Being Thankful in These Challenging Times

November 22, 2010 | Julie Hall

With Thanksgiving near, long-ago recollections have flooded my mind: all my loved ones hovering around the kitchen picking on food morsels, family by the TV watching football, constant chatter at the dinner table, endless giggles and mischief we children always got into, and the fabulous feasts my mother and aunts prepared on this special day.

In my mind, they all look so young and vibrant, so energetic and full of life, though most of them are gone now or not in the best of health. This is how I remember them over 35 years ago. My mind has chosen to freeze these images, forever preserved in my head and held dear to my heart.

The grandchildren in these scenes have all grown up and we have children of our own. In the blink of an eye, we will be grandparents, and as my brother calls it, “The Cycle of Life” continues. Time really stops for no man. As we age, we see changes not only in ourselves and loved ones, but in our private lives, our communities, our government. Many of these changes have millions of people in distress, worried about everything under the sun. There doesn’t seem to be much peace of mind these days anywhere, any place, or with anyone.

Our worries begin with healthcare and are constantly pre-occupied with financial matters. How will we ever be able to retire? There is not enough money for our children to go to college, no job for those children once they get out of college. We see our elderly go back into the work force not because they want to, but because they have to. The problems are endless and it seems that it will take decades to pull ourselves out of this mess.

In the midst of all this turmoil, I feel we have forgotten the basics, simply because our minds are obsessed with other thoughts. We have forgotten to be thankful, to show appreciation for what we have, and for each other! As corny as that sounds, I believe that appreciation is sadly almost a thing of the past.

Our hurried lives have most people with their thumbs and noses glued to their iPhone or Blackberry. We forget to engage in human activity, like talking to our kids, our elders, and sharing our lives with one another. If you have a family, a job, some money, and your health, you are very blessed indeed.

My phone rings daily with people who want to sell their possessions and heirlooms because they are out of money, have no jobs, no income, and are about to lose their homes. It is a constant and humbling reminder of how fortunate I am!

If you are one of the lucky ones, give thanks for what you have and help out the less fortunate. Open your hearts this holiday season. You’ll be amazed at how much it will mean to those around you — even those you don’t know. That’s how to be thankful in these challenging times!

7 Estate Tips for You This Fall

September 6, 2010 | Julie Hall

Now that school is back in session and Labor Day is over, it’s time for us all to get back into our routines which we abandoned in the heat of the summer. Here are 7 tips that I want you to add to your routine this fall and winter.

Make sure you and your spouse have a Will/Trust/legal documents. Better than 50% of us don’t have one, leaving our heirs to fight and “guess” our wishes and intentions. Dissolving an estate is not the time for guesswork
Make sure someone knows the location of these legal and other important papers, such as life insurance, financial information, as well as computer passwords and keys to safe deposit box.
Simplify your estate by starting to get rid of your own stuff now. Clean out the garage, attic, and closets — we have too much stuff! By doing this now, your kids won’t be angry with you later for leaving them a big mess. We only use the same 20% of what we have anyway … Reduce!
If something new comes into the house, two things have to exit, whether it be for charity, selling it, etc. Avoid the clutter that comes from constant buying. Think “simple and easy.”
Have that courageous conversation with your spouse or children (if they are old enough). Tell them your wishes for the future, then go the distance and document all this so they have a guidance system when the time comes.
Consider gifting heirlooms and other important items while you are still living. This minimizes future fighting, and you have the joy of seeing the recipient’s face when they receive their gift.
Always hire a personal property appraiser for items of value in your own home or your loved one’s estate. Only then can equitable distribution take place.

Next week, I’ll give you 6 tips for your parents’ estates.

Think Before You Throw – How to GO GREEN When Clearing Out an Estate

June 7, 2010 | Julie Hall

Do it for the earth and do it for your pocket!

Donating, recycling, and selling are less expensive than a dumpster and may provide cash for your unwanted items. They may also provide a tax deduction or help out a worthy cause. Use your imagination when deciding where things could go, other than black trash bags! Can someone use your items in some form or fashion? This is the ultimate in recycling.

Remember the following when cleaning out estates:

Have the neighbors in for free household chemicals, garden/yard tools, etc.
Create a donation network by discussing what you have to give.
Keep watch for charity drives in your community. Typically, TV and newspapers will run donation requests during the holiday season.
Web search for places to sell or donate items.
Gazelle.com, venjuvo.com, techforward.com and myboneyard.com all offer varying amounts of compensation for electronics.
Mygreenelectronics.com tells you where to find nearby recycling centers for electronics.
Paper, cardboard, and scrap metal are commodities that are traded. Find a buyer in your local phone book.
Scrap metal and other household metals, photo frames, etc. are wanted by artists. (If you take scrap metal to the right place, you can end up with some $$$ in your wallet.)
Charities are in a funding crisis; paper, books, games and toys help daycares, senior centers and after-school programs. Give them a call; they are happy to give you a wish list.
Alzheimer’s facilities are always looking for clean linens, towels, etc.
Many religious organizations/groups set up homes for refugees, domestic abuse victims, pregnant women, disabled adults, etc. They need many everyday items that you need to dispose.
Inventory the home before buying materials. Garbage bags, boxes, and cleaning supplies are normally already in the house.
Worn sheets and towels, leashes and pet bowls are very much needed by local pet shelters.
Remember, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure!

With my prediction of millions of households being liquidated in the next few decades, the very thought of the amount of trash the U.S. will generate is mind boggling. Do your part to help!

“Mom and Dad Left Us a Mess!”

May 31, 2010 | Julie Hall

Q: My mother died a few months ago and I am completely overwhelmed with the accumulated mess she left behind. Though I tried to offer help on many occasions through the years, she would hear no part of clearing out her stuff. I spend most of my days in tears, resentful that she left me this mess, squeezed between my family, my job, and her affairs. Do you have any advice for me to handle this daunting task? Can you at least tell others not to do this to their children?

A: You have touched upon one of the most important aspects of my work and of my public speaking. In my work, I deal with children every day who are flying in and out of town, trying to handle parents’ estates. The “Sandwich Generation” is caught between caring for our parents and our children, with not enough of us to go around, especially when geographically remote from either parents or children.

When I speak, I talk openly about accumulation, what to do about it, how to begin thinning out your stuff, or get rid of it altogether. Evaluation is the first step in any estate settlement process. Children are often in a crisis mode and don’t know where to begin this daunting task. Finding a company or person you can trust to help you understand the values of your parents’ personal property is paramount.

Once you are armed with that information, you are better able to decide what can be thrown out, what can be donated, what to keep, etc. Remember that knowledge is power. If you do not possess the knowledge to make these decisions, find a professional who does and can offer you objective information. This professional can also help you sell items of value, and clear out the estate. These services are especially valuable if you live out of town and have limited time to spend handling the estate.

Often I find my older clients have massive accumulations in their attic, closets, basement, and garage. The reasons are numerous and not always understandable. My guess is that they don’t know how to handle the accumulations either.

All too often, I sit beside a child whose parent has just died; they are angry that mom or dad left this mess, and they are grieving too. This becomes a double blow to their heart and spirit. If parents could see what I see, they wouldn’t do this to their children. How would you like to be remembered?

Why You Should Never Keep Things in the Attic

April 12, 2010 | Julie Hall

After cleaning out estates for almost 20 years, my assistant and I have a saying I’d like to share: “People shouldn’t put stuff in attics. They’re young when they put it up there, and when they finally think about cleaning it out, they are too old.” Somewhat comical, it holds a ring of truth as well. I’ve seen so many attics in my lifetime; I can predict with 98% accuracy what’s up there and the position it is placed in!

It’s pretty amazing to consider that the majority of people you know have full attics. What’s even more amazing is that 90% of what is in the attic is no longer usable; it can’t even be donated anymore because it has passed its’ expiration date! Some people store clothing, floral arrangements, cardboard boxes they think they will use again, lawn furniture, electronics that for whatever reason no longer performed well, or they were broken altogether. So I must ask the question, “If they didn’t work then, why were they stored in the attic for 40 years?” Why weren’t they just discarded to begin with? Herein lies one difference between the generations.

The younger Boomers, Generation X and Y, do not want clutter or anything that is considered garbage laying around the house. It simply doesn’t belong there if it can’t be used or enjoyed.

Your attic is a breeding ground for critters: furry, slithery, creepy-crawly, and little un-named things in the dark that gnaw and poop, often at the same time. Clothing get eaten or rot, any kind of plastic will become brittle, dolls’ faces decompose, quilts disintegrate, old trains rust, furs fall apart, cardboard flakes in your hands, and old electronics that were obsolete then are still obsolete.

Let’s not forget the smell!! You know the smell I am referring to — that mildewy, mold-like stench that refuses to dissipate and only irritates your respiratory system from the moment you step into the attic.

I believe the original intent of attics was simply to hold things like luggage and some Christmas decorations. But if the hundreds, maybe thousands of attics I have stepped into are any indication, we treat them as another home that simply holds things we are too tired to deal with. So we keep stuffing it up there, where no one goes to look. You know the old saying: “Out of sight, out of mind.” That might be so … until you pass away and your loved ones need to empty it in the midst of grieving.

Use the Estate Lady’s rule of thumb: If you haven’t used it, haven’t seen it, or had no need for it in 6 – 12 months, let go of it! It will only be a burden to someone else one day!

“Spring Cleaning” with a Purpose

April 5, 2010 | Julie Hall

It’s that time of year when most of us feel obligated to do “spring cleaning”. At least we attempt to clean windows, wash curtains, clean out the garden shed, and other tasks we dislike doing the rest of the year. Give your cleaning a purpose this year, and see if it puts an optimistic outlook on this annual routine.

This year, consider what you can give to someone who has a need. Not just the ugly Christmas gift from Aunt Edna, but look around for those things that you never use. With continued economic challenges facing families, used items (in good condition) are in such demand. Charities are stretched to meet extreme needs with very limited resources.

Meanwhile, we have garages full of “stuff” that we don’t really need, but we aren’t willing to part with, or we don’t know where to donate. Make some calls to churches, local community charities, local shelters. Did you know that Shriners collect old eyeglasses? Do you realize that many shelters can use bed sheets and towels, or that local veterinarians often can use towels? Have you got some books and magazines that the folks at the retirement center would enjoy?

Here’s a list to help you decide what can be donated:

clothing of all kinds: shoes, coats, suits, dresses
linens, towels, bed sheets
older upholstered or wood furniture: sofas, chairs, bookcases
electronics, computers, telephones
non-perishable food, if before the expiration date (to shelters or food banks)
tools and equipment
kitchenware
craft supplies
durable medical equipment: wheelchairs, walkers, canes
prescription eye glasses
office equipment and supplies
books and magazines
toys your children outgrow

Start clearing out those things that you don’t use; now you have a purpose and a plan. As for washing the windows, sorry, you’re on your own for that task!

8 Ways You Can Help Your Elderly Parent BEFORE Crisis

February 15, 2010 | Julie Hall

Here are 8 ways that you can be proactive and and take action now to help de-clutter your parents’ home. Do this now for their sake, and for your own sake. I can tell you from personal experience: you do not want to have to do this in “crisis mode.”

Have the important conversations with your parents. Approach them with love and ask them about their wishes. Try to gain an understanding of their financial situation. Be sure to know where all the important legal documents are kept.
Start to de-clutter your parents’ home. Since they won’t likely appreciate this, suggest that you are helping them avoid both a fire and a tripping hazard. Start by removing expired food, unused things, piles of newspapers, etc.
Discuss and document allocation of personal property and heirlooms. Create a wish list and ask an appraiser to assess the values. Suggest “gifting” of special items while your parents are still alive.
Every time you leave their house, take a few bags of donation items with you. Dress the less fortunate. Tell your parents you are helping them to “thin out” the house.
If your parents have already moved out or passed away, begin the process of clearing out the house by using three piles to sort belongings: donate, sell, keep.
When in doubt, always have a personal property appraiser evaluate antiques, collectibles, and anything you are not sure about.
Continue to keep in touch with siblings and keep everyone on the same page. This is the only way that whole family will maintain close and healthy relationships through this process.
Always come from a place of love. In the end, life is about MUCH more than the stuff. It’s about the wonderful, deep, and abiding relationships within our families.

That’s my thoughts for this week. Click on the “leave a comment” line below, and let’s discuss this together.

Letting go of your possessions is harder than you think

February 8, 2010 | Julie Hall

In the last post, I included a list of some reasons why people have a hard time letting go of their stuff. I want to continue the conversation with a couple of important suggestions from my experience as an appraiser of residential contents and estate liquidator.

First, if you are clearing out many possessions, enlist the assistance of a personal property appraiser. When in doubt, always have the contents of an estate/home appraised prior to distributing or selling contents. Most times, the heirs are not surprised to learn that much of what mom and dad amassed doesn’t have much value. There are some children who feel that “everything is junk” and then discover through an appraisal that some pieces have significant value. Family stories through the years can also add to the anticipation of great-grandfather’s chair being more valuable because it is so old. Remember, age is not the only determining factor of true value.

Another important issue that the older generation should realize is that many of the heirs generally won’t take much. Their children allready have houses that are full from being married 20 years or so, and adding more will only fuel marital strife. The younger generations appear to want nothing but cash assets. Even if your children do take items, their children definitely don’t want them now and most likely will feel the same in the future. They are not interested in antiques or traditional possessions, when they could take the cash they receive and go to IKEA or Pottery Barn.

Holding onto possessions for the sake of not wanting to let them go will leave a massive burden for the children/heirs. Gifting now and making plans for the distribution of your possessions while you are still here (and in control of those decisions) is the best plan of action!

‘Til Death Do Us Part

February 1, 2010 | Julie Hall

Most of us enjoy hearing those words during a wedding ceremony where the new couple is floating in bliss and envision being by each other’s side until death separates them. From my perspective, however, I see people who have a very passionate reliationship with their material possessions; sometimes more so than with each other! If I didn’t know any better, I would say they feel confident that they can take their possessions with them when they leave this earth.

With almost two decades in the estate industry helping people make decisions about the dissolution of personal property, I have seen it all. And in all those years, I have tried to figure out why people have such a hard time letting go.

It is important to note that often the Depression Era generation is the one that accumulated the most. Their parents did not have much and probably possessed more utilitarian items because of the time period. When their parents passed away, they did not distribute or sell those items — they absorbed them, which means the Boomers have much more to deal with when their Depression era parents pass away.

Here are a few thoughts on why people hold on to so much:

You just never know when I’m going to need this.
There are so many things I could use this for.
If I only hold onto it long enough, it will become valuable.
It is already old, so it must be valuable.
I did without this as a child, and I will not do without again.
It was a gift and I will honor the giver by keeping it.
The more I leave for the kids, the more they will have.
I worked very hard for these things, and I will pass them down.
They bring comfort and familiarity.
Sentimental reasons
Too overwhelmed to let it go — emotional attachment
“I’ll let my kids deal with this after I’m gone.”

What do you think? I’d love to hear your reasons for keeping things; click “leave a comment” below this blog. We’ll talk more about the problem and the solutions in the next couple of weeks. Please come back!

Use your stuff to bless others

October 5, 2009 | Julie Hall

You don’t need me to tell you that times are economically challenging right now. This true story of a recent estate I handled may give us all new perspectives on our accumulated stuff.

I had to clean out the home of a lady who passed away. The family had already been given all the items they wanted from her home. What to do with the rest of the belongings?

Often a family wants to donate the remainder of the belongings to charity and doesn’t have a preference where to donate. When that happens, I recommend Blanket America Ministries http://www.blanketamericaministries.org/.

We cleared all the remaining items of furniture and household goods, and the ministry loaded them on their truck. They ended up taking all this to a woman up in Appalachia who had been burned out of her house. Everything that was unloaded from the truck was exactly what she needed. Amazement and thankful looks were everywhere, from this woman to the ministry volunteers.

The obvious suggestion here is that when you pass away, there are places where your possessions can help someone in need. That’s good, but what about all the possessions that we hold onto now?

We have garages that can’t hold cars, we have linen closets that we have to lean on the door to close, etc. In a word, we have so much we don’t need! Who could we bless now? There are many in need who look for a professional outfit to interview for work, or a house full of furniture due to disaster, or clothes for growing children. Maybe it’s time to seek out a ministry that helps others, and pass along some of the extra stuff we have accumulated.

What do you think?