Downsize

6 Practical Ways to Help Your Parents This Summer

| Julie Hall

Spending time visiting your parents this summer?  Here are 6 practical ways that you can assist your elderly parents.

  1. Help your parents protect all their assets.  Know all the professionals they work with, i.e. CPA, financial planner, attorney, etc.
  2. Know the location of all their important documents.  If the documents are in a locked cabinet or fireproof storage, know where the keys are kept.
  3. Have the important conversations with them about their wishes for the future, who will be their executor, healthcare power of attorney, and discuss distribution of the heirlooms and personal property.
  4. You can’t take it with you!  If they are able, suggest to your parents that they write a master list of who should get what, and give the document to the executor.  Or, they can ask each child what they would like to have, and put that on a “wish list”.  A document cuts down on the “he said-she said” that often goes on when settling an estate.
  5. Start de-cluttering and thinning out your parents’ home now.  Often children are overwhelmed by the amount of “stuff” in their Depression Era parents’ home.  This is a good way to begin the process of cleaning out, so you won’t have to do it all at once later.  Make sure you have their permission.
  6. Always come from a place of love.  You will have several difficult conversations and awkward moments when asking your parents these questions.  Always approach them with love.  For example, “Mom, we are very worried about you and would like to have a talk about what you would like for your future.  Sue and I would like to honor your wishes, but first, we need to know what those wishes are.”

For more practical tips and compassionate advice, read my best-selling book, The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff.  Check the right side of my blog for a link to order my books.

©2013 The Estate Lady®

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com  She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com

Getting Your Affairs in Order is Not Just for the Elderly

| Julie Hall

In years gone by, I can recall that the majority of my clients were the elderly looking for help downsizing.  Somewhere around 2003, that all changed and the calls coming into my office were coming from children looking for help handling their parents’ estates after they passed away or help cleaning out their estates.

Today, things have shifted once again.  While I still work with the elderly occasionally, and certainly work with the boomer children who are the majority of my business, I see an ever-increasing (and hair-raising) trend of hearing from younger children whose parents have died unexpectedly in their 50s and 60s.

We all seem to be programmed that infirmity and death only occur in old age.  Sadly, this is not the case.  Perhaps it is wishful thinking on our part, or not wanting to think about it at all.  But in my work, I am seeing more and more of my deceased clients are eerily close to my own age, and I never thought of myself as being old.  I find myself thinking about my clients, and what they are going through, because most of their parents don’t take the time to plan ahead, especially when they are still relatively young.  This throws the grieving children into more of a tail-spin because they may not have had “The Talk.”

Many children do not know what their parents’ final wishes are, nor how the estate is to be divided.  They don’t even know if the parents have a Will or Trust.  These are HUGE issues that weigh heavily on those left behind.

Estate Lady Tips:

  1. Don’t do that to your children or beneficiaries.  You are mortal and a plan has to be shared with loved ones.  While you may not want to discuss this, you will feel much better after you do, and your children will thank you for it.  They will be especially grateful when the time comes, realizing the care you took ahead of time to make their lives easier.  Make an appointment to have a Will/Trust drawn up this week.
  2. Don’t die in debt.  This is a horrid situation.  Suffice it to say you create a nightmare for those dealing with your estate.
  3. Ask for an addendum to your Will so you can assign who gets what.  Better yet, give it away while you are still living so there is less to fight about after you are gone.
  4. Start clearing out your home now, even if you are young.  Don’t let it accumulate or it will snowball on you.  gain control of the house (and the piles of stuff we all have) and start clearing out.  Once a month, drop off items to a charity, or arrange for them to come to the house for a pick up.  Have yard sales for a little extra spending money.  If you haven’t seen it or used it in a year, let it go.
  5. Talk to your spouse and children about what you want.  Both of my parents died without much warning.  It’s a good thing they told us what they wanted and had the legal documents to back up their wishes.  When the time came (and it did when I least expected it), I knew exactly what to do.  I can still hear mom telling me, “Dad and I don’t want you to go through any more than you have to, because you will be going through enough when the time comes.  We want to make this as easy as possible on you, and we have made these decisions ahead of time to remove additional stress placed on you.”  This was music to my ears, not fully understanding the massive impact until I had to make a life and death decision for one of them.  I still can’t believe how much love they had for us.

These are not easy things to do.  Doing them sooner, rather than later, will change the way you think about these issues and make it much easier for you and your family in the future.  Take it from one who sees this trouble everyday.

Resources from the Estate Lady:

©2013 The Estate Lady®

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com  She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com

He Who Hesitates Is Lost

| Julie Hall

There’s no doubt about it!  The market is crazy, and in my opinion, predictable due to the economy.  While mainstream media has us believing everything is getting better, some of us have an intuition that may not be the case.

Professionals in the field of personal property will tell you that the market is soft.  Prospective buyers are buying, but at lower prices than most people want to accept or believe, and the pattern of what they are buying and for how much is shifting.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand the trends and feel what’s going on.  Many families are making serious mistakes when it comes to handling an estate and its contents.  Here are some examples of what I am seeing:

1.  Many cannot bear to deal with the estate from an emotional perspective, or experiencing sibling challenges, or the executor is not doing their proper job.  As a result, the estate “sits.”  As I mentioned in an earlier blog, that home becomes a sitting duck and a welcome for thieves.  Another downside is that the home itself decays.  A home is a living, breathing thing and when no one lives in it, it begins to deteriorate very rapidly and invites unwanted guests such as critters, plumbing problems, electrical issues, flooding, etc.  Next thing you know, the value of the home (and its contents) have also deteriorated.  I see this every day.

2.  Missed opportunity.  Okay, so the market isn’t so great.  But it might be better now than in the future.  Since we don’t have a crystal ball, there is no way to know what the future holds, but it isn’t looking like “top dollar” is right around the corner.  Some families are storing items, and in the long run, get tired of doing so and decide to sell at the wrong time!  They are just tired of dealing with it and who can blame them for that?

It’s important to note that many people feel if you hold onto it long enough, the value will increase.  They may think traditional dark furniture values will go back up, or depression glass will once again be en vogue.  It could happen, but I wouldn’t hold my breath – at least for quite some time.

My advice?  Hold on to precious metals and extremely rare items that are authenticated by professionals.  Let the rest go and lighten up your life.

3.  Do not adore family lore.  Most of it is pieces of the truth that have been exaggerated through the years, though the stories are fascinating!  Family lore has us believing many of these pieces are worth a fortune, and more often than not, this is not the reality of the situation.

What to do?  Holding on to stuff is eventually going to be like holding on to a cactus … very uncomfortable.  It has a tendency to squeeze us into discomfort, cause family or marital strife, financial strife, family squabbles, etc.  The solution is easier than you think … just let go!  Your loved one’s memory is in your heart and mind, not in the things that weigh you down in life.  Your loved one would never want that for you.

© 2012 Julie Hall

Admire … Don’t Acquire

| Julie Hall

Did you ever think you would hear that from an expert in personal property?  It is an occupational hazard, being in estates all week long and handling the countless items I valuate, handle, and advise on.  I love my job, but let’s face facts — we all have way too much stuff!  It’s not hard to figure out — we buy, inherit, collect, and acquire things as gifts.  Over the course of a lifetime, that really adds up.

A client I met with yesterday was a breath of fresh air.  When I asked which pieces she would be keeping from the estate, she simply said, “Oh no, this stuff can’t come home with me.  I’ll admire, but won’t acquire.  My girlfriends and I are constantly reminding each other not to clutter up our homes.”  And that’s exactly the trap we all get stuck in, but this woman was disciplined!

In my public speeches, I share my theory of why we seem to collect so much, and keep doing it even though we know we already have enough.  Long ago from our early human ancestors, I believe we still have buried deep in our DNA the need to collect and hunt.  Back then, it was for survival.  Here in the 21st century, we just whip out the plastic and buy whatever strikes our fancy.  There’s nothing wrong with treating yourself, but there is something wrong if we continually do it, causing debt issues and marital strife, because the house is getting too full and the wallet is too empty.

I fall prey to temptation myself, especially on Ebay, if I see a pretty piece I would like to have.  I sit there and have a conversation with myself.  “Do you really need this, Julie?  No, you don’t.  Yes, it is nice, but you don’t really need it.  Save your money for something really special.”  Lately, I have found that I am doing this more and more, and it does work.  Not only that, but I am purging my own home, sending some items to auction and other items for a yard sale with friends in the fall.

In the next week or so, I will blog a little more on downsizing and the trends we are seeing in the industry.

© 2012 Julie Hall

Selling Residential Contents to Help Pay for Your Parents’ Care, part 2

| Julie Hall

 

In the past, we’ve talked about supply and demand, how the younger generations don’t want grandma’s china, crystal, or antiques.  The market is getting flooded and everyone is trying to sell, sell, sell.  So the prices go down, down, down.

The bottom line is you need to have a professional come out and look at what you have, so they can advise you on the best way to proceed on the dissolution of the possessions.  There are good ways and bad ways to go about this.  Find a reputable personal property appraiser to do a walk-through consultation.  This consultation should include offering opinions of value in your region and in this market, advice on which resource is the best for selling the items, and if possible, what’s worth selling, what should be donated, discarded, etc.

Then, think about these options:

Estate Liquidation — Hire a professional estate liquidator who has experience, an outstanding reputation in your community, excellent BBB rating in your state, and who has been recommended to you by others.  They normally charge 30-40% commission and this may or may not include the clean out of the home.  The liquidator sets the prices but will often negotiate.  A plan must be in place to deal with the leftovers or remaining items that did not sell.

Ask the liquidator if they are members of any professional organizations, credentials, certifications, etc., and then check them.  Make sure they have no unresolved complaints against them.  Ask for professional references and check them.  If you cannot find a liquidator, call an estate planning firm and ask them for a referral, or contact us at Service@ASELonline.com (The American Society of Estate Liquidators).

An estate sale is not a yard sale.  The best estate sale is one that has primarily the entire household full of variety that will attract buyers, plenty of parking space on the road in the neighborhood and in a good area.

Auction Company — The same rules apply to an auction.  Check them out thoroughly.  The national average commission is 25%, but make sure you understand what that percentage includes.  Ask about pick-up fees, advertising, how long before paid, etc.  The public pretty much sets the prices based on what they are willing to pay for the piece, unless you request a reserve price on a particular piece, but this tends to scare off potential buyers.  Auction is an excellent option for many household goods ranging from antiques to farm equipment, if it is not a full house, if it’s located in a gated community, apartment, narrow streets, etc.

Consignment Company — The average consignment commission is 40-50% and most items will need to be sold within 90-120 days or you may need to go pick them up, or the consignment company can donate them for you.  They set the prices and generally go down in price as time passes.  Often you will need to bring the items by the store or provide photographs, so they can approve or reject each item.

Do-It-Yourself Estate Sale or Yard Sale — It is do-able, but a ton of work for not a lot of money, plus dealing with the public is no easy task.  The good in this is that you get to keep the proceeds without paying a commission, but you need to know the value on items before you begin the process.  You wouldn’t want something worth $1,000 to be sold for $10.  It happens frequently.

Ebay, Craigslist, other online sites — If you have the patience to deal with these painstaking options, go for it.  While I agree they have their advantages, you will need to know the correct wording and descriptions to get started and maximize proceeds.  The fees on Ebay are getting to the point where people can’t even make decent money, not to mention having to pack it up, send it across the country, and then find out that the buyer is going to make your life miserable, because she doesn’t like it and wants a refund.  It takes time, diligence, and patience.  You could always pay a student to do this for you, but they won’t have the knowledge to describe the item appropriately, and what could sell for hundreds might sell for $12.

Classified Ads — Well, it’s an option.  Sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t.  You have to be willing, like with Craigslist, to let strangers into your home, and many do not like that idea.

Create flyers and distribute on church/temple bulletin boards, friends, and neighbors.  Make sure you know what you have before you begin to sell it.

To get maximum proceeds from the items in an estate or home, enlist the help of a professional so they can steer you in the right direction!

© 2012 Julie Hall

Selling Residential Contents to Pay for Your Parents’ Care

| Julie Hall

 

Part of my job is paying attention to trends and values in the personal property market.  We are seeing changes, not only in the marketplace and in values, but also in how families are approaching the selling of items/heirlooms when mom or dad require long-term care.  They are running out of money because the high cost of care, and living so long, has taken its toll.

I have had an unusual increase in calls this year from boomer children asking me to sell almost all of the possessions in mom’s home because “we need to keep mom’s care going and we have to sell everything and we need as much money as possible.”  Mom might be in assisted living, nursing care, in-home care, etc. and the costs are so heavy; the children are now turning to the sale of personal property to cover the costs.

Let me be the first professional to be honest and as open as possible with you.  Families think the sale of the home contents might glean them $50,000 and this is far from the truth in better than 90% of the estates I see.  It might surprise you to know that unless you have something extremely rare and extraordinary that can be sold at an upper-tier auction house, chances are very good that you will be grossly disappointed in what the sale brings.  The average is $10,000 or less, and we know this won’t cover mom’s care for very long.  The biggest mistake I see is people selling sterling, gold, and jewelry for scrap.  First, if you have the luxury of a little time, do your research and don’t sell to the first person you go to.  Compare.  Look for a company as close to the refinery as possible.  Secondly, wait until these metals peak again before you sell (if you can).

The children pull out the heirlooms, or what they perceive as heirlooms because they are old pieces, only to be shocked that the Victorian oil painting is actually very common for that period, or have trouble believing the antique walnut table that’s 150 years old is only worth $300.  Believe it.  This is what we are seeing.

Each day, my phone rings with people asking me to come to the estate and separate the junk from the valuable “antiques.”  Today, many antiques are not worth that much and this comes as a shock to the family, who’s thinking they had a way to keep mom comfortable for another 6 months or a year.

Sometimes we do find treasure in homes, like the time I found three $25,00 vases in a basement.  The family was overjoyed at this find and it helped them tremendously, but this type of find is rare.  Sadly, some of these cable shows give the public the wrong idea.  They give the viewer the feeling that what they have is valuable, but we professionals in the field know differently.  True, you never know what you have until a professional comes out to look, but the majority of the time, it doesn’t amount to as much as you think it will.

Next week, I’ll share some specific options for disposing of your parents’ possessions to pay for their care.

© 2012 Julie Hall

Love People and Use Things, Not Love Things and Use People

| Julie Hall

I found this entry in the old journal my late mother wrote back in the 90’s.  It is a small, leather, white book with gold leaves; she wrote some of her favorite quotes in it.  As an expert in “things,” I really like this quote because it is directly related to what I see everyday.  “Love people and use things, not love things and use people.”

People are so anchored to their things and equate themselves and their success (as well as their legacy) to these “things.”  A legacy doesn’t mean leaving the kids with a large house full of collectibles.  It means love them and teach them.  That is ultimately what we take away with us and what means the most.  Don’t misunderstand — leaving behind an heirloom or two is a lovely gesture, but I am referring to people who haven’t quite figured out that you can’t take it with you.

Turn on the TV and you will see that we are bombarded with shows about finding stuff and making money.  One about finding hidden treasure in storage units and another who makes a good deal of money off other people’s lack of knowledge.  Believe me when I tell you that 99% of people are going to remove from storage anything that has exceptional value, prior to them being locked out and forfeiting to public auction!  Believe me when I tell you that those values are NOT accurate and not part of the real world.  We’re in a recession!  That’s just Hollywood.

We spend a lifetime collecting it, buying it, inheriting it, finding it, and then one day, we perish and leave this “load” for our kids.

How about we stop buying the stuff, sell the collectibles, and leave the cash to the kids, which they can really use and will hopefully truly appreciate?  I know I would.  This comment, while you may not agree, comes from years of listening to the children complain about this issue and why their parents never sold the things which mean nothing to them personally.  The stuff becomes a huge headache to deal with; mom and dad said the items were so valuable and the kids discover in today’s market, the value is very low.

If we don’t get rid of the things, I see those children really struggle with guilt when the parents leave them.  They end up filling their homes with the stuff, much to their own children’s and spouse’s chagrin.

These things are an anchor that will only bring you down, or bring down your children and heirs.  Get rid of the stuff, save the cash, and love your family!  Long after we are gone, our children and grandchildren will remember us by our actions, not our things.

© 2012 Julie Hall

I’m Seeing a Paradigm Shift

| Julie Hall

Lately, I have had an influx of calls that are resembling a pattern.  Boomer children are coming to grips with the financial hardship of long-term care for our elderly parents — and it comes at a high price.  We are living longer, but not necessarily healthier.

It used to be these boomers, of which I am one of them, called me to come out and appraise a few items or advise them on the best way to dissolve their estate.  Today, the phone calls have shifted to something a little more alarming.  “We need you to come out and advise us what these items will bring in today’s market.  Mom is in assisted living/nursing home and we have to sell everything to keep up with her care.  We even have to sell the family silver and heirlooms.”

These distress calls for help are a sign of the times.  It’s part poor economy, part living longer, and part not planning or saving as well as we could have or should have during our lives.  But even that last statement has multiple causes … I know many people who worked hard their entire lives, or were quite affluent, only to lose it in the stock market, ending up in possible foreclosure or financial ruin.

Sometimes it’s as simple as going through all the money the parent had, and now the children are doing their best to keep the parents’ care going; that includes selling what the children thought were valuable heirlooms.  Sometimes they do have value and sometimes they don’t, but the wrong time to sell is when the market is soft.

We need to learn from these hardships which are taking so much out on the children.  All of them thought it wouldn’t happen to them, but it did and it can.

I see a common denominator:  We are buying too much stuff we don’t need.  Shopping compulsions abound for men and for women.  At the end of the day, we are surrounded by piles of stuff and little money for our future.

MORAL TO THE STORY:  The frugal survive and thrive.  A little less HSN and QVC and a little more money saved for a rainy day.  This won’t solve all our problems, but it will build our confidence that we are doing all we can for an uncertain future, especially in healthcare costs.

© 2012 Julie Hall

The Odyssey of Junk

| Julie Hall

Has your junk been more places than you?

It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been in the estate business, I still wonder why we hold on to so much “junk” and why we have such difficulty letting go of it.  Oh sure, we may have it in neat piles, boxed in a spare room, crammed in closets, or out of sight, but make no bones about it — it is THERE, lurking in the darkness of our drawers, attics, and closets faithfully reproducing while we go about our busy lives.  How on earth do we amass so much?

I have a theory.  Somewhere back in our long-ago DNA when ancestors were primitive, I think we developed a “switch” in our brains that told us to gather and collect.  Humans were, after all, hunters and gatherers, and I believe we still are on some level.  Back then, we had to collect wood for fire, food to eat, etc. Our survival depended on it.  If you didn’t collect these items, you and your family would perish.

Today, we do it on a grand, 21st century scale.  We buy, buy, buy, and don’t really understand why.  We have far more than we need and far more than we will ever use.  Did you know we actually use only 20% of what we own?  Think about it — we wear the same, favorite clothes, shoes, use the same kitchen items, toiletries, etc.  So what happens to the other 80%?  It sits there, not being put to use, often until a loved one dies and then it has to be dealt with.  By then, it is too late and much of it is usually discarded.

We not only hold on to, but also keep moving stuff from one home to another: our college stuff, our kids’ stuff, even stuff for grandkids who aren’t walking yet, but we think they may want these items one day.

When we are in estates cleaning them out, or if clients ask us to clean out their attics, we find boxes with original moving company stickers from the 60s and 70s, and those boxes are STILL taped shut.  No one ever opened them after the move 40+ years ago.  The message that sends to me is these items weren’t important enough for me to open this box, so why do we still have them?

Our elders, God bless them, saved everything including broken appliances and parts (because you might need them one day), tons of catalogs and magazines (because those old National Geographics might be worth something).  The entire kitchen is cluttered with mayonnaise jars, Cool Whip containers, pie tins, etc.  The truth is, they are never used, because we find decades of dust on them.

Sometimes families move the entire household of a deceased relative to another state, only to clutter up their own homes.  This cycle is long, tiresome, and laborious, and the pattern needs to be stopped, or at least interrupted, so we can analyze why we do these things.  No wonder we’re all so tired, buying stuff, finding places for it, and then at some point, being forced to deal with it.  It will eventually become the proverbial monkey on our backs or our children’s backs.

Logic would dictate that we need to be free of it, in order to make our lives simple again.  It’s APRIL and the perfect time for SPRING CLEANING.  I’ll deal with my piles if you deal with yours!

© 2012 Julie Hall

What Currently Has Value?

| Julie Hall

Q: What currently has value or is selling fairly well?

A:  Reader, thank you for this question, and it is the million dollar question.  The answer is “not much” these days, except the following:

  • Precious metals/fine estate jewelry
  • Certain scrap metals
  • Electronics/home furnishings
  • Mid-century furnishings (1950s and 1960s)
  • High-end antiques, art, etc.
  • Used gas-efficient cars

And, believe it or not, utilitarian items such as kitchenware, linens, clothing, etc are selling very well at estate sales.

Keep in mind that even the bottom half of this list is not bringing in what it has in the past.  If a collector wants something bad enough, they will dig deep for a special item, but we are not seeing it as much as we used to. 

I fully expect prices on second-hand furniture (especially traditional, dark furniture) to continue to drop in price, as will real estate markets, land, larger vehicles, and many luxury items.

We are in for a bumpy ride, friends!

© 2011 Julie Hall