If I Only Knew Then, What I Know Now

April 30, 2012 | Julie Hall

Over 20 years ago while sitting at my corporate desk, I had this crazy idea that if I was going to work this hard for them, I might as well work that hard for myself. I kept thinking, “Julie, how can you even think of this? You must be off your rocker to consider leaving the reliability of a paycheck and benefits.” But it was like a lightning bolt from the sky – an intense thought that grabbed hold of this young woman at the exuberant age of 28, and it never let go.

From that day to this, I feel compelled to share with everyone reading these words, that if I had a chance to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. It was the right decision, and honestly comes with zero regret. However, it was not an easy road. In fact, there was no road at all in my chosen field. Therefore, I found myself at an instant crossroad before I even took my first step. Do I move forward into the abyss, not knowing what I am doing, and make a road for others to follow one day? Or should I turn around and stay in a job that I didn’t care for, with a steady paycheck? As it turned out, I discovered I am an excellent bulldozer and I paved my way through.

To fulfill your purpose, your calling, it takes great strength and stamina. More than that, it takes tenacity of the spirit, a positive mindset when you feel like crumbling and crying (yes, it will happen), and the ability to get back up when you were just knocked down.

As a mother, when my daughter was learning to walk and she stumbled and fell, I would encourage her to get right back up immediately, brush herself off, and go on to her next adventure. Such is life. Get right back up and no matter what, keep moving forward. Throughout the years, there have been many times I related myself to the hamster that jumped on the wheel with lots of vigor, but never really ended up anywhere. Looking back, I actually was going somewhere, but I couldn’t see it at the time.

Here, in a nutshell, I share with you the most important lessons I have learned as a woman, and in building my dream:

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do it. You can and will find a way. People who normally say things like that can be a bit envious of your spirit, or perhaps live with regret themselves. It’s also possible that they just don’t understand it.
If you don’t try, you will always wonder what “could have been.” Avoid living with regret and guilt by trying your best. Nothing bad can ever come from trying.
When you come to a crossroad in your life, always go with your gut instinct. Our heads often get in the way of what our gut already knows. My gut has never lied to me. Tune into it, listen attentively, and keep moving. Look how many times it took Thomas Edison to get it right!
Stay the course. So you have stumbled and what you had planned isn’t working. Assess what went wrong, temporarily step back and ask, ask, and ask again until the answers come. Sometimes the answers come from an unexpected source.
Figure out what makes you different. What are your special gifts? Are you using them? If not, get to it and watch happiness seep in.
To thine own self, be true. Thank you, Mr. Shakespeare. Speak your mind, communicate openly, and never, ever sell your soul to the dark side.
Identify what it is you want to do with your life. I am an estate professional who specializes in personal property. Do I just sell people’s stuff? No, I sell a solution. Solve their problem, lighten their load, and I can guarantee you a successful outcome. What you want to do is make a difference and make it count.
Follow through with passion and tenacity. If you have an idea, run with it. Don’t flop over on the sofa because you don’t know how to get started. Just take the first step.
Be the best at what you do. If you are going to do something like start a business, or volunteer, or take a new job … do your best. Mom always said, “If you’re going to plant a tree, plant it straight.”
Always look forward and never look back. Ever notice how some people live in the past and seem to get stuck there? It’s ok to visit the past and learn from what went wrong, but then turn it into a positive, so it works to your benefit.
For every problem you encounter, there is a solution.
Always be kind, courteous, and compassionate. Kindness gets noticed because so few people actually practice it.

The Recipe For a Long, Happy Life

April 16, 2012 | Julie Hall

I met the elderly Chinese lady at one of my estate sales. Instantly drawn to her vibrant complexion and a smile that seemed to guard a thousand secrets, the only hint she was “on age” was her white hair. I commented on her flawless skin and a small-framed, young girl emerged out of nowhere. “I am her great-grand daughter. She doesn’t speak any English.”

My curiosity got the best of me, and I asked the young girl to ask her great-grandmother the secret to such beautiful skin. The young girl turned and chatted with the woman, who promptly burst out in laughter. Through the three-way translation, I learned that the elderly woman was 101 years old and didn’t look a day over 60! Her secret was so simple; she said anyone can do it.

Rule #1: Never deprive your body of any food it wants to eat. If it wants cake, eat it. “Don’t deprive, but be reasonable. By depriving your body, it will get angry with you. If it gets angry, it will not work well for you. If you make it happy, it will treat you well.”

Rule #2: Go out each day barefoot in the grass and walk around. She said to feel the earth’s energy under your feet and draw it in. Breathe deeply while doing it and you will feel invigorated.

I’ve always lived by Rule #1. While it has gotten me a bit chubby, I am happy and thankfully, very healthy. From an Italian household, I was never very good at saying no to carbs.

As for Rule #2, I highly recommend it, particularly in the morning dew. It does feel good to walk around in the grass for a few minutes. A type of meditation where your attention is completely focused on the sensations in your feet, it is relaxing to your mind as well. Since our feet carry us through life, and they are crammed in shoes all day, it’s quite a treat for your feet!

I’ve always had some sort of magnetic attraction to the elderly as they are rich with experience. Give these rules a try for a week and see if they don’t make a difference in how you feel. I’m always happy to share what I learn along the way … now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge calling my name!

I am a Warrior … Are You?

April 9, 2012 | Julie Hall

There’s nothing easy about letting people “in.” If we let them in, they might see our pain and that could leave us vulnerable, or worse, very angry because we don’t know how to deal with it. Lately, I can’t help but feel I’ve been drug through the mud and I’m guessing some of you feel the exact same way.

I watched a movie with my daughter this week called “A Warrior’s Heart.” It has an invaluable message not only for teenagers, but for adults as well. The story centers around a troubled teen who has anger issues due to what happened to him in life. A Native American takes him under his wing and shows him the harsh realities of life and what is expected of him in life, by understanding that a warrior would handle it differently.

“What do you mean by a warrior?”, the troubled teen asked. The Native American answered in a way that moved me to share it with you. He simply said,

“The Native Americans believe a warrior is someone who has had his blood spilled on the battleground. A warrior doesn’t run away from the pain. A warrior just gets it done.”

I instantly saw the parallel here. Suddenly my spirit soared because I always knew I was a warrior, because I tried to deal with things head-on. We have all had our blood spilled on the battleground; figuratively or literally, and so, we have much more in common than we know.

Some people run away and some don’t. It’s how we deal with the mess that can either ruin us or elevate us. With a teen daughter watching my every move, I am determined to show her that women are strong and that her mother is indeed a warrior.

It’s true what they say; it’s not what actually happens to you, but how you react to it and deal with it. I can say this with conviction from my own painful, personal experiences, and hindsight does offer clarity and 20/20 vision.

Go forth today knowing you are a warrior … a very empowering and enlightening thought!

The Odyssey of Junk

April 2, 2012 | Julie Hall

Has your junk been more places than you?

It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been in the estate business, I still wonder why we hold on to so much “junk” and why we have such difficulty letting go of it. Oh sure, we may have it in neat piles, boxed in a spare room, crammed in closets, or out of sight, but make no bones about it — it is THERE, lurking in the darkness of our drawers, attics, and closets faithfully reproducing while we go about our busy lives. How on earth do we amass so much?

I have a theory. Somewhere back in our long-ago DNA when ancestors were primitive, I think we developed a “switch” in our brains that told us to gather and collect. Humans were, after all, hunters and gatherers, and I believe we still are on some level. Back then, we had to collect wood for fire, food to eat, etc. Our survival depended on it. If you didn’t collect these items, you and your family would perish.

Today, we do it on a grand, 21st century scale. We buy, buy, buy, and don’t really understand why. We have far more than we need and far more than we will ever use. Did you know we actually use only 20% of what we own? Think about it — we wear the same, favorite clothes, shoes, use the same kitchen items, toiletries, etc. So what happens to the other 80%? It sits there, not being put to use, often until a loved one dies and then it has to be dealt with. By then, it is too late and much of it is usually discarded.

We not only hold on to, but also keep moving stuff from one home to another: our college stuff, our kids’ stuff, even stuff for grandkids who aren’t walking yet, but we think they may want these items one day.

When we are in estates cleaning them out, or if clients ask us to clean out their attics, we find boxes with original moving company stickers from the 60s and 70s, and those boxes are STILL taped shut. No one ever opened them after the move 40+ years ago. The message that sends to me is these items weren’t important enough for me to open this box, so why do we still have them?

Our elders, God bless them, saved everything including broken appliances and parts (because you might need them one day), tons of catalogs and magazines (because those old National Geographics might be worth something). The entire kitchen is cluttered with mayonnaise jars, Cool Whip containers, pie tins, etc. The truth is, they are never used, because we find decades of dust on them.

Sometimes families move the entire household of a deceased relative to another state, only to clutter up their own homes. This cycle is long, tiresome, and laborious, and the pattern needs to be stopped, or at least interrupted, so we can analyze why we do these things. No wonder we’re all so tired, buying stuff, finding places for it, and then at some point, being forced to deal with it. It will eventually become the proverbial monkey on our backs or our children’s backs.

Logic would dictate that we need to be free of it, in order to make our lives simple again. It’s APRIL and the perfect time for SPRING CLEANING. I’ll deal with my piles if you deal with yours!

The Wallet

March 19, 2012 | Julie Hall

Last week, I wrote about the things people leave behind in estates. This week, I want to share with you a special find that not only surprised the daughter when I presented it to her, but helped to heal an old, yet still open, wound.

Their dad had died over 30 years ago, and the daughter had shared with me how very special dad was, and how she could feel his presence while she was disassembling the family home. While going through a pile of stuff the realtor moved aside to stage the home, I found dad’s wallet and knew I had to keep it for the daughter.

The moment I opened the wallet, I remember being greeted by a kind face on the driver’s license staring back at me. The wallet was filled with oodles of photos of his children and grandchildren. I instinctively knew he was someone special. So when I handed it to his daughter at the completion of our job, you could see the joy in her face. We had indeed found a treasure among the ruins of taking apart the home. It had been particularly rough for her, so this was like the prize at the bottom of the box — that special slice of serendipity that plops on your lap when you least expect it. I love it when that happens.

Little did I know when she called me the next day, she had discovered a special order to the photographs in dad’s wallet. Her brother’s photo was the first one, and underneath were stacked photos of her, her mom, grandkids, etc. Instead of being bothered by that, she said the most amazing thing. Her brother had battled a substance abuse problem in his youth that caused upheaval in the family and I can only assume the same for his interpersonal relationships. And while the sibling had long been clean and sober, dad never lived long enough to see the wonderful person his son turned out to be.

Even though dad had been gone over three decades, he still had a message of love to send to both of his children. The message was loud and clear: At a time when a parent is pushed to the limit of love and understanding in dealing with a substance issue, he never gave up on believing in or loving his son.

Today, I understand that son is an incredible man who found his inner strength and now helps others do the same. May the finding of this small, yet powerful item bring both children peace and emotional closure, knowing how much their father loved them!

What We Find Left Behind

March 12, 2012 | Julie Hall

It’s always an eye-opening experience working in estates after the children have taken what they want and allow us to handle the remainder. You just never know what you will find left behind.

Sometimes, we just find what you would expect, the items that should have been discarded 40 years ago – broken items from the attic, old appliances, clothing that needs to be donated, etc. Other times, we find items that have value and we arrange to have them sold for the family. And on occasion, we find items that leave us scratching our heads, or items that we can never speak of and promise to take that information to our graves.

We see it all: the love, the fights, the estrangements, the addictions, the sorrows, the secrets – all of which are carried through our lifetimes.

It is difficult to put into words when you find war medals of courage and valor left on the floor for disposal, or antique photos of people in the family that have been left in a pile for us to discard. But we understand that every person has a story and we are not privy to their upbringing or lives, and therefore do not understand why they made the decisions they did.

Recently we found letters dating from the Civil War period, of a soldier who wrote home to his sister. He wrote of the horrible conditions, how most of his comrades had died from dysentery, and that there wasn’t enough food to keep the soldiers strong. He spoke of having no warmth through the winter months, but described it in such a way that he was not complaining. It was fascinating to hear of life so long ago from a person who lived during those times, but the family took no interest.

Other things we find are scrapbooks, war letters between mom and dad, family Bibles with genealogy information inside the front cover, diaries, estate jewelry, guns, etc.

I guess it’s true what they say. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, and one cannot predict what is in a person’s heart during such difficult times.

How A Senior Party Changed Me Forever

December 12, 2011 | Julie Hall

I’d like to share a special memory from two years ago as we prepare for the new year ahead.

It was a spur-of-the-moment invitation from my 78 yr. old mother. While visiting my parents out-of-state, Mom announced she bought me a ticket to their senior holiday dinner and dance party at the local clubhouse. Knowing it would make them happy, I obliged, but wasn’t exactly ready to kick up my heels just yet. How much fun could it really be?

The clubhouse was nothing fancy — it was reminiscent of a church basement or school gym, devoid of color though there were a few decorations on the wall. In front of the small bingo stage was the collapsible black sound system from the hired DJ, complete with a disco ball spinning crystal-like dots on the walls and a lighted 3 ft. Santa next to his unit. The floor was exceptionally shiny, as if someone had spent hours buffing and polishing it to perfection, meant just for dancing.

With roughly 40 seniors present, dinner was served. We all waited in line, cafeteria style, to be served our food – a very simple meal of roast beef, green beans and a roll with coffee or water. Dessert would be homemade cakes from some of the neighborhood ladies. Styrofoam plates in hand, we waited patiently as everyone got the same amount of food.

During our meal, the DJ came alive and it was obvious he loved his job. The beat from Glen Miller’s “In the Mood” was evident in my tapping feet, shoulder motions and bobbing head – was that me actually having fun? Dare I say the fun was just beginning…

Mesmerized by the fantastic selection of 40’s and 50’s music and jazz beats that made you want to get up and bounce all over the dance floor, the seniors suddenly came alive, as if their simple meal had fueled their fire. Some with canes, others with oxygen, still others like my mother afflicted with heart disease – it didn’t matter to them – they got up and started dancing like they were young again!!

Before my very eyes, the music became their magic. Transported back to the 1940’s, the hands of time literally spun backwards to return them to their prime in life. No longer weak or frail, they would have easily danced their boomer children into a state of exhaustion. This was their night and they proudly took ownership of it.

Over the course of the evening, I found myself looking closely at the old men’s weathered faces. They didn’t look old to me anymore. It was like watching an episode of Star Trek when they were brought back in time wearing their U.S. military uniforms and the ladies’ vibrant and shiny hair had curls and they had small waists, just like in the old movies.

But the most moving part of the evening was how they looked at each other. Couples who had been married for 50-60 years still gazed upon each other with love and affection – I even caught a glimpse of an elderly man stroking his wife’s face while they danced. I had to fight the tears back because mom told me that lady was fighting an illness. This, I thought, was true commitment.

They had survived the Great Depression and one of the world’s most devastating wars, and raising us! These were people who simply did what needed to be done. They are fiercely loyal, still loved America, and always had a strong work ethic.

For one night, for a few hours, they didn’t care about their diseases, ailments, aches and pains. They only wanted to let their hair down and have a memorable time. There I sat, a 48-year-old daughter, who found herself in love with each of them – for the way they laughed, for the way they did the “Twist,” for the way they treated each other with smiles galore and twirling about as if today were their last day on earth.

The thought crossed my mind, as it probably did theirs, that our time is indeed limited, for some more than others. How is it they could dance and enjoy fellowship with such carefree smiles and attitude? Because they love life and offered each other the best gift anyone could possible receive. They gave the gift of simple joy. The gave the gift of each other.

I found myself deeply moved by what I saw that evening. Ours has become a world of convenience, and often inconvenience. A place where people are always saying “What’s in it for me?” and a place where we don’t see as much care and concern for each other, as there was in our parents’ generation.

I felt like Ebenezer Scrooge visiting a strange place and time, who saw the light and got the meaning in just the few hours they allowed me to share with them. I feel so very honored to have witnessed such a gift. Our seniors truly are our greatest asset, and we have much to learn from them. All we need to do is open our eyes, ears and hearts.

What Currently Has Value?

November 21, 2011 | Julie Hall

Q: What currently has value or is selling fairly well?

A: Reader, thank you for this question, and it is the million dollar question. The answer is “not much” these days, except the following:

Precious metals/fine estate jewelry
Certain scrap metals
Electronics/home furnishings
Mid-century furnishings (1950s and 1960s)
High-end antiques, art, etc.
Used gas-efficient cars

And, believe it or not, utilitarian items such as kitchenware, linens, clothing, etc are selling very well at estate sales.

Keep in mind that even the bottom half of this list is not bringing in what it has in the past. If a collector wants something bad enough, they will dig deep for a special item, but we are not seeing it as much as we used to.

I fully expect prices on second-hand furniture (especially traditional, dark furniture) to continue to drop in price, as will real estate markets, land, larger vehicles, and many luxury items.

We are in for a bumpy ride, friends!

What I’ve Learned as an Expert in “Things” (part 2)

November 7, 2011 | Julie Hall

I probably don’t have to tell you this, since Wal-Mart and almost every other store are playing holiday music already: The holidays are coming soon!!

As I write this blog on what I’ve learned as an expert on “things,” I realize that these last two thoughts, promised to you last week, will revolutionize how you view this year’s holidays. They’ll probably also save you money and frustration when holiday shopping time comes. Please consider the following observations from this expert in “things:”

3. It’s what you do with what you have that really counts, not what you possess. In these tough economic times, it’s important to remember there are others dealing with greater difficulties than you. Even while we tighten our purse strings, we can still give in many ways that others would be so grateful for.

Give of yourself.
Go visit someone you have been meaning to see for a long time.
Write that letter.
Bake those cookies.
Volunteer for those needing help.
Visit those confined to home by infirmity or sickness.
Surprise a loved one.
Make that phone call to make amends with one you haven’t spoken to for years.
Bring your children to an assisted living or nursing home; watch the residents light up.
Say what you need to say, and do so right now.
Ask for forgiveness and offer it, no matter what.
Offer hugs to those who really need it.
Listen to your elders because you will learn so much.

4. If you have a senior in your life … Spend a full day with them and ask them to share stories of your family history — fun stories, challenges, family secrets, marriages. Look through old photos. Record this day and make a book for them (and copies for each sibling) so it may be passed down for years to come. Many children regret not having more family history, but they realize this only after a loved one has left us.

Condition, Condition, Condition

October 10, 2011 | Julie Hall

When it comes to the worth of heirlooms, there is one characteristic of value that I want everyone to understand: Original Condition.

We all know what the word original means: initial, first, earliest, the real thing. It means the condition of an item that has been left intact, that way the artist or creator intended it to be. No stripping, refinishing, repairs, paint, drilled holes, polishing and lacquering, etc. To a collector wanting to buy a fine item, original shows that the piece is true to the period and proves its’ age by leaving it alone over the course of time.

But everyone out there seems to believe that if mother’s tables are antique, they are definitely valuable. This is NOT the case; please forward this to anyone who is of this mindset. There are many characteristics of value, and age is only one of them. Condition is at the top of the list. Here is where it gets cloudy …

I’m called to an estate to see lovely antiques, but they are in less than stellar condition. They are covered in years of nicotine or mold/mildew, or have been exposed to years of humidity or heat. All the owner understands is that these items are old and should put considerable cash in their pocket.

What an appraiser sees is that they were not taken care of for whatever reason. The original condition has been altered and getting it back to a “sellable” condition will take a small miracle, not to mention more money than the piece is actually worth. They can still be sold and a fixer-upper buyer will want them, but at a fraction of the price people have in their heads. Then people get upset because their pieces are not selling well, or feel jilted because what they “perceived” they would sell for didn’t transpire. I know … it’s a lot to take in!

Even antiques or semi-antiques in fine condition are not necessarily valuable. Times are changing. The economy has changed the market drastically. The statistics of how many boomers and elderly we have in this country is mind-blowing. So if you are considering selling your heirlooms, look at them like an appraiser and consider all flaws before setting expectations sky-high.