The Value of Kindness in a Value-Less Estate

September 16, 2014 | Julie Hall

The old song “Break It to Me Gently” reminds us that any time bad news is coming, we’d rather hear it gently and compassionately than point-blank and hurtful. Many times in life we will be the deliverer of, and recipient of, less than stellar news. How we deliver it, and how we receive it, is a testament to our personal and professional character.

When we are called into an estate, we walk in completely objective, prepared to tell our clients the truth of what we see. The trouble is that sometimes our clients do not want to hear what we have to say. They may feel, because they paid so much for an item, it should have increased in value. They may feel that if they have an antique, it must be worth a fortune.

We hear the stories of “mom always said this was worth a fortune.” The family folklore gets juicier with the passage of time; therefore the items must be super valuable. How difficult to be the bearer of bad news, but we must remind our clients politely not to shoot the messenger.

Sometimes, hopefully not too often, we hear stories of estate professionals who are simply too direct or gruff with elderly clients. These professionals have lost their sensitivity somewhere along the way. Some might insult the client accidentally or intentionally. Some slam down the values of their items. Some say “no one would ever want this stuff” or “you don’t have anything good enough for me to sell.” What these professionals have forgotten is the art of being tactful and kind.

It is professional and right to be honest and upfront. It is good to guide the client to a place where they have some solutions, even if you yourself cannot help them.

It is the “best of the best” in this industry that can do all of these things with a kind face and a gentle heart.

There are ways to lower the boom without lowering the spirit. Certainly there are those who feel being blunt is the way to go. These believe that our clients need a firm voice and words to make them understand their possessions are not going to be worth much, since we know their expectations are too high. After all, some people are harder to convince than others; you would be correct in that thinking.

But as with all things in life, there is a balance that we professionals must once again recapture, which many of us have forgotten because we are all pressed for time and we multitask at every turn. We’re tired and always in search of that perfect estate. Sometimes you get it. Sometimes you don’t.

Food for thought: How would each of us like to be spoken to if we were faced with selling our own possessions or the possessions of a parent? What if the items a professional slammed belonged to our moms?

It is far easier to see our side of things because we do this every day. It is far more difficult to take a moment and step outside of ourselves, to see how it feels on the flip side. This one act will separate you from the mediocre and make you among the elite in this industry.

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

Seven Attorneys for Seven Siblings

August 27, 2014 | Julie Hall

Consulting on an unusual estate recently, I was informed there were 7 beneficiaries, 4 of which were also co-executors. Can you imagine that many co-executors? What a nightmare! This estate also had personal property, which the family felt to be very valuable, but it wasn’t. There was a bunch of land to be divided, or sold and divided among the children.

Naturally, when you have that many cooks in the kitchen, everyone has different thoughts and opinions. This is why co-executors is not necessarily a good choice. In my opinion, estate settlement is much harder when you hand decisions to people who can’t come to a conclusion and end up fighting, or potentially going broke doing so. Some wanted the land intact; others wanted it subdivided. You can see where this story is going and it isn’t good.

The siblings had indeed reached an impasse. One long distance heir, who had little to do with mom while she was alive, was the first to get an attorney involved, then everyone else followed suit. It just gets messier from there.

I have been doing this for a very long time; I hope you don’t think I’m crazy when I share with you that people and their behaviors are getting worse. Their behavior is often out of control, along with other emotions, sometimes even getting physical. It makes me wonder.

What on earth could be so grand that it’s worth destroying themselves, as well as other relatives and relationships? Don’t these people know they are going to have to carry the burden of their decisions for the remainder of their lives?

Don’t get me wrong.

I’d love to have a slice of land or the proceeds from it.

Who wouldn’t?

But not at this cost.

It just isn’t worth it!

The attorneys will do their jobs well, and whatever inheritance there is will dwindle with legal fees.

Interesting observation: While the inheritance is decreasing, the emotions and angst will only increase and be prolonged, sometimes for the rest of the lifetime, long after the estate has been settled.

Is there anyone to blame in this scenario? Fingers can be pointed all day long. In the end, it comes down to the original decision maker who did not specify what should happen to the property and named so many co-executors. Big mistake which caused even more strife for those left behind.

I ask you plainly … Is it really worth it?

I couldn’t possibly make this stuff up!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com.

The Expense of “Free”

July 31, 2014 | Julie Hall

Everyone is trying to pinch pennies. But I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t send up a warning to be extra careful if something is “free.” A “free” something will almost always lead to strings attached or something expensive coming later, like a repair, further services of some sort, or worst … it could be a scam. In the professional world, “free” is used to attract you and extract your personal information so they can use it to get money out of you for something else. Here in the 21st century, your information can also be used against you in the cyber world.

It is equally important to realize that paying for a valued service versus a free service does have its differences. A free service (such as an estimate, consultation, product, etc.) will only provide you with a fraction of the information, leaving you hanging for more, but then you will have to pay for it, often in more ways than one. A paid service will get the job done to completion the first time, if you choose the right professional.

Everyone is always attracted to “free” but should we be?

My late father had a saying, “If it’s free, take two.” He was a Depression baby. I am not. This is the thought process of many people. But no, I will not take “two” because I don’t want to clutter up my home with things my child won’t want one day, and I don’t want right now. I won’t do that to my family.

What possible trouble could “free” cause?

Let’s take a closer look at the repercussions…

What if something goes wrong?
What if the service or information is inaccurate? Where does the liability lie?
What if you get hurt, someone else gets hurt, or property (such as your home) gets damaged?
What if they don’t complete the job, or the job goes for months with no accountability?
What if you dislike the results or get really bad information?
What if you hired family, friends, or neighbors? That relationship will never be the same.
And finally, what is your recourse if no money changed hands?

Many times, people have ulterior motives for offering something for free. Not always, but a good bit of the time, it’s true, even in my own industry (as well as every other industry).

“Free” is never free. It just sounds good. Free can mean hasty mistakes, and free can mean costly mistakes. Sometimes free can be very expensive.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Dead Men Tell No Tales, But Their Possessions Do

July 25, 2014 | Julie Hall

One thing I have learned from cleaning out estates all these years is that many people have “skeletons” that need to be dealt with prior to their passing.

In the land of the forgotten (attics, boxes in the back of the closet, locked trunks, hidden in barns or sheds, etc), we find things I can’t even talk about because I will get very sad. I do my best to let go, or tuck these things away somewhere in a spare brain compartment, hoping not to think of them too often.

It is not unusual to find love letters, adoption papers for a child that never knew they were adopted, or evidence of an extramarital affair. On occasion though, we find things like suicide notes, drug abuse issues, different levels of pornography … some so bizarre it challenges my understanding of humans. In once case very long ago, we even found pedophile material up in the attic after he died. These things had to be from the 1940s or 1950s, but it still leaves a mark of sadness upon one’s soul.

We see the dark portals in people’s lives after they leave. We will never have a clear understanding of why these people did what they did, made certain decisions, or why on earth they would ever leave those secrets behind to be found. I think to myself how fortunate it was that my company was the one who found those items, instead of a family member who may be traumatized for the rest of their life. It is my cross to carry … discretion and protection.

Uncovering these secrets casts a shadow which can change your feelings about the person who has died, not to mention seriously tarnishes their personal legacy.

Some things need to be told to the family

and some secrets need to go to the grave with the deceased loved one.

Remember: The dead cannot defend themselves or their actions.

It is difficult to write these things. I am choosing to use these challenging illustrations for the greater good, in hopes that we can learn to better prepare for our own estates. Think about the many different facets of an estate and how complex it can be. We must not only think about ourselves and what we desire, but we must think about those we leave behind and what they may find.

TIP OF THE WEEK: Be forewarned. Clean your home and clean your life! Take it from one who knows.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Did You Say “Cockroaches?”

July 16, 2014 | Julie Hall

The voice on the phone was very shaky and distressed. Through her tears, I heard her say, “Doing business with people in your industry is like doing business with cockroaches.” A knife to my gut would have hurt less. Those words were truly cutting and very upsetting to those of us in the industry who put our hearts and souls into assisting our clients.

This woman called my office to complain about an estate sale company, one which was completely unfamiliar. I own and direct The American Society of Estate Liquidators® and complaints regarding our members, who uphold a Code of Ethics, are minimal. When a complaint is made on our members, usually it is easily remedied, like replacing a widget that was accidentally sold.

Phone calls like this woman’s are starting to come in at an alarming rate, and the complaints are serious. So serious, some of them are criminal in nature, and law enforcement and the court system become involved.

For someone like me who has done my best to pave the way for ethics, integrity, and high standards in the estate sale business, this is a massive black eye. It hurts personally. Some of the customer complaints include not getting paid after a sale is completed. Liquidator complaints include clients who pull items from a sale, during the sale, when they see how low the prices are and don’t want to pay the liquidator’s imposed fees.

I could never defend estate sale professionals who run an unethical business and cause these people to fall to pieces emotionally. This is not why the “good ones” went into the business.

We went into business to make a positive difference in the lives of our clients. We strive to uplift them and their emotional turmoil.

However, I will defend the good estate sale professionals who work from a thorough contract, have explained everything to the client with the client’s agreement, and simply do their best to get the highest proceeds from the sale.

The estate sale professional has the right to earn a good living; the work is back-breaking, disassembling a lifetime of accumulation in just a few short days. In some cases, the clients expect far too much. They have not yet awakened to the fact that our economy is weak, despite what the news is promising.

The estate sale professional has the right to charge a fees or commission for items clients give away, take or remove from the sale, even though the clients have signed a contract that they will not do so. This is taking income from the professional. This leaves them with egg on their face when the public arrives and screams at them because advertised items are gone. This is simply not fair.

Courtesy goes both ways!

When searching for an estate sale professional, or any professional service, the responsibility falls on the consumer to research them thoroughly and interview several.

Ask associates and business owners, such as estate planning attorneys and realtors, in your community. Check Angie’s List and BBB. Check professional organizations, if they belong to them. Check references. Do your due diligence. Then you will select an estate sale professional who will do a wonderful job for you … not a “cockroach.”

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

How Did You Become “The Estate Lady?”

November 12, 2013 | Julie Hall

It is a question I am asked often; each time I have to smile to myself, knowing the course of events that transpired to get me into the estate business and evolve with it. Allow me to preface this by saying I don’t think I chose “it”. I think “it” chose me.

Wilma was 103 years old. While I had dabbled in the buying and selling of antiques back then (25 years ago), she had heard about me and invited me over for advice on what to do with her beautiful European residential contents upon her death. She said she was “ready for the hole” which I found amazingly blunt, but she was honest and genuinely worried about her things, as to not be a burden to anyone once she was gone. She had outlived her husband and children. We agreed I would return in a couple of weeks to discuss options, etc.

Upon my return, her beautiful home looked like a carnival had just trampled through it. You can imagine my horror when it was clear to see that her neighbors and so-called friends came over and helped themselves, breaking fine rare German figurines in the process and leaving debris behind for her to clean up. They had purchased her sterling, antique furniture, antique clocks, etc. from her for a dollar, $5, a few bucks here and there, and her possessions were worth a small fortune … tens of thousands at that time.

It was, for me, a moment of truth – an epiphany, if you will – about the inner workings of human nature. Truly, I was disgusted by what I saw, and felt both a deep sorrow for her, as well as a disdain for the people who had done this to her. How could they do that? We’re supposed to protect those who can’t protect themselves. From my best recollection, I lifted a silent prayer thinking about all the Wilma’s out there that needed advocates, to protect them from these unscrupulous people who knew her for decades and still totally took advantage of her, with little regard for their actions. It was unconscionable.

She asked me if she had been taken advantage of, and I looked her straight in the eyes and said, “Yes. I am afraid so.” She nodded, knowing what had really happened and thanked me for my honesty. What she said next was what led me to this industry and to my life’s calling. “We old folks really need an estate lady like you!” And right there, sitting on her remaining green velvet antique sofa, the light bulb went off and I received my life’s instructions. “The Estate Lady” was born. I quit a cushy pharmaceutical job and went to work for myself, figuring if I was working this hard for them, I might as well work this hard for myself. It was a tremendous leap of faith.

From that moment to this, there have been many, many obstacles, plenty of tears for what I see in the industry (both good and bad), lots of sweat equity and even blood spilled due to its physical demands. My back is riddled with arthritis and my once beautiful hands show the signs of hard work. BUT … I’ve never once looked back. I’ve never regretted a thing. I am not rich, but in so many ways I am, because my clients allowed me into their lives. They shared their secrets and pain, and somehow, no matter how small or large, my compassion, skills, and presence made a difference in their lives. That is what allows me sleep like a baby every night, knowing I have served so many to the best of my ability. It is the driving force of my spirit.

If you know someone interested in pursuing this industry, share this link with them: http://www.aselonline.com/index.html. They can expect lots of hard work with little glamour. But if they are looking for a career in an industry that serves so many, and are willing to work hard and earn a decent income, it becomes a win-win.

Not everyone is cut out to do this kind of work. It takes the kindness and compassion of a minister, combined with the grit of John Wayne. If this sounds like you, I would encourage you to explore it.

I cannot imagine doing anything else with my life!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Ashes to Ashes

November 1, 2013 | Julie Hall

It was one of those estates where you could cut the tension with a knife. It wasn’t necessarily the fault of the last remaining parent who had just died. It was her son, who was (to put it mildly) a massive pain in the butt. He was spoiled, discourteous, disrespectful, and just not what you would consider a good person. Those who know me would tell you I am an exceptional judge of character, whether it be from an intuition I seem to have inherited from mom, or just decades of observing and working with the good and bad side of human nature. So, how bad could this son really be?

Well, let’s just say he demanded that I sell mom’s very personal items that we would normally dispose of, or wash and donate. He dug into our donation boxes that had already been taped shut. “I want every cent I can get out of this estate, so I want you to sell everything including her underwear. Then I want you to low-ball the values so I don’t have to pay too much in taxes.” Can you believe this? Unfortunately, he was serious.

He was a man of significant financial means and was getting ready to inherit much more. If selling mom’s undergarments wasn’t strange enough (which I refused to do because I believe in preserving the dignity of those no longer with us), we found cremated remains of his father, who had died two decades before, in a foyer cabinet. As always, I handle remains with much care when we find them.

After consulting with the attorney handling the estate, it was determined that this son should take care of the remains. When I handed the box of cremated remains to the son, he literally assumed a bowler’s position and threw the box, from several feet away, under the kitchen sink with the Windex and Comet. Oh my gosh! If I had not been there to see it, I never would have believed it.

I managed to get the son out of the estate and rescued the remains from the household chemicals. After reporting this to the lawyer, we decided I should deliver “Mr. Smith’s” remains to the lawyer, who would try to find another family member to scatter the ashes as Mr. Smith wished. It was the right thing to do.

I vaguely remember telling the law firm that if they could not find a family member, please let me know and I will scatter Mr. Smith. I felt horrible that this man’s wishes were never fulfilled and that his remains were treated with such disrespect. Years later, I received a call from the law firm asking me if the offer was still on the table to scatter Mr. Smith. No family member would come and get him. Struck speechless and trying to recall this estate from my long-ago memory, I simply replied that I would be happy to honor the last wishes of this man who clearly had no one who would do it for him.

The spoiled, uncaring family, who wasn’t willing to tend to his remains but more than willing to take his money, was a no-show, despite the best efforts of the law firm to come and get Mr. Smith. It was then legally arranged for me to do this. I saw to it that Mr. Smith got his final wish, praying over his ashes as a stranger, but one who clearly cared more for him than his own family. I would want some kind soul to do the same for me.

For decades, his remains floated and were thrown around. It was time they were released, and they were. In a gorgeous area and on a perfect day, this stranger lifted a prayer for him, but silently cursed his son under my breath. I know I should have been a better person than that, but seriously, how low can one go?

Sorry to quote Forrest Gump, but “Sometimes there just aren’t enough words.”

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

10 Commandments of Estate Behavior

October 23, 2013 | Julie Hall

With great reverence for God’s 10 commandments, here are the basic rules which should be followed in any and every estate situation. Often, we aren’t thinking clearly in the middle of the estate settlement and distribution process.

While there are no laws that pertain to human behavior when handling an estate and the distribution of property, these commandments should be “etched in stone” to remind us how we should behave.

Thou shalt not worship material possessions. They can be a monkey on your back and, ultimately, you can’t take them with you.
Greed and the love of possessions can be false idols which can, and often do, ruin families.
Don’t forget to take Sabbath for yourself. We all need time and space to breathe and reflect.
Honor your loved one that just passed away. Take actions that would respect them and make them proud.
Thou shalt not kill thy family relationships by destroying your chance to find peaceful resolutions. Mend your fences.
Do not cheat anyone, including yourself, in the estate distribution process.
Thou shalt not steal anything, even if you think no one is watching. Someone is always watching.
Thou shalt not throw thy sibling(s) under the bus. What goes around often comes around.
Thou shalt not covet anything a sibling gets. It’s not worth it; let it go.
Stay true to who you are and walk as straight a path as possible. Not only is immediate family watching, but your children and grandchildren as well. Set an excellent example.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Even the Devil Uses the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval®

September 4, 2013 | Julie Hall

Throughout the course of my career, I have worked my fanny off (like most of you) trying to accomplish my calling: make a positive contribution to the estate industry, educate, advocate and resolve difficult issues for my clients, earn an impeccable reputation, and do it all honestly and ethically. After 23 years, I feel pretty confident I have achieved many of my goals with the help of some great team members and my faith.

What makes me steaming mad are those individuals who flat out steal logos and intellectual property that is not theirs. No conscience, no care or concern. They don’t care that they steal what they didn’t earn. They do it with no forethought of hurting others, most especially themselves in the long run, because the truth will come out eventually. Those who know me would tell you I’d be the first to teach, to help, to answer questions if I can. Stealing information or logos is a huge no-no.

Many of you may not know that I own and direct The American Society of Estate Liquidators®. http://www.aselonline.com This professional organization is for those who want to learn the estate industry, and offers educational courses and a place for experienced liquidators to learn how to build their business. It is a safe haven for ethical liquidators and we have worked hard to set the standard for the industry.

The problem is some people don’t want to play nice. People steal logos without paying dues. Some don’t care about ethics until they get caught or fined. It’s not just about me … it’s about you too because many will attempt to take advantage of you, or someone you know, in the future. I often wonder how they sleep at night.

Here’s my point: Each industry has its good and bad, even estate liquidation. With companies that have no training/education or just popped up, and no one knows anything about them, you (the consumer) needs to research them carefully to make sure what their site says about them is accurate. Just because some company creates a website and add logos and makes claims, doesn’t mean they are legitimate or ethical. Follow up with them and pay attention to red flags.

Contact your local BBB and ask questions. Look for UNresolved complaints. Search online for the company name and any complaints or reviews. Ask for and check several recent references. Ask people in the community who is the best of the best. Do not be swayed by a company that is cheaper, for you often get what you pay for! Go for integrity, trust, ethics, gut instinct.

If the company is hesitant to answer questions, doesn’t call you back in a timely manner, doesn’t give you a polished and trustworthy feeling, then that little voice inside is probably telling you something. Listen to it.

So you see that even the devil uses the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval®. Anyone can steal that seal or logo. But not everyone can back it up with education, training, credibility, experience, and know-how. A professional liquidator is going to do the right thing for the client, answer any and all questions, maintain confidentiality, guide you to know what is best for your given situation, and communicate clearly each step of the way.

If you find out they are lying about being part of a professional organization, or anything else, don’t walk away … RUN!

Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave

August 21, 2013 | Julie Hall

I hate spiders. Being a lover of nature, I shouldn’t say that but it’s true. Maybe if they weren’t so spooky looking with all those hairy legs. It doesn’t matter what the spider looks like to me; if it’s in the house, it is usually caught by my husband in a container and escorted out … immediately. The movie, “Arachnophobia” had me curled up in a ball, knees in chest, and freaking out if something touched me (like my cat). Even writing this, I have a case of the itchies! Sometimes I think that squishing them would be easier, but I believe in karma.

Recently however, I have changed my way of looking at these formidable creatures. Creepy? Sure, but incredibly smart and beneficial. They are great gardeners since they eat bad insects, and pretty much eat anything they can. (I can relate.) Spider silk is among the strongest material on earth and that’s pretty amazing! People are actually studying their silk to see if it can be replicated. Pound for pound, it’s stronger than steel.

Spiders generally don’t bother people unless provoked, but I would hate to do that by accident. In many cultures, like some Native Americans, the spider is highly revered and considered a goddess. In other cultures, it’s eaten as a meal. Yikes, I don’t want to know how big they are! Some have even made nursery rhymes about spiders. Remember LIttle Miss Muffet who sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey?

I got to thinking about spider webs, because webs are a work of art. Being an appraiser and lover of all kinds of art, I have an appreciation for how long and dutiful this little creature works to create his web art. I certainly would not have the patience or perseverance to create one. It is a lesson in volatility, watching it be destroyed by the pass of a lawn mower, someone’s leg, or a rain storm. But the spider doesn’t give up. It just rebuilds without complaining. Webs are particularly beautiful when the sun catches them just right and you see every line.

See the photo I took in my backyard.

We should take a lesson from the spider. All of life seems to be a web. It goes in so many directions with a crossroad at each intersection. You make a little progress, then you get stuck. Did you know that the vertical spokes of a spider’s web are dry and the horizontal lines are sticky to catch prey? The spider will only walk on the vertical spokes, but of course, their prey doesn’t know that.

I think the goal is to avoid the sticky parts of our own webs, lest we be pulled into a web where we have trouble getting out. Mom always said to walk a straight like in life. I think I’ll stay with the vertical line!