Teleseminar “Top 10 List for Dealing with Your Parents’ Personal Property”

November 12, 2010 | Julie Hall

This Tuesday night at 7 pm, I’ll be discussing the important “conversation” that Boomers need to have with their parents. With the holidays coming close, this is a perfect time to discuss important issues with our family, especially our parents. Join me for this free teleseminar on Tuesday, Nov 16 at 7 pm. I’m joining Anne Holmes of the National Association of Baby Boomer Women. Julie Hall Teleseminar link

After the seminar has concluded, I’ll post my top 10 list right here, for you to download and share.

6 Practical Ways to Help Your Parents This Fall

September 13, 2010 | Julie Hall

Now that the weather is cooling and the leaves are ready to fall, here are 6 practical ways that you can assist your elderly parents.

Help your parents protect all their assets. Know all the professionals they work with, i.e. CPA, financial planner, attorney, etc.
Know the location of all their important documents. If the documents are in a locked cabinet or fireproof storage, know where the keys are kept.
Have the important conversations with them about their wishes for the future, who will be their executor, healthcare power of attorney, and discuss distribution of the heirlooms and personal property.
You can’t take it with you! If they are able, suggest to your parents that they write a master list of who should get what, and give the document to the executor. Or, they can ask each child what they would like to have, and put that on a “wish list”. A document cuts down on the “he said-she said” that often goes on when settling an estate.
Start de-cluttering and thinning out your parents’ home now. Often children are overwhelmed by the amount of “stuff” in their Depression Era parents’ home. This is a good way to begin the process of cleaning out, so you won’t have to do it all at once later. Make sure you have their permission.
Always come from a place of love. You will have several difficult conversations and awkward moments when asking your parents these questions. Always approach them with love. For example, “Mom, we are very worried about you and would like to have a talk about what you would like for your future. Sue and I would like to honor your wishes, but first, we need to know what those wishes are.”

For more practical tips and compassionate advice, read my best-selling book, The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff. Check the right side of my blog for a link to order both my books.

7 Estate Tips for You This Fall

September 6, 2010 | Julie Hall

Now that school is back in session and Labor Day is over, it’s time for us all to get back into our routines which we abandoned in the heat of the summer. Here are 7 tips that I want you to add to your routine this fall and winter.

Make sure you and your spouse have a Will/Trust/legal documents. Better than 50% of us don’t have one, leaving our heirs to fight and “guess” our wishes and intentions. Dissolving an estate is not the time for guesswork
Make sure someone knows the location of these legal and other important papers, such as life insurance, financial information, as well as computer passwords and keys to safe deposit box.
Simplify your estate by starting to get rid of your own stuff now. Clean out the garage, attic, and closets — we have too much stuff! By doing this now, your kids won’t be angry with you later for leaving them a big mess. We only use the same 20% of what we have anyway … Reduce!
If something new comes into the house, two things have to exit, whether it be for charity, selling it, etc. Avoid the clutter that comes from constant buying. Think “simple and easy.”
Have that courageous conversation with your spouse or children (if they are old enough). Tell them your wishes for the future, then go the distance and document all this so they have a guidance system when the time comes.
Consider gifting heirlooms and other important items while you are still living. This minimizes future fighting, and you have the joy of seeing the recipient’s face when they receive their gift.
Always hire a personal property appraiser for items of value in your own home or your loved one’s estate. Only then can equitable distribution take place.

Next week, I’ll give you 6 tips for your parents’ estates.

The BEST Way to Preserve Your Family History

August 30, 2010 | Julie Hall

Last week, I gave you 5 suggestions for preserving family photographs. Family history doesn’t have to be just about photos. It can be your father’s war items that you have displayed in a shadow box, like I saw recently at a friend’s house. Her father’s Army photo, with his dog tags, and several other mementos looked terrific on the wall, instead of thrown in a box that won’t be seen or admired much.

Perhaps Grandma never finished the quilt she was working on, and all you have are square remnants. Why not take these to a professional and have the remnants made into pillows for your siblings? I have even seen these framed.

Of course, I still feel the BEST WAY TO PRESERVE YOUR FAMILY HISTORY is to give your elders the most spectacular gift of all: yourself and some time. Spend a Sunday every few weeks and make it a point to record or videotape them (with their permission, of course). Or, just write down everything they say: the funny stories, the family tragedies, etc. Accumulate this precious information and create your own family memory/history book, based on first hand information.

Remember, one of the biggest regrets I see is when a loved one dies and it’s too late to ask questions. Find your own unique way to preserve your family history. Take a little time with a loved one, make their day, and learn about where you came from.

5 Steps to Preserving Your Family History

August 23, 2010 | Julie Hall

I feel that many of us in our 40s, 50s, and 60s neglect to ask about our heritage until our loved ones are either infirm or they pass away. What can we do now to preserve our family’s history and heritage?

While your parents are still living, and if you are blessed to still have grandparents living, start asking questions. Have them share stories and ask to go through photographs so you can play the “name that person” game. All too often, I see heirs throwing away family photos because they are unidentified. Make sure you ask your older relatives prior to memory impairment.
Choose a small amount of photos that you would like to preserve and have them professionally copied for other siblings/heirs. This is a lovely and meaningful gift to give. Some clients have made memory books for each child, complete with the “who’s who.”
If there are too many photographs to have reproduced or it is not financially feasible to do so, use your digital camera and photograph each photo. This can be put on CDs for you and for other family members. It costs very little and takes up almost no room.
Remember if you handle original photos, keep them in acid-free envelopes. Use a post-it note on the back to identify each subject in the picture, until you can create your own inventory sheet, reproduction photo, or CD.
Use this article from Kimberly Powell to help you with proper scanning procedures: http://genealogy.about.com/cs/digitalphoto/a/digital_photos.htm

Today I’ve discussed photos only, but there are many more ways to preserve your tangible family history. Do you want to know the #1 BEST idea to presrve family history? Check back next Monday!

Preserve Your Family History

August 16, 2010 | Julie Hall

Today, like any other day, I walked out to my mailbox, and I found an envelope from my elderly father. I can’t remember receiving much mail from Dad in the past. It has always been Mom who sent me things. But it was Dad’s handwriting; I have been worried because he hasn’t been well. I opened the letter, not knowing quite what to expect. Much to my surprise, I found the following letter along with a handful of photographs that had been enlarged:

Dear Julie,

I am enclosing several enlargements of old slides I found in the back of the garage. I thought you and the others that are in the photos should have them — sorry, in some of them you weren’t even born yet. It is important for you to have these because they show both sides of your family — these are the people you come from. You should preserve these and show them to your children and grandchildren as your mother and I are doing now.

Love to all, Dad

Dad’s letter made me realize two things.

First, our older parents do think about these things and do worry that once they are gone, all family lineage will die with them. In my estate business, I see this all too often. On the flip side, I see families that preserve almost too much and it becomes information overload for the kids. Is there a happy medium? I think there can be.

Second, as a boomer myself, I feel that many of us in our 40s, 50s, and 60s neglect to ask about our heritage until our loved ones are either infirm or they pass away. I have seen so many of my boomer clients say they “wish they could talk to mom and ask who is this person in the photo.”

So what can be done? I’ll give you some specific ideas next week!

“Mom and Dad Left Us a Mess!”

May 31, 2010 | Julie Hall

Q: My mother died a few months ago and I am completely overwhelmed with the accumulated mess she left behind. Though I tried to offer help on many occasions through the years, she would hear no part of clearing out her stuff. I spend most of my days in tears, resentful that she left me this mess, squeezed between my family, my job, and her affairs. Do you have any advice for me to handle this daunting task? Can you at least tell others not to do this to their children?

A: You have touched upon one of the most important aspects of my work and of my public speaking. In my work, I deal with children every day who are flying in and out of town, trying to handle parents’ estates. The “Sandwich Generation” is caught between caring for our parents and our children, with not enough of us to go around, especially when geographically remote from either parents or children.

When I speak, I talk openly about accumulation, what to do about it, how to begin thinning out your stuff, or get rid of it altogether. Evaluation is the first step in any estate settlement process. Children are often in a crisis mode and don’t know where to begin this daunting task. Finding a company or person you can trust to help you understand the values of your parents’ personal property is paramount.

Once you are armed with that information, you are better able to decide what can be thrown out, what can be donated, what to keep, etc. Remember that knowledge is power. If you do not possess the knowledge to make these decisions, find a professional who does and can offer you objective information. This professional can also help you sell items of value, and clear out the estate. These services are especially valuable if you live out of town and have limited time to spend handling the estate.

Often I find my older clients have massive accumulations in their attic, closets, basement, and garage. The reasons are numerous and not always understandable. My guess is that they don’t know how to handle the accumulations either.

All too often, I sit beside a child whose parent has just died; they are angry that mom or dad left this mess, and they are grieving too. This becomes a double blow to their heart and spirit. If parents could see what I see, they wouldn’t do this to their children. How would you like to be remembered?

A Word About Blended Families

May 3, 2010 | Julie Hall

Today, I’m answering a question from a reader.

Q: We have a blended family with grown children that are my husband’s, mine, and ours together. We are long retired, the children are grown, and we know it is time to make some serious decisions about our estate and division of heirlooms. For years, two of our children have been bickering over one piece in particular. Naturally we want to be fair, but I think our biggest concern is if one of the children gets an heirloom that doesn’t really belong to them because they are not from that side of the family. How can we handle this delicately?

A: About 40% of my clients have challenges with their blended family and personal property distribution. Here are a few basic guidelines; stick with these.

Though children grow into adults, they still need our guidance. At this stage, it is vital that you provide your children with precise directions for the time of your death. Offer your children your last wishes, documents regarding heirlooms, Last Will and Testament, Living Will, Health Care Power of Attorney, etc. An attorney can help you prepare these documents, which are absolutely necessary.

As for heirlooms, engage in a frank discussion with your husband first. Pull out a notepad and write down all of your decisions regarding all of your children and what you think each one should have. Remember, if you do this for one child, you must do it for all of them. It might be wise to enlist the help of an appraiser/personal property expert to help you ascertain the values of these possessions to keep the distribution financially equivalent for each child.

Keep a spreadsheet naming each child, then list the heirlooms that belong to each “bloodline”. Next, call a family meeting with you, your husband, and your children only — No spouses of the children should be present. It is best to do this in person, otherwise, make individual phone calls. Share with your children your wishes and that you have documented who gets what and their current monetary values.

Make sure each child gets a copy of this document and make it very clear that there will be no feuding because these are your wishes and decisions.

Many clients leave it at that, which I do not recommend. My suggestion is to arrange the transfer of that heirloom to the children while you are alive. This way, fewer “mistakes” can happen after your death, and you will know everyone got everything you wanted them to have. Peace of mind is a beautiful thing!

How Not to Become One of the Estate Lady’s Sad Stories

March 15, 2010 | Julie Hall

In my book and in many of my articles, I tell stories of estates I have handled with sad outcomes; either the parents were unprepared when death came, or there are serious and tragic family rivalries over possessions. These stories are avoidable with preparation. Real stories, every bit the truth, seem to stick with people better than a list of reasons.

The best protection against family rivalries is an updated will from your parents, along with preparation and preplanning with mom and dad. So, here’s how NOT to become one of my sad stories in a future book or article.

Encourage your parents to create a wish list of what they want to give and to whom, and distribute copies to every child or heir. This way, everyone has a copy, and if they are unhappy, they have to take it up with the parents while they are still alive.
Understand that you are not entitled to anything unless someone gives you an inheritance or a gift. Your parents can do whatever they want with their estate. Just being their child does not guarantee you an inheritance. If you receive an inheritance, be exceptionally thankful.
Understand that settling an estate is one of the most difficult things you and your siblings will go through, especially during the division of personal property. Chances are pretty good you won’t be pleased with the outcome of what you walk away with, but be thankful anyway.
Remember that this is not about you; it’s about what your parents want. This is why it is imperative that a last will and testament and other legal documents be drawn up by an attorney. You should encourage your parents to make decisions prior to infirmity or death.

Know the Plan

March 8, 2010 | Julie Hall

Knowledge is power. The more facts you know about your parents’ estate plans, the less you will have to decide on your own later. Make sure everyone in the family has talked with them about their estate planning and their final wishes. It is imperative that you know the following:

Is there a will?
Where is the will?
Where is a copy of the will?
Is the will updated? A will should be reviewed every 10 years or sooner. If there is no will, enlist the help of an estate planning attorney; discuss health care issues and trusts as well.
Do you know who the executor is?
Do you know who your parents’ attorney is?
Do you know who your parents’ financial planner is?
Do you know what to do if your parents have to move to assisted living?
Do you know your parents’ end-of-life wishes?

Ask these questions now, and have the vital conversations as a family now, before you have to make decisions and locate valuable information in the midst of a crisis.