5 Promises to Yourself in 2011

January 3, 2011 | Julie Hall

Happy New Year!

These days, it appears increasingly difficult to stay on the level emotionally. So much comes at us that it’s depressing to turn on the TV. To combat this heaviness that many feel, I have 5 suggestions to make us feel more buoyant this year. Please share them with your family and friends, since we all need to support one another.

Let It Go! Let go of anything that weighs you down. Surplus material possessions and stuff that no longer has meaning, people and relationships that are toxic, clean out that closet and give to those in need, etc. Just let go! You will immediately feel lighter, and more open space will provide an uplift in your spirit.
If something you tried last year didn’t work out, keep trying different ways until it does work. As the old saying goes, “there is more than one way to skin a cat.” Try again in different ways; ask close friends or colleagues what they would do. Valued opinions and objective third parties may very well be the sounding board you need or provide you with the brilliant idea that works.
Broaden your horizons. No more excuses! Take that pottery class, dance class, go to that place you’ve always wanted to see, train for a marathon, volunteer, lose weight, etc. Just do it! Spend some time on YOU.
Practice appreciation. Open your eyes and look for the simple pleasures in your life. Put forth a little effort to “see” the good in the world. Sometimes you need to go for a walk and admire the birds, look at the sky, and take some deep breaths. A survey of centenarians (over 100 years old) shows they attribute their longevity to simple pleasures like walking barefoot, watering their garden, swimming, etc.
Train your brain to think positively. Yes, there is alot wrong with the world today, but there is still much good in it. Go forth, do good things, be a good person, and try to make a difference for others. The rewards are far greater than you know! It comes back to you, and it will give you a strong sense of purpose in the new year.

My Christmas gift to you

December 13, 2010 | Julie Hall

Again this year, I’ve helped people understand the necessity of preparation before death, and helped them avoid battles over stuff after death. I have accumulated a wealth of understanding after nearly 20 years of experience handling personal property in estates.

My book, The Boomer Burden — Dealing With Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff, provides practical and effective steps for liquidating and distributing your parents’ assets in a way that both honors them and promotes family harmony.

You’ve probably heard the stories: arguments over stuff, an inheritance lost forever when parents are scammed, siblings estranged, or an adult heir taken from daily responsibilities for months while trying to empty their childhood home.

This book is valuable for both senior adults and Boomer children. My trustworthy counsel covers the following areas:

Divide your parents’ estate with peace of mind
Minimize fighting with siblings during the estate settlement process
Clear out the family home in two weeks or less
Identify potential items of value in the home
Have “that conversation” with your parents
Prepare your own children for the future

Amazon.com carrys my book; you can purchase it in time for your family’s holiday celebrations. If you have a close relationship with parents and siblings, you owe it to all to keep harmony in the home after the unexpected death of a parent. If there are difficult relationships, distance between you and your parents, an accumulation of stuff in your parents’ home, and other thorny issues, please buy a copy of this book and save yourself even more pain and struggle.

One of the most distressing, yet integral parts of estate planning and liquidation is the division of personal property; who gets what? A vital conversation now can go a long way to prevent squabbling between the heirs after mom and dad pass away. For peaceful resolutions and wonderful guidance, please order The Boomer Burden. It has earned wonderful reviews, and it makes a great gift for siblings, parents, children, even clients.

This is my Christmas gift to your family: a wealth of information and valuable resources to protect the relationship, sanity, and peace among your family. The joy of preparation for the inevitable, and the kindness of knowing that everything is in order. Merry Christmas!

What should I keep when cleaning out Dad’s house?

November 29, 2010 | Julie Hall

Don’t sell, give away, or donate anything until a professional has looked at it. So many Boomers throw away or give away personal possessions worth a fortune, simply because they don’t know the values. Tell everyone “no” until the appraiser has reviewed everything. The cost to pay a personal property appraiser is nothing compared to what you could find, not to mention the peace of mind it will offer you!

Keep the following:

Anything that can provide family history.
Family heirlooms if they are wanted and will be cherished. Don’t force heirlooms on the children if their hearts aren’t in it.
Evaluate all items of perceived monetary value (hire that appraiser).
Some family photographs.
Items that are rare or unusual (some antiques fall into this category) IF someone has room for them and wants them. It’s ok to sell if no one wants them.
Jewelry — have it appraised first.
Items with historic significance — may donate if no family member wants them.
Important documents must be kept together until they are all sorted through by the executor.
Collections: gold, coins, guns, stamps, etc. Always have them evaluated by a professional.
Antiques, artwork, paintings, sculpture — must be evaluated by a professional.
Military items. Not only are these items sought after by collectors but may also be vital to family history.
Safes, safety deposit boxes, and their contents.
Anything you cannot identify.

Don’t take things just to take them. Select a few sentimental items that are small enough for you to use or display in your home. Great family and marital strife can develop if you take too much. Remember, the more you take now, the more your children will have to deal with later.

“Can an Executor Change the Locks?”

October 11, 2010 | Julie Hall

Q: I am the executor for my mother, who just passed away. She is our last parent to die, and now her house and garage will be unprotected. I don’t know who has keys to her house, since she had some caregivers towards the end of her life. Is it ok for me to change the locks?

A: If you are the executor of your mother’s estate, you have a responsibility to protect all she owned until decisions can be made about dividing and disposing of her personal property.

The first step would be to retrieve all the keys to your parents’ home. Since this is not possible with the uncertainty of who might have keys, start with a clean slate. Change the locks with everyone’s knowledge. What a small price to pay for peace of mind.

No one should remove anything from the house immediately after a parent’s death. This is common, yet it is a huge mistake that families make. No one issue causes as much disturbance among the children and heirs: knowing that one child took a collection of stuff away and the rest don’t know the real value, nor the extent of the collection.

On the other hand, the executor has the responsibility for safekeeping the assets, and a death will often signal a vacant house to a thief who might be watching the neighborhood. Depending on the valuables in your mother’s house, you may find the need to remove items of value, such as jewelry, sterling silver, personal legal papers, insurance documents, and anything else of significant value.

If you do remove any items for security reasons, document who has the items and where they are. Make sure that every heir knows where the items are, and that this is a temporary home for these items. Try to keep the items local, so they can be present and accounted for during the division of property.

The more timely the division of personal property with your siblings, the less worry you will have about burglary. Draw the curtains and blinds every time you leave the home, and have a lamp timer to come on in a couple of rooms in the house. Remember to leave the air-conditioning on. Nothing is worse than turning off the utilities and coming back to a house which smells of mildew and has visible mold.

Three More Important Tips for Personal Property

July 5, 2010 | Julie Hall

We’re continuing our discussion of important tips for dealing with personal property in an estate. Here are the final three tips:

3. Just because it is old doesn’t mean it is valuable. This is my personal mantra. Each day, I must face clients and report the truth based on facts. Depression glass may have been the rage 12 years ago, but today the market is pretty flat, much like the beloved Hummel figurines of mother’s day. It’s important to understand the distinction between monetary and sentimental value. If great-grandfather made it in 1865, it is certainly old and very special to us. This, however, does not indicate or equate to significant monetary value. It does hold value in the heart, though.

4. PLEASE hire a professional before you have a yard sale on your own. In my career, I have seen things thrown in the trash, dumpsters, yard sales, etc. that children put there or sold for next to nothing. In actuality, they were worth a small fortune! Knowledge really is power. Parents, consider getting your heirlooms evaluated prior to your passing, so you can leave this information for your heirs. Children, ask questions about the history of these heirlooms while mom and dad can still tell you. Discuss together the possibility of gifting prior to death. At the very least, mom and dad should document who gets what.

5. When using professionals in the industry, check them out first. Make sure they have no unresolved complaints against them with the Better Business Bureau. Ask them for professional references, and ask how long they have been doing this work. Ask your friends, neighbors, and other professionals if they can recommend estate professional appraisers and liquidators. Be very leary of those who “dabble” in estate sales or yard sales; you need a pro. If you think hiring a professional is expensive, you should try hiring an amateur.

Keep Their Memory Alive

April 26, 2010 | Julie Hall

The journey from your parents’ first signs of decline to the day their house is finally emptied may be long and difficult, filled with more stress and sorrow than you deserve. Now that the casseroles are finished, the cards are read, and the relatives have returned home, what can you do to keep their memory alive?

Here are several ways you and your family can honor your parents and enjoy them forever.

Plant a tree in their memory. One family planted a silver maple tree – mom’s favorite – at the assisted living center where she lived. It’s just a few blocks from her grave and remains a living memory of her.
Distribute cuttings from a favorite plant.
Share favorite recipes. Create a small recipe book of mom and dad’s favorite recipes and distribute to the relatives.
Keep the fishing trip alive. Harold took his two sons on a fishing trip to remote Ontario every spring. The spring after his death, those sons planned a fishing trip with their own sons and daughters. It’s now an annual tradition.
Create a memory book. Remember all those boxes of photos you found when you cleared your parents’ home? Scan them on to a computer and create a memory book to share with the family. Or, take those old home movies and transfer them to DVDs and distribute to the family.
Give a lifelong gift. Many families contribute to charities and causes in memory of their parents. You don’t have to be extremely wealthy and have a building named after you to make a difference. One family pays for an annual scholarship that allows one underprivileged child to go to YMCA camp every summer — in the name of their parents. Another family pays for the Vacation Bible School supplies at their church each year, since mom always loved to teach children.
Make a family DVD. Local video companies can document family members sharing their memories of parents.
Recreate your parents’ presence. This looks different for every family. Did Dad always smell of Old Spice aftershave lotion? Was there always Glenn Miller music playing at mom’s house when the family arrived? Create tangible reminders that can brighten a sad day or a family celebration for years to come.

Conversation Starters for You and Your Parents

January 25, 2010 | Julie Hall

It is never easy to talk with your parents about future issues. Here are some conversation starters that will make it more comfortable for you and your parents.

“Mom, you’ve been such a great help to me over the years. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Mom and Dad, sometimes I worry about you living all alone. Are there any things we could do to help you?”
“Dad, when Uncle Jim passed away, his family fought for weeks over things. Do you ever worry that Mike and I will be like that?”
“Ever since Mom’s stroke, I’ve been worried about your meals and things. Are you doing all right?”
“Jim and I started looking closer at our retirement account, and we’d love to pick your brain about all the things we need to know about retirement.”
“Dad, do you ever worry about Mom if she had to go it alone without you?”

Parents, listen to your children. And children, listen to your parents. This is a critical conversation for all of you, and you want to make sure you communicate well. Just like when we were kids at school, don’t be afraid to raise your hand and ask questions. Making assumptions or guessing about what the other one wants can be dangerous and lead to places you don’t want to go. Remember what your teachers used to tell you: there’s no such thing as a dumb question!

For more help on this and many other topics related to your aging parents and their stuff, please read my book, The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff. It’s available from Amazon.com or click on the link at the right of this article.

Treasure Hunting at Home

November 16, 2009 | Julie Hall

It’s true that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure! In my line of work, I spend my days deciphering what has value in estates, what is to be sent to donation, and what has no value. Not long ago, I was asked to go through a home to evaluate its contents. Many of the items were not in the best shape due to mold and mildew. Many items were from the turn of the 20th century or before, and many of these had value.

Imagine the surprise when I found two old pottery vases in the basement that turned out to be a fantastic treasure! When I mentioned to the executor that the vases had value, he was very surprised. “They were headed for donation drop off because they are ugly,” he said.

This wonderful story is a glowing example that an appraiser cannot possibly know everything, but will use the knowledge he or she has to further investigate. As it turned out after further research, the pieces were considerably more value than even the fine arts gallery realized. One vase ended up selling for $57,500 because it possessed the marks of a very rare artist. The second piece sold for $4,000. Not a bad return on investment for a one hour visit from an estate expert.

In this case, it was a very happy ending for all the beneficiaries. This follows the good and solid advice that you should know what you have before you sell or donate anything, even if it appears to be junk in your eyes. Especially when dissolving the estate of a loved one, many things are sold or thrown out in haste to simply “get rid of them”.

Knowing the value of what you have in your home will empower you against those that aim to exploit you, and they are everywhere. Offer your children or heirs a clear understanding, so these heirlooms will not be sold at a garage sale one day for $1.00. I can’t tell you how many fabulous items are sold at garage sales for pennies on the dollar.

In this case, an ounce of prevention really paid off for this family!

Why Do We Accumulate Stuff?

November 2, 2009 | Julie Hall

With 18 years experience in watching how people react to death and the division of personal property, I have an interesting theory. Down deep, I believe we are all connected not only to one another, but to our ancestors through our DNA. If the cavemen did not gather (collect or accumulate) staples such as kindling, nuts, berries, meat, etc. for their family, they would surely perish, and many did.

I believe we still make the connection of “having enough, just in case” so that we feel safe and taken care of. By today’s standards, however, we simply have too much! We have taken accumulation to the extreme, in many instances.

WE ACCUMULATE FOR MANY REASONS

If we look back into our recent past, we can examine our Great Depression generation. Because they had so little, and often nothing to sustain them, they came through that extremely difficult period in history with a built-in behavioral pattern.

What we have learned

We can waste nothing because we might have to go without again one day.
Be prepared or go without.
Make sure we have enough accumulated. You never know what we might need, and when.
I might need that one day.
If I hold on to it long enough, it will be valuable.

All of these thoughts are completely understandable and all have some truth. In today’s world, however, much of what has been saved through the decades is no longer useful. It has been held too long and should be discarded due to damage, health hazard (mold), obsolescence, etc.

This is the type of accumulation that often the Boomer children are left cleaning up, much to their chagrin and lack of time and knowledge on how to dispose and distribute all this stuff. I have personally thrown out enough bread twister ties to go around the equator at least once!

A great guide and gift idea is my book, “The Boomer Burden — Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff.”