The Emotional Porter

June 4, 2014 | Julie Hall

When I pack for a pleasure trip, I only allow myself to bring one piece of luggage. I traveled for many years and made a habit of running for my plane in high heels and skirts (way back when). Now that I am older, I do everything in my power to lighten my load, wear sensible shoes, and give my aching back a break. I can’t wait to check my bag, sit down, and relax.

I think many of us lug around our emotional baggage on a daily basis and never bother to “check” it. Maybe we don’t know how to, or maybe we just forget, so we end up dragging it with us wherever we go. It gets rather tiring, doesn’t it?

In my business of helping clients sort through estates, after a loved one has moved to assisted living or has died, I see many children/heirs carry a lot of baggage with them, to the point of personal detriment. I realize that we are not at our personal best when these situations occur, but even after months and years of not making proper decisions, we still carry our emotional baggage wherever we go. It then becomes a monkey on our back, and we get angry and even resentful. It chokes our spirit because we don’t know how to heal it.

This emotional baggage comes from a place of not dealing with our stuff ahead of time, before the loss.

Not speaking our truth,
Not making amends,
Not having that conversation when we could have,
Not asking the questions to get the answers we want,
Not healing wounds that could have been healed.

We forget to forgive ourselves for whatever is eating at us!

Besides all that, I see clients feeling guilty and taking possessions they don’t really want. It only means we have more to carry, or more for our children to carry. Life is hard enough.

We don’t need to lug around someone else’s sentiment or prized possessions.

That was their desire, not ours.

On some deep level, we must consider it our penance to drag around this baggage, like the ghost, Jacob Marley, in “A Christmas Carol” showing Scrooge all the heavy chains he must now carry, due to the choices he made in life. It doesn’t have to be like that; release yourself!

I see many children/heirs carry a lot of baggage with them, to the point of personal detriment. Keeping too much stuff can cause divorce, tension, fighting, resentment, and anger among our still-living family. It’s just not worth it!

Some would argue that everything they kept was sentimental, but you can’t squash mom’s household of stuff into your already-full household of stuff and expect everything to be ok. There is only so much you can keep; it should never cause strife among siblings, spouses, or children.

Holding on to grandmother’s or dad’s possessions are not a mandate, not something you have to do. It’s something you want to do. Seriously edit your selections as you do. If in doubt, listen to your inner voice and pass on the item. Take a photo of it and pass it on.

Don’t be pushed, nudged, guilted, obliged, forced, or coerced by any person, any memory, any ghost, or more importantly, yourself.

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Concern and Worry can Wear on You

February 12, 2014 | Julie Hall

Many of my clients are concerned about the state of our economy. I am worried too, and I’m betting some of your wheels are turning constantly. In the midst of uncertainty, it is only natural to feel off-balance and a bit insecure. It’s hard to make solid decisions when so much is up in the air.

Clients need guidance determining what to keep, sell, or donate at a time when the secondary market is so poor. How do you go about getting top dollar for an heirloom in an economy like this? You don’t, unless you have something incredibly extraordinary and high-end that people are willing to dig deep into their pockets to obtain.

Some will decide to hold on to possessions, often going to the trouble and expense of storage; I don’t think that’s a viable option. They think the longer they hold onto it, the more valuable it will become. Most of the time, the answer to that is “not necessarily so.” Storage will eat up and surpass the worth of what you put in there. If you don’t move it into your home right away, I don’t recommend storage. That’s a sign you don’t need it.

Others want stuff gone immediately and sold, never to be dealt with again. They sense the economy will get worse and not improve. They feel it’s better to get what you can now, then nothing at all when things really get rough — if they get rough.

All of these different ideas, opinions, and theories everywhere you look, yet they all have one common denominator: concern and worry. It can really wear on you too, if you’re not careful.

Here is another excerpt I found from my late mother’s writings. It lead me to write this blog, because so many of us are in the same boat. My mother may have read it somewhere and liked it so much she copied it. I hope you find it as inspirational as I did. How did she know I needed to hear these words? Maybe you need them too.

“When you come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will either be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.”

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Exercise Discernment When Cleaning Out Mom & Dad’s House

January 14, 2014 | Julie Hall

Don’t take things just to take them!

Boomers, take heed. As our parents pass away, the temptation to sock away their belongings is great, but take the time to really think about what you are doing. Don’t keep it because you think your children or grandchildren might change their minds one day. Don’t get stuck paying for ludicrous storage bills that far outweigh the value of what you place inside there. Don’t fall into the trap of being a storage for your kids either. In the blink of an eye, you will be wanting to downsize; the time has come to hold yourself accountable in all of this. It’s either you who will do it or your children will do it, so why not do it for them?

TAKE only what is really special to you, because the kids will most likely not change their minds and it will be sold off for pennies on the dollar, when it falls in the hands of your children.

TAKE photographs, because they take up less space but you still have the memory of the item(s).

TAKE into consideration that if your children say “no,” they don’t want these items. They really mean “no.”

TIPS: Don’t sell, give away, or donate anything until a professional has examined it. So many boomers throw away or give away personal possessions worth a small fortune, simply because they don’t know the values. Tell everyone “no” until the appraiser has reviewed everything. The cost to pay a personal property appraiser is nothing compared to the value you could find, not to mention the peace of mind it will give you!

KEEP the following:

Anything that can provide family history.
Family heirlooms if they are wanted and will be cherished. Don’t force heirlooms on the children if their hearts aren’t in it.
All items of perceived monetary value. Hire that appraiser to find out for sure!
Family photographs
Rare or unusual items (some antiques fall into this category). If someone has room for them and wants them, that’s fine. It’s okay to sell them if no one wants them.
Jewelry. Have items appraised first for fair market value, not replacement value.
Items with historic significance. You may donate if no family wants them.
Important documents. These must be kept together until they are all sorted through by the executor.
Collections (gold, coins, guns, stamps, etc.). Always have them evaluated by a professional. It is unusual to find appraisers for different specialty collections.
Antiques, artwork, paintings, sculpture. These must be evaluated by a professional.
Military items. These items are sought by collectors but may also be vital to family history.
Safes, safety deposit boxes, and their contents. Have a key or know where keys or passwords are located.
Anything you cannot identify. Have a professional look at it for you.

Don’t take things just to take them. Select a few sentimental items that are small enough for you to use or display in your home. Great family or marital strife can develop if you take too much. Remember, the more you take now, the more your children will have to deal with later.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Simple Yard Sale Becomes Eye-Opener

October 15, 2013 | Julie Hall

All of us can relate to the ever-growing piles of stuff in our homes and I am no exception. One day, you’re forced to do a double-take as you scan a room and realize, “Oh my, when did this happen?” It hit me a couple of months ago and I decided to gather it all up – all the stuff I’m not using or haven’t used in the last couple of years – and have a yard sale with a good friend of mine. Why not sell it at very reasonable prices to those who want it or need it, and make a little extra money while thinning out my home? It sounded like a win-win to me.

Most of you know I got my start as an estate liquidator and have been in this business well over 20 years, so this would be a slam dunk for a pro, right? My friend and I got together all kinds of goodies ranging from antiques and collectibles, to vintage items and some nice household items too. None of it was junk. Since both of us wanted to sell these items, we made sure these items were priced very reasonably. So reasonably, in fact, that you couldn’t even buy them new at Wal-Mart for the prices we set on clothes with tags still on them, kitchen ware, etc.

Since both of us know the industry well, we put on a great spread. The tables were perfectly lined up and the items were displayed nicely. So many unusual items that dealers would have loved to buy and resell on Ebay. The advertising went out flawlessly to 1,500 of my personal client emails, as well as the local newspaper and Craig’s List. Everything was set to go, or so we thought ….

Much to my surprise and chagrin, when we opened at exactly 7 am, only 9 people were in line. Only 9! I remember thinking how weird that was, justifying in my mind that attendees must be at other nearby sites and would come in flocks later on. As is the personality of a sale, people first come in droves, then a quiet and steady flow, then a little slower, then another wave. I could predict by looking at my watch when each phase would occur, just by observing the flow of people. It’s been this way my entire career … until today.

A few here, a few there. No major groupings of buyers. People trickled in all morning, but very few bought much; certainly not the frenzied energy of sales in the past. Something was very wrong and I tried to figure it out while sitting next to my friend. It was a drawn out, painful process, since we knew we had great items at great prices, did our due diligence with advertising, the location was desirable in my city. From running down the mental check list, everything was done correctly.

Suddenly my friend turned to me and said, “What’s going on, Julie? Something doesn’t feel right. Where is everyone? Why are they struggling to part with a dollar?” (A woman just bought a new shirt with the original price tag of $39.99; we sold it for $4 but she wouldn’t pay more than a dollar.) My friend and I just sat there, scratching our heads. It wasn’t our sale or the things we had. We did everything right, but what wasn’t right was the energy people brought into the sale. It was sad and low, and not the usual jovial energy these treasure hunters normally exuded.

You could tell the dealers were not there in large groups as usual, and the dealers who did come did not buy much because “we aren’t selling much.” I had seen it with my own eyes. After all these years, the economy, while appearing to hold on, was in deeper trouble than most realized.

You could see the worry and anxiety on everyone’s face and the struggle to part with just a little bit of money, even though they were getting great deals. There were a handful of buyers that were serious and clearly had the money to buy large quantities of items, but most could not.

People will always buy, and things will always sell, but just not for the prices they used to … at least not at the moment. As an intuitive individual, I am sensitive to others’ energy and I know that what I felt and experienced from them was real.

People are in real trouble out there.

Life always amazes me. You can go into something with a certain mindset, like having a simple yard sale for things you no longer need. You come out of it a kinder, more understanding person, because you had firsthand exposure to those less fortunate than yourself. I don’t know what will happen, but my prayer is for everyone, and for things to improve rapidly.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Helpful Websites to Sell Stuff

February 12, 2013 | Julie Hall

Coming home mid-day to grab a snack between appointments, I turned on the TV and Marie Osmond was doing a show on dealing with stuff and getting rid of things we didn’t necessarily think had value. Most of the time, I have to admit I quickly change the channel, because everyone and their brother is jumping on this bandwagon. However on this show, some helpful websites were offered that I wanted to share with you, if you didn’t see the show. I cannot vouch for any of them personally, but they might be worth looking into.

As with any selling endeavor, exercise caution and ask questions so you feel comfortable. I would check out reviews on these sites too.

www.Cash4books.net – Recent textbooks, literature, science, medicine, mystery, etc.

www.RapidRepair.com – Electronics; iPad, iPhone, iPods, Zune

www.UltimateBuyBack.com – DVD’s, CD’s, games

www.SwapMeSports.com – Buy, Trade, sell sports equipment

www.UsedInstrumentBuyer.com – Sell used instruments and gear

www.RecycleYourFashions.com – Sell designer, brand name clothing

www.GiftCardGranny.com – Buy discount gift cards or sell gift cards you’ve never used

www.ExchangeMyPhone.com – Sell your cell phones

www.Exboyfriendjewelry.com – Buy and sell jewelry

www.IdonowIdon’t.com – Wedding sets, other jewelry

He Who Hesitates Is Lost

September 17, 2012 | Julie Hall

There’s no doubt about it! The market is crazy, and in my opinion, predictable due to the economy. While mainstream media has us believing everything is getting better, some of us have an intuition that may not be the case.

Professionals in the field of personal property will tell you that the market is soft. Prospective buyers are buying, but at lower prices than most people want to accept or believe, and the pattern of what they are buying and for how much is shifting.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand the trends and feel what’s going on. Many families are making serious mistakes when it comes to handling an estate and its contents. Here are some examples of what I am seeing:

1. Many cannot bear to deal with the estate from an emotional perspective, or experiencing sibling challenges, or the executor is not doing their proper job. As a result, the estate “sits.” As I mentioned in an earlier blog, that home becomes a sitting duck and a welcome for thieves. Another downside is that the home itself decays. A home is a living, breathing thing and when no one lives in it, it begins to deteriorate very rapidly and invites unwanted guests such as critters, plumbing problems, electrical issues, flooding, etc. Next thing you know, the value of the home (and its contents) have also deteriorated. I see this every day.

2. Missed opportunity. Okay, so the market isn’t so great. But it might be better now than in the future. Since we don’t have a crystal ball, there is no way to know what the future holds, but it isn’t looking like “top dollar” is right around the corner. Some families are storing items, and in the long run, get tired of doing so and decide to sell at the wrong time! They are just tired of dealing with it and who can blame them for that?

It’s important to note that many people feel if you hold onto it long enough, the value will increase. They may think traditional dark furniture values will go back up, or depression glass will once again be en vogue. It could happen, but I wouldn’t hold my breath – at least for quite some time.

My advice? Hold on to precious metals and extremely rare items that are authenticated by professionals. Let the rest go and lighten up your life.

3. Do not adore family lore. Most of it is pieces of the truth that have been exaggerated through the years, though the stories are fascinating! Family lore has us believing many of these pieces are worth a fortune, and more often than not, this is not the reality of the situation.

What to do? Holding on to stuff is eventually going to be like holding on to a cactus … very uncomfortable. It has a tendency to squeeze us into discomfort, cause family or marital strife, financial strife, family squabbles, etc. The solution is easier than you think … just let go! Your loved one’s memory is in your heart and mind, not in the things that weigh you down in life. Your loved one would never want that for you.

Love People and Use Things, Not Love Things and Use People

August 6, 2012 | Julie Hall

I found this entry in the old journal my late mother wrote back in the 90’s. It is a small, leather, white book with gold leaves; she wrote some of her favorite quotes in it. As an expert in “things,” I really like this quote because it is directly related to what I see everyday. “Love people and use things, not love things and use people.”

People are so anchored to their things and equate themselves and their success (as well as their legacy) to these “things.” A legacy doesn’t mean leaving the kids with a large house full of collectibles. It means love them and teach them. That is ultimately what we take away with us and what means the most. Don’t misunderstand — leaving behind an heirloom or two is a lovely gesture, but I am referring to people who haven’t quite figured out that you can’t take it with you.

Turn on the TV and you will see that we are bombarded with shows about finding stuff and making money. One about finding hidden treasure in storage units and another who makes a good deal of money off other people’s lack of knowledge. Believe me when I tell you that 99% of people are going to remove from storage anything that has exceptional value, prior to them being locked out and forfeiting to public auction! Believe me when I tell you that those values are NOT accurate and not part of the real world. We’re in a recession! That’s just Hollywood.

We spend a lifetime collecting it, buying it, inheriting it, finding it, and then one day, we perish and leave this “load” for our kids.

How about we stop buying the stuff, sell the collectibles, and leave the cash to the kids, which they can really use and will hopefully truly appreciate? I know I would. This comment, while you may not agree, comes from years of listening to the children complain about this issue and why their parents never sold the things which mean nothing to them personally. The stuff becomes a huge headache to deal with; mom and dad said the items were so valuable and the kids discover in today’s market, the value is very low.

If we don’t get rid of the things, I see those children really struggle with guilt when the parents leave them. They end up filling their homes with the stuff, much to their own children’s and spouse’s chagrin.

These things are an anchor that will only bring you down, or bring down your children and heirs. Get rid of the stuff, save the cash, and love your family! Long after we are gone, our children and grandchildren will remember us by our actions, not our things.

I’m Seeing a Paradigm Shift

July 9, 2012 | Julie Hall

Lately, I have had an influx of calls that are resembling a pattern. Boomer children are coming to grips with the financial hardship of long-term care for our elderly parents — and it comes at a high price. We are living longer, but not necessarily healthier.

It used to be these boomers, of which I am one of them, called me to come out and appraise a few items or advise them on the best way to dissolve their estate. Today, the phone calls have shifted to something a little more alarming. “We need you to come out and advise us what these items will bring in today’s market. Mom is in assisted living/nursing home and we have to sell everything to keep up with her care. We even have to sell the family silver and heirlooms.”

These distress calls for help are a sign of the times. It’s part poor economy, part living longer, and part not planning or saving as well as we could have or should have during our lives. But even that last statement has multiple causes … I know many people who worked hard their entire lives, or were quite affluent, only to lose it in the stock market, ending up in possible foreclosure or financial ruin.

Sometimes it’s as simple as going through all the money the parent had, and now the children are doing their best to keep the parents’ care going; that includes selling what the children thought were valuable heirlooms. Sometimes they do have value and sometimes they don’t, but the wrong time to sell is when the market is soft.

We need to learn from these hardships which are taking so much out on the children. All of them thought it wouldn’t happen to them, but it did and it can.

I see a common denominator: We are buying too much stuff we don’t need. Shopping compulsions abound for men and for women. At the end of the day, we are surrounded by piles of stuff and little money for our future.

MORAL TO THE STORY: The frugal survive and thrive. A little less HSN and QVC and a little more money saved for a rainy day. This won’t solve all our problems, but it will build our confidence that we are doing all we can for an uncertain future, especially in healthcare costs.

The Recipe For a Long, Happy Life

April 16, 2012 | Julie Hall

I met the elderly Chinese lady at one of my estate sales. Instantly drawn to her vibrant complexion and a smile that seemed to guard a thousand secrets, the only hint she was “on age” was her white hair. I commented on her flawless skin and a small-framed, young girl emerged out of nowhere. “I am her great-grand daughter. She doesn’t speak any English.”

My curiosity got the best of me, and I asked the young girl to ask her great-grandmother the secret to such beautiful skin. The young girl turned and chatted with the woman, who promptly burst out in laughter. Through the three-way translation, I learned that the elderly woman was 101 years old and didn’t look a day over 60! Her secret was so simple; she said anyone can do it.

Rule #1: Never deprive your body of any food it wants to eat. If it wants cake, eat it. “Don’t deprive, but be reasonable. By depriving your body, it will get angry with you. If it gets angry, it will not work well for you. If you make it happy, it will treat you well.”

Rule #2: Go out each day barefoot in the grass and walk around. She said to feel the earth’s energy under your feet and draw it in. Breathe deeply while doing it and you will feel invigorated.

I’ve always lived by Rule #1. While it has gotten me a bit chubby, I am happy and thankfully, very healthy. From an Italian household, I was never very good at saying no to carbs.

As for Rule #2, I highly recommend it, particularly in the morning dew. It does feel good to walk around in the grass for a few minutes. A type of meditation where your attention is completely focused on the sensations in your feet, it is relaxing to your mind as well. Since our feet carry us through life, and they are crammed in shoes all day, it’s quite a treat for your feet!

I’ve always had some sort of magnetic attraction to the elderly as they are rich with experience. Give these rules a try for a week and see if they don’t make a difference in how you feel. I’m always happy to share what I learn along the way … now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge calling my name!

The Odyssey of Junk

April 2, 2012 | Julie Hall

Has your junk been more places than you?

It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been in the estate business, I still wonder why we hold on to so much “junk” and why we have such difficulty letting go of it. Oh sure, we may have it in neat piles, boxed in a spare room, crammed in closets, or out of sight, but make no bones about it — it is THERE, lurking in the darkness of our drawers, attics, and closets faithfully reproducing while we go about our busy lives. How on earth do we amass so much?

I have a theory. Somewhere back in our long-ago DNA when ancestors were primitive, I think we developed a “switch” in our brains that told us to gather and collect. Humans were, after all, hunters and gatherers, and I believe we still are on some level. Back then, we had to collect wood for fire, food to eat, etc. Our survival depended on it. If you didn’t collect these items, you and your family would perish.

Today, we do it on a grand, 21st century scale. We buy, buy, buy, and don’t really understand why. We have far more than we need and far more than we will ever use. Did you know we actually use only 20% of what we own? Think about it — we wear the same, favorite clothes, shoes, use the same kitchen items, toiletries, etc. So what happens to the other 80%? It sits there, not being put to use, often until a loved one dies and then it has to be dealt with. By then, it is too late and much of it is usually discarded.

We not only hold on to, but also keep moving stuff from one home to another: our college stuff, our kids’ stuff, even stuff for grandkids who aren’t walking yet, but we think they may want these items one day.

When we are in estates cleaning them out, or if clients ask us to clean out their attics, we find boxes with original moving company stickers from the 60s and 70s, and those boxes are STILL taped shut. No one ever opened them after the move 40+ years ago. The message that sends to me is these items weren’t important enough for me to open this box, so why do we still have them?

Our elders, God bless them, saved everything including broken appliances and parts (because you might need them one day), tons of catalogs and magazines (because those old National Geographics might be worth something). The entire kitchen is cluttered with mayonnaise jars, Cool Whip containers, pie tins, etc. The truth is, they are never used, because we find decades of dust on them.

Sometimes families move the entire household of a deceased relative to another state, only to clutter up their own homes. This cycle is long, tiresome, and laborious, and the pattern needs to be stopped, or at least interrupted, so we can analyze why we do these things. No wonder we’re all so tired, buying stuff, finding places for it, and then at some point, being forced to deal with it. It will eventually become the proverbial monkey on our backs or our children’s backs.

Logic would dictate that we need to be free of it, in order to make our lives simple again. It’s APRIL and the perfect time for SPRING CLEANING. I’ll deal with my piles if you deal with yours!