“Dear Dad”

October 1, 2013 | Julie Hall

Part 1

There comes a time in everyone’s lives where you either face the demon or you don’t. Not one to shy away from much, including a nasty demon who was helping himself to my father, something simply had to be done.

I knew long before anyone else in the family that dad was exhibiting signs of dementia. When I brought it up to my mom and sibling back in 2006, they thought I was nuts … only, I wasn’t. It was the one time I wished I was wrong. It wasn’t long before dad knew something was wrong too. One day he confided in me that he was worried because his once sharp memory was “fading fast and he couldn’t remember things anymore.”

I encouraged dad to see his family doctor for testing, but he never did or he cancelled appointments. Mom didn’t push the issue, despite my sweet badgering, because as I was to learn later on, she was afraid. So afraid to uncover the truth that it seemed to paralyze her, and she was a strong woman.

The letter I will share with you is a very personal demonstration of love between my father and myself, and how I saw things as they were rudely unfolding and trying to blacken our world. Not knowing what to do, or even how to begin doing it, I looked deep inside to find the right kind of solution because I felt damn helpless. All my life I could solve any problem, help anyone, come up with solutions. But I couldn’t beat this … not with all the tenacity in the world!

Of everything that I had heard about dementia, how could anything ever be right again? It was that quiet inner voice that won my attention and I tried to reach my father through the love I had for him. “Love conquers all,” they say, and if that is true, my words would touch my father’s soul. That is exactly what I intended. If I couldn’t help him fight and win, the least I could do was offer love and hold him up.

I just found this special letter in a box among my mother’s “keepsakes” from her estate; she kept it for a reason. If you know anyone who can benefit from it, please pass it along, because it worked. It reached both mom and dad and we all faced this demon together. Being the front guy facing this enemy is the single, most frightening experience of my life. There was no sword big enough, nor shield large enough to protect from its talons. But there is always love …

Part 2 … coming next week

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Show Me the Money

September 10, 2013 | Julie Hall

Yesterday I went to a local, but well-known, antique show held once a month. I was there at 9:00 am to get in the door early enough to try and seek out treasures, but the strange thing was that no one was waiting in line. At first, I thought maybe I had the date wrong. I could not figure out why the attendance was so low.

Granted, it was still early, and as the day went on, more people came but I didn’t see anyone buying much.

I was lucky enough to find a motivated, successful dealer. I use the word “successful” because he gets it … you must negotiate to sell items, unless you have very rare pieces that will command top dollar. That is much harder to find than people realize. I must have spent a couple of hours with this one dealer who let me “pick” through his tubs of scrap silver, jewelry, etc., and he gave me very fair prices, so I will be a repeat customer.

Picture this: Dealers who have been there year after year with the same items, refusing to come down in price, even though the heyday for these items has come and gone. The heyday may come back again one day, but not anytime soon. Sadly, these dealers are so set in their ways; they will probably perish before they come down in price. They have the mentality that they must double or triple (or more) their money and they won’t settle for anything less. They are the dealers sitting in their booths, reading a book or newspaper, and not engaging in any human contact. I almost took a photo of one dealer fast asleep!

When these dealers pass away, their kids will sell these items by sending them to an auction or through a liquidator. They are holding out for a certain amount or perceived value that will not come to fruition. Can you imagine traveling, packing, and unpacking these items for years and not selling all that much? To each his own, but that seems like a waste of time to me. I would be more motivated to move product.

Compare these dealers to the first dealer who cut me great deals and was willing to negotiate … Who do you think will find favor with more buyers? Who will get more business because they negotiate, and are pleasant and easy to work with?

Still, there are other dealers that are catching on and placing signs on their tables: “$1.00 Table,” “$5.00 Table,” “Nothing over $30.00 but ask for best price” tables, I even saw “FREE STUFF” boxes and they were still full! These dealers are beginning to see the light. It’s as if I wanted to jump on top of the table to shout, “ATTENTION EVERYONE! We are battling weary economic times! Come on now … this stuff is not going to bring in what it did in 2005!”

If you want buyers to show you the money, you have to meet them halfway. It has, without question, become a buyers market. For those with extra cash to spend, you can rack up some great deals, even investment quality pieces.

ESTATE LADY TIP: Silver and gold are beginning to inch up again. Buy what you can afford now. It could go up rapidly depending on current global situations.

Ms. Faye

August 7, 2013 | Julie Hall

As with most of my clients, I have a tendency to get attached. At 94, she carried herself in a very youthful manner and looked more like a 60-year-old with manicured nails, perfectly applied makeup and gorgeous white hair that was set every few days.

She and I had grown close while working together on her downsizing move to a retirement/continuing care community. Ms. Faye turned out to be one of my biggest supporters, always making an appearance at one of my local speeches and having photos taken with me for her memory book. She had outlived everyone, including a beloved husband that she often reminisced about, but she was determined to enjoy life solo.

Uncharacteristic for a woman of her era, she made the decision to sell her estate jewelry and travel extensively, because in her words, “When you’re gone, you’re gone.”

Unusual as she was bustling with energy and always had a smile on her face, I asked her one day over lunch what her secret was. She paused for a moment to reflect and suddenly a wide smile, that matched her glowing complexion, emerged on her face. “It’s really very simple. Always look up and never look down. And always choose close friends that are younger than you because they will keep you young in spirit — the older ones die and leave you.”

There it was in a nutshell — life according to Ms. Faye. She said it with gusto through her red Estee Lauder lips. It’s difficult to forget someone like Ms. Faye. Her words were so simple but powerful, and were her secret to longevity.

Not long after our lunch together, Ms. Faye died quietly and unexpectedly during the night. While she is no longer here, I still smile every time I think about her. I think of this older woman who had lived through and seen so much, and I remember her words, “Always look up and never look down.”

I think it is important to spread stories as upbeat as this, especially when the news all around us seems all doom and gloom. Some would think it is sad that she died, but she left this earth doing what she wanted, whenever she wanted, and how she wanted it. In my eyes, not a bad passing at all. Thanks for the smiles and new mantra, Ms. Faye.

Rest in heavenly peace.

The Yard Sale

July 15, 2013 | Julie Hall

Funny how the simplest things often have the biggest impact in our lives. I was only five years old, but I remember it well. Dad told mom he wanted to hit some of the yard sales in the neighborhood. She just rolled her eyes because she did not share in his enthusiasm for “buying other people’s junk.” Dad, however, always felt there could be hidden treasure out there. To him, that treasure might be finding a good rake for $2.

Dad turned to the little me and asked, “Want to go, Jul?” I was only too happy to go on an adventure with him. As small as I was, there was something appealing about how dad described yard sales. I ran to my room where I promptly raided the pink piggy bank of the $3. it contained, mostly in coins. Instinctively, I somehow knew the drill.

Mom was right about many of the sales; a lot of it looked like junk. So dad and I continued walking through the large neighborhood, hand in hand, in hopes of bringing home a keeper.

As we headed up a long driveway, I caught a glimpse of it in the sunshine — the prettiest owl I had ever seen. You would have thought I had found my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and my eyes remained focused on that owl until it landed in my little hands for me to study. I turned it over and dad told me it said it was made in Mexico … a pottery owl made in Mexico. Wow! I had to have it. The masking tape sticker said $1.

Dad tried to talk me out of it because $1 was a lot of money in 1967. But my stubborn streak had already made itself known and he gave in to the Mexican owl. He taught me how to negotiate with the owner, but she must have liked the owl too, for she refused to come down from the dollar. It was okay because I really wanted it. Believe it or not, I still have the memory of handing that lady the money and her handing me the coveted owl. Mom never said a word about my owl, but probably thought dad had just created a yard sale monster.

I still have that owl in my kitchen and yes, I still love it.

It’s no longer the aesthetic value that holds my heart, but what the owl represents. Little did I know then, that my life would be dedicated to the understanding and handling of personal property and the many issues that come with it — how to sell it, what it’s worth, what should be kept, donated and thrown away, etc. I had no inkling that I would eventually become The Estate Lady®. Looking back, I can see clearly how that one special day with dad helped shape a little girl.

Just as my father’s dementia was getting really bad, I recounted this story for him and handed him the owl as he sat at my kitchen table. I told him he was the one who sent me on this journey when I was only 5 years old and that he lead me to my purpose. Dad studied the owl and ran his fingers along the edge. He turned it over to reveal the word “Mexico.” Suddenly, his face lit up as he recognized it from long time ago. I saw his eyes tear up and he asked me how long it had been since that day at the yard sale.

“Forty-five years, Dad. It’s been 45 years since then.”

As dad continued to reflect on the owl and that memory we both managed to preserve, he simply said, “Where did the time go, dear? It goes so fast.”

Dad died shortly thereafter. Even with dementia, we shared a powerful memory when all else was lost. Now the owl is even more precious to me!

The Violin

July 9, 2013 | Julie Hall

The unexpected grandeur was almost more than I could handle. I have never felt my spirit soar quite like this, having explored the entire interior of Alaska this month. Being in the midst of such untouched beauty is exactly what the doctor ordered to renew my soul after losing so much personally last year.

Part of the trip was a luxury cruise, and like most cruises, one has a tendency to get a bit lazy eating way too much. It did not surprise me that my teenage daughter went in one direction, and hubby and I went in another. There was a small lounge on our way back to the cabin that had hourly entertainment, and it was there that my ears instantly lead me to, almost as if I had to go listen. From a distance I could hear the delicate but soulful draw of the bow against the violin, an instrument I have always had an affection for. In the wrong hands, this instrument can make your head hurt and create cringes as powerful as nails on a chalkboard. In the right hands, it will bring the listener to tears.

The group was originally from the Philippines, with one on the violin and another on classical guitar. What drew me to their sound was the perfection of what I heard, and “perfection” is not a word I use easily. Having studied classical music for most of my childhood and adolescence, I knew a pro when I heard them. The violin is a temperamental instrument, so when you found someone who could make it sing, it was always worth listening.

During their short break, the violin sat by itself on the polished black baby grand. Alone, it was a pretty thing, but it was just an inanimate object that sat there waiting for its owner. It was powerless without him. The gentleman dressed in black returned, picked up the violin, and nestled it under his chin, drawing his bow in preparation to play.

From the moment that bow met with the strings, I knew that this wooden instrument was more a part of him than his own arm. He had clearly dedicated his life to the pursuit of beautiful music and had a love affair with this violin, rarely seen. It was not a matter of commanding the violin to do what he wanted; it was a matter of letting his spirit invade it and the two becoming one. He played classics from all eras, including some easy listening, some classical, some love songs. My eyes never left his upper torso, witnessing how much love he had for the sound they created together, and how his body moved with the violin, bringing it to life. The violin was only too happy to perform.

Corny as it sounds, when he started playing Somewhere Over the Rainbow, I just lost it and the tears came. Never had I heard such clarity, felt such powerful emotion and admiration … on a cruise ship for that matter! His talent was wasted here in the middle of the North Pacific, or so I thought before realizing how much pleasure he brought to those who were listening.

I don’t know his name, this stranger who brought me to tears. Perhaps it was the breathtaking scenery of ice capped mountains, icebergs, and glaciers that had already touched me. what I do know is how rare it is to find someone who has dedicated themselves to one thing, in the quest of being the best they can be. Clearly, he had a calling and a gift, but we all do whether we realize it or not. The time has come to look within ourselves to uncover our gifts so that we can move forward in our lives, touching others with our gifts. I believe this is the purpose of our lives.

Whoever he is, he will never know the positive impact he had on me. I can only hope someone will discover him and get him on a stage where he can touch many more!

Venturing Outside “The Box”

June 28, 2013 | Julie Hall

There’s a place we all retreat to that is as comfortable as our favorite pair of old blue jeans. We have a tendency to stay inside our box so we feel we are in a protected territory, comforted and safe from the world out there. It is a place that, while not very adventurous, virtually assures us an existence of simplicity and familiarity; there is nothing wrong with that if it’s what we choose.

This was my year to go outside of my nice, comfy box and I knew it would take much self-talk to get it done. Deep down, I love the idea of adventure, but end up being a weenie … kind of like the canary who dreams of being an eagle. Numerous internal conversations between the many Julies that exist inside me said it was time to do things I had never done before … to go beyond my comfort zone.

I decided it was time for a little adventure. Maybe it’s time to feel alive again. Maybe it’s just a mid-life crisis. Maybe it’s because I had a lovely, but very cautious upbringing and felt the need to break out of the mold just a little bit. So here’s what I did:

I kayaked among Orcas in 1,200 feet of pristine water, admiring ancient forests from the ice age and bald eagles soaring overhead, as my paddles gently cut through the water. Not a sound to be heard except me and nature. Even seals popped up in curiosity. I should have worn a diaper, but I was so awestruck, I didn’t even feel nervous.

Always afraid of heights, I encouraged myself to get on a tiny “bubble” helicopter and see glaciers and mountains from a different point of view. Even though the pilot didn’t look old enough to drive, I really pushed myself to enjoy the adventure and it was exhilarating! Truth be told, I was happy to have my feet on the ground again, but would have denied myself this beauty had I not gone high in the sky. Here are some images of that flight.

Look at the gorgeous blue glacier lake on the white snow from 5,000 feet up. It looks like Tide detergent on a white sheet!

I trekked the top of a glacier, hearing crunches and crackling of ice with every step I took. Some steps looked as if I was walking on water as you could see running water under the clear icy surface. They say some of these pockets are several hundred feet deep and I certainly didn’t want to end up in one of them. But, how many times will I ever get to walk on a glacier? That is what fueled my feet to go further.

To see a gathering of humpback whales working together to feed was an incredible and incomparable experience. They say it is rare to see this, but we saw it several times. I was lucky enough to catch a photo, with my husband holding onto me in the back of a rocky boat and me hanging over the edge to get the photo. I was the only one to get it too, because I was willing to go over the edge, with a little help from hubby. How awesome is this?

We ventured farther into Denali than most. To see this vast, protected land with wild animals and ecosystems that work in sync with each other was really a sight to behold. Thank God for the people who conserve such places. Mt. McKinley (Denali) is breathtaking!

I did not go on the world’s biggest zip line. OK, so I chickened out on that one, but I figured, “Why tempt fate with a dinky metal cable?” No matter how much self-talk I engaged in, the answer was always “NO way!”

I am blessed! Blessed that I was able to have these experiences, blessed with wonderful family and friends, blessed in many aspects. Ultimately, the ability to go outside our comfort zone is a very personal decision. All I kept asking myself during this trip was, “What if I hadn’t done these things?” Look at what I would have missed!

So here I sit in the comfort of my office sharing this with you. I can honestly say I didn’t miss riding the biggest zip line in the world. Now that I can live with!

More Lessons for Fellow Entrepreneurs

May 24, 2013 | Julie Hall

In the last blog post, I began talking about becoming an entrepreneur, and I promised to share the most important lessons I have learned in building a successful business.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do it. You can and will find a way. People who say things like that are often a bit envious of the entrepreneurial spirit, or perhaps live with regrets of their own. It’s also possible they just don’t understand.
If you don’t try, you will always wonder about what “could have been.” Avoid living with regret and guilt by trying your best. Regret will catch up with you when you are elderly, as I often hear from my clients. Nothing bad can ever come from trying your best. The human spirit needs to put forth effort to have some sense of satisfaction.
When you come to crossroads in your life as an entrepreneur, always go with your gut instinct. It’s interesting that we often let our heads get in the way of what our gut already knows. My gut has never lied to me. Tune into it, listen attentively, and keep moving. Do not get stuck in the decision-making process. If the first decision didn’t work, try another approach.
Stay the course. So you’ve stumbled and what you had planned isn’t working. Take polls from business leaders you trust. Ask questions and figure out what is needed to move on to the next level. Perhaps you need a different company image, or you are not marketing to the right audience. Ask, ask, and ask again until the answers come.
Figure out what it is specifically that makes you different and better than your competitors. Capitalize on those differences, and you now have a new marketing campaign — a fresh approach to hammer away at those you want to reach, whether by email, flyers, marketing packets, etc.
The best advertising in the world is a happy customer. No amount of high dollar advertising is nearly as good as the people you please with your work. The step that most entrepreneurs forget is to ASK your clients to tell others about you. You must become a shameless self-promoter, but do so graciously and always with a smile. Find a way to get in with large groups of people at one time. Think smart!
Identify what it is you are selling. Sounds crazy, but most people haven’t figured out they are not selling gizmos or a service. I am an estate professional who specializes in personal property. Do I just sell people’s stuff? No, I sell a solution — multiple solutions. Really think about this one.
Follow through with passion and tenacity. My business adviser told me many years ago that the real reason entrepreneurs fail isn’t for lack of great ideas. There are many bright, ambitious, and creative entrepreneurs-to-be out there. They simply fail for one of two reasons: financial reasons, or they never go for it with everything they’ve got. Their follow-through is weak and the business never has a fair chance at taking off.
Be the best at what you do. Don’t allow yourself, your ideas, or your company to get swallowed up by others who do the same thing. You must do it better, as the cream always rises to the top.
Always look forward and never look back. Ever notice how some people live in the past and seem to get stuck there? It’s ok to visit the past and learn from what went wrong, but then, turn it into a positive so it works to your benefit.
For every problem you encounter, there is a solution.
Always be kind, courteous, and compassionate. Kindness gets noticed because so few people actually practice it.

May this guidance bring as much happiness and success to your life as it has for mine.

Entrepreneurs: If I Can Do It, You Can Too

May 15, 2013 | Julie Hall

If I only knew then, what I know now …

Twenty three years ago, I had this crazy idea while sitting at my corporate desk, that if I was going to work this hard for them, I might as well work that hard for myself. I also thought, “Julie, how can you even think of this? You must be off your rocker to consider leaving the reliability of a paycheck and benefits.” Like a lightning bolt from the sky, an intense thought grabbed hold of this young woman at the exuberant age of 27 and it never let go. People say this is the first sign you are an entrepreneur.

From that day to now, I feel compelled to share with every person who is reading this: if I had the chance to do it all again, I wouldn’t change a thing. It was the right decision, made me wise beyond my years, and honestly comes with zero regret. However, it was not an easy road. In fact, there was no road at all in my chosen field. I found myself at an instant crossroad before I took my first step. Do I move forward into the abyss not knowing what I am doing and make a road for others to follow one day? Or should I turn around and stay in a job I didn’t care for but had a steady paycheck. As it turned out, I discovered I am an excellent bulldozer and I paved the way to what I was meant to do. The really great news: if I can do it, you can too.

One of the first lessons you learn as an entrepreneur is that while a multitude of resources are available to you, ultimately you are on your own. What an isolating feeling. You learn quickly what you are made of. It takes great strength and stamina to fulfill your dream, not to mention the patience and support of those closest to you. More than that, it takes tenacity of spirit, a positive mindset when you feel like crumbling and crying (and yes, that will happen), and the ability to get back up when you were just knocked down.

As a mother, when my daughter was learning to walk and she stumbled and fell, I would encourage her to get right back up immediately, brush herself off, and go on to her next adventure. So too, is the unpredictable life of an entrepreneur. Get right back up, and no matter what, keep moving forward. Throughout the years, there nave been many times I felt like the hamster that runs on that wheel with lots of vigor, but never really gets anywhere. Looking back I actually was going somewhere, but the holding patterns and plateaus are very frustrating. Yet they are part of our growth.

People venture out as entrepreneurs for many different reason. Some receive a strong calling, perhaps an invention in their mind or a service which will bring relief to the consumer. Others feel they are better off building their own business; still others thrive on the satisfaction they receive on the road to success. For me, it was all of the above.

What I wouldn’t have given back then to have the experience and valuable knowledge I possess today! Next week, I’ll share the most important lessons I have learned in building a successful business. Please don’t miss this knowledge for yourself or someone you know.

Voice of an Angel

May 10, 2013 | Julie Hall

Sometimes life surprises you with a pleasant experience you never saw coming. If you’re a deep thinker like me, you might wonder why it happened to you and what possible purpose this experience could have on your life.

I was coming home from an estate clean out. These are fast-paced, energy zapping days that involve selling items which can be sold, packing up the rest of the entire estate for donation, and leaving the home empty for the heirs so the house can be sold — and it all takes place within a few short days. I was very tired and ready to return home to a hot shower.

On the way home in the car, I grumbled to myself having noticed the gas tank was on “E” and had to stop for gas. Upon getting out of my car at the pump, every muscle let me know they were most displeased. It seemed like it took forever to accomplish such a mundane task. There I was, going through the motions of swiping the credit card, unscrewing the gas cap, squeezing the trigger. If anyone could fall asleep standing up, it would be me at that moment. Unaware of much, I just wanted to get back into the car and go home.

Then I heard something that pulled my attention away from the pain. Over the loud music the gas station was blasting above my head, I heard a very faint, melodic sound. I had to strain to hear it at first; it was so soft. High pitched and perfectly in tune, I blocked out the loud music above to hone in on what apparently only I had heard. No one else seemed to notice. If anyone had a video camera on me, they would have thought I was nuts. Moving my body to the left and right, going around in circles to identify where this gorgeous sound was coming from, I abandoned my car and the pumping gas to find out.

Walking a few steps to my left, there he was … a character few would ever really notice. A young man no older than his mid-20s stood pumping gas not far from me. He was definitely from the country, based on his clothing, but his beard was shaped rather gothic and he had earrings. There he was just pumping gas into his car and he was singing to himself. Never would you think this sound could come out of him. It was an unnaturally high voice to be coming from a man, and it was other-worldly. That’s the only way I can describe it. having studied music for 15 years, I had never heard this sound before.

I listened for several minutes, and whatever he was singing (because it was not English), sounded like what I envisioned angels to sound like.

Sometimes I think life, in its infinite wisdom, knows when we are weary and offers us snippets of unexpected grandeur. Was he just a young man with a special gift, or was he sent to instill a moment of joy to this tired lady and anyone else who might be listening?

I’m afraid we’ll never know. Just one of life’s many mysteries!

Surreal Observations

March 12, 2013 | Julie Hall

I am beginning to question whether or not I’ve been living under a rock, because some of my recent observations caught me off-guard. Recently, I went to Wal-Mart to pick up a few necessities before bad weather reached us later that day. There I was, walking through the store with a pleasant demeanor and smile, but no one else was. That was my first observation.

In the freezer section, a little boy was determined to not permit me to open the door I needed to get a frozen pizza. His mother stood 2 feet away and watched as this 8-10 year old did everything possible to intentionally block my way. He wasn’t being cute; he was doing it in a spiteful manner and mom did nothing to correct him or hurry him along. I silently wondered to myself why this mother would not correct this boy. The answer? She never has, so why start now? It was sad to see that.

People walked around like zombies. Middle aged people and older were very rude, didn’t care if they were in your way, and certainly didn’t move to give you the right of way. This happened less than a minute after the freezer incident. I almost expect this from younger people, but certainly not the boomers. Our parents taught us better than that.

Then, when I checked out with an armful of items, the cashier didn’t speak at all, not even to give me the total! It felt for a moment that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, with the wrong people. Was it a full moon, or what?

As I walked out, an elderly male employee was sweeping the entrance and having a hard time bending down to adjust the carpet mats, so people wouldn’t slip. My heart really went out to him. He had to be 75 years old, and here he was still working, still stooping, and bless his heart, he was the only one who wished me a good day and gave me a huge smile. I flashed him a huge smile right back and wished him a great day.

I’m a little disappointed in myself for allowing this experience with the zombies to have affected my personality. I let it get the best of me and it turned me into a sour person. I was even aware I was scowling at one point!

But in the midst of the dark there is always light, such as the elderly gentleman who, in spite of his pain, wholeheartedly greeted me with kindness and care. His smile made me smile. Then I remembered this: make yourself familiar with angels, and behold them frequently in spirit, for without being seen, they are ever-present with you. Well, sometimes they are seen!