Lessons Learned as an Expert in “Things”

January 6, 2014 | Julie Hall

Happy New Year!

As an expert in personal property, my days are filled with visiting estates, consulting with my clients, and ascertaining what has value versus what does not. I help boomer children make sound decisions after mom and dad have passed on, and work closely with seniors, helping them make a plan for their heirlooms and understanding their worth. My world revolves around many beautiful things and what they may be worth; then sadly, I watch people fight over those things after a loved one dies.

Having met with thousands of individuals in my career, I can safely say I have learned from each and every one of them. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. We exit this world the way we enter it, owning nothing but a beautiful spirit that houses love and memories earned over a lifetime. You can’t take anything with you, so why fight over things.

2. Things do bring instant gratification, but not long-lasting happiness. So we keep buying more things to keep feeling good. Too many of us fill our lives with things to ease unresolved pain and issues. As we continue to go out and go into debt buying ourselves the latest electronic or gadget, we are still left unfulfilled and discontented. We buy to feel good. We buy because we deserve it. We buy because we are depressed. But in the long run, it ends up in the hands of family or a professional, such as myself, to sell it.

3. It‘s what you do with what you have that really counts, not what you possess. In these challenging economic times, it’s important to remember there are others dealing with greater difficulties than ourselves. Even while we tighten our purse strings, we can still give in many ways, for which others would be so grateful.

Give of yourself.
Go visit someone you’ve been meaning to see for a long time.
Write that letter.
Bake those cookies.
Volunteer for those needing help.
Visit shut-ins.
Surprise a loved one.
Make that phone call to make amends, because you and your mom haven’t spoken in years.
Bring your children to an assisted living or nursing home and watch the residents light up.
Say what you need to say, and do so right away.
Ask for forgiveness and offer it, no matter what.
Offer hugs to those who really need them.
Listen to your elders because you will learn so much.

4. If you have an older adult in your life … Spend a full day with them and ask them to share stories of your family history – fun stories, challenges, family secrets, marriages – and look through old photos. Record this day and make a book for them (and copies for each sibling) so it may be passed down for years to come. Many children regret not having more family history, but they realize this after a loved one has left us. Take a photograph of this special day and frame it.

5. Get your children involved in their own legacy. TALK, don’t text. Include older generations in activities with the younger children, if possible. It won’t do them any harm to listen to grandma’s stories and bake cookies, instead of them playing on their Xbox. Precious time is slipping away for all of us. Make the most of it by making meals and eating together, talking, sharing, and most of all, mending anything that needs mending.

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

How Did You Become “The Estate Lady?”

November 12, 2013 | Julie Hall

It is a question I am asked often; each time I have to smile to myself, knowing the course of events that transpired to get me into the estate business and evolve with it. Allow me to preface this by saying I don’t think I chose “it”. I think “it” chose me.

Wilma was 103 years old. While I had dabbled in the buying and selling of antiques back then (25 years ago), she had heard about me and invited me over for advice on what to do with her beautiful European residential contents upon her death. She said she was “ready for the hole” which I found amazingly blunt, but she was honest and genuinely worried about her things, as to not be a burden to anyone once she was gone. She had outlived her husband and children. We agreed I would return in a couple of weeks to discuss options, etc.

Upon my return, her beautiful home looked like a carnival had just trampled through it. You can imagine my horror when it was clear to see that her neighbors and so-called friends came over and helped themselves, breaking fine rare German figurines in the process and leaving debris behind for her to clean up. They had purchased her sterling, antique furniture, antique clocks, etc. from her for a dollar, $5, a few bucks here and there, and her possessions were worth a small fortune … tens of thousands at that time.

It was, for me, a moment of truth – an epiphany, if you will – about the inner workings of human nature. Truly, I was disgusted by what I saw, and felt both a deep sorrow for her, as well as a disdain for the people who had done this to her. How could they do that? We’re supposed to protect those who can’t protect themselves. From my best recollection, I lifted a silent prayer thinking about all the Wilma’s out there that needed advocates, to protect them from these unscrupulous people who knew her for decades and still totally took advantage of her, with little regard for their actions. It was unconscionable.

She asked me if she had been taken advantage of, and I looked her straight in the eyes and said, “Yes. I am afraid so.” She nodded, knowing what had really happened and thanked me for my honesty. What she said next was what led me to this industry and to my life’s calling. “We old folks really need an estate lady like you!” And right there, sitting on her remaining green velvet antique sofa, the light bulb went off and I received my life’s instructions. “The Estate Lady” was born. I quit a cushy pharmaceutical job and went to work for myself, figuring if I was working this hard for them, I might as well work this hard for myself. It was a tremendous leap of faith.

From that moment to this, there have been many, many obstacles, plenty of tears for what I see in the industry (both good and bad), lots of sweat equity and even blood spilled due to its physical demands. My back is riddled with arthritis and my once beautiful hands show the signs of hard work. BUT … I’ve never once looked back. I’ve never regretted a thing. I am not rich, but in so many ways I am, because my clients allowed me into their lives. They shared their secrets and pain, and somehow, no matter how small or large, my compassion, skills, and presence made a difference in their lives. That is what allows me sleep like a baby every night, knowing I have served so many to the best of my ability. It is the driving force of my spirit.

If you know someone interested in pursuing this industry, share this link with them: http://www.aselonline.com/index.html. They can expect lots of hard work with little glamour. But if they are looking for a career in an industry that serves so many, and are willing to work hard and earn a decent income, it becomes a win-win.

Not everyone is cut out to do this kind of work. It takes the kindness and compassion of a minister, combined with the grit of John Wayne. If this sounds like you, I would encourage you to explore it.

I cannot imagine doing anything else with my life!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Simple Yard Sale Becomes Eye-Opener

October 15, 2013 | Julie Hall

All of us can relate to the ever-growing piles of stuff in our homes and I am no exception. One day, you’re forced to do a double-take as you scan a room and realize, “Oh my, when did this happen?” It hit me a couple of months ago and I decided to gather it all up – all the stuff I’m not using or haven’t used in the last couple of years – and have a yard sale with a good friend of mine. Why not sell it at very reasonable prices to those who want it or need it, and make a little extra money while thinning out my home? It sounded like a win-win to me.

Most of you know I got my start as an estate liquidator and have been in this business well over 20 years, so this would be a slam dunk for a pro, right? My friend and I got together all kinds of goodies ranging from antiques and collectibles, to vintage items and some nice household items too. None of it was junk. Since both of us wanted to sell these items, we made sure these items were priced very reasonably. So reasonably, in fact, that you couldn’t even buy them new at Wal-Mart for the prices we set on clothes with tags still on them, kitchen ware, etc.

Since both of us know the industry well, we put on a great spread. The tables were perfectly lined up and the items were displayed nicely. So many unusual items that dealers would have loved to buy and resell on Ebay. The advertising went out flawlessly to 1,500 of my personal client emails, as well as the local newspaper and Craig’s List. Everything was set to go, or so we thought ….

Much to my surprise and chagrin, when we opened at exactly 7 am, only 9 people were in line. Only 9! I remember thinking how weird that was, justifying in my mind that attendees must be at other nearby sites and would come in flocks later on. As is the personality of a sale, people first come in droves, then a quiet and steady flow, then a little slower, then another wave. I could predict by looking at my watch when each phase would occur, just by observing the flow of people. It’s been this way my entire career … until today.

A few here, a few there. No major groupings of buyers. People trickled in all morning, but very few bought much; certainly not the frenzied energy of sales in the past. Something was very wrong and I tried to figure it out while sitting next to my friend. It was a drawn out, painful process, since we knew we had great items at great prices, did our due diligence with advertising, the location was desirable in my city. From running down the mental check list, everything was done correctly.

Suddenly my friend turned to me and said, “What’s going on, Julie? Something doesn’t feel right. Where is everyone? Why are they struggling to part with a dollar?” (A woman just bought a new shirt with the original price tag of $39.99; we sold it for $4 but she wouldn’t pay more than a dollar.) My friend and I just sat there, scratching our heads. It wasn’t our sale or the things we had. We did everything right, but what wasn’t right was the energy people brought into the sale. It was sad and low, and not the usual jovial energy these treasure hunters normally exuded.

You could tell the dealers were not there in large groups as usual, and the dealers who did come did not buy much because “we aren’t selling much.” I had seen it with my own eyes. After all these years, the economy, while appearing to hold on, was in deeper trouble than most realized.

You could see the worry and anxiety on everyone’s face and the struggle to part with just a little bit of money, even though they were getting great deals. There were a handful of buyers that were serious and clearly had the money to buy large quantities of items, but most could not.

People will always buy, and things will always sell, but just not for the prices they used to … at least not at the moment. As an intuitive individual, I am sensitive to others’ energy and I know that what I felt and experienced from them was real.

People are in real trouble out there.

Life always amazes me. You can go into something with a certain mindset, like having a simple yard sale for things you no longer need. You come out of it a kinder, more understanding person, because you had firsthand exposure to those less fortunate than yourself. I don’t know what will happen, but my prayer is for everyone, and for things to improve rapidly.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Guilt – The Gift That Keeps on Giving

September 18, 2013 | Julie Hall

Each day, I work closely with heirs attempting to deal with what their parents have left behind. Some parents leave more than others, and some downsize long before their time comes. Some are so attached to their possessions, they leave it all for their children to contend with. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear they use their possessions as an anchor to this world, not fully understanding that when you are called to enter the heavenly gates, you can’t take a thing with you. You leave this earth much as you entered it, and we didn’t bring one material possession when we arrived.

On a daily basis, I hear middle-aged children tell me their mother “would kill them” if they sold or gave her possessions away, or that mom “always told me how valuable it was and to never sell it,” or that “I had to pass this down to the kids or she’d roll in her grave.” They openly share with me that mother always stressed the importance of these things and they now feel badly, wanting to sell them.

Friends, this is what I call strategically applied guilt and I am offering you some helpful advice here with the hopes that you will read it, re-read it, and pass it along to those who need to read it!

Every “thing” has a season. That season of cherishing that item was during your mom’s lifetime, not necessarily yours. Free yourself and make peace with this.
You may need permission to let it go. Here it is: It’s OK to let go and let someone else derive pleasure from it. There’s no sense in the item collecting dust, being stacked in your attic, or wrapped up in old newspaper in a box where it has remained since 1977. Let it go!
No, the kids and grandkids really don’t want it, most of the time. Even if you have an idea in your head that they will want it in the future, most of the time they don’t. Ask them what they would like to keep now. If it’s not on their list, don’t force them to take it. All you are doing is “passing the buck” to the younger generation that has no tolerance for “stuff.” They prefer cash.
Why would you clutter up your house with someone else’s stuff? It’s not fair to you, your spouse, your children. Make a pact with yourself that you will sort through it in a timely manner … not years, but weeks. Hire an appraiser to uncover what has value so you can make sound decisions. Get the kids on board and set dates for them to come get what they want. If it is unclaimed, give it to a charity of choice; let it go to someone who will appreciate it. It really is simple — you just have to make up your mind to do it, and forgive yourself for anything you think you are doing incorrectly. Always look forward.
I’m sure they don’t care about their material possessions in heaven. Agree?
Relieve yourself and your children of guilt. Here’s how …

My mom gave me a great gift before she died (her death was not expected). She took me to the guest room closet which had several packing boxes stacked. She told me those boxes were filled with family photos. “When I die, Julie, just throw them away because they are photos of people I don’t even know; I will not give you the guilt my mother put on me.”

When mom died unexpectedly and I was in her home cleaning it out, I walked up to that closet and replayed that scene in my mind. I actually laughed out loud when I reached for the boxes, telling my brother what mom had told me. Even though we went through the boxes, she was right and I had no trouble letting go. I was incredibly grateful my mother gave me that “gift” and relieved me of that burden. That’s love!

It’s OK to feel a pang of uncertainty. It’s not OK to drag this stuff with you through life, allowing it to drag you down with it. It’s not right to place it all on your children. Learn from this painful experience.

6 Practical Ways to Help Your Parents This Summer

June 26, 2013 | Julie Hall

Spending time visiting your parents this summer? Here are 6 practical ways that you can assist your elderly parents.

Help your parents protect all their assets. Know all the professionals they work with, i.e. CPA, financial planner, attorney, etc.
Know the location of all their important documents. If the documents are in a locked cabinet or fireproof storage, know where the keys are kept.
Have the important conversations with them about their wishes for the future, who will be their executor, healthcare power of attorney, and discuss distribution of the heirlooms and personal property.
You can’t take it with you! If they are able, suggest to your parents that they write a master list of who should get what, and give the document to the executor. Or, they can ask each child what they would like to have, and put that on a “wish list”. A document cuts down on the “he said-she said” that often goes on when settling an estate.
Start de-cluttering and thinning out your parents’ home now. Often children are overwhelmed by the amount of “stuff” in their Depression Era parents’ home. This is a good way to begin the process of cleaning out, so you won’t have to do it all at once later. Make sure you have their permission.
Always come from a place of love. You will have several difficult conversations and awkward moments when asking your parents these questions. Always approach them with love. For example, “Mom, we are very worried about you and would like to have a talk about what you would like for your future. Sue and I would like to honor your wishes, but first, we need to know what those wishes are.”

For more practical tips and compassionate advice, read my best-selling book, The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff. Check the right side of my blog for a link to order my books.

Helpful Websites to Sell Stuff

February 12, 2013 | Julie Hall

Coming home mid-day to grab a snack between appointments, I turned on the TV and Marie Osmond was doing a show on dealing with stuff and getting rid of things we didn’t necessarily think had value. Most of the time, I have to admit I quickly change the channel, because everyone and their brother is jumping on this bandwagon. However on this show, some helpful websites were offered that I wanted to share with you, if you didn’t see the show. I cannot vouch for any of them personally, but they might be worth looking into.

As with any selling endeavor, exercise caution and ask questions so you feel comfortable. I would check out reviews on these sites too.

www.Cash4books.net – Recent textbooks, literature, science, medicine, mystery, etc.

www.RapidRepair.com – Electronics; iPad, iPhone, iPods, Zune

www.UltimateBuyBack.com – DVD’s, CD’s, games

www.SwapMeSports.com – Buy, Trade, sell sports equipment

www.UsedInstrumentBuyer.com – Sell used instruments and gear

www.RecycleYourFashions.com – Sell designer, brand name clothing

www.GiftCardGranny.com – Buy discount gift cards or sell gift cards you’ve never used

www.ExchangeMyPhone.com – Sell your cell phones

www.Exboyfriendjewelry.com – Buy and sell jewelry

www.IdonowIdon’t.com – Wedding sets, other jewelry

He Who Hesitates Is Lost

September 17, 2012 | Julie Hall

There’s no doubt about it! The market is crazy, and in my opinion, predictable due to the economy. While mainstream media has us believing everything is getting better, some of us have an intuition that may not be the case.

Professionals in the field of personal property will tell you that the market is soft. Prospective buyers are buying, but at lower prices than most people want to accept or believe, and the pattern of what they are buying and for how much is shifting.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand the trends and feel what’s going on. Many families are making serious mistakes when it comes to handling an estate and its contents. Here are some examples of what I am seeing:

1. Many cannot bear to deal with the estate from an emotional perspective, or experiencing sibling challenges, or the executor is not doing their proper job. As a result, the estate “sits.” As I mentioned in an earlier blog, that home becomes a sitting duck and a welcome for thieves. Another downside is that the home itself decays. A home is a living, breathing thing and when no one lives in it, it begins to deteriorate very rapidly and invites unwanted guests such as critters, plumbing problems, electrical issues, flooding, etc. Next thing you know, the value of the home (and its contents) have also deteriorated. I see this every day.

2. Missed opportunity. Okay, so the market isn’t so great. But it might be better now than in the future. Since we don’t have a crystal ball, there is no way to know what the future holds, but it isn’t looking like “top dollar” is right around the corner. Some families are storing items, and in the long run, get tired of doing so and decide to sell at the wrong time! They are just tired of dealing with it and who can blame them for that?

It’s important to note that many people feel if you hold onto it long enough, the value will increase. They may think traditional dark furniture values will go back up, or depression glass will once again be en vogue. It could happen, but I wouldn’t hold my breath – at least for quite some time.

My advice? Hold on to precious metals and extremely rare items that are authenticated by professionals. Let the rest go and lighten up your life.

3. Do not adore family lore. Most of it is pieces of the truth that have been exaggerated through the years, though the stories are fascinating! Family lore has us believing many of these pieces are worth a fortune, and more often than not, this is not the reality of the situation.

What to do? Holding on to stuff is eventually going to be like holding on to a cactus … very uncomfortable. It has a tendency to squeeze us into discomfort, cause family or marital strife, financial strife, family squabbles, etc. The solution is easier than you think … just let go! Your loved one’s memory is in your heart and mind, not in the things that weigh you down in life. Your loved one would never want that for you.

An Estate is a Sitting Target

September 4, 2012 | Julie Hall

(Please send this to everyone you know is dealing with an estate.)

I just received yet another sad phone call. A client’s deceased father’s home was broken into and 90% of the estate is now gone. These thieves weren’t in any rush either. They came with a huge truck, left odds and ends in the yard, drank beer as evidenced by beer cans left around the home, and proceeded to rob this family without care, concern, conscience, or karma. Not only is she grieving, but now she has this to contend with as well. The contents of this estate were sitting, waiting for a long distance sibling to arrive in town to divide it with his sister.

The old phrase “sitting duck” applies here. It alludes to a duck floating on the water, not suspecting that it is the object of a hunter or predator. Let’s take a closer look at this situation, so we can avoid it in the future.

Since the beginning of man, there have been thieves. Through the millennia, man has stolen everything from other people held for ransom, to meat, to money, to gold, you name it. But take a good look at the state of our economy right now. Unscrupulous individuals, who feel entitled to take what others have rightfully earned and inherited, are moving in on the good side of man. They saw a house sitting, they made a plan, and they helped themselves. As times get tougher, we will see more of this.

Do you really think law enforcement is going to find these possessions? My guess is no — they are gone forever — slipping into flea markets, personal safes, sold cheap, etc. I’m not blaming the police, as they are overwhelmed with this sort of thing on a daily basis. In my opinion, it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

I’ve said it before in my writings and I’d like to offer the best advice. Don’t let the estate be a sitting duck. Deal with it in a timely manner, get professionals in there to help you, and get it done. The longer it sits, the more likely it will become a target.

With the permission of the executor (unless the executor already has done so), document and remove all the valuables from the home so they can be divided at a later date: sterling items and flatware, gold, jewelry, high-end electronics, expensive tools, etc. Keys/locks should be changed immediately upon learning of a death, because you don’t know everyone who has keys. Work through the estate and don’t delay! Don’t become one more ugly statistic, like this grieving woman who only did what she thought was right by waiting. Work closely with siblings, and find the time to meet to make decisions.

Admire … Don’t Acquire

August 28, 2012 | Julie Hall

Did you ever think you would hear that from an expert in personal property? It is an occupational hazard, being in estates all week long and handling the countless items I valuate, handle, and advise on. I love my job, but let’s face facts — we all have way too much stuff! It’s not hard to figure out — we buy, inherit, collect, and acquire things as gifts. Over the course of a lifetime, that really adds up.

A client I met with yesterday was a breath of fresh air. When I asked which pieces she would be keeping from the estate, she simply said, “Oh no, this stuff can’t come home with me. I’ll admire, but won’t acquire. My girlfriends and I are constantly reminding each other not to clutter up our homes.” And that’s exactly the trap we all get stuck in, but this woman was disciplined!

In my public speeches, I share my theory of why we seem to collect so much, and keep doing it even though we know we already have enough. Long ago from our early human ancestors, I believe we still have buried deep in our DNA the need to collect and hunt. Back then, it was for survival. Here in the 21st century, we just whip out the plastic and buy whatever strikes our fancy. There’s nothing wrong with treating yourself, but there is something wrong if we continually do it, causing debt issues and marital strife, because the house is getting too full and the wallet is too empty.

I fall prey to temptation myself, especially on Ebay, if I see a pretty piece I would like to have. I sit there and have a conversation with myself. “Do you really need this, Julie? No, you don’t. Yes, it is nice, but you don’t really need it. Save your money for something really special.” Lately, I have found that I am doing this more and more, and it does work. Not only that, but I am purging my own home, sending some items to auction and other items for a yard sale with friends in the fall.

In the next week or so, I will blog a little more on downsizing and the trends we are seeing in the industry.

From One Extreme to Another

July 23, 2012 | Julie Hall

What I love about my work is that no two days, or families, are alike. I recently worked with a child of an elderly parent who is “ready to get the ball moving and clear out the house now.” Not time to go through it much — just get it empty and ready to be sold. Why? Because he has a financial interest in the property and he openly admitted it.

On the flip side, I know of other children of the elderly who are painstakingly going through the estate to uncover (and even cherish) every piece of paper mom ever touched. I have seen people hug toasters claiming a special “memory” and even packing up her old coupons to keep, though they expired in 1971.

Somewhere there has to be a happy medium.

I have seen children claim they’re not taking much from mom and dad’s estate because their own houses are so full there is no more room and “my husband will kill me if I take any more stuff.” Then, when I go back into the estate to do my work, it has been so picked over, there is nothing left but donation items.

I have my own theories about why people have difficulty letting go, particularly the Depression era and older boomer children. But what they don’t realize is these items will one day become a monkey on the backs of their children. It’s time to give this serious thought.

The younger kids don’t want the majority of it; what their parents have done is pass the buck to another generation who doesn’t have the same appreciation for these items as their parents do. As a result, these items will find their way to the dump, Goodwill, yard sales, etc. And the child will be resentful that they have to take the time to deal with the stuff, because their parents never did. That is not the kind of legacy I choose to leave.

Best as I can figure out, they believe that by leaving more stuff, they are leaving a valuable inheritance in their eyes. No one can discount the value of sentiment, including me. But why are they taking a table saw when they’ve never used one? It will only take up a huge amount of space and become problematic in the future, sitting there with an inch or two of dust on it. By the time someone goes to sell it, it will be considered antiquated and obsolete. It’s only purpose at that point, will be as an anchor.

Keeping that in mind, I also find military medals thrown in the trash where they keep company with the family photos that have been tossed. If it doesn’t make sense to you, then you’re in excellent company. You just never know what you’re going to get. It’s all in the eye of the beholder.