The Simple Process of Preparing a Will

July 19, 2010 | Julie Hall

I want to follow up last week’s true story about Carolyn with some simple information about why you need a will. I know what you are thinking right now … “I’m young and in perfect health; why do I need to rush and prepare a will?” No one is guaranteed the length of their days on earth; accidents and illness can come suddenly. A will is necessary even if you feel you have nothing of value. You probably have sentimental items that you wish to give to specific heirs.

Preparing a will is a fairly simple process that doesn’t have to be any more complicated or time-consuming than going out to lunch with a friend.

A last will and testament is a legal document that gives clear instructions about what to do with your property after your death and how death taxes, if any, are to be paid, along with final expenses that would include any debt and administrative costs. It states who is to receive the property and in what amounts.

A will may also be used to name a guardian for any minor children or to create a trust to handle an estate inheritance to protect spendthrift children or others. Finally, and this is important in the case of your parents, a will can be used to name a personal representative or executor to handle property and affairs from the time of death until an estate is settled.

You do not have to hire an attorney to make out a will, though I highly recommend it. The law is multifaceted, and all kinds of scenarios can erupt. Depending on the complexity of the will, it will initially cost a few hundred dollars to have an attorney explain your options and then draw up the document.

But what Carolyn had written on notebook paper in her own handwriting could have served as a legal will if it were witnessed and notarized … and found. When you consider the years and tears that your heirs and family will endure if you pass away without a will, a few hundred dollars and a legal will becomes the most loving investment you can make in family harmony and peace.

Are You Ready?

July 12, 2010 | Julie Hall

Carolyn was 96 years old and had a lovely three bedroom home filled with antiques passed down from previous generations. It was obvious that Carolyn and her predecessors had taken great pride in these heirlooms because they were in immaculate condition. She had done everything right: she left all items in their original condition, she knew the history and stories that went with each piece, and she kept them out of direct sunlight and away from the heat vents.

I met Carolyn six months prior to her passing. Her 2 children were present, and everyone wanted to know the values of Carolyn’s possessions from her mother’s and grandmother’s estates dating back to the 1850s. Earlier, the children had spoken with me privately and told me their mother had not prepared a will and asked me to impress upon her the importance of doing so.

As I examined each piece, I spoke with Carolyn about the importance of making out a will so she could determine what would happen to all of these valuable antiques, but Carolyn was adamant. “I don’t need a will. I’ve written on a piece of notebook paper my wishes for my children, and that’s good enough. If it isn’t, then they can just fight over it.” And so they would. The children looked at me and grimaced. They knew the complications that awaited them if their mother didn’t draft a legal will: potential years of red tape with hefty attorney fees.

Carolyn eventually passed away peacefully, but there was little peace for the family. No one ever found the handwritten note, so it became a game of “Mom said I could have this,” and “No, she promised that to me.” Sadly, it was years before the estate was settled, and no one was happy with the outcome.

I wish this story was the exception, but in my experience, it is the norm. According to a Harris Interactive study, 55 percent of Americans have not bothered to see an attorney to prepare a will. Have you???

How different would Carolyn’s passing have been for her family with a little more preparation and a visit to an attorney to make everything official!

“Mom and Dad Left Us a Mess!”

May 31, 2010 | Julie Hall

Q: My mother died a few months ago and I am completely overwhelmed with the accumulated mess she left behind. Though I tried to offer help on many occasions through the years, she would hear no part of clearing out her stuff. I spend most of my days in tears, resentful that she left me this mess, squeezed between my family, my job, and her affairs. Do you have any advice for me to handle this daunting task? Can you at least tell others not to do this to their children?

A: You have touched upon one of the most important aspects of my work and of my public speaking. In my work, I deal with children every day who are flying in and out of town, trying to handle parents’ estates. The “Sandwich Generation” is caught between caring for our parents and our children, with not enough of us to go around, especially when geographically remote from either parents or children.

When I speak, I talk openly about accumulation, what to do about it, how to begin thinning out your stuff, or get rid of it altogether. Evaluation is the first step in any estate settlement process. Children are often in a crisis mode and don’t know where to begin this daunting task. Finding a company or person you can trust to help you understand the values of your parents’ personal property is paramount.

Once you are armed with that information, you are better able to decide what can be thrown out, what can be donated, what to keep, etc. Remember that knowledge is power. If you do not possess the knowledge to make these decisions, find a professional who does and can offer you objective information. This professional can also help you sell items of value, and clear out the estate. These services are especially valuable if you live out of town and have limited time to spend handling the estate.

Often I find my older clients have massive accumulations in their attic, closets, basement, and garage. The reasons are numerous and not always understandable. My guess is that they don’t know how to handle the accumulations either.

All too often, I sit beside a child whose parent has just died; they are angry that mom or dad left this mess, and they are grieving too. This becomes a double blow to their heart and spirit. If parents could see what I see, they wouldn’t do this to their children. How would you like to be remembered?

Is it Time to Make a Change?

April 19, 2010 | Julie Hall

Whether due to unsettling financial crisis or a “blessed event” in your family, it may be time to change your will. How long has it been since you reviewed your will? There’s no time like the present to find your will and review your decisions and circumstances related to your final wishes.

You can change or update a will at any time. An amendment to the will is referred to as a codicil. I recommend you consult an attorney when you change a will as some changes are considered minor, and some may require a completely new will.

Here are some reasons for updating a will:

The family changes due to a birth, adoption, marriage, divorce, or death.
Major changes occur in the amount of property owned.
Tax laws change (federal and state).
Residence changes from one state to another.
The executor or guardian can no longer serve.
You decide – for any reason – to change the distribution of your property.

Remember, you must be careful to match the beneficiaries in your will to your other financial assets as well.

Two more important reminders:

Keep the original will in a safe place such as a fireproof lock box or a bank safe deposit box.
Make sure the family knows where the will is kept. I recommend that all members of the immediate family know where the will is kept, as a precaution. The executor should have a copy of the will, or know where it is kept and have a key to access the will immediately, if needed.

If you have taken my advice and created a master list of your valuable possessions, their estimated or appraised value, and who you have chosen to receive each item, keep that master list with the original will. Be sure that the executor and the immediate family have a copy of the list.

The Art of Procrastination

March 29, 2010 | Julie Hall

Why do some procrastinate when dealing with death, caregiving, and other challenging issues? That is the million-dollar question!

Some of us are exceptionally good at doing things and tending to every imaginable task, like it or not. Some of us are followers that are very good at taking direction from the doers. Still, others are extremely skilled at procrastination and avoiding the elephant in the room, even if it must be dealt with.

In my 20 year professional quest for the answer to procrastination, I am reminded of an image we have all seen in old “spaghetti westerns”, the old cowboy pushing and cursing at his stubborn donkey to get up and go! The same is true for our clients, relatives, and friends. Never is it more unnerving than when you are trying to settle an estate, handle issues related to an illness or the death of a loved one, and the decision maker is — dare I say it — a procrastinator.

Why do some procrastinate?

First, they don’t have the ability to, or simply can’t, deal with the issue at hand. Perhaps it is too emotional, or they are just indecisive people to begin with and tackle all life’s issues in this manner.

Second, they simply don’t want to handle this issue. Often, but not always, these personality types ill allow people who are doers to come in and take over the reins (literally). With people like this, I always map out a plan — here’s what happens first, second, etc. They like to know what is going on, but don’t necessarily desire to be a part of the process.

Third, why deal with it today when I don’t have to? There’s not much I can say about this type. I have seen many unexpected deaths in my line of work, and to me, there’s no time like the present. Why put it off when it has to be done anyway? Just do it!

There is no known cure for procrastination. One would think that time and experience would teach people not to put things off. Since the beginning of time, people have put things off because they didn’t want to think or act. That’s why so many people perish without having even a basic will, let alone having many other vital issues discussed and planned out.

Procrastination is a bad word. Planning, while you are in control and have your say, is a beautiful gift to everyone around you!

“Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday.” ~~Napoleon Hill

‘Til Death Do Us Part

February 1, 2010 | Julie Hall

Most of us enjoy hearing those words during a wedding ceremony where the new couple is floating in bliss and envision being by each other’s side until death separates them. From my perspective, however, I see people who have a very passionate reliationship with their material possessions; sometimes more so than with each other! If I didn’t know any better, I would say they feel confident that they can take their possessions with them when they leave this earth.

With almost two decades in the estate industry helping people make decisions about the dissolution of personal property, I have seen it all. And in all those years, I have tried to figure out why people have such a hard time letting go.

It is important to note that often the Depression Era generation is the one that accumulated the most. Their parents did not have much and probably possessed more utilitarian items because of the time period. When their parents passed away, they did not distribute or sell those items — they absorbed them, which means the Boomers have much more to deal with when their Depression era parents pass away.

Here are a few thoughts on why people hold on to so much:

You just never know when I’m going to need this.
There are so many things I could use this for.
If I only hold onto it long enough, it will become valuable.
It is already old, so it must be valuable.
I did without this as a child, and I will not do without again.
It was a gift and I will honor the giver by keeping it.
The more I leave for the kids, the more they will have.
I worked very hard for these things, and I will pass them down.
They bring comfort and familiarity.
Sentimental reasons
Too overwhelmed to let it go — emotional attachment
“I’ll let my kids deal with this after I’m gone.”

What do you think? I’d love to hear your reasons for keeping things; click “leave a comment” below this blog. We’ll talk more about the problem and the solutions in the next couple of weeks. Please come back!

The Risk of Procrastination

November 30, 2009 | Julie Hall

“When the boat reaches midstream, it is too late to mend the leaks.” — A Chinese proverb

Mary was 96 years old and had a lovely 3 bedroom home filled with antiques passed down from previous generations. With great pride, Mary had done everything right with these heirlooms. She left all items in their original good condition (never refinished or restored them), knew all the history of each piece, kept them out of direct sunlight and away from heat vents, never placed them in the attic.

But Mary made a huge error along the way: she procrastinated making an estate plan for her assets and preparing for her own death. In fact, Mary didn’t even have a legal will.

I remember meeting Mary about 6 months prior to her passing. Her two children were present, and everyone wanted to know the values of Mary’s lovely possessions. The children hoped that my visit would convince Mary of her urgent need to prepare a will, so her wishes would be known and fulfilled after her death. At length, I spoke with Mary about the importance of preparing all her wishes for her children. I even offered the name and number of an estate attorney who would be willing to come to her home.

I made the assumption that at 96, Mary had accepted her advanced age and her close proximity to death. However, Mary had a great deal of difficulty accepting her mortality. “I do not need a will. I have written my wishes for my children on a piece of notebook paper, and that is good enough. If it isn’t good enough, then my kids will just have to fight over it.”

The children looked at me and grimaced. They knew the complications that awaited them if mom did not get legal assistance to prepare her last wishes and plans. These complications can be years of red tape, tremendous financial pressures to settle the estate, etc. This is simply not fair to do to children!

What happened with Mary’s estate? No one ever found her handwritten will, and it became a nightmare for the family. It became a litany of “Mom said I could have this” or “No, she promised that to me.”

Mary’s reasons for procrastination will never be known by any of us. Some are afraid of even talking about death. We shouldn’t be; it is a certainty. The older generation seems to be parted into three groups: Those that are completely prepared, those who won’t even discuss it, and leave it all on their children’s shoulders, and those that simply sit on it for years and procrastinate on the inevitable. For those in the last two groups, life will be most difficult for your children or heirs, upon your demise.

For trustworthy advice on these issues and much more, please click on the right side of my blog at “The Boomer Burden” and order my book.

The Lady Who Wouldn’t Let Go

November 10, 2009 | Julie Hall

Joanne was in her mid-seventies, and her daughter knew mom just couldn’t take care of a house over 4,000 square feet on over an acre of land. Joanne had to have a home that large to house all of her possessions. She needed to downsize and move to Assisted Living, but she was giving her daughter a very difficult time about the move.

The daughter made an appointment for me to come over and educate them in the estate sale process. Her exact words: “Mom’s got 4,000 square feet full of stuff, junk and everything else, and it’s time to sell it all so she can fit into her new place.” To complicate the matter, the house had already sold!

Throughout the conversation at Joanne’s house, I had a familiar feeling that I had to share. I addressed the daughter who had asked me to come: “I would be happy to assist you in selling the remainder of this estate, but I have a funny feeling mom will not part with anything.”

Joanne looked over at me and gave me a “cat ate the canary” grin; I knew she was up to something. The daughter insisted that all of the possessions had to go. Still, I persisted as gracefully as I knew how. “I think your mom might have other plans for it, don’t you, Joanne?” Again, I received the same grin, but she sat silent, as if this was punishing her daughter for trying to make the right decision.

The daughter became increasingly disturbed, and I was caught in the middle. “Mom, what is going on?” Still, no reply from her mother. Once more, I put on my gentle voice and stuck my neck out. “I’d be willing to guess mom has other plans for her possessions. Something like storage.” Mom’s face was simply beaming. I had hit the nail on the head!

The daughter’s face grew dark like an impending storm, and demanded to know what nonsense mom was up to. Finally, it came out. “Julie’s right. I’ve already reserved four extra large storage units. I’m not giving it away, or selling it. It’s mine. No one can have it but me!”

The lady who wouldn’t let go ended up moving and placing everything in storage, to the tune of over $7,000 per year.

Moral: You can’t take it with you, no matter how hard you try!

Let’s be AWARE

October 12, 2009 | Julie Hall

Let’s continue to spell out the remedy for the older adult disease of procrastination with a touch of denial.

A stands for Anguish.

W stands for Will.

A stands for Action Plan. Once you have your will in hand, then develop a written plan that lists important people who could help your family or friends after your death. Research and record who you consider to be trusted resources and experts with their name, address, phone number, and an explanation of what they do. Have this plan of action with your will, so your family or friends will know who to contact upon your death. These resources are people such as your attorney, financial planner, banker, real estate appraiser, personal property appraiser, estate sale professionals, and experts you trust to consult about a collection, such as stamps, coins, or books. It is wise, too, to include where you keep your address book in your home, in case someone wishes to notify out of town friends of your death.

R stands for Responsibility and Respect. Responsibility is one of the most lasting characteristics you can leave a family member or friend who must close out your affairs after your death. When you have taken the personal responsibility to handle your estate, you are actually leaving a legacy of respect for those who must handle your affairs.

E stands for Educate. Educate yourself by taking a personal evaluation and appraisal of your personal property and how you would want it distributed. Educate others to what is valuable to you and find out what might be valuable to them. For example, your daughter might value a chipped ceramic plate that was the platter for family birthday cakes — no monetary value, but heaped with sentimental value for her. Give away as much in life as you are comfortable in giving.

Be “aware” of how you want people to remember you when you are no longer here to tell them yourself!

The remedy for procrastination and denial

October 12, 2009 | Julie Hall

When it comes to making arrangements for estate distributions upon one’s death, too many older adults are seized with a rather dramatic disease diagnosed as procrastination with a touch of denial.

Of course, we will all die — it’s a certainty, but many people do nothing about it while they are alive. They think in terms of “if” I die and not “when” I die. Denial makes them procrastinate on very important personal decisions they should be making.

Procrastination and denial have a remedy called “AWARE”.

A stands for Anguish. When a loved one dies and leaves no instructions on what to do with his or her estate, the next of kin becomes angry and resentful of having to mentally and physically handle another person’s lifetime of accumulation. The frustration, anger, resentment and guilt are in their voices when they call me to help them dispose of the household possessions. So, alleviate this emotional strain by spending a small amount of time now when you are mentally and physically able to arrange your affairs yourself.

W stands for Will. “Don’t leave life without it.” Your Last Will and Testament is the wisest document you can possess. Have an attorney help you, since template forms may not hold up in the statutory process for distributing assets. Not just for those of wealth, a will is important for any well-prepared individual. A will is needed to make sure you have designated the right beneficiary when your estate is distributed after your death. The investment in time and money here is minimal compared to the anguish you will cause a loving family member or friend without one.

We’ll finish the remainder of “AWARE” in the next post!