Plan Ahead

5 Steps to Preserving Your Family History

| Julie Hall

I feel that many of us in our 40s, 50s, and 60s neglect to ask about our heritage until our loved ones are either infirm or they pass away.  What can we do now to preserve our family’s history and heritage?

  1. While your parents are still living, and if you are blessed to still have grandparents living, start asking questions.  Have them share stories and ask to go through photographs so you can play the “name that person” game.  All too often, I see heirs throwing away family photos because they are unidentified.  Make sure you ask your older relatives prior to memory impairment.
  2. Choose a small amount of photos that you would like to preserve and have them professionally copied for other siblings/heirs.  This is a lovely and meaningful gift to give.  Some clients have made memory books for each child, complete with the “who’s who.”
  3. If there are too many photographs to have reproduced or it is not financially feasible to do so, use your digital camera and photograph each photo.  This can be put on CDs for you and for other family members.  It costs very little and takes up almost no room.
  4. Remember if you handle original photos, keep them in acid-free envelopes.  Use a post-it note on the back to identify each subject in the picture, until you can create your own inventory sheet, reproduction photo, or CD.
  5. Use this article from Kimberly Powell to help you with proper scanning procedures:  http://genealogy.about.com/cs/digitalphoto/a/digital_photos.htm

Today I’ve discussed photos only, but there are many more ways to preserve your tangible family history.  Do you want to know the #1 BEST idea to presrve family history?  Check back next Monday!

© 2010 Julie Hall

Sneak Peak 2: Another Excellent List

| Julie Hall

Today, I’m giving you another look at the practical content of my new book, A Boomer’s Guide to Cleaning Out Your Parents’ Estate in 30 Days or Less.  This book is a carry-along guide, full of practical checklists and worksheets, and so much wisdom from my 20 years of experience in this field.  Click on the link to the right of this blog entry to get your own copy.  Buy one for each of your siblings too!

LOCATING CRITICAL PAPERWORK

Ideally, you have gotten all paperwork organized and accounted for, but in so many situations, this is not the case.  What follows is a list of what needs to be accumulated in order to best deal with your parents’ estate:

  • Will
  • Power of Attorney
  • Investment statements
  • Life Insurance policies
  • Automobile insurance
  • Safe combination
  • Credit card information
  • Computer passwords
  • Address book
  • Real estate documents
  • see my book for 12 more items you will need to have ready…

Knowing all the people who may have assisted your parents with the above paperwork may help you locate it.

  • Banker
  • In-home care professional
  • Accountant
  • Financial Planner
  • Doctor
  • there are 5 more people listed in my book…

Important papers are often stashed in unusual places.  Consider these locations when going through the home in search of paperwork and important documents.

  • Under or in mattresses
  • Books or Family Bible
  • Above cabinets, cornices
  • Closets – unmarked boxes
  • Luggage compartments
  • Behind or in picture frames
  • Bottom of dresser drawers
  • there’s many more places to search listed in my book…

How to empty the family home without losing your mind!  That’s a concept that every Boomer should value, and this book gives you all you need!  Since it begins with a section on “One or Both Parents are Living and Still in Their Home”, you’ll be able to use this guide immediately and keep using it until you actually have to clean out the home.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Sneak Peek: Practical Wisdom

| Julie Hall

Over the next couple of weeks,  I want to give you a taste of the practical wisdom I have poured into my latest book.  The title is “A Boomer’s Guide to Cleaning Out Your Parents’ Estate in 30 Days or Less.”  I definitely believe this is a realistic time frame, although many boomers spend years struggling with this process.  Sometimes they move the parents’ belongings to expensive storage buildings, while they fight or avoid dealing with the stuff.  It doesn’t have to be that painful or protracted; the estate can be cleared out in a deliberate and decisive way.  It can be done with this guide.

This is a practical workbook that you can take along in your briefcase or pocketbook, and check off completed items, make personal notes, fill in worksheets.

Here’s a taste of what to expect, except in my book there is room for notes and there are boxes beside each item to check when complete.

WHAT TO DO IMMEDIATELY WHEN MOM OR DAD HAVE PASSED AND THE ESTATE REMAINS

The executor has a responsibility to protect all that the parents owned until all decisions have been made about the proper distribution and dissolution methods.  The following are important, critical first steps to be taken by the executor or estate attorney in order to properly protect and prepare the estate on behalf of the deceased parents.

  • Collect keys / change residential and other property locks (no exceptions)
  • New master keys to be in the executor’s and/or estate attorney’s possession only
  • Notify heirs and family members that locks have been changed for security reasons
  • Remove valuables (should only be done by the executor or executrix) including: (see my book for the specifics)
  • Notify heirs and family members that removal of valuables is temporary only until the estate is settled
  • Prepare a list of all valuables to be kept in executor’s or estate attorney’s file for documentation
  • Hire a professional appraiser to assess all valuables

This represents only a third of the material I’ve given in my book for this one list alone.  If you’d like to read more, you can get a copy of my book by clicking on the link at the right of this blog.  Another sample of my book next week!

© 2010 Julie Hall

Are You Ready?

| Julie Hall

Carolyn was 96 years old and had a lovely three bedroom home filled with antiques passed down from previous generations.  It was obvious that Carolyn and her predecessors had taken great pride in these heirlooms because they were in immaculate condition.  She had done everything right: she left all items in their original condition, she knew the history and stories that went with each piece, and she kept them out of direct sunlight and away from the heat vents.

I met Carolyn six months prior to her passing.  Her 2 children were present, and everyone wanted to know the values of Carolyn’s possessions from her mother’s and grandmother’s estates dating back to the 1850s.  Earlier, the children had spoken with me privately and told me their mother had not prepared a will and asked me to impress upon her the importance of doing so. 

As I examined each piece, I spoke with Carolyn about the importance of making out a will so she could determine what would happen to all of these valuable antiques, but Carolyn was adamant.  “I don’t need a will.  I’ve written on a piece of notebook paper my wishes for my children, and that’s good enough.  If it isn’t, then they can just fight over it.”  And so they would.  The children looked at me and grimaced.  They knew the complications that awaited them if their mother didn’t draft a legal will: potential years of red tape with hefty attorney fees.

Carolyn eventually passed away peacefully, but there was little peace for the family.  No one ever found the handwritten note, so it became a game of “Mom said I could have this,” and “No, she promised that to me.”  Sadly, it was years before the estate was settled, and no one was happy with the outcome.

I wish this story was the exception, but in my experience, it is the norm.  According to a Harris Interactive study, 55 percent of Americans have not bothered to see an attorney to prepare a will.  Have you???

How different would Carolyn’s passing have been for her family with a little more preparation and a visit to an attorney to make everything official!

© 2010 Julie Hall

Three More Important Tips for Personal Property

| Julie Hall

We’re continuing our discussion of important tips for dealing with personal property in an estate.  Here are the final three tips:

3.  Just because it is old doesn’t mean it is valuable.  This is my personal mantra.  Each day, I must face clients and report the truth based on facts.  Depression glass may have been the rage 12 years ago, but today the market is pretty flat, much like the beloved Hummel figurines of mother’s day.  It’s important to understand the distinction between monetary and sentimental value.  If great-grandfather made it in 1865, it is certainly old and very special to us.  This, however, does not indicate or equate to significant monetary value.  It does hold value in the heart, though.

4.  PLEASE hire a professional before you have a yard sale on your own.  In my career, I have seen things thrown in the trash, dumpsters, yard sales, etc. that children put there or sold for next to nothing.  In actuality, they were worth a small fortune!  Knowledge really is power.   Parents, consider getting your heirlooms evaluated prior to your passing, so you can leave this information for your heirs.  Children, ask questions about the history of these heirlooms while mom and dad can still tell you.  Discuss together the possibility of gifting prior to death.  At the very least, mom and dad should document who gets what.

5.  When using professionals in the industry, check them out first.  Make sure they have no unresolved complaints against them with the Better Business Bureau.  Ask them for professional references, and ask how long they have been doing this work.  Ask your friends, neighbors, and other professionals if they can recommend estate professional appraisers and liquidators.  Be very leary of those who “dabble” in estate sales or yard sales; you need a pro.  If you think hiring a professional is expensive, you should try hiring an amateur.

© 2010 Julie Hall

“Mom and Dad Left Us a Mess!”

| Julie Hall

Q: My mother died a few months ago and I am completely overwhelmed with the accumulated mess she left behind.  Though I tried to offer help on many occasions through the years, she would hear no part of clearing out her stuff.  I spend most of my days in tears, resentful that she left me this mess, squeezed between my family, my job, and her affairs.  Do you have any advice for me to handle this daunting task?  Can you at least tell others not to do this to their children?

A:  You have touched upon one of the most important aspects of my work and of my public speaking.  In my work, I deal with children every day who are flying in and out of town, trying to handle parents’ estates.  The “Sandwich Generation” is caught between caring for our parents and our children, with not enough of us to go around, especially when geographically remote from either parents or children.

When I speak, I talk openly about accumulation, what to do about it, how to begin thinning out your stuff, or get rid of it altogether.  Evaluation is the first step in any estate settlement process.  Children are often in a crisis mode and don’t know where to begin this daunting task.  Finding a company or person you can trust to help you understand the values of your parents’ personal property is paramount.

Once you are armed with that information, you are better able to decide what can be thrown out, what can be donated, what to keep, etc.  Remember that knowledge is power.  If you do not possess the knowledge to make these decisions, find a professional who does and can offer you objective information.  This professional can also help you sell items of value, and clear out the estate.  These services are especially valuable if you live out of town and have limited time to spend handling the estate.

Often I find my older clients have massive accumulations in their attic, closets, basement, and garage.  The reasons are numerous and not always understandable.  My guess is that they don’t know how to handle the accumulations either.

All too often, I sit beside a child whose parent has just died; they are angry that mom or dad left this mess, and they are grieving too.  This becomes a double blow to their heart and spirit.  If parents could see what I see, they wouldn’t do this to their children.  How would you like to be remembered?

© 2010 Julie Hall

Mom Refuses to Create a Will

| Julie Hall

Thanks to another reader for this excellent question.

Q:  My mother refuses to have a Last Will and Testament drawn up.  She doesn’t want to hear about the ramifications that would be present if she died without a will.  It hurts me to think she will not take care of this matter.  How can I get her to listen?

A:  You are certainly not alone in your concerns for your mother.  For each of us, facing our own mortality can never be a pleasant thing.  Yet preparing a will and other legal documents is perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give our loved ones.  When you prepare a will, you assure that things are done according to your wishes when you pass away.

I recommend that you contact an attorney or paralegal.  While I am not one, I can share with you many situations where I am brought into an estate where the individual died intestate (without a will).  What a complete nightmare!  I wouldn’t wish that horrible mess on anyone, let alone my loved ones.

The attorneys/state get deeply involved, creditors hassle the family, family members are in a constant state of unrest, and any money from the estate often goes right out the door, instead of going to loved ones.  It is grueling and time consuming, not to mention distressing and miserable!  When you don’t have a will, you doom your heirs to potentially years spent closing your estate.  Why would you knowingly do that?

We go to great lengths to preserve our heirlooms and other personal property.  Since we can’t take them with us when we pass away, doesn’t it make sense to make preparations for all that you worked hard for in your lifetime, and protect that with a will or trust and other legal paperwork?  It makes sense to me!

© 2010 Julie Hall

A Word About Blended Families

| Julie Hall

Today, I’m answering a question from a reader.

Q: We have a blended family with grown children that are my husband’s, mine, and ours together.  We are long retired, the children are grown, and we know it is time to make some serious decisions about our estate and division of heirlooms.  For years, two of our children have been bickering over one piece in particular.  Naturally we want to be fair, but I think our biggest concern is if one of the children gets an heirloom that doesn’t really belong to them because they are not from that side of the family.  How can we handle this delicately?

A: About 40% of my clients have challenges with their blended family and personal property distribution.  Here are a few basic guidelines; stick with these.

Though children grow into adults, they still need our guidance.  At this stage, it is vital that you provide your children with precise directions for the time of your death.  Offer your children your last wishes, documents regarding heirlooms, Last Will and Testament, Living Will, Health Care Power of Attorney, etc.  An attorney can help you prepare these documents, which are absolutely necessary.

As for heirlooms, engage in a frank discussion with your husband first.  Pull out a notepad and write down all of your decisions regarding all of your children and what you think each one should have.  Remember, if you do this for one child, you must do it for all of them.  It might be wise to enlist the help of an appraiser/personal property expert to help you ascertain the values of these possessions to keep the distribution financially equivalent for each child.

Keep a spreadsheet naming each child, then list the heirlooms that belong to each “bloodline”.  Next, call a family meeting with you, your husband, and your children only — No spouses of the children should be present.  It is best to do this in person, otherwise, make individual phone calls.  Share with your children your wishes and that you have documented who gets what and their current monetary values.

Make sure each child gets a copy of this document and make it very clear that there will be no feuding because these are your wishes and decisions.

Many clients leave it at that, which I do not recommend.  My suggestion is to arrange the transfer of that heirloom to the children while you are alive.  This way, fewer “mistakes” can happen after your death, and you will know everyone got everything you wanted them to have.  Peace of mind is a beautiful thing!

© 2010 Julie Hall

Keep Their Memory Alive

| Julie Hall

The journey from your parents’ first signs of decline to the day their house is finally emptied may be long and difficult, filled with more stress and sorrow than you deserve.  Now that the casseroles are finished, the cards are read, and the relatives have returned home, what can you do to keep their memory alive?

Here are several ways you and your family can honor your parents and enjoy them forever.

  1. Plant a tree in their memory.  One family planted a silver maple tree – mom’s favorite – at the assisted living center where she lived.  It’s just a few blocks from her grave and remains a living memory of her.
  2. Distribute cuttings from a favorite plant. 
  3. Share favorite recipes.  Create a small recipe book of mom and dad’s favorite recipes and distribute to the relatives.
  4. Keep the fishing trip alive.  Harold took his two sons on a fishing trip to remote Ontario every spring.  The spring after his death, those sons planned a fishing trip with their own sons and daughters.  It’s now an annual tradition.
  5. Create a memory book.  Remember all those boxes of photos you found when you cleared your parents’ home?  Scan them on to a computer and create a memory book to share with the family.  Or, take those old home movies and transfer them to DVDs and distribute to the family.
  6. Give a lifelong gift.  Many families contribute to charities and causes in memory of their parents.  You don’t have to be extremely wealthy and have a building named after you to make a difference.  One family pays for an annual scholarship that allows one underprivileged child to go to YMCA camp every summer — in the name of their parents.  Another family pays for the Vacation Bible School supplies at their church each year, since mom always loved to teach children.
  7. Make a family DVD.  Local video companies can document family members sharing their memories of parents.
  8. Recreate your parents’ presence.  This looks different for every family.  Did Dad always smell of Old Spice aftershave lotion?  Was there always Glenn Miller music playing at mom’s house when the family arrived?  Create tangible reminders that can brighten a sad day or a family celebration for years to come.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Is it Time to Make a Change?

| Julie Hall

Whether due to unsettling financial crisis or a “blessed event” in your family, it may be time to change your will.  How long has it been since you reviewed your will?  There’s no time like the present to find your will and review your decisions and circumstances related to your final wishes.

You can change or update a will at any time.  An amendment to the will is referred to as a codicil.  I recommend you consult an attorney when you change a will as some changes are considered minor, and some may require a completely new will.

Here are some reasons for updating a will:

  • The family changes due to a birth, adoption, marriage, divorce, or death.
  • Major changes occur in the amount of property owned.
  • Tax laws change (federal and state).
  • Residence changes from one state to another.
  • The executor or guardian can no longer serve.
  • You decide – for any reason – to change the distribution of your property.

Remember, you must be careful to match the beneficiaries in your will to your other financial assets as well.  

Two more important reminders:

  1. Keep the  original will in a safe place such as a fireproof lock box or a bank safe deposit box.
  2. Make sure the family knows where the will is kept.  I recommend that all members of the immediate family know where the will is kept, as a precaution.  The executor should have a copy of the will, or know where it is kept and have a key to access the will immediately, if needed. 

If you have taken my advice and created a master list of your valuable possessions, their estimated or appraised value, and who you have chosen to receive each item, keep that master list with the original will.  Be sure that the executor and the immediate family have a copy of the list.

© 2010 Julie Hall