“Mom has a friend…Maybe we’ll use her.”

October 4, 2010 | Julie Hall

Margaret called me from a Chicago suburb with a frantic tone in her voice. “We have all this stuff, and we don’t have a clue how to get rid of it! It looks like it might be junk, but there are some antiques in here too. What do we do? My mom has a friend who is sort of in the business. She’s dabbled in buying and selling for years. Maybe I should just hire her.”

Her words hit a nerve! It’s sort of like saying, “My brother got an A in dissecting, so why not let him do your brain surgery?”

I strongly urged her to hire a professional, and warned her about letting an untrained friend handle something as important as this. But she decided to go to her friend anyway, a decision that cost her dearly.

A month later, Margaret called me again, in tears. “I’ve made a horrible mistake, and I don’t know how to undo it. My mom’s friend didn’t know the true value of many of the items in the house and sold them for pennies. One local dealer contacted me to tell me the estate person charged $75 for a fine antique English Windsor chair that was worth about $800. An antique needlepoint sampler dated 1854 sold for $10, but should have sold for several hundred. I am eaten up with misery wondering how many other things got sold for next to nothing.”

Please get the right kind of help! Unscrupulous professionals come out of the woodwork at a time of crisis. Amateurs, even though they are friends or golf buddies or play bridge with you, are still amateurs! It may be costly to hire the right professional, but an amateur is much more “costly” in the end.

Grief Needs a Shoulder to Lean On

September 27, 2010 | Julie Hall

Let me offer some compassionate support for those who are going through grief over the loss of a parent. Having to handle all the details of a funeral and the liquidation of your parents’ estate ranks high on the lists of stressors that can wreak havoc emotionally.

You and your siblings really need a lot of shoulders to lean on during this time. This is the time to make withdrawals from your emotional bank accounts of close friends. If you are active in a church or synagogue, let your pastor or rabbi know what you’re going through, and be open to any acts of kindness from your congregation.

Grief can bring with it the symptoms of clinical depression, yet you’ll feel as if you have to be the strong one for the sake of your family. It’s not a sign of weakness to meet with a counselor and unload what’s happening during this stressful time.

With nearly every client, I’ve found myself holding the hand of an angry, heartbroken, grieving son or daughter. Many are in a very vulnerable state, feeling angry and lashing out because of all the decisions that their parents did not take care of while they were alive. Then their anger turns to guilt because their parents are no longer here, and they feel guilty because they feel angry.

You really do have to be strong and think straight as you go through your parents’ home for the last time, so take advantage of resources — personal and professional — that can help you cope with the sadness and stress.

Keep in mind: you don’t have to go through this alone. There is reliable and trustworthy help that can make this painful experience go smoothly.

7 Estate Tips for You This Fall

September 6, 2010 | Julie Hall

Now that school is back in session and Labor Day is over, it’s time for us all to get back into our routines which we abandoned in the heat of the summer. Here are 7 tips that I want you to add to your routine this fall and winter.

Make sure you and your spouse have a Will/Trust/legal documents. Better than 50% of us don’t have one, leaving our heirs to fight and “guess” our wishes and intentions. Dissolving an estate is not the time for guesswork
Make sure someone knows the location of these legal and other important papers, such as life insurance, financial information, as well as computer passwords and keys to safe deposit box.
Simplify your estate by starting to get rid of your own stuff now. Clean out the garage, attic, and closets — we have too much stuff! By doing this now, your kids won’t be angry with you later for leaving them a big mess. We only use the same 20% of what we have anyway … Reduce!
If something new comes into the house, two things have to exit, whether it be for charity, selling it, etc. Avoid the clutter that comes from constant buying. Think “simple and easy.”
Have that courageous conversation with your spouse or children (if they are old enough). Tell them your wishes for the future, then go the distance and document all this so they have a guidance system when the time comes.
Consider gifting heirlooms and other important items while you are still living. This minimizes future fighting, and you have the joy of seeing the recipient’s face when they receive their gift.
Always hire a personal property appraiser for items of value in your own home or your loved one’s estate. Only then can equitable distribution take place.

Next week, I’ll give you 6 tips for your parents’ estates.

5 Steps to Preserving Your Family History

August 23, 2010 | Julie Hall

I feel that many of us in our 40s, 50s, and 60s neglect to ask about our heritage until our loved ones are either infirm or they pass away. What can we do now to preserve our family’s history and heritage?

While your parents are still living, and if you are blessed to still have grandparents living, start asking questions. Have them share stories and ask to go through photographs so you can play the “name that person” game. All too often, I see heirs throwing away family photos because they are unidentified. Make sure you ask your older relatives prior to memory impairment.
Choose a small amount of photos that you would like to preserve and have them professionally copied for other siblings/heirs. This is a lovely and meaningful gift to give. Some clients have made memory books for each child, complete with the “who’s who.”
If there are too many photographs to have reproduced or it is not financially feasible to do so, use your digital camera and photograph each photo. This can be put on CDs for you and for other family members. It costs very little and takes up almost no room.
Remember if you handle original photos, keep them in acid-free envelopes. Use a post-it note on the back to identify each subject in the picture, until you can create your own inventory sheet, reproduction photo, or CD.
Use this article from Kimberly Powell to help you with proper scanning procedures: http://genealogy.about.com/cs/digitalphoto/a/digital_photos.htm

Today I’ve discussed photos only, but there are many more ways to preserve your tangible family history. Do you want to know the #1 BEST idea to presrve family history? Check back next Monday!

Family Secrets

August 9, 2010 | Julie Hall

Sometimes, clearing out a family home will uncover things you never knew about a loved one. I recall one home I was called to clear out; we found written evidence that the father had an affair way back in the 1940s. This sort of information should be handled with kid gloves. The best advice is to dispose of any such thing, while you are alive, that may cause great pain to loved ones, if they should find it after you’re gone . . . because someone will find it.

As you walk through your loved one’s home, you may find evidence that one of your parents had an illicit relationship, a secret habit, a child borne out of wedlock, something illegal, etc. You may discover that your father hadn’t filed tax returns for several years, or that your mom had given up a child for adoption when she was seventeen. In other words, you may discover things about one of your parents that no one knew and that would bring embarrassment if their secret got out. What would you do?

If you discover something unsavory or unflattering about your parents or a loved one, ask yourself the following questions:

Does what I found offer absolute proof or only raise suspicions?
Would what I found be considered evidence for any unsolved crime?
If the information became public, would it implicate someone outside the family?
Does anyone else have the right to know something my mother or father wanted to be kept secret?
Will I be affected emotionally or spiritually trying to keep something secret from my siblings?
If my mother or father went to great lengths to keep this secret, should I tell it? (Think long and hard before you respond.)

The answers aren’t always clear and often there are gray areas. It is important to realize that everyone reading this will have a different opinion as to how to handle these matters. Always use your best instinct. When in doubt, seek outside counsel to help with the issue at hand.

Sneak Peak 2: Another Excellent List

August 2, 2010 | Julie Hall

Today, I’m giving you another look at the practical content of my new book, A Boomer’s Guide to Cleaning Out Your Parents’ Estate in 30 Days or Less. This book is a carry-along guide, full of practical checklists and worksheets, and so much wisdom from my 20 years of experience in this field. Click on the link to the right of this blog entry to get your own copy. Buy one for each of your siblings too!

LOCATING CRITICAL PAPERWORK

Ideally, you have gotten all paperwork organized and accounted for, but in so many situations, this is not the case. What follows is a list of what needs to be accumulated in order to best deal with your parents’ estate:

Will
Power of Attorney
Investment statements
Life Insurance policies
Automobile insurance
Safe combination
Credit card information
Computer passwords
Address book
Real estate documents
see my book for 12 more items you will need to have ready…

Knowing all the people who may have assisted your parents with the above paperwork may help you locate it.

Banker
In-home care professional
Accountant
Financial Planner
Doctor
there are 5 more people listed in my book…

Important papers are often stashed in unusual places. Consider these locations when going through the home in search of paperwork and important documents.

Under or in mattresses
Books or Family Bible
Above cabinets, cornices
Closets – unmarked boxes
Luggage compartments
Behind or in picture frames
Bottom of dresser drawers
there’s many more places to search listed in my book…

How to empty the family home without losing your mind! That’s a concept that every Boomer should value, and this book gives you all you need! Since it begins with a section on “One or Both Parents are Living and Still in Their Home”, you’ll be able to use this guide immediately and keep using it until you actually have to clean out the home.

Sneak Peek: Practical Wisdom

July 26, 2010 | Julie Hall

Over the next couple of weeks, I want to give you a taste of the practical wisdom I have poured into my latest book. The title is “A Boomer’s Guide to Cleaning Out Your Parents’ Estate in 30 Days or Less.” I definitely believe this is a realistic time frame, although many boomers spend years struggling with this process. Sometimes they move the parents’ belongings to expensive storage buildings, while they fight or avoid dealing with the stuff. It doesn’t have to be that painful or protracted; the estate can be cleared out in a deliberate and decisive way. It can be done with this guide.

This is a practical workbook that you can take along in your briefcase or pocketbook, and check off completed items, make personal notes, fill in worksheets.

Here’s a taste of what to expect, except in my book there is room for notes and there are boxes beside each item to check when complete.

WHAT TO DO IMMEDIATELY WHEN MOM OR DAD HAVE PASSED AND THE ESTATE REMAINS

The executor has a responsibility to protect all that the parents owned until all decisions have been made about the proper distribution and dissolution methods. The following are important, critical first steps to be taken by the executor or estate attorney in order to properly protect and prepare the estate on behalf of the deceased parents.

Collect keys / change residential and other property locks (no exceptions)
New master keys to be in the executor’s and/or estate attorney’s possession only
Notify heirs and family members that locks have been changed for security reasons
Remove valuables (should only be done by the executor or executrix) including: (see my book for the specifics)
Notify heirs and family members that removal of valuables is temporary only until the estate is settled
Prepare a list of all valuables to be kept in executor’s or estate attorney’s file for documentation
Hire a professional appraiser to assess all valuables

This represents only a third of the material I’ve given in my book for this one list alone. If you’d like to read more, you can get a copy of my book by clicking on the link at the right of this blog. Another sample of my book next week!

The Simple Process of Preparing a Will

July 19, 2010 | Julie Hall

I want to follow up last week’s true story about Carolyn with some simple information about why you need a will. I know what you are thinking right now … “I’m young and in perfect health; why do I need to rush and prepare a will?” No one is guaranteed the length of their days on earth; accidents and illness can come suddenly. A will is necessary even if you feel you have nothing of value. You probably have sentimental items that you wish to give to specific heirs.

Preparing a will is a fairly simple process that doesn’t have to be any more complicated or time-consuming than going out to lunch with a friend.

A last will and testament is a legal document that gives clear instructions about what to do with your property after your death and how death taxes, if any, are to be paid, along with final expenses that would include any debt and administrative costs. It states who is to receive the property and in what amounts.

A will may also be used to name a guardian for any minor children or to create a trust to handle an estate inheritance to protect spendthrift children or others. Finally, and this is important in the case of your parents, a will can be used to name a personal representative or executor to handle property and affairs from the time of death until an estate is settled.

You do not have to hire an attorney to make out a will, though I highly recommend it. The law is multifaceted, and all kinds of scenarios can erupt. Depending on the complexity of the will, it will initially cost a few hundred dollars to have an attorney explain your options and then draw up the document.

But what Carolyn had written on notebook paper in her own handwriting could have served as a legal will if it were witnessed and notarized … and found. When you consider the years and tears that your heirs and family will endure if you pass away without a will, a few hundred dollars and a legal will becomes the most loving investment you can make in family harmony and peace.

Are You Ready?

July 12, 2010 | Julie Hall

Carolyn was 96 years old and had a lovely three bedroom home filled with antiques passed down from previous generations. It was obvious that Carolyn and her predecessors had taken great pride in these heirlooms because they were in immaculate condition. She had done everything right: she left all items in their original condition, she knew the history and stories that went with each piece, and she kept them out of direct sunlight and away from the heat vents.

I met Carolyn six months prior to her passing. Her 2 children were present, and everyone wanted to know the values of Carolyn’s possessions from her mother’s and grandmother’s estates dating back to the 1850s. Earlier, the children had spoken with me privately and told me their mother had not prepared a will and asked me to impress upon her the importance of doing so.

As I examined each piece, I spoke with Carolyn about the importance of making out a will so she could determine what would happen to all of these valuable antiques, but Carolyn was adamant. “I don’t need a will. I’ve written on a piece of notebook paper my wishes for my children, and that’s good enough. If it isn’t, then they can just fight over it.” And so they would. The children looked at me and grimaced. They knew the complications that awaited them if their mother didn’t draft a legal will: potential years of red tape with hefty attorney fees.

Carolyn eventually passed away peacefully, but there was little peace for the family. No one ever found the handwritten note, so it became a game of “Mom said I could have this,” and “No, she promised that to me.” Sadly, it was years before the estate was settled, and no one was happy with the outcome.

I wish this story was the exception, but in my experience, it is the norm. According to a Harris Interactive study, 55 percent of Americans have not bothered to see an attorney to prepare a will. Have you???

How different would Carolyn’s passing have been for her family with a little more preparation and a visit to an attorney to make everything official!

Mom Refuses to Create a Will

May 24, 2010 | Julie Hall

Thanks to another reader for this excellent question.

Q: My mother refuses to have a Last Will and Testament drawn up. She doesn’t want to hear about the ramifications that would be present if she died without a will. It hurts me to think she will not take care of this matter. How can I get her to listen?

A: You are certainly not alone in your concerns for your mother. For each of us, facing our own mortality can never be a pleasant thing. Yet preparing a will and other legal documents is perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give our loved ones. When you prepare a will, you assure that things are done according to your wishes when you pass away.

I recommend that you contact an attorney or paralegal. While I am not one, I can share with you many situations where I am brought into an estate where the individual died intestate (without a will). What a complete nightmare! I wouldn’t wish that horrible mess on anyone, let alone my loved ones.

The attorneys/state get deeply involved, creditors hassle the family, family members are in a constant state of unrest, and any money from the estate often goes right out the door, instead of going to loved ones. It is grueling and time consuming, not to mention distressing and miserable! When you don’t have a will, you doom your heirs to potentially years spent closing your estate. Why would you knowingly do that?

We go to great lengths to preserve our heirlooms and other personal property. Since we can’t take them with us when we pass away, doesn’t it make sense to make preparations for all that you worked hard for in your lifetime, and protect that with a will or trust and other legal paperwork? It makes sense to me!