6 Practical Ways to Help Your Parents This Summer

June 26, 2013 | Julie Hall

Spending time visiting your parents this summer? Here are 6 practical ways that you can assist your elderly parents.

Help your parents protect all their assets. Know all the professionals they work with, i.e. CPA, financial planner, attorney, etc.
Know the location of all their important documents. If the documents are in a locked cabinet or fireproof storage, know where the keys are kept.
Have the important conversations with them about their wishes for the future, who will be their executor, healthcare power of attorney, and discuss distribution of the heirlooms and personal property.
You can’t take it with you! If they are able, suggest to your parents that they write a master list of who should get what, and give the document to the executor. Or, they can ask each child what they would like to have, and put that on a “wish list”. A document cuts down on the “he said-she said” that often goes on when settling an estate.
Start de-cluttering and thinning out your parents’ home now. Often children are overwhelmed by the amount of “stuff” in their Depression Era parents’ home. This is a good way to begin the process of cleaning out, so you won’t have to do it all at once later. Make sure you have their permission.
Always come from a place of love. You will have several difficult conversations and awkward moments when asking your parents these questions. Always approach them with love. For example, “Mom, we are very worried about you and would like to have a talk about what you would like for your future. Sue and I would like to honor your wishes, but first, we need to know what those wishes are.”

For more practical tips and compassionate advice, read my best-selling book, The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff. Check the right side of my blog for a link to order my books.

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com

Getting Your Affairs in Order is Not Just for the Elderly

June 17, 2013 | Julie Hall

In years gone by, I can recall that the majority of my clients were the elderly looking for help downsizing. Somewhere around 2003, that all changed and the calls coming into my office were coming from children looking for help handling their parents’ estates after they passed away or help cleaning out their estates.

Today, things have shifted once again. While I still work with the elderly occasionally, and certainly work with the boomer children who are the majority of my business, I see an ever-increasing (and hair-raising) trend of hearing from younger children whose parents have died unexpectedly in their 50s and 60s.

We all seem to be programmed that infirmity and death only occur in old age. Sadly, this is not the case. Perhaps it is wishful thinking on our part, or not wanting to think about it at all. But in my work, I am seeing more and more of my deceased clients are eerily close to my own age, and I never thought of myself as being old. I find myself thinking about my clients, and what they are going through, because most of their parents don’t take the time to plan ahead, especially when they are still relatively young. This throws the grieving children into more of a tail-spin because they may not have had “The Talk.”

Many children do not know what their parents’ final wishes are, nor how the estate is to be divided. They don’t even know if the parents have a Will or Trust. These are HUGE issues that weigh heavily on those left behind.

Estate Lady Tips:

Don’t do that to your children or beneficiaries. You are mortal and a plan has to be shared with loved ones. While you may not want to discuss this, you will feel much better after you do, and your children will thank you for it. They will be especially grateful when the time comes, realizing the care you took ahead of time to make their lives easier. Make an appointment to have a Will/Trust drawn up this week.
Don’t die in debt. This is a horrid situation. Suffice it to say you create a nightmare for those dealing with your estate.
Ask for an addendum to your Will so you can assign who gets what. Better yet, give it away while you are still living so there is less to fight about after you are gone.
Start clearing out your home now, even if you are young. Don’t let it accumulate or it will snowball on you. gain control of the house (and the piles of stuff we all have) and start clearing out. Once a month, drop off items to a charity, or arrange for them to come to the house for a pick up. Have yard sales for a little extra spending money. If you haven’t seen it or used it in a year, let it go.
Talk to your spouse and children about what you want. Both of my parents died without much warning. It’s a good thing they told us what they wanted and had the legal documents to back up their wishes. When the time came (and it did when I least expected it), I knew exactly what to do. I can still hear mom telling me, “Dad and I don’t want you to go through any more than you have to, because you will be going through enough when the time comes. We want to make this as easy as possible on you, and we have made these decisions ahead of time to remove additional stress placed on you.” This was music to my ears, not fully understanding the massive impact until I had to make a life and death decision for one of them. I still can’t believe how much love they had for us.

These are not easy things to do. Doing them sooner, rather than later, will change the way you think about these issues and make it much easier for you and your family in the future. Take it from one who sees this trouble everyday.

Resources from the Estate Lady:

To really learn how to clean out an estate, as a hobby or business, I have created a Professional Estate Clean Out course: http://www.aselonline.com/professional_estate_clean_outs.html
My practical, solutions-based, no-nonsense guide for equitable distribution: http://www.amazon.com/Divide-Familys-Heirlooms-Peacefully-Sensibly/dp/0984419128/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371476056&sr=8-1&keywords=How+to+divide+your+parents+estate

The Estate Medium

June 5, 2013 | Julie Hall

Give me a little while in an estate – any estate – and I will tell you more about that loved one’s life than most people who knew them. Walking into an estate, sight unseen for the first time, can be compared to an artist starting on a new canvas. We wipe the mental slate clean from the last estate and clear ourselves before going in to “receive” thoughts, feelings, and even a certain energy about the home and the people who lived there. One can sense many things immediately, if they are open to it.

In my career, I have handled the estates of young and old alike: the mentally ill, the lost souls, those who end their own lives, the hoarders, the estranged, those with dementia, eating disorders, chronic disease, those who died rich, and those who died poor. While these are all very different, I have come to the conclusion that in the end, we are all pretty much the same regardless of the situation that led to the eventual demise.

I went into an estate last week where someone ended their life. This is not common, but I see it a few times each year. The feeling is always the same once I have entered the home. I walk in and instantly feel a wall of despair. It is a profound sense of sadness. As I walk through the home, I will see other signs that something wasn’t quite right; either the home is too clean (as in OCD clean) or I see hoarding tendencies. Often scattered around in the strangest places, I will see liquor bottles coupled with a multitude of prescription bottles; you know what a dangerous combination this is. I look at what their hobbies and interests were, which will reveal much about them. And sometimes I can see conflict in their lives just by observing what was in their home. Was it mental illness, untreated depression, drugs, etc? We’ll never know. It is not unusual to sense that at one time, they were a very bright light.

If we are in the home for any length of time, would you believe me if I told you that my staff and I begin to cry, or that we are filled with sorrow we don’t understand? It’s as if we can feel what they felt. We can feel that they were “stuck” in a dark place even though they had much to offer. A very sad situation indeed. We always end up praying for that person (for everyone, really), lifting lovely thoughts and words hoping that they have found peace at last, and that we are there to help the family begin to heal by handling the estate for them.

On the flip side, we can also sense lives and homes that are buoyant, colorful, joyful, and productive. These homes are filled with light, usually lovers of animals and nature, and hobbies such as volunteering, bird watching, and gardening. In these homes, we usually just feel a stillness that has no heaviness to it. And in some cases, we start singing and are lighthearted while working in the estate. We don’t always understand why the environment affects us and our feelings.

Two completely different experiences, and everything you can imagine in between.

I believe there’s a way we can incorporate a conscious change into our lives and homes, so we can positively shift the energy we carry with us, for it remains long after we are gone, and deeply affects our loved ones left behind.

More Lessons for Fellow Entrepreneurs

May 24, 2013 | Julie Hall

In the last blog post, I began talking about becoming an entrepreneur, and I promised to share the most important lessons I have learned in building a successful business.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do it. You can and will find a way. People who say things like that are often a bit envious of the entrepreneurial spirit, or perhaps live with regrets of their own. It’s also possible they just don’t understand.
If you don’t try, you will always wonder about what “could have been.” Avoid living with regret and guilt by trying your best. Regret will catch up with you when you are elderly, as I often hear from my clients. Nothing bad can ever come from trying your best. The human spirit needs to put forth effort to have some sense of satisfaction.
When you come to crossroads in your life as an entrepreneur, always go with your gut instinct. It’s interesting that we often let our heads get in the way of what our gut already knows. My gut has never lied to me. Tune into it, listen attentively, and keep moving. Do not get stuck in the decision-making process. If the first decision didn’t work, try another approach.
Stay the course. So you’ve stumbled and what you had planned isn’t working. Take polls from business leaders you trust. Ask questions and figure out what is needed to move on to the next level. Perhaps you need a different company image, or you are not marketing to the right audience. Ask, ask, and ask again until the answers come.
Figure out what it is specifically that makes you different and better than your competitors. Capitalize on those differences, and you now have a new marketing campaign — a fresh approach to hammer away at those you want to reach, whether by email, flyers, marketing packets, etc.
The best advertising in the world is a happy customer. No amount of high dollar advertising is nearly as good as the people you please with your work. The step that most entrepreneurs forget is to ASK your clients to tell others about you. You must become a shameless self-promoter, but do so graciously and always with a smile. Find a way to get in with large groups of people at one time. Think smart!
Identify what it is you are selling. Sounds crazy, but most people haven’t figured out they are not selling gizmos or a service. I am an estate professional who specializes in personal property. Do I just sell people’s stuff? No, I sell a solution — multiple solutions. Really think about this one.
Follow through with passion and tenacity. My business adviser told me many years ago that the real reason entrepreneurs fail isn’t for lack of great ideas. There are many bright, ambitious, and creative entrepreneurs-to-be out there. They simply fail for one of two reasons: financial reasons, or they never go for it with everything they’ve got. Their follow-through is weak and the business never has a fair chance at taking off.
Be the best at what you do. Don’t allow yourself, your ideas, or your company to get swallowed up by others who do the same thing. You must do it better, as the cream always rises to the top.
Always look forward and never look back. Ever notice how some people live in the past and seem to get stuck there? It’s ok to visit the past and learn from what went wrong, but then, turn it into a positive so it works to your benefit.
For every problem you encounter, there is a solution.
Always be kind, courteous, and compassionate. Kindness gets noticed because so few people actually practice it.

May this guidance bring as much happiness and success to your life as it has for mine.

Entrepreneurs: If I Can Do It, You Can Too

May 15, 2013 | Julie Hall

If I only knew then, what I know now …

Twenty three years ago, I had this crazy idea while sitting at my corporate desk, that if I was going to work this hard for them, I might as well work that hard for myself. I also thought, “Julie, how can you even think of this? You must be off your rocker to consider leaving the reliability of a paycheck and benefits.” Like a lightning bolt from the sky, an intense thought grabbed hold of this young woman at the exuberant age of 27 and it never let go. People say this is the first sign you are an entrepreneur.

From that day to now, I feel compelled to share with every person who is reading this: if I had the chance to do it all again, I wouldn’t change a thing. It was the right decision, made me wise beyond my years, and honestly comes with zero regret. However, it was not an easy road. In fact, there was no road at all in my chosen field. I found myself at an instant crossroad before I took my first step. Do I move forward into the abyss not knowing what I am doing and make a road for others to follow one day? Or should I turn around and stay in a job I didn’t care for but had a steady paycheck. As it turned out, I discovered I am an excellent bulldozer and I paved the way to what I was meant to do. The really great news: if I can do it, you can too.

One of the first lessons you learn as an entrepreneur is that while a multitude of resources are available to you, ultimately you are on your own. What an isolating feeling. You learn quickly what you are made of. It takes great strength and stamina to fulfill your dream, not to mention the patience and support of those closest to you. More than that, it takes tenacity of spirit, a positive mindset when you feel like crumbling and crying (and yes, that will happen), and the ability to get back up when you were just knocked down.

As a mother, when my daughter was learning to walk and she stumbled and fell, I would encourage her to get right back up immediately, brush herself off, and go on to her next adventure. So too, is the unpredictable life of an entrepreneur. Get right back up, and no matter what, keep moving forward. Throughout the years, there nave been many times I felt like the hamster that runs on that wheel with lots of vigor, but never really gets anywhere. Looking back I actually was going somewhere, but the holding patterns and plateaus are very frustrating. Yet they are part of our growth.

People venture out as entrepreneurs for many different reason. Some receive a strong calling, perhaps an invention in their mind or a service which will bring relief to the consumer. Others feel they are better off building their own business; still others thrive on the satisfaction they receive on the road to success. For me, it was all of the above.

What I wouldn’t have given back then to have the experience and valuable knowledge I possess today! Next week, I’ll share the most important lessons I have learned in building a successful business. Please don’t miss this knowledge for yourself or someone you know.

Voice of an Angel

May 10, 2013 | Julie Hall

Sometimes life surprises you with a pleasant experience you never saw coming. If you’re a deep thinker like me, you might wonder why it happened to you and what possible purpose this experience could have on your life.

I was coming home from an estate clean out. These are fast-paced, energy zapping days that involve selling items which can be sold, packing up the rest of the entire estate for donation, and leaving the home empty for the heirs so the house can be sold — and it all takes place within a few short days. I was very tired and ready to return home to a hot shower.

On the way home in the car, I grumbled to myself having noticed the gas tank was on “E” and had to stop for gas. Upon getting out of my car at the pump, every muscle let me know they were most displeased. It seemed like it took forever to accomplish such a mundane task. There I was, going through the motions of swiping the credit card, unscrewing the gas cap, squeezing the trigger. If anyone could fall asleep standing up, it would be me at that moment. Unaware of much, I just wanted to get back into the car and go home.

Then I heard something that pulled my attention away from the pain. Over the loud music the gas station was blasting above my head, I heard a very faint, melodic sound. I had to strain to hear it at first; it was so soft. High pitched and perfectly in tune, I blocked out the loud music above to hone in on what apparently only I had heard. No one else seemed to notice. If anyone had a video camera on me, they would have thought I was nuts. Moving my body to the left and right, going around in circles to identify where this gorgeous sound was coming from, I abandoned my car and the pumping gas to find out.

Walking a few steps to my left, there he was … a character few would ever really notice. A young man no older than his mid-20s stood pumping gas not far from me. He was definitely from the country, based on his clothing, but his beard was shaped rather gothic and he had earrings. There he was just pumping gas into his car and he was singing to himself. Never would you think this sound could come out of him. It was an unnaturally high voice to be coming from a man, and it was other-worldly. That’s the only way I can describe it. having studied music for 15 years, I had never heard this sound before.

I listened for several minutes, and whatever he was singing (because it was not English), sounded like what I envisioned angels to sound like.

Sometimes I think life, in its infinite wisdom, knows when we are weary and offers us snippets of unexpected grandeur. Was he just a young man with a special gift, or was he sent to instill a moment of joy to this tired lady and anyone else who might be listening?

I’m afraid we’ll never know. Just one of life’s many mysteries!

“Limited Edition” Often Seems UN-limited

May 3, 2013 | Julie Hall

The world is full of numbered prints. People bought them at high prices a decade, or two or three, ago, because they were led to believe the prints would go up in value over time since they are “limited editions.” What happened, as you will soon see, is the artists or their marketing directors got greedy. In theory, it all sounds so great, so what happened? Read on …

If I had just $1 for every numbered print I have seen in my career, I could probably retire tomorrow. A well-known artist decides to mass produce their work and make more money by using prints (or strikes) of one original work. More money, less work. All they have to do is pencil sign and number each print. Typically, you see what looks like a fraction in pencil, for example 12/500, found in one of the bottom corners of the print. This means the print you have is the 12th strike out of an edition of 500. It is believed that the lower the number, the sharper the strike, so it is more desirable to collectors. If you had 452/500, it is thought that the strike is getting worn and the image will not be as good.

But there are only 500 of them. Aren’t they worth something? Of course. They are worth what someone is willing to give you for them. Print media has certainly experienced a serious downturn in value over the last several years. Artists shot themselves in the foot by producing too many of them. Let’s not forget that the same image also has matching non-numbered prints, stationery, place-mats, mouse pads, cocktail napkins, key chains, plaques, etc. You get the point … it always comes down to the law of supply and demand. They mass produce until they meet the demand. Then the demand bottoms out and the marketplace is still saturated with these items. Then the price heads south just like so many other collectibles: Beanie Babies, collector plates, Hummels, etc.

This is the trend we’ve been seeing for years and will probably continue to see. The economy, the older generation passing away, the younger kids not wanting them, collectors dying and their collections saturating the market further … all of this comes together and lowers values of these pieces. They just aren’t selling well on the secondary market.

There are several famous artists out there whose numbered prints once sold for tens of thousands of dollars. When we search for them on the internet, one can plainly see that some misinformed seller actually still thinks they can get $10K for it. I know the latest hammer price is $250, if that. Could a print still sell for a lot of money? Yes, if a collector is searching for that one piece; but that collector is savvy and knows what the current prices are and will not pay wildly for it, as they once did.

It’s no one’s fault. It made sense to invest in these things at the time and it sounded like a sure thing. But as with all things that sound too good to be true … it usually is.

The Estate Lady Tip of the Day: Always buy what you like and what brings you pleasure. You might be stuck with it for a while. Before I buy something, I ask myself if I’m absolutely crazy about the piece. If not, I walk away. My daughter won’t want it someday, because she doesn’t want it now, and most children do not change their minds with the passage of time.

Sharper Than a Serpent’s Tooth is a Thankless Child

April 26, 2013 | Julie Hall

(Literal meaning: It is especially painful to raise an ungrateful child.)

Shakespeare really understood human nature, tragic as it can be sometimes. From his King Lear in 1605, he writes about the pain of a thankless child.

Here’s my hair-raising story:

In an estate I was handling, I was privy to a situation that made my stomach turn. It still blows my mind! After all these years, certain situations still get to me … because I care.

Before an elderly parent died, knowing what her children were like, she assigned a trusted friend to be the executor. The children were estranged, yet greedy. I cannot comprehend how a child can be estranged, yet still feel they are entitled to an inheritance. As I have often written in my books, we are entitled to nothing unless it is given to us. But that’s just my opinion. It seemed this parent left nothing to the children, save the personal property. And the hunger games began … literally.

Among the siblings, it became an epic battle of name calling, expert manipulation, grabbing possessions just to spite the other, take as much as they could to sell for cash, and even physical assault. Besides shaking my head in disbelief, a pitiful thought enters my mind: These behaviors in no way honored the decedent. Self-centered, disrespectful, discourteous, greedy, bratty …

I wouldn’t want to be around when the karma train pays them a visit.

This parent exited life knowing her children were like that. Even in death, they pathetically displayed every behavior that shouldn’t be allowed. This parent lived and died with disappointment and sadness, knowing the kids were like this. She did what she could from a planning perspective and put someone else in charge of the estate; this was a smart move. Was this a good parent? Who knows? There are two sides to every story, but the kids should at least be respectful in death.

All of these children are middle age which means they are old enough to know better. They were angry that the parent had the last laugh, so to speak, and hit her in the wallet where it hurt. This was not a case of loving and missing a parent so much that they wanted select items for sentimental reasons.

I watched as they stripped this once beautiful home like a school of piranhas would strip a cow bone. The only emotion was anger.

Lessons I’ve learned from my work:

Do your best to always be genuine, kind, respectful, and loving.
Turn your cheek and bite your tongue often.
Bad behavior can invade your soul, so don’t allow it.
Bad behavior is contagious, so don’t allow it.
Honor those who go before you, and then one day, you’ll be honored too.
Bring as much “light” as you can to the situation. People can get lost in the dark during estate settlement situations.

The Reflection

April 17, 2013 | Julie Hall

Everyone needs to renew and restore their spirit every now and again, especially in such a hurried society. Some people go away to the country or the beach where they find solitude and solace as a remedy for feeling overwhelmed and worn out. It is a good thing to do so. But do we really journey inside ourselves and heal what’s in there? I’m willing to stick my neck out and say I don’t necessarily think so.

Today I exited my home and approached my car in the driveway. On top of the driver’s side mirror was a kooky little bird behaving in the strangest manner. It was completely enamored with its reflection in the mirror. Its little feet danced and it bobbed its head like crazy, joyous that it found an amiable friend … one that looks just like it! It was so preoccupied with its reflection that it was not deterred by my presence only 3 feet away. The next thing you know, the little bird side-stepped along the rim of the driver’s side mirror until he was completely upside down, flapping its wings and having a wonderful time looking at its new friend.

Don’t you wish we could greet ourselves each day in the mirror just like this?

Everything is relative. The little bird does not have the advanced intellect to realize it was him in the reflection, yet he was a free spirit having the time of its life. When we, the highest created intellect on earth, look in the mirror, we don’t see who we really are or even like the reflection we see. We are too self-critical. So many of us really don’t want to go there, but we need to, in order to restore ourselves and make peace with the person inside.

I’ve been pretty hard on myself lately. The fat fairy keeps visiting me (the wench!), and middle age has settled in, not to mention all that comes with that fact. When I saw that little bird who was so happy to see itself, I thought, “Why can’t we all be more like that?”

Nature has always been amazing to observe. It teaches us lessons if we pay attention. Because of that looney little bird, I will look at myself with more enthusiasm from now on. How could you not smile when you witness something like that … a tiny creature with a Herculean spirit. An important lesson for us all.

“Truck Carrying Heirlooms Stolen”

April 10, 2013 | Julie Hall

Can you imagine dealing with a loved one’s passing, dividing the estate, renting a truck to bring heirlooms home, and on the way back … the truck gets stolen?

This is a true story that happened last week. Apparently, the children packed up everything they wanted to keep and headed home with a truck full, including $100,000 worth of jewelry in the cab of the truck, $7,000 worth of furniture, and $4,000 worth of power tools in the trailer of the truck. The children started in Ohio and were heading home to Florida, when they decided to stop and rest for the night at a Microtel Inn. By the time they woke and were ready to hit the road at 9:00 am, they discovered everything was gone, including the truck.

Sadly, there was no outside surveillance at this Microtel, but most economy hotels do not have outdoor surveillance. The children seemed to be befuddled that the truck was stolen because it was “parked under a light in the parking lot” and they locked the truck. Lights and locks don’t stop thieves. The thief broke in and hot-wired the truck.

Call me crazy, but it seems to me they could have been followed from where they started. Someone probably knew what they were carrying and decided to help themselves when no one was looking. Besides the obvious pain of feeling violated and cheated by some thug out there, one has to wonder what they were thinking when they left $100,000 worth of jewelry in a small suitcase inside the truck. It begs the question, “Why not take the jewelry into the hotel room with you for the night?” That’s what I would have done.

Would-have, could-have, should-have will not be of any help in this case. The damage is done! The police will most likely not find the jewelry, as it’s my guess it was flipped for quick cash or it sits in someone’s safe for a while until the coast is clear. They will find the truck, abandoned somewhere and completely gutted of its contents.

Estate Lady tips when transferring or traveling with valuables:

1. Jewelry/cash needs to be carried on your person at all times (fanny pack, backpack, pinned inside garments, shoulder bag worn across your chest, etc.) until you arrive home and get it to a safe place.

2. Furniture and other items, such as power tools, that add up in value should be moved professionally if the family can afford it. Moving companies have insurance and if it were stolen/damaged under their care, they would have at least been given some replacement money. Professional movers usually have checks and balances in place to ensure theft doesn’t happen. Make sure to use a larger, well-known, professional mover.

3. For smaller valuables such as figurines, small paintings, jewelry, etc: Whenever we move, I take on the liability myself, pack the car with them and get to my destination in one day. If I can’t do that, then they need to be professionally packed and moved, making sure you take out additional insurance and have the items appraised, just in case. Or, I will sell items that no longer mean much to me and that lightens my load.

I realize people want to do it themselves because it is more economical to do so. But as you can see, this cheaper option was overwhelmingly more costly.

I remember packing up my car from mom and dad’s estate and making the 10 hour road trip back home alone. I never left the car, except to run in to use a restroom and stretch my legs. Mom’s jewelry was on my person, hidden. So even if my car had been stolen, because it looked like something out of the Beverly Hillbillies, at least the more valuable and sentimental jewelry items were safe with me.

Such a tragic story that didn’t have to happen!