Sometimes There is No Second Chance

November 14, 2011 | Julie Hall

We are mortal beings. On a subconscious level, we all know our days are finite. Why then don’t we appreciate more the people close to our hearts, and tell them each and every day that we love them? Why do so many put it off and procrastinate?

I’ve had hundreds of clients dealing with past hurts, power struggles, estrangements, and unresolved issues. Then someone dies suddenly; you can no longer converse with them in person once they leave this earthly plane. It is then impossible to make things right and you carry that heaviness with you the rest of your life.

I didn’t know my mom was going to die so suddenly four weeks ago. My parting words to my mother in this life were as we parted every day. “Take care, mom. I’ll see you soon. I love you.” But her response was what has given me peace, even though she passed 8 hours after this conversation. She simply said, “I love you too.” and said it with conviction.

Though I am in a fog of grief right now, and dealing with a dear father who is struggling with Alzheimer’s disease, I’ve seared into my mind those joyous last words between mother and daughter. These words made me understand she always felt that way and clearly demonstrated the love between us. What a beautiful gift I shall cherish the rest of my days.

Pick up your cell phone, and call a loved one you have been meaning to call for a while. Call your mom or dad if you are fortunate enough to still have them, and say “I love you.” Sometimes tomorrow never comes.

“B GR8FUL”

August 8, 2011 | Julie Hall

The license plate on the car in front of me during a long stretch of monotonous highway read, “Be grateful.” I couldn’t help but wonder if this was a personal message to me, just returning from a wonderful weekend with my parents in Florida, or if it was meant for all who read it, spreading a positive message during uncertain times.

My husband and daughter were snoozing in the car and I was pensive as usual behind the wheel, thinking about everything from the economy, to finances, to family to you name it. I, like many of you, am worried about the state of our economy and where it will leave our generation in the years to come. I worry about my daughter and her education; will she be okay during this craziness we are experiencing? Will she have work in the future? Will the economy bounce back or are we headed for a recession? So many people struggling. News images of drought, famine, earthquakes, shootings, a downed military helicopter.

The worries seemed endless and my mind began to wander while I was driving. Then I saw the simple license plate: “B GR8FUL.” I know that I had an instant calm when I saw it. I know that was a message for me to take these worries and transfer them into appreciation for all that we do have. When you look at the grand scheme of things, we really do have so much to be grateful for. So the next time your mind races with an endless stream of worries, try to shift your thoughts to appreciation. You’ll feel much better!

We’re Celebrating Today!!!

June 27, 2011 | Julie Hall

Today, you are reading my 100^th blog!

100 messages of help and hope!

100 times The Estate Lady has tackled topics of timely thought!

Today, I celebrate all of you who “get it”!

To all of you who “get it”, I thank YOU! Not just because you make my job easier, but because you will go forward, share what you have learned from my blog and thoughts, my books and random opinions, and you will teach others how to finally “get it.” Eventually, the truth always sinks in. For some it takes a very long time. For others, it never happens and they will sadly perish before putting a little forethought into planning for loved ones when they are infirm or gone. Still, there are others who get it from the word “go” and realize that planning takes away a great worry, maps out a plan and offers guidance to those left behind to pick up the pieces. It’s about loving someone enough to do what is right, what is good, and what makes for old-fashioned common sense.

Gone are the days when you can scribble a will out on a piece of college-ruled paper. Its validity will be challenged along with your scruples. We live in a complex time: politically, socially, legally, etc. Don’t get me started! Our elderly loved ones lived during a time when life was less complex, though none the less challenging. They too had many hardships in their lives. Just because they are the silent generation doesn’t mean you have to be.

Have that courageous conversation! Ask them the difficult questions and expect answers. Ask what they want for their future, what their final wishes are, ask more about your family history. Just come from a place of love and understanding. Don’t be afraid to hurt their feelings. They might have some age on them, but they survived two World Wars, the Depression, and raising you, so we know they don’t spook easily. Do it now while you still can!

That’s your thought for the day. We’re going strong after 100 blogs, so I’d love to hear your questions or topics of interest, related to personal property and estates. Leave a comment below, and your question may be answered in a future blog.

Thanks to all of you who faithfully read and share this blog!!

5 Promises to Yourself in 2011

January 3, 2011 | Julie Hall

Happy New Year!

These days, it appears increasingly difficult to stay on the level emotionally. So much comes at us that it’s depressing to turn on the TV. To combat this heaviness that many feel, I have 5 suggestions to make us feel more buoyant this year. Please share them with your family and friends, since we all need to support one another.

Let It Go! Let go of anything that weighs you down. Surplus material possessions and stuff that no longer has meaning, people and relationships that are toxic, clean out that closet and give to those in need, etc. Just let go! You will immediately feel lighter, and more open space will provide an uplift in your spirit.
If something you tried last year didn’t work out, keep trying different ways until it does work. As the old saying goes, “there is more than one way to skin a cat.” Try again in different ways; ask close friends or colleagues what they would do. Valued opinions and objective third parties may very well be the sounding board you need or provide you with the brilliant idea that works.
Broaden your horizons. No more excuses! Take that pottery class, dance class, go to that place you’ve always wanted to see, train for a marathon, volunteer, lose weight, etc. Just do it! Spend some time on YOU.
Practice appreciation. Open your eyes and look for the simple pleasures in your life. Put forth a little effort to “see” the good in the world. Sometimes you need to go for a walk and admire the birds, look at the sky, and take some deep breaths. A survey of centenarians (over 100 years old) shows they attribute their longevity to simple pleasures like walking barefoot, watering their garden, swimming, etc.
Train your brain to think positively. Yes, there is alot wrong with the world today, but there is still much good in it. Go forth, do good things, be a good person, and try to make a difference for others. The rewards are far greater than you know! It comes back to you, and it will give you a strong sense of purpose in the new year.

Intangible Gifts Bring Joy this Holiday Season

December 20, 2010 | Julie Hall

Time’s running out for Christmas shopping, your debt is growning, and you still don’t know what to buy for certain people on your list. What to do?

Why buy anything? Why not give the best gift in the world — yourself?

Go visit someone you have been meaning to see for a long time. Surprise a loved one you haven’t seen for years.
Write that letter, bake those cookies.
Volunteer for those needing your help or visit shut-ins.
Make that phone call to make amends, because you and your mother haven’t spoken in years.
Bring your children to an assisted living or nursing home, and watch the residents light up. Have your children draw pictures and then visit and sing for those in shelters or facilities.
Say what you need to say, and do so right now.
Ask for forgiveness and always offer it, no matter what.
Offer hugs to those who really need it.
Make gifts for everyone on your list.
Listen to your elders because you will learn so much.

Do you have a senior on your list, and you don’t know what to give them?

Spend a full day with them and ask them to share stories of your family history — fun stories, challenges, family secrets, marriages, customs — and look through old photos. Record this day and create a book for them (with copies for your family members), so it may be passed down for years to come. Many children regret not having more family history, but realize this only after the loved one has died.
Find a special photograph and frame it. Ask an elder for a secret family recipe, so it can be carried on; then make it for them.

When we think of the upcoming holidays, we also need to be counting the multitude of blessings we do have, rather than wishing for the ones we don’t have. Make it a special holiday for others, and it will come back to you, in the form of contentment and joy — both in giving and in receiving.

Being Thankful in These Challenging Times

November 22, 2010 | Julie Hall

With Thanksgiving near, long-ago recollections have flooded my mind: all my loved ones hovering around the kitchen picking on food morsels, family by the TV watching football, constant chatter at the dinner table, endless giggles and mischief we children always got into, and the fabulous feasts my mother and aunts prepared on this special day.

In my mind, they all look so young and vibrant, so energetic and full of life, though most of them are gone now or not in the best of health. This is how I remember them over 35 years ago. My mind has chosen to freeze these images, forever preserved in my head and held dear to my heart.

The grandchildren in these scenes have all grown up and we have children of our own. In the blink of an eye, we will be grandparents, and as my brother calls it, “The Cycle of Life” continues. Time really stops for no man. As we age, we see changes not only in ourselves and loved ones, but in our private lives, our communities, our government. Many of these changes have millions of people in distress, worried about everything under the sun. There doesn’t seem to be much peace of mind these days anywhere, any place, or with anyone.

Our worries begin with healthcare and are constantly pre-occupied with financial matters. How will we ever be able to retire? There is not enough money for our children to go to college, no job for those children once they get out of college. We see our elderly go back into the work force not because they want to, but because they have to. The problems are endless and it seems that it will take decades to pull ourselves out of this mess.

In the midst of all this turmoil, I feel we have forgotten the basics, simply because our minds are obsessed with other thoughts. We have forgotten to be thankful, to show appreciation for what we have, and for each other! As corny as that sounds, I believe that appreciation is sadly almost a thing of the past.

Our hurried lives have most people with their thumbs and noses glued to their iPhone or Blackberry. We forget to engage in human activity, like talking to our kids, our elders, and sharing our lives with one another. If you have a family, a job, some money, and your health, you are very blessed indeed.

My phone rings daily with people who want to sell their possessions and heirlooms because they are out of money, have no jobs, no income, and are about to lose their homes. It is a constant and humbling reminder of how fortunate I am!

If you are one of the lucky ones, give thanks for what you have and help out the less fortunate. Open your hearts this holiday season. You’ll be amazed at how much it will mean to those around you — even those you don’t know. That’s how to be thankful in these challenging times!