We Have a Choice When We Come to a Crossroads

May 21, 2012 | Julie Hall

There’s nothing easy about letting go. Or feeling like we have no control. Or even having to face the truth about ourselves or a particular situation. So many questions unanswered … and so many more that come flooding in. It leaves our heads spinning.

It seems these days, we all have a burden of some sort to carry. I have witnessed this through the families I work with, and even in my own personal life with an elderly parent who is ill. I often feel a bit stuck when I arrive at that “crossroad” and I am sure many of you feel the same way. Whatever the situation, we have choices we have to make and not always under optimal conditions. But we CAN do it, and do it well, even under the most stressful of times. We have to do it, because failure is NOT an option. We’ve come too far to let that happen.

It took me almost 50 years to realize there are many things we have no control over. What other people do to themselves or impose on us, illnesses that defy explanation, why bad things happen to good people, etc. And sometimes the answers just don’t come when we want them to arrive.

Mom used to call me “superwoman” and that was an appropriate title at the time. But somewhere along the line, I ran out of gas. Sound familiar? Much as I hate to admit it, I simply got tired, and I allowed life to wear me out … for awhile. Now I see too many people count on us, from our spouses to our kids, even our pets look to us!

The bottom line is that WE should be counting on our “selves.” We possess the inner strength to confidently choose a direction.

Standing at the edge of a precipice, someone from behind pushed me and I fell. I had two choices. Continue to fall or learn to fly. I flew well.

Won’t you join me?

Beware of Snowballing Family Lore

May 7, 2012 | Julie Hall

I would be a rich woman if I had a dollar for every time I heard a family member tell the story of an heirloom in which the story gets bigger and better with every telling. It’s like the old parable, “The fish that got away was THIS big …” and every time the story is told, the fish miraculously gets bigger.

So too is the challenge we professionals have with discussing and valuating family heirlooms. I visit clients in their homes and enjoy each of them and listening to their stories. However, I know what the values really are, regardless of the verbal family stories. The hard part for me, and for the client, is providing proof that the following really took place: “Did you know Abraham Lincoln sat in that chair?” “This belt buckle belonged to Robert E. Lee.” “Our grandmother told us Teddy Roosevelt took a picture with daddy, but we don’t know where that picture went.” We know what these items are worth on a monetary level, but you can’t place a value on sentimentality. Sentimentality is priceless and in the mind of the beholder.

Could some of these family stories actually be true? Perhaps they are, but without provenance, or history of the piece (proof of some kind, like a photo of Abraham Lincoln really sitting in that chair), it leaves a question mark and is difficult to valuate. Without proof, we can only appraise what we see based on its’ characteristics.

I look back into my experiences with all kinds of families and wonder why most people seem to exaggerate about old possessions. Here’s what I came up with:

It’s their version of the truth as they see it.
For attention. (I have something special.)
To accentuate the positive.
To make the mundane more exciting.

Maybe Abraham Lincoln did sit in that chair. Or maybe he sat in one just like it and that’s how the story got convoluted. Someone heard what they wanted to hear, and generations of tongues did the rest.

I don’t want you to be disappointed when you go to sell these items and the prices brought don’t match the stories behind the piece. If your items mean that much to you, hold on to them and do your best to research the history of that piece for generations to come.

If I Only Knew Then, What I Know Now

April 30, 2012 | Julie Hall

Over 20 years ago while sitting at my corporate desk, I had this crazy idea that if I was going to work this hard for them, I might as well work that hard for myself. I kept thinking, “Julie, how can you even think of this? You must be off your rocker to consider leaving the reliability of a paycheck and benefits.” But it was like a lightning bolt from the sky – an intense thought that grabbed hold of this young woman at the exuberant age of 28, and it never let go.

From that day to this, I feel compelled to share with everyone reading these words, that if I had a chance to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. It was the right decision, and honestly comes with zero regret. However, it was not an easy road. In fact, there was no road at all in my chosen field. Therefore, I found myself at an instant crossroad before I even took my first step. Do I move forward into the abyss, not knowing what I am doing, and make a road for others to follow one day? Or should I turn around and stay in a job that I didn’t care for, with a steady paycheck? As it turned out, I discovered I am an excellent bulldozer and I paved my way through.

To fulfill your purpose, your calling, it takes great strength and stamina. More than that, it takes tenacity of the spirit, a positive mindset when you feel like crumbling and crying (yes, it will happen), and the ability to get back up when you were just knocked down.

As a mother, when my daughter was learning to walk and she stumbled and fell, I would encourage her to get right back up immediately, brush herself off, and go on to her next adventure. Such is life. Get right back up and no matter what, keep moving forward. Throughout the years, there have been many times I related myself to the hamster that jumped on the wheel with lots of vigor, but never really ended up anywhere. Looking back, I actually was going somewhere, but I couldn’t see it at the time.

Here, in a nutshell, I share with you the most important lessons I have learned as a woman, and in building my dream:

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do it. You can and will find a way. People who normally say things like that can be a bit envious of your spirit, or perhaps live with regret themselves. It’s also possible that they just don’t understand it.
If you don’t try, you will always wonder what “could have been.” Avoid living with regret and guilt by trying your best. Nothing bad can ever come from trying.
When you come to a crossroad in your life, always go with your gut instinct. Our heads often get in the way of what our gut already knows. My gut has never lied to me. Tune into it, listen attentively, and keep moving. Look how many times it took Thomas Edison to get it right!
Stay the course. So you have stumbled and what you had planned isn’t working. Assess what went wrong, temporarily step back and ask, ask, and ask again until the answers come. Sometimes the answers come from an unexpected source.
Figure out what makes you different. What are your special gifts? Are you using them? If not, get to it and watch happiness seep in.
To thine own self, be true. Thank you, Mr. Shakespeare. Speak your mind, communicate openly, and never, ever sell your soul to the dark side.
Identify what it is you want to do with your life. I am an estate professional who specializes in personal property. Do I just sell people’s stuff? No, I sell a solution. Solve their problem, lighten their load, and I can guarantee you a successful outcome. What you want to do is make a difference and make it count.
Follow through with passion and tenacity. If you have an idea, run with it. Don’t flop over on the sofa because you don’t know how to get started. Just take the first step.
Be the best at what you do. If you are going to do something like start a business, or volunteer, or take a new job … do your best. Mom always said, “If you’re going to plant a tree, plant it straight.”
Always look forward and never look back. Ever notice how some people live in the past and seem to get stuck there? It’s ok to visit the past and learn from what went wrong, but then turn it into a positive, so it works to your benefit.
For every problem you encounter, there is a solution.
Always be kind, courteous, and compassionate. Kindness gets noticed because so few people actually practice it.

You Can’t Take it with You!

April 23, 2012 | Julie Hall

Joanne was in her mid-seventies, and her daughter knew mom just couldn’t take care of a house over 4,000 square feet on over an acre of land. Joanne had to have a home that large to house all of her possessions. She needed to downsize and move to Assisted Living, but she was giving her daughter a very difficult time about the move.

The daughter made an appointment for me to come over and educate them in the estate sale process. Her exact words: “Mom’s got 4,000 square feet full of stuff, junk and everything else, and it’s time to sell it all so she can fit into her new place.” To complicate the matter, the house had already sold!

Throughout the conversation at Joanne’s house, I had a familiar feeling that I had to share. I addressed the daughter who had asked me to come: “I would be happy to assist you in selling the remainder of this estate, but I have a funny feeling mom will not part with anything.”

Joanne looked over at me and gave me a “cat ate the canary” grin; I knew she was up to something. The daughter insisted that all of the possessions had to go. Still, I persisted as gracefully as I knew how. “I think your mom might have other plans for it, don’t you, Joanne?” Again, I received the same grin, but she sat silent, as if this was punishing her daughter for trying to make the right decision.

The daughter became increasingly disturbed, and I was caught in the middle. “Mom, what is going on?” Still, no reply from her mother. Once more, I put on my gentle voice and stuck my neck out. “I’d be willing to guess mom has other plans for her possessions. Something like storage.” Mom’s face was simply beaming. I had hit the nail on the head!

The daughter’s face grew dark like an impending storm, and demanded to know what nonsense mom was up to. Finally, it came out. “Julie’s right. I’ve already reserved four extra large storage units. I’m not giving it away, or selling it. It’s mine. No one can have it but me!”

The lady who wouldn’t let go ended up moving and placing everything in storage, to the tune of over $7,000 per year.

Moral: You can’t take it with you, no matter how hard you try!

The Recipe For a Long, Happy Life

April 16, 2012 | Julie Hall

I met the elderly Chinese lady at one of my estate sales. Instantly drawn to her vibrant complexion and a smile that seemed to guard a thousand secrets, the only hint she was “on age” was her white hair. I commented on her flawless skin and a small-framed, young girl emerged out of nowhere. “I am her great-grand daughter. She doesn’t speak any English.”

My curiosity got the best of me, and I asked the young girl to ask her great-grandmother the secret to such beautiful skin. The young girl turned and chatted with the woman, who promptly burst out in laughter. Through the three-way translation, I learned that the elderly woman was 101 years old and didn’t look a day over 60! Her secret was so simple; she said anyone can do it.

Rule #1: Never deprive your body of any food it wants to eat. If it wants cake, eat it. “Don’t deprive, but be reasonable. By depriving your body, it will get angry with you. If it gets angry, it will not work well for you. If you make it happy, it will treat you well.”

Rule #2: Go out each day barefoot in the grass and walk around. She said to feel the earth’s energy under your feet and draw it in. Breathe deeply while doing it and you will feel invigorated.

I’ve always lived by Rule #1. While it has gotten me a bit chubby, I am happy and thankfully, very healthy. From an Italian household, I was never very good at saying no to carbs.

As for Rule #2, I highly recommend it, particularly in the morning dew. It does feel good to walk around in the grass for a few minutes. A type of meditation where your attention is completely focused on the sensations in your feet, it is relaxing to your mind as well. Since our feet carry us through life, and they are crammed in shoes all day, it’s quite a treat for your feet!

I’ve always had some sort of magnetic attraction to the elderly as they are rich with experience. Give these rules a try for a week and see if they don’t make a difference in how you feel. I’m always happy to share what I learn along the way … now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge calling my name!

I am a Warrior … Are You?

April 9, 2012 | Julie Hall

There’s nothing easy about letting people “in.” If we let them in, they might see our pain and that could leave us vulnerable, or worse, very angry because we don’t know how to deal with it. Lately, I can’t help but feel I’ve been drug through the mud and I’m guessing some of you feel the exact same way.

I watched a movie with my daughter this week called “A Warrior’s Heart.” It has an invaluable message not only for teenagers, but for adults as well. The story centers around a troubled teen who has anger issues due to what happened to him in life. A Native American takes him under his wing and shows him the harsh realities of life and what is expected of him in life, by understanding that a warrior would handle it differently.

“What do you mean by a warrior?”, the troubled teen asked. The Native American answered in a way that moved me to share it with you. He simply said,

“The Native Americans believe a warrior is someone who has had his blood spilled on the battleground. A warrior doesn’t run away from the pain. A warrior just gets it done.”

I instantly saw the parallel here. Suddenly my spirit soared because I always knew I was a warrior, because I tried to deal with things head-on. We have all had our blood spilled on the battleground; figuratively or literally, and so, we have much more in common than we know.

Some people run away and some don’t. It’s how we deal with the mess that can either ruin us or elevate us. With a teen daughter watching my every move, I am determined to show her that women are strong and that her mother is indeed a warrior.

It’s true what they say; it’s not what actually happens to you, but how you react to it and deal with it. I can say this with conviction from my own painful, personal experiences, and hindsight does offer clarity and 20/20 vision.

Go forth today knowing you are a warrior … a very empowering and enlightening thought!

The Odyssey of Junk

April 2, 2012 | Julie Hall

Has your junk been more places than you?

It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been in the estate business, I still wonder why we hold on to so much “junk” and why we have such difficulty letting go of it. Oh sure, we may have it in neat piles, boxed in a spare room, crammed in closets, or out of sight, but make no bones about it — it is THERE, lurking in the darkness of our drawers, attics, and closets faithfully reproducing while we go about our busy lives. How on earth do we amass so much?

I have a theory. Somewhere back in our long-ago DNA when ancestors were primitive, I think we developed a “switch” in our brains that told us to gather and collect. Humans were, after all, hunters and gatherers, and I believe we still are on some level. Back then, we had to collect wood for fire, food to eat, etc. Our survival depended on it. If you didn’t collect these items, you and your family would perish.

Today, we do it on a grand, 21st century scale. We buy, buy, buy, and don’t really understand why. We have far more than we need and far more than we will ever use. Did you know we actually use only 20% of what we own? Think about it — we wear the same, favorite clothes, shoes, use the same kitchen items, toiletries, etc. So what happens to the other 80%? It sits there, not being put to use, often until a loved one dies and then it has to be dealt with. By then, it is too late and much of it is usually discarded.

We not only hold on to, but also keep moving stuff from one home to another: our college stuff, our kids’ stuff, even stuff for grandkids who aren’t walking yet, but we think they may want these items one day.

When we are in estates cleaning them out, or if clients ask us to clean out their attics, we find boxes with original moving company stickers from the 60s and 70s, and those boxes are STILL taped shut. No one ever opened them after the move 40+ years ago. The message that sends to me is these items weren’t important enough for me to open this box, so why do we still have them?

Our elders, God bless them, saved everything including broken appliances and parts (because you might need them one day), tons of catalogs and magazines (because those old National Geographics might be worth something). The entire kitchen is cluttered with mayonnaise jars, Cool Whip containers, pie tins, etc. The truth is, they are never used, because we find decades of dust on them.

Sometimes families move the entire household of a deceased relative to another state, only to clutter up their own homes. This cycle is long, tiresome, and laborious, and the pattern needs to be stopped, or at least interrupted, so we can analyze why we do these things. No wonder we’re all so tired, buying stuff, finding places for it, and then at some point, being forced to deal with it. It will eventually become the proverbial monkey on our backs or our children’s backs.

Logic would dictate that we need to be free of it, in order to make our lives simple again. It’s APRIL and the perfect time for SPRING CLEANING. I’ll deal with my piles if you deal with yours!

Clean Out an Estate and Care for the Environment

March 26, 2012 | Julie Hall

Q: While I’m cleaning out an estate, how can I also “go green” for the environment?

A: Thank you for this excellent question.

Donating, recycling, and selling are less expensive than a dumpster and may provide cash for your unwanted items. They may also provide a tax deduction or help out a worthy cause. Use your imagination when deciding where things could go, other than black trash bags! Can someone use your items in some form or fashion? This is the ultimate in recycling.

Remember the following when cleaning out estates:

Have the neighbors in for free household chemicals, garden/yard tools, etc.
Create a donation network by discussing what you have to give.
Keep watch for charity drives in your community.
Web search for places to sell or donate items.
Gazelle.com, venjuvo.com, techforward.com and myboneyard.com all offer varying amounts of compensation for electronics.
Mygreenelectronics.com tells you where to find nearby recycling centers for electronics.
Paper, cardboard, and scrap metal are commodities that are traded. Find a buyer in your local phone book.
Scrap metal and other household metals, photo frames, etc. are wanted by artists, or can be sold for scrap.
Charities are in a funding crisis; paper, books, games and toys help daycares, senior centers and after-school programs. Give them a call; they are happy to give you a wish list.
Alzheimer’s facilities are always looking for clean linens, towels, etc.
Many religious organizations/groups set up homes for refugees, domestic abuse victims, pregnant women, disabled adults, etc. They need many everyday items that you need to dispose.
Inventory the home before buying materials. Garbage bags, boxes, and cleaning supplies are normally already in the house.
Worn sheets and towels, leashes and pet bowls are very much needed by local pet shelters.
Remember, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure!

Do your part to help!

The Wallet

March 19, 2012 | Julie Hall

Last week, I wrote about the things people leave behind in estates. This week, I want to share with you a special find that not only surprised the daughter when I presented it to her, but helped to heal an old, yet still open, wound.

Their dad had died over 30 years ago, and the daughter had shared with me how very special dad was, and how she could feel his presence while she was disassembling the family home. While going through a pile of stuff the realtor moved aside to stage the home, I found dad’s wallet and knew I had to keep it for the daughter.

The moment I opened the wallet, I remember being greeted by a kind face on the driver’s license staring back at me. The wallet was filled with oodles of photos of his children and grandchildren. I instinctively knew he was someone special. So when I handed it to his daughter at the completion of our job, you could see the joy in her face. We had indeed found a treasure among the ruins of taking apart the home. It had been particularly rough for her, so this was like the prize at the bottom of the box — that special slice of serendipity that plops on your lap when you least expect it. I love it when that happens.

Little did I know when she called me the next day, she had discovered a special order to the photographs in dad’s wallet. Her brother’s photo was the first one, and underneath were stacked photos of her, her mom, grandkids, etc. Instead of being bothered by that, she said the most amazing thing. Her brother had battled a substance abuse problem in his youth that caused upheaval in the family and I can only assume the same for his interpersonal relationships. And while the sibling had long been clean and sober, dad never lived long enough to see the wonderful person his son turned out to be.

Even though dad had been gone over three decades, he still had a message of love to send to both of his children. The message was loud and clear: At a time when a parent is pushed to the limit of love and understanding in dealing with a substance issue, he never gave up on believing in or loving his son.

Today, I understand that son is an incredible man who found his inner strength and now helps others do the same. May the finding of this small, yet powerful item bring both children peace and emotional closure, knowing how much their father loved them!

What We Find Left Behind

March 12, 2012 | Julie Hall

It’s always an eye-opening experience working in estates after the children have taken what they want and allow us to handle the remainder. You just never know what you will find left behind.

Sometimes, we just find what you would expect, the items that should have been discarded 40 years ago – broken items from the attic, old appliances, clothing that needs to be donated, etc. Other times, we find items that have value and we arrange to have them sold for the family. And on occasion, we find items that leave us scratching our heads, or items that we can never speak of and promise to take that information to our graves.

We see it all: the love, the fights, the estrangements, the addictions, the sorrows, the secrets – all of which are carried through our lifetimes.

It is difficult to put into words when you find war medals of courage and valor left on the floor for disposal, or antique photos of people in the family that have been left in a pile for us to discard. But we understand that every person has a story and we are not privy to their upbringing or lives, and therefore do not understand why they made the decisions they did.

Recently we found letters dating from the Civil War period, of a soldier who wrote home to his sister. He wrote of the horrible conditions, how most of his comrades had died from dysentery, and that there wasn’t enough food to keep the soldiers strong. He spoke of having no warmth through the winter months, but described it in such a way that he was not complaining. It was fascinating to hear of life so long ago from a person who lived during those times, but the family took no interest.

Other things we find are scrapbooks, war letters between mom and dad, family Bibles with genealogy information inside the front cover, diaries, estate jewelry, guns, etc.

I guess it’s true what they say. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, and one cannot predict what is in a person’s heart during such difficult times.

The Estate Lady

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