I am a Warrior … Are You?

April 9, 2012 | Julie Hall

There’s nothing easy about letting people “in.” If we let them in, they might see our pain and that could leave us vulnerable, or worse, very angry because we don’t know how to deal with it. Lately, I can’t help but feel I’ve been drug through the mud and I’m guessing some of you feel the exact same way.

I watched a movie with my daughter this week called “A Warrior’s Heart.” It has an invaluable message not only for teenagers, but for adults as well. The story centers around a troubled teen who has anger issues due to what happened to him in life. A Native American takes him under his wing and shows him the harsh realities of life and what is expected of him in life, by understanding that a warrior would handle it differently.

“What do you mean by a warrior?”, the troubled teen asked. The Native American answered in a way that moved me to share it with you. He simply said,

“The Native Americans believe a warrior is someone who has had his blood spilled on the battleground. A warrior doesn’t run away from the pain. A warrior just gets it done.”

I instantly saw the parallel here. Suddenly my spirit soared because I always knew I was a warrior, because I tried to deal with things head-on. We have all had our blood spilled on the battleground; figuratively or literally, and so, we have much more in common than we know.

Some people run away and some don’t. It’s how we deal with the mess that can either ruin us or elevate us. With a teen daughter watching my every move, I am determined to show her that women are strong and that her mother is indeed a warrior.

It’s true what they say; it’s not what actually happens to you, but how you react to it and deal with it. I can say this with conviction from my own painful, personal experiences, and hindsight does offer clarity and 20/20 vision.

Go forth today knowing you are a warrior … a very empowering and enlightening thought!

We are Stronger Than We Think

February 20, 2012 | Julie Hall

We just completed 3 estate clean-outs in a total of 36 hours. For someone who is not familiar with the estate industry, this is pretty close to achieving the impossible, not to mention physically back-breaking and mentally grueling. There were many moments during those 36 hours that negative thoughts crept into my mind when I was so tired, so frustrated, so in pain, still emotional from my recent loss of my mom and tending to dad, that I thought about quitting. The Estate Lady® doesn’t quit anything; so for me to admit that is a huge deal. My favorite mantra is “Failure is not an option,” which I borrowed from an old movie.

Coming home from each hard day’s work, I could feel the physical stiffness and arthritic pain take over. Then the tears would come. Then I just wanted to be left alone. My thoughts swung from feeling great accomplishment to feeling so tired that I couldn’t think straight.

It was at those exhausted and weak moments I thought, “This is it — I can’t do this anymore.” But I knew deep down that my love and passion for estate work and helping my clients go through the strain of the process was stronger than that. How would I ever find the strength to keep going?

Just when I thought I couldn’t get up and go anymore, something good would happen and my strength, spirit, and faith were renewed.

I’ve talked with others recently who feel rather low these days. I’d like to pass along a voice mail message a woman left me, who knew I was going through a lot lately.

“You are the type of person where blessings in life will always find you. You are also the type of person who will find blessings in life for you and your family.”

I loved hearing this. It meant someone out there thought enough of me as a person to know I do look for the simple, yet powerful blessings that come our way each day. You have to open your eyes and heart to them, and then they appear.

So just when you think you can’t, you will find the strength and see that you can. Remember, failure is not an option!

We Found This Unforgettable Letter in an Estate

January 16, 2012 | Julie Hall

“Please Take Care of This for Me” – borrowed from Robert N. Test, author

“The day will come when my body will lie determined by doctors to be without life. When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don’t call it my deathbed. Call it my Bed of Life, and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.

Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby’s face, or the love in the eyes of a significant other. Give my heart to the person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain. Give my blood to a teenager who was pulled from the wreckage of a car, so he might live to see his grandchildren play. Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist. Take my bones, every nerve and muscle to find a way to make a crippled child walk.

Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells if necessary, and make them grow so one day a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her window.

Burn what is left and scatter my ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.

If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses, and all prejudice against my fellow man.

Give my sins to the devil; give my soul to God.

If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs it. If you do all that I have asked, I will live forever.”

The Hawk

December 5, 2011 | Julie Hall

I sat in the car at the parking lot of the assisted living where we just placed Dad, and was feeling very alone one wintry morning last week. With the heat on full blast and tissues in hand, I said a prayer in the car to take away some of the tears and difficult changes my family has gone through lately. After wiping my eyes, I looked up and saw her.

There she stood at the very top of a large, leafless maple tree with the morning fog and the chill of winter all around her. She was the very definition of strength and majesty, looking as if she owned the universe. But there was a fragility about her too. In her solitude, she surveyed her surroundings with confidence, but I am sure even a bird of prey has doubts. After all, she didn’t know where her next meal was coming from. I felt sorry for her that she was all alone, not fully understanding that is their nature.

I started to see a parallel between myself and the hawk. It happens to all of us as we walk through life. We find ourselves lonely at times and our lives feeling barren due to certain circumstances. For me, it was my mother’s recent passing and placing Dad in assisted living. For the majority of us, this is the ebb and flow of things, and we have good times and not so good times. If we are wise, we grow with these circumstances so we can be an example to those around us, especially our children and grandchildren.

This hawk reminded me that there are times we have to walk this journey solo in order for us to have a more meaningful understanding of life, grow strong, remain strong, and just keep looking for the good in what comes next. As I put my car in reverse, the hawk suddenly swooped down and was victorious in finding her next meal. Patience and the passage of time paid off. We just need to remember that.

Sometimes There is No Second Chance

November 14, 2011 | Julie Hall

We are mortal beings. On a subconscious level, we all know our days are finite. Why then don’t we appreciate more the people close to our hearts, and tell them each and every day that we love them? Why do so many put it off and procrastinate?

I’ve had hundreds of clients dealing with past hurts, power struggles, estrangements, and unresolved issues. Then someone dies suddenly; you can no longer converse with them in person once they leave this earthly plane. It is then impossible to make things right and you carry that heaviness with you the rest of your life.

I didn’t know my mom was going to die so suddenly four weeks ago. My parting words to my mother in this life were as we parted every day. “Take care, mom. I’ll see you soon. I love you.” But her response was what has given me peace, even though she passed 8 hours after this conversation. She simply said, “I love you too.” and said it with conviction.

Though I am in a fog of grief right now, and dealing with a dear father who is struggling with Alzheimer’s disease, I’ve seared into my mind those joyous last words between mother and daughter. These words made me understand she always felt that way and clearly demonstrated the love between us. What a beautiful gift I shall cherish the rest of my days.

Pick up your cell phone, and call a loved one you have been meaning to call for a while. Call your mom or dad if you are fortunate enough to still have them, and say “I love you.” Sometimes tomorrow never comes.

The Secret Keeper

October 17, 2011 | Julie Hall

My father used to play a game with me as a small child. When he wanted to know what mom had bought for his birthday or Christmas, he would say, “Julie will tell me what mom bought. I can always get it out of Julie!” I had been sworn to secrecy by my brother because I was the little tattletale in the family. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t keep that secret. Little did I know that as an adult, life would ask me to not only keep them, but to take them to my grave so no one would get hurt. This story, I can share…

Steven was only 43 years old. He was top executive, divorced with children, and lived as a bachelor in a very nice home with lovely furnishings. Steven had a good life and all that he could want or need: a stable line of work, choice real estate, comfortable lifestyle, children, etc. But something went very wrong along the way.

One night, for no known reason to his family or friends, Steven ended his life. There was no note found or any indication for the reasoning behind his actions. We were brought in to sell and clear out the home completely.

During the clearing out phase, I personally found a stack of letters that were found in a closet. They were in no particular order and wide open. Many of them were notes and cards obviously exchanged between sweethearts. Unsure whether to dispose of these or not because the significant other might want them, I opened up the top card only to reveal words that might have offered a reason why he ended his life. I felt an overwhelming responsibility to do the right thing, but what was the right thing in this case?

There were two choices: I could dispose of the items and keep this secret locked away in my head forever, or I could call the family and somehow search for the right words to explain my findings in a very delicate manner. Having no previous experience with this particular scenario of suicide, I sat in silence contemplating the situation that had been laid upon my lap. I had in my hands potential evidence as to why this distraught man ended his life, and my heart grew heavy with the emotions he must have been experiencing. When my hands held his handwritten note, I could feel he was completely shattered.

After what seemed like an eternity of contemplation, I knew exactly what I had to do. The family had the right, no matter how painful, to know something as serious as this; I had to give them the opportunity to make the choice themselves. Calling the closest relative from my cell phone, I wanted to sound calm and reassuring.

When the relative picked up the phone, I greeted the relative and explained that I was still in the home working. “I’ve found a letter I think you may want to see, but I need your permission to send it to you. I believe it could offer you an answer as to the reason Steven is no longer with us. Would you like me to FedEx it out to you?” Much to my surprise, the family rejected my offer to send it to them and did not want to know the reasons behind his actions. Some things are just too painful. His words are forever etched in my mind to be buried with me later in life, unknown to anyone who loved him.

His Outgoing Message Said …

September 12, 2011 | Julie Hall

“Hi. I hope you are going to have a great day. Sometimes, you’ve just got to go out there, do your best, and grab what you can. Make the most of your day and make it a great one.”

You may recall last week I wrote about a lovely man who is dying and his energy and attitude were incredible. He lifted me up with his words and charisma. Yesterday I called him to reconfirm an appointment to come and look at items he wanted to sell in order to donate the proceeds. His outgoing message was quoted above.

I thought to myself with so much going wrong these days, here is this one gentleman who probably doesn’t have much time left, and yet he is making a very strong impact on those around him. Touching them in an incredibly selfless manner. We don’t see that often, do we? Not in this me-me-me world.

It is difficult for us to reach deep down and pull up all the good that is within us, especially in the midst of the many challenges we face today. But if this one man can project beauty and goodness in his darkest days, we can too.

So I will add only one thing to his outgoing message: Smile a lot today, especially to those you don’t know. You never know what challenges they are facing.

Mementos of Killed Marine Sold By Mistake

August 22, 2011 | Julie Hall

This was the headline in our local paper a few days ago. The young widow accidentally sold a suitcase at a yard sale that contained photos and special items that were of her late Marine husband with their children. I thought to myself, “Oh no … those photos are irreplaceable and probably gone forever.”

The article was a monumental effort across the country to appeal to anyone who might find it, as the buyers at the yard sale told the widow they would probably sell the suitcase at a flea market. To my knowledge, it has not yet been found.

A couple of things come to mind:

We feel for this woman and all she has gone/is going through, and it was most likely a simple oversight that she forgot to open the suitcase prior to selling. As a professional, I can honestly say it’s vital to leave no stone unturned. Whether you are sorting through a loved one’s belongings, or you hire a professional, everything must be gone through with a fine tooth comb. You never know what you’re going to find.
Professionals in my industry already know to sift through everything, but family might be experiencing emotions too strong to deal with it at the moment, feel as if they are in a fog for a while, or can’t quite get themselves to sort through the items in the depth they should — through no fault of their own. We understand grief and have compassion for our clients. Sometimes, an objective professional party can help the family through that, and ensure that everything has truly been sorted and gone through, so accidents like this don’t occur.

My heart goes out to this widow and her children, and I sincerely hope that whoever buys the suitcase with the precious photos of the fallen Marine and his children will find a way to get them back to their rightful owner.

Make a Plan for the Ashes

August 15, 2011 | Julie Hall

Several years ago, I was preparing for an estate sale and found cremated remains in the bottom of a china hutch. They were handed to the son, who promptly tossed them under the kitchen sink right in front of me. Yes, you read that correctly. The ashes were tossed in with the Comet, Cascade, rags, and Brillo pads. I was aghast! How could anyone do such a thing?

I called the attorney’s office to report this horrible act and offered something above and beyond my call of duty. I offered to appropriately scatter the ashes in a beautiful place and say a prayer for this deceased person.

Today, years after the fact, I received a call asking me to handle the remains because no one else will. It is a strange thought: here I am, a perfect stranger to the decedent, yet I care more about him than his own family. I know there are laws concerning this and I will do my due diligence to appropriately handle this out-of-the-ordinary mission that has landed in my lap. Surely a family member would care enough to tend to this need? Sadly, not one of them does care.

This should be a reminder to us all that when a loved one is cremated (including our beloved pets), plans must be made in advance for their final resting place. What if the one who has the ashes in their possession dies and no one in the family knows what to do with them? This is especially important in blended families. It’s not something we think about often, but a plan will ensure that the proper procedure will be followed when the time comes.

The Essence of Compassion

March 7, 2011 | Julie Hall

One of the most beautiful and important attributes a person can have is compassion. Sadly, we don’t see as much of it these days as we did back in our parents’ or grandparents’ lifetime. Call me old-fashioned, but I feel that compassion is desperately needed, both to be given as well as received every day. Let this serve as a reminder to all who read this how very blessed we are. We should spread those blessings wherever and however we can.

When dealing with our family members, especially through difficult times — times of change, times of illness and death, times of uncertainty — we should hold these words close to heart.

I don’t know who wrote this, but I have used it for many years and want to pass it along to you.

The Essence of Compassion

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and wrong … Because sometime in your life, you will have been all of these ….