Plan Ahead

Live a Life That Matters

| Julie Hall

(Source unknown)

Ready or not, someday it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasures or baubles, will pass on to someone else.

Your wealth, fame, and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.  It will not matter what you owned or what you owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will disappear.  So too, your hopes, dreams, plans, and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that seemed so important will fade away.  It won’t matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived.

It won’t matter if you were beautiful or brilliant, and your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter?  How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built.

Not what you got, but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance.

It is not what you learned, but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, or sacrifice, that empowered, enriched, and encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.

It will not matter how many people you knew, but how many people will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those that loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.  It is a matter of choice.

© 2012 Julie Hall

I’m Seeing a Paradigm Shift

| Julie Hall

Lately, I have had an influx of calls that are resembling a pattern.  Boomer children are coming to grips with the financial hardship of long-term care for our elderly parents — and it comes at a high price.  We are living longer, but not necessarily healthier.

It used to be these boomers, of which I am one of them, called me to come out and appraise a few items or advise them on the best way to dissolve their estate.  Today, the phone calls have shifted to something a little more alarming.  “We need you to come out and advise us what these items will bring in today’s market.  Mom is in assisted living/nursing home and we have to sell everything to keep up with her care.  We even have to sell the family silver and heirlooms.”

These distress calls for help are a sign of the times.  It’s part poor economy, part living longer, and part not planning or saving as well as we could have or should have during our lives.  But even that last statement has multiple causes … I know many people who worked hard their entire lives, or were quite affluent, only to lose it in the stock market, ending up in possible foreclosure or financial ruin.

Sometimes it’s as simple as going through all the money the parent had, and now the children are doing their best to keep the parents’ care going; that includes selling what the children thought were valuable heirlooms.  Sometimes they do have value and sometimes they don’t, but the wrong time to sell is when the market is soft.

We need to learn from these hardships which are taking so much out on the children.  All of them thought it wouldn’t happen to them, but it did and it can.

I see a common denominator:  We are buying too much stuff we don’t need.  Shopping compulsions abound for men and for women.  At the end of the day, we are surrounded by piles of stuff and little money for our future.

MORAL TO THE STORY:  The frugal survive and thrive.  A little less HSN and QVC and a little more money saved for a rainy day.  This won’t solve all our problems, but it will build our confidence that we are doing all we can for an uncertain future, especially in healthcare costs.

© 2012 Julie Hall

Vulnerable Parents Can Protect Themselves

| Julie Hall

If you read last week’s blog, this title sounds like a contradiction to that article.  Read on, and you’ll understand how parents can protect themselves and prepare their belongings for distribution without exploitation.

In my work of helping seniors appraise the worth of their personal property, or liquidating it, I have seen examples of unsavory human behavior during the process.  This comes from family, friends, neighbors, or strangers. 

In dealing with a lifetime accumulation of stuff, seniors are often at a vulnerable place in their lives and daunted by the task.  That’s when predators appear, driven by insensitive greed and persuasive powers.  These unscrupulous mischief makers could be stopped in their tracks if only the senior had the knowledge of how much their personal property was worth.  

They should also proactively create a master list of what they perceive to be treasures – either sentimental or financial.  Parents should use professional appraisers to valuate their possessions now, adding the appraiser’s report to the master list, to protect from unscrupulous people, either inside the family or from outside.

When seniors have avoided making these choices by doing nothing for their estate planning and distribution, they are actually making a decision with dire consequences.  I always recommend that seniors distribute their treasures personally now, or in writing for distribution at death.  When the gift is personally made, however, they have the satisfaction of seeing the joy on the face of the recipient!

If a personal transaction is not done, then the next best thing is to write down who gets what on a master list.  This master list should be kept safely with the will.  Both documents will almost always minimize family disputes and exploitation.

Problems generate when the children or close relatives are burdened with dealing with the death of the senior, the pressure of dealing with the estate, and the overwhelming task of disposing of the personal property.  Seniors who recognize their own responsibility in this matter and make the decisions themselves are practicing the best defense against family quarrels or exploitation in any guise!

© 2012 Julie Hall

The Band-Aid Analogy

| Julie Hall

Sometimes you just don’t want to do what lies ahead of you.  The little angel on your right shoulder says you have to do it, and the little devil sitting on your left shoulder tells you to blow it off and forget about it.

This internal tug-of-war happens to each of us every day whether we are consciously aware of it or not.  But when it keeps nagging at you and occupies your every thought, it’s time for action. 

Think of the simplicity of the Band-Aid.  You cover up one of life’s little boo-boos and keep on going.  Eventually, you have to take that sticky thing off and naturally it’s fastened permanently to your arm hairs.  You know it’s going to hurt.  Maybe if you just ignore it, it will go away?  Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way.  You must face it head on.

Now you have two choices with that Band-Aid:

1.  Grab hold of the end and rip it off super fast so the pain only lasts a short while, or

2.  Slowly and painfully peel it back, taking every arm hair with it.

What kind of personality do you have?  Deal with it quickly and relatively painlessly, or do it slowly, methodically, and deal with the pain?

People can be like Band-Aids.  When dealing with estate settlement, very often these two personality types will have to intermingle, and sometimes without much success.

Try to be as amiable as possible and reach a compromise.  No matter which way you look at it, it’s painful, but going through it with someone else who understands and is willing to work together as teammates somehow makes it flow easier.

© 2011 Julie Hall

Make a Plan for the Ashes

| Julie Hall

Several years ago, I was preparing for an estate sale and found cremated remains in the bottom of a china hutch.  They were handed to the son, who promptly tossed them under the kitchen sink right in front of me.  Yes, you read that correctly.  The ashes were tossed in with the Comet, Cascade, rags, and Brillo pads.  I was aghast!  How could anyone do such a thing?

I called the attorney’s office to report this horrible act and offered something above and beyond my call of duty.  I offered to appropriately scatter the ashes in a beautiful place and say a prayer for this deceased person.

Today, years after the fact, I received a call asking me to handle the remains because no one else will.  It is a strange thought: here I am, a perfect stranger to the decedent, yet I care more about him than his own family.  I know there are laws concerning this and I will do my due diligence to appropriately handle this out-of-the-ordinary mission that has landed in my lap.  Surely a family member would care enough to tend to this need?  Sadly, not one of them does care.

This should be a reminder to us all that when a loved one is cremated (including our beloved pets), plans must be made in advance for their final resting place.  What if the one who has the ashes in their possession dies and no one in the family knows what to do with them?  This is especially important in blended families.  It’s not something we think about often, but a plan will ensure that the proper procedure will be followed when the time comes.

© 2011, The Estate Lady

It’s Better to Be Safe Than Sorry

| Julie Hall

You know you are in trouble when an expert shakes his head and says, “With the way the economy is going ….”  I share this because I sat with an expert just yesterday and he offered me sound advice which I want to share with you.

He’s not just a highly successful jeweler.  He’s been in the business 60+ years and knows a great deal about his industry.  I also knew immediately upon meeting him that this older gentleman had extensive knowledge about the market, where it’s headed, and what we can expect in the future.  Many clients ask me on a daily basis what my thoughts are on the market, so today I offer a little on precious metals and gems.

My mom had given me some scrap gold to sell and I have several items I no longer wanted, but some of the pieces are very nice.  So I went to him for a little advice: Should I sell now, or hold onto it for “a while?”

His eyes and demeanor were like that of a wise old sage, and he said the following:

1.  Don’t sell these items now if you don’t need the money.  One day, these items will probably be worth more than cash.  With the way the economy is going ….

2.  In his opinion, gold may very well hit $5000 per ounce in our lifetime, but not in the immediate future.

3.  If the US dollar lost its power, you would still have items to barter with.  At least you would have it, and it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Now, I know this isn’t rocket science and we’ve heard this before.  But the warmth and wisdom in which he delivered this information forced me to take heed and really listen.  So for now, those items are tucked back in the safe where they belong, taunting me with the question, “Will I ever need to pull it out in the future, if things got really bad?”  Well, at least it’s there if I need it.

© 2011, The Estate Lady

What is Value?

| Julie Hall

Let’s start by addressing what it is not.  Value is not a price you see on the internet or in a store.  That is only a numerical figure someone conjured up, very often based on their personal sentiment towards the item, or a price they once saw in a book.  The economy pretty much tossed that out the window.  It’s not the story the family handed down for generations that a particular piece is “very valuable.”  Maybe it is, but most likely, it’s not.  Sure it’s old, but that alone doesn’t guarantee value.  It may just be old.

Value is a very personal thing.  People want to believe what they have (or what grandma has) is valuable.  Price is determined by supply and demand, as well as the collector market.  As I have often said, there must be a demand for what you have.  You might have an antique china set from grandma — so does everyone else.  The supply is bountiful, but the demand simply isn’t there and this means the price is not going to meet your expectations, regardless of what they paid for it.  Those days are long gone.

If you have something rare (and most people think they do), you will need a professional personal property appraiser to confirm that, and also recommend where it should be sold.  For the record, “rare” means extraordinary, like a flawless diamond, and most of us do not have that.  What we have, and what we inherited, is a lot of stuff that is good and useable, but not necessarily valuable.

When in doubt, bring in someone like myself so that you can move forward and make good, solid decisions for your personal property.  Set your expectations accordingly so you will not be disappointed, and may, in fact, be pleasantly surprised.

© 2011, The Estate Lady

A Change in Your Health Can Mean a Change in Your Will

| Julie Hall

An estimated 50% of us have a will or trust!  This is not good news!

Most people have not yet comprehended (or accepted) that dying without a will is a very costly mistake that will negatively impact all you leave behind.  It’s not just about the hassles and frustrations your heirs will go through potentially for years, but the expenses involved.  Ultimately, the state you live in will make decisions regarding your estate that will not distribute it the way you would have chosen.  In a nutshell, get it done now and leave a legacy of respect, instead of resentment.

For those who do have a will, it is important to consider any changes in mental and physical health, as these could greatly impact the outcome of someone’s wishes.  For example, let’s say mom’s healthcare power of attorney states that dad makes all decisions for mom in the event she is incapacitated, vegetative state, etc.  Suddenly dad is exhibiting odd behavior and is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, which is progressing rapidly.  Can he now make sound decisions for mom?  Or, mom may not think about these details and this is the time for the children to talk with her about it.

So many Boomer children don’t know how to talk with their parents about these delicate issues, so permit me to offer some very sound advice.  It has to be done; it has to be discussed, as painful as it is.  If left “under the carpet,” no answers will be available to you should they become infirm or die.  Get the answers now, and do so with love and compassion.

Here’s one example: “Mom, we were thinking about yours and dad’s situation.  Now that dad is showing a decline in health, new decisions have to be made and documented so your wishes are fulfilled the way you would like them to be.  Dad is no longer capable of understanding complex issues, and you will need to choose a new healthcare power of attorney, so we can ensure the correct decisions will be made.  Can you please give this some thought?  Can we make an appointment with your attorney to have this changed soon?

This one example really gets you thinking.  Anytime there is a significant change in your life or a parent’s life, consider discussing ith an elder law or estate planning attorney.  Being proactive isn’t always easy or pleasant, but it can head off gut-wrenching issues that will occur at some point, especially if you have elderly loved ones.  Making sound decisions in the midst of crisis is not the optimal time to think clearly.

Lead with love, and start communicating while you can!

© 2011 Julie Hall

Downsizing = Daunting

| Julie Hall

“Daunting” is a good word to describe the downsizing process, and many questions and problems will arise during the process.  Selling household contents and clearing out a home after a loved one becomes infirm or passes away brings about great emotions which further complicate the process.

Consider it a labyrinth of issues — whichever way you go, there are even more questions and things to worry about.  There are many “unprofessional professionals” waiting in the wings to take advantage, so you must carefully choose the best professional to assist you.  The more knowledge you can amass, the better equipped you will be to make sound decisions and feel good about them.

Talk to different professionals: auctions, estate liquidators, consignment companies, to gather facts and see what each one can offer you.  Find out if they will come to your home and look at the items to be sold, what their percentage is, whether they charge a fee to pick those items up, can they provide references, do they work by contract (you want a contract!).  Remember too, to contact your local Better Business Bureau to make sure they have no unresolved complaints against them.

Ask around.  Talk to friends, colleagues, your attorney.  Most of all, find a professional you feel comfortable with and feel you can trust.  If your gut instinct tells you the fit is not right, listen to that instinct and continue searching for another professional.

Next week: A guide to hiring an estate liquidator

In the meantime, check out my book “How to Clean Out Your Parents’ Estate in 30 Days or Less” for so much more on this process.  See the link to the book at the right of this blog.

© 2011 Julie Hall

Revised Edition is Here!

| Julie Hall
Revised Edition

A year ago, I wrote a companion guide for my best-selling book, The Boomer Burden.  It was titled “A Boomer’s Guide for to Cleaning Out Your Parent’s Estate in 30 Days or Less.”  Last fall, I began to review the material and realized that I could make a good book … EVEN BETTER.

Be the first to read and benefit from … How To Clean Out Your Parents’ Estate in 30 Days or Less.  The original contents are almost entirely unchanged, but I have added more information, more advice, and more assistance to my readers.

In the revised edition, I have added more content on the actual cleaning out process.  How do you prepare for those tiring days of cleaning out?  What must be done first?  How do you handle all the photos and papers that you will uncover in the home? 

Like any inportant project that you undertake, you need to have two very important things ready: SUPPLIES and STRATEGY.  We discuss both.

Together, we do the Cleaning Out of the house one room at a time, beginning with the attic, and ending with the last box packed and the last bag dragged to the dumpster.  I give you everything you need to know to clean each area of the home, just as if I was with you on this project.

If you expect to deal with your parents’ home soon, or you know someone who is anticipating this difficult challenge, please read my book!  Cleaning Out your parents’s home can be done in 30 days or less with the right plan and preparation, and I want to help you accomplish this.

Simply click on the book title at the right under “Books By Julie” to link directly with Amazon. com and order yourself a copy.  Better yet, get a copy for each of your siblings.  It’s best to be prepared before the crisis hits, when grief and stress overcome the family.

© 2011 Julie Hall