Prepare

Christmas is over … Now what?

| Julie Hall

Christmas is over, and you’ve dragged all the wrappings to the trash can.  Now what?  Maybe you got what you wanted … maybe you got too much.

Things do bring instant gratification, but not long-lasting happiness. So, we keep buying more things to keep feeling good.  If your Christmas happiness has been replaced with that let-down feeling, consider the following suggestions.

Too many of us fill our lives with things to ease unresolved pain and issues. As we continue to go out there and buy ourselves the latest electronic gadget, we are still left unfulfilled and discontented. We buy to feel good. We buy because we deserve it. We buy because we are depressed. But in the long run, each item ends up in the hands of family or a professional to sell it.

There are some who believe “He who dies with the most toys wins.” There are others who feel “He who dies with the most toys, dies anyway.” So what should we do?

** Dress the less fortunate by going through your clothing, shoes, etc. Do the same for the food in your pantry.

** Head into your attic and garage and start clutter-busting. So many things we have are not being used — and can be used by someone who needs them. Find those organizations and give them away.

** Start practicing the art of giving, and refrain from unnecessary purchases for at least six months.

** A cluttered house is often reflective of a cluttered life. Do yourself and your family a favor and clear out while you can, and help others in the process. The end result is a long-lasting and satisfied feeling.

Here’s to a healthy and happy New Year for you!

© 2010 Julie Hall

My Christmas gift to you

| Julie Hall

Again this year, I’ve helped people understand the necessity of preparation before death, and helped them avoid battles over stuff after death.  I have accumulated a wealth of understanding after nearly 20 years of experience handling personal property in estates.

My book, The Boomer Burden — Dealing With Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff, provides practical and effective steps for liquidating and distributing your parents’ assets in a way that both honors them and promotes family harmony.

You’ve probably heard the stories:  arguments over stuff, an inheritance lost forever when parents are scammed, siblings estranged, or an adult heir taken from daily responsibilities for months while trying to empty their childhood home. 

This book is valuable for both senior adults and Boomer children.  My trustworthy counsel covers the following areas:

  • Divide your parents’ estate with peace of mind
  • Minimize fighting with siblings during the estate settlement process
  • Clear out the family home in two weeks or less
  • Identify potential items of value in the home
  • Have “that conversation” with your parents
  • Prepare your own children for the future

Amazon.com carrys my book; you can purchase it in time for your family’s holiday celebrations.  If you have a close relationship with parents and siblings, you owe it to all to keep harmony in the home after the unexpected death of a parent.  If there are difficult relationships, distance between you and your parents, an accumulation of stuff in your parents’ home, and other thorny issues, please buy a copy of this book and save yourself even more pain and struggle.

One of the most distressing, yet integral parts of estate planning and liquidation is the division of personal property; who gets what?  A vital conversation now can go a long way to prevent squabbling between the heirs after mom and dad pass away.  For peaceful resolutions and wonderful guidance, please order The Boomer Burden.  It has earned wonderful reviews, and it makes a great gift for siblings, parents, children, even clients.

This is my Christmas gift to your family: a wealth of information and valuable resources to protect the relationship, sanity, and peace among your family.  The joy of preparation for the inevitable, and the kindness of knowing that everything is in order.  Merry Christmas!

© 2010 Julie Hall

“Mom just told that same story and Dad can’t hear it anymore”

| Julie Hall

Many of us will gather with close family at Christmas and/or New Years.  You may want to observe your parents, or other close relatives, and take note of any new signs of the aging process.

Some of these signs, if occurring infrequently, are no cause for panic.  These signs could mean that your parents need to have someone check on them daily, or to consider assisted living.

  • Declining mobility
  • Vision problems
  • Loss of interest in favorite pastimes
  • Irritability
  • Hearing loss
  • Confusion
  • Repetition
  • Short-term memory loss
  • Fatigue
  • Unopened mail
  • Changes in the home environment
  • Unusual spending and/or hoarding (collecting)
  • Preoccupation with finances
  • Change in appetite or not eating well
  • Staying alone, isolation
  • Depression or anxiety
  • Bruising from stumbles or falls

What should you do if you notice any of these signs of aging in your parents?  You shouldn’t overreact, or force the issue to discussion.  You should not ignore the signs either.  Just pay attention.

1. Begin keeping a diary or log of what you notice.  By paying attention and keeping a record, you will be able to objectively determine if these behaviors are happening infrequently, or if they are getting worse and may need intervention.

2. Begin to think about the future.  No one likes to face the inevitable facts of decline and death of our parents.  Those who allow themselves to think proactively are much better prepared for the day when all they have left is their parents’ empty house.  It’s the adult children who have been in denial who really become unglued when the end finally arrives.

With family gathered, this may be a good opportunity to observe and discuss the facts together as siblings.  Go for a walk or out for coffee together.  A little investment of time when all are together may ease the challenges you’ll face later.

Whatever you observe, continue to love them and make great memories together as a family!

© 2010 Julie Hall

Tonight: “Top 10 Tips for Dealing with Your Parents’ Personal Property”

| Julie Hall

Join me tonight at 7 pm!  I’ll be discussing the top 10 ways you can help your parents before a mental or physical crisis occurs. 

With the holidays coming close, this is a perfect time to discuss important issues with your family, especially your parents.   More important than deciding which side dishes to serve for Thanksgiving, this is information that will be most valuable to your family!

Join me for this FREE teleseminar on Tuesday, Nov 16 from 7-8 pm. I’m joining Anne Holmes of the National Association of Baby Boomer Women. Julie Hall Teleseminar link  I’ll be taking questions too, so please call in and ask me your question.

After the seminar has concluded, I’ll post my top 10 list right here  for you to download and share.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Teleseminar “Top 10 List for Dealing with Your Parents’ Personal Property”

| Julie Hall

This Tuesday night at 7 pm, I’ll be discussing the important “conversation” that Boomers need to have with their parents. With the holidays coming close, this is a perfect time to discuss important issues with our family, especially our parents. Join me for this free teleseminar on Tuesday, Nov 16 at 7 pm. I’m joining Anne Holmes of the National Association of Baby Boomer Women. Julie Hall Teleseminar link

After the seminar has concluded, I’ll post my top 10 list right here,  for you to download and share.

© 2010 Julie Hall

6 Big Mistakes People Make with Personal Property

| Julie Hall

Personal property and heirlooms — we spend a lifetime accumulating them, inheriting them, caring for them, collecting them, and talking about them.  But we rarely know the values and we rarely make a plan for what happens to our personal property.

Here’s my list of the biggest mistakes.  Hopefully, you don’t see yourself in this list.

1.  Parents don’t share final wishes with their children.  They don’t share vital documents, especially the will/trust, or at least tell the children where they are located.

Children are then left to guess the parent’s wishes, which is a very bad thing.  Children live with guilt for the remainder of their lives, wondering if their “guess” was what mom and dad would have wanted.  What a heavy load to carry!

2.  Parents don’t make a plan for personal property.  They don’t create a master list, or ask what the heirs would like to have.  They definitely don’t gift any of their possessions while they are still alive.

3.  Parents know that death and infirmity will certainly come, but they do nothing to anticipate or minimize fighting after they are gone.

4.  Children have opposite opinions because the parents didn’t tell their wishes to the children.  This starts fights and feuds that can last for the remainder of their lives.

5.  Children are hasty with parents’ possessions.  Heirlooms with significant value can end up in a dumpster or yard sale.  They decline to hire a professional to ascertain what’s valuable before distribution and disposal.

6.  Chilren have a tendency to give away, throw away, or donate before they know the worth of those items.  Be leary of unscrupulous people who ask for a “memento” and go for the most valuable item, which you may or may not have valuated.

Did you see yourself in this list?  If so, now is the time to take action and resolve these issues.  As I’ve said before, you don’t want to become one of The Estate Lady’s sad stories!

© 2010 Julie Hall

The Executor’s Role in an Estate

| Julie Hall

You’ve been chosen as the executor for your parents’ estate, or you’ve selected the executor for your estate.  What does the executor do?

First, the executor must follow the provisions of the will, which is called fiduciary duty.  This is a legal relationship between two parties, bearing the highest standard of care by the executor to the person who requested him/her.  The executor cannot do what he or she wants to do, since the court oversees and must approve of the actions of the executor.

Second, the executor has to complete all the responsibilities of his/her role.  Even if you are disappointed that your sister was chosen as the executor instead of you, maybe you should be thankful.  Being named an executor carries huge responsibilities that cannot be ignored or shirked.  The best thing you can do, if you are not the executor, is to support the person who is!

Next, the executor has the responsibility to secure any valuable belongings, including the house, until they are distributed.  Locks should be changed immediately on the house, garage, and any outbuildings or storage units.  If there are valuables, like jewelry, that should be protected further, the executor may remove those from the house for temporary storage.  In both cases, all heirs should be notified of the changed locks and the offsite storage of valuables.  Everything should be documented.

Further, the executor should locate all important papers, including the will, financial records, master list (if one exists), and important contact information.  These contacts would include the estate attorney and financial planner or accountant.

Finally, the executor handles the equitable (hopefully!) distribution of the decedent’s assets, according to their stated wishes.  This involves much communication, promoting harmony between heirs, and navigating the minefields of relational issues that creep into this process.

Appreciate the executor of your estate, and prepare as much as you can in advance.  There is no substitute for good records and good communication!

© 2010 Julie Hall

How to Find the Best Executor for your Estate

| Julie Hall

If there is truly a job that no one wants, it has to be the Executor of an estate.  Being the executor requires great time and effort, and it is usually a thankless job.

Mom and Dad, if you are choosing an executor, here are some suggestions,  First, I recommend that you select an executor who is up to the challenge, not advanced in age, not a procrastinator, and someone who will have your best interests at heart.  Heirs or your children who will receive from the estate are not usually the best choice. 

Don’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings when you make your choice.  This is your estate and it must be handled in a manner that is comfortable to you.  To do the job well, the executor must put your desires and wishes before anything else.

Help your executor out while you are still living.  Prepare your important papers, like your last will and testament, and make sure your executor knows where to find the papers.  Be sure to keep them updated every few years.

Besides your important legal papers, does your family know your last wishes?  Do they know how you wish to distribute your belongings?  Be sure that specific bequests are spelled out in your last will and testament.  If you want Susie to receive your china, and you want Frank to receive your books, create a master list of these items to store with your important papers. 

Better yet, why not “gift” your possessions while you are still alive?  You’ll have the pleasure of seeing the joy on your heirs’ faces when they receive that piece of jewelry or collectible they have always wanted.  You’ll also reap the benefit of saving your children from struggles and feuds after you pass away.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Your Parents Need Protection!

| Julie Hall

About a year ago, I gave my blog readers the following suggestions about protecting our parents and other elderly relatives.   Occasional news stories continue to sadden and disturb me, as another elderly, well-meaning person falls victim to a clever scam or scheme.  Please review these suggestions, and pass this information along to others, so together we can protect our elderly family and friends.

1. Ask or discuss with your parents who has durable power of attorney.

2. Register your parents’ telephone numbers with the National Do Not Call registry (www.donotcall.gov).

3. Discuss with them the list of common frauds (see The Boomer Burden, chapter 7).  Ask them to contact you if they suspect anyone is trying to defraud them.

4. Ask your parents to contact you if anyone offers to buy any of their possessions.

5. Make sure a family member personally visits your parents on a weekly basis.  If this is a challenge and you have other siblings, take turns.

6. Reduce junk mail for a small fee by going to either of these web sites: www.stopthejunkmail.com and http://mailstopper.tonic.com.

The National Center for Elder Abuse is an excellent resource for information on financial and other forms of abuse against senior citizens.  It publishes reports and conducts research on this growing problem.  NCEA’s mission is to promote understanding, knowledge sharing, and action on elder abuse, neglect, and exploitation.  Its web site also offers links to other excellent resources and organizations also devoted to protecting senior citizens.  Their web site is www.ncea.aoa.gov.

Honor your parents by standing between them and anyone who sees them as an easy target.

© 2010 Julie Hall

“Can an Executor Change the Locks?”

| Julie Hall

Q:  I am the executor for my mother, who just passed away.  She is our last parent to die, and now her house and garage will be unprotected.  I don’t know who has keys to her house, since she had some caregivers towards the end of her life.  Is it ok for me to change the locks?

A:  If you are the executor of your mother’s estate, you have a responsibility to protect all she owned until decisions can be made about dividing and disposing of her personal property.

The first step would be to retrieve all the keys to your parents’ home.  Since this is not possible with the uncertainty of who might have keys,  start with a clean slate.  Change the locks with everyone’s knowledge.  What a small price to pay for peace of mind.

No one should remove anything from the house immediately after a parent’s death.  This is common, yet it is a huge mistake that families make.  No one issue causes as much disturbance among the children and heirs: knowing that one child took a collection of stuff away and the rest don’t know the real value, nor the extent of the collection.

On the other hand, the executor has the responsibility for safekeeping the assets, and a death will often signal a vacant house to a thief who might be watching the neighborhood.  Depending on the valuables in your mother’s house, you may find the need to remove items of value, such as jewelry, sterling silver, personal legal papers, insurance documents, and anything else of significant value.

If you do remove any items for security reasons, document who has the items and where they are.  Make sure that every heir knows where the items are, and that this is a temporary home for these items.  Try to keep the items local, so they can be present and accounted for during the division of property.

The more timely the division of personal property with your siblings, the less worry you will have about burglary.  Draw the curtains and blinds every time you leave the home, and have a lamp timer to come on in a couple of rooms in the house.  Remember to leave the air-conditioning on.  Nothing is worse than turning off the utilities and coming back to a house which smells of mildew and has visible mold.

© 2010 Julie Hall