we can both use.

Share your plan WITH me.

Promise me all of these things, so I can live the remainder of my life, knowing I honored you the best way that I could, knowing we had full and open communications, knowing we talked about the “what if’s.”

And lastly, promise me that you will never ask me again to promise you what you just asked of me. For without any direction or guidance from you, I will be guessing, and guessing is not what you want me to do with your life hanging in the balance. I don’t want to guess either, wondering if I’ve made the right decisions.

Guessing will only lay guilt at my feet and weigh heavily upon my shoulders.

If/when a crisis occurs, I will not be thinking straight. I will not be myself. I will not fully understand the ramifications of my decisions. I will be stunned and emotional. I will look and act like a zombie going through the motions. I will be confused and overwhelmed by medical staff saying things I don’t understand, and family members questioning my every move. Promise me you won’t do that to me.

By thinking about this now and deciding on what YOU want, we can put a plan together so there is no guessing. Saying “I love you” isn’t enough sometimes. Doing all of these things and preparing for that day ahead of time is a gift of pure love.

I will cherish and honor you for this gift, both now, as well as in my future. Thank you for protecting my soul, mom, dad. Thank you for loving me that much!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com