Lessons Learned as an Expert in “Things”

January 6, 2014 | Julie Hall

Happy New Year!

As an expert in personal property, my days are filled with visiting estates, consulting with my clients, and ascertaining what has value versus what does not. I help boomer children make sound decisions after mom and dad have passed on, and work closely with seniors, helping them make a plan for their heirlooms and understanding their worth. My world revolves around many beautiful things and what they may be worth; then sadly, I watch people fight over those things after a loved one dies.

Having met with thousands of individuals in my career, I can safely say I have learned from each and every one of them. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. We exit this world the way we enter it, owning nothing but a beautiful spirit that houses love and memories earned over a lifetime. You can’t take anything with you, so why fight over things.

2. Things do bring instant gratification, but not long-lasting happiness. So we keep buying more things to keep feeling good. Too many of us fill our lives with things to ease unresolved pain and issues. As we continue to go out and go into debt buying ourselves the latest electronic or gadget, we are still left unfulfilled and discontented. We buy to feel good. We buy because we deserve it. We buy because we are depressed. But in the long run, it ends up in the hands of family or a professional, such as myself, to sell it.

3. It‘s what you do with what you have that really counts, not what you possess. In these challenging economic times, it’s important to remember there are others dealing with greater difficulties than ourselves. Even while we tighten our purse strings, we can still give in many ways, for which others would be so grateful.

Give of yourself.
Go visit someone you’ve been meaning to see for a long time.
Write that letter.
Bake those cookies.
Volunteer for those needing help.
Visit shut-ins.
Surprise a loved one.
Make that phone call to make amends, because you and your mom haven’t spoken in years.
Bring your children to an assisted living or nursing home and watch the residents light up.
Say what you need to say, and do so right away.
Ask for forgiveness and offer it, no matter what.
Offer hugs to those who really need them.
Listen to your elders because you will learn so much.

4. If you have an older adult in your life … Spend a full day with them and ask them to share stories of your family history – fun stories, challenges, family secrets, marriages – and look through old photos. Record this day and make a book for them (and copies for each sibling) so it may be passed down for years to come. Many children regret not having more family history, but they realize this after a loved one has left us. Take a photograph of this special day and frame it.

5. Get your children involved in their own legacy. TALK, don’t text. Include older generations in activities with the younger children, if possible. It won’t do them any harm to listen to grandma’s stories and bake cookies, instead of them playing on their Xbox. Precious time is slipping away for all of us. Make the most of it by making meals and eating together, talking, sharing, and most of all, mending anything that needs mending.

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Reflection

December 17, 2013 | Julie Hall

There is a time for everything; now is the time of year to not only give to others, but to give to yourself as well. Sometimes I think we forget that.

In between decking the halls and flocking to malls, making sure you’ve made a list and checked it twice, singing “Jingle Bells” in every possible rendition, and finding yourself frustrated with the crowds and traffic and (yes, you can say it) the greed you see, we have forgotten to do one very special thing for ourselves … reflect. There’s only so much one human being can do, and we humans have a tendency to go on auto-pilot during the holidays.

The New Year marks a happy time for most people, because we get to “start all over again.” What we should be doing is skimming back through 2013.

Facing whatever the year held for us is important: the pain, the struggles, the tears, and the worries. But let us also not forget the joy, the strength, and the obstacles we overcame. Some people are afraid to look back. It isn’t healthy to stay there very long, but it is ok to compare it to where you are now. You’ve come a long way and you should be proud of yourself.

It was a rough year for many people. If we take the time to look back, even for a few uninterrupted and peaceful moments, we can see that the past is indeed past; yet we are moving forward at what feels like warp speed. It is in reflecting that we can also see how we’ve had an effect on people’s lives or how they’ve affected ours. It is a time to envision how we could have done things better, and feel good about the positive things that have transpired. It is about personal growth when it comes to the bad stuff we went through.

This personal reflection shows us how strong we became as we battled the indescribable pain of losing a loved one, losing a job, or even sometimes, our sense of “self.” It is also in that reflection that we should remember those far less fortunate than ourselves — to put things into perspective and realize we are not as bad off as we may think or feel.

It isn’t about loss. It’s about gain.

Now you can move forward teaching others because you have an experience you didn’t have before. If everyone had a better attitude, if everyone took the time to reflect on themselves, if everyone learned to forgive themselves and others, the world would be a much better place. But since neither you nor I can control the world, all we can do is work on our little corner of it. Our job is not to solve the problems of the universe. It’s just to be the best that we can be at who we are and what we do (and the word “perfection” does exist when it comes to that).

Imagine a world where everyone tried to be their best. Now that’s worth reflecting on!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

The Awakening

November 19, 2013 | Julie Hall

Just this week, I have received numerous emails from people who are very concerned about the falling values of their tangible assets and the soft market that we are currently experiencing. These emails have asked me on a personal level how I feel about this and how I explain this to my clients.

This topic has touched a lot of nerves, which is why I have written about it recently, discussing what I am seeing at antiques shows and fairs, auctions, etc. It appears that people are beginning to awaken to the message I have been hollering for years; my message is a simple one. Don’t shoot the messenger because I am being upfront and honest with you, so that you can make solid, knowledgeable decisions regarding the items you want to sell (or not).

Whether I am conducting a formal appraisal report for heirs, consulting on an estate and working with the children or their elderly parents, my comments are pretty much the same. “Let’s sit for a moment and talk about your options, which options would be best for your estate situation, and the expectations you may have about your possessions.”

The market is soft for several reasons, and the economy is just one of several problematic challenges we are all facing.
Remember that as we lose our older loved ones, their possessions are, quite literally, flooding the market with traditional household furnishings.
The problem is that there are not enough buyers for what’s coming on the market. The boomers have too much stuff and are trying to downsize. Their children have no interest in these items either.
It all comes down to the Law of Supply & Demand. Too much supply and no demand drive prices south. Have something extraordinary? Demand will be high since supply is low, and the price will be driven up.

The problem with this near-perfect synopsis of the current marketplace is what is extraordinary to you, and what is extraordinary to those of us in the industry, are two totally different things. The average person out there thinks what they have is extraordinary just because it may be labeled “antique.” This couldn’t be further from the truth and I need your help in spreading the message.

“Extraordinary” exists only rarely like a flawless diamond. The earth provides them, but very seldom. This type of item will always attract buyers with deep pockets. A 150 year old Victorian marble-top dresser will not, because they are common, dreadfully heavy, and imposing. This style has fallen out of favor and very few are buying these kinds of items. When they do, the prices are low, far lower than the owner feels it should be. Will they ever come back in fashion, or will they ever go up in value? I’m not really sure. I think it is going to be a long while before values start heading north.

Another example of extraordinary would be owning Joe DiMaggio’s uniform, with pictures of him wearing it while standing next to his wife, Marilyn Monroe, and a letter from Joe giving you this uniform. THAT’S extraordinary! You have a group of rare items along with provenance of where it came from; serious baseball collectors would be vying for it.

I have taken much time to communicate extensively with my colleagues across the U.S. to discuss the economy and its effect on our clients. When times are bad, people turn to selling hard assets, and when they can’t sell them or they sell for very little, people have a tendency to get very upset. Who could blame them? We are all in agreement that exceptional items will always sell for exceptional prices, but these are few and far between.

Is there a solution to this terrible situation that has befallen us? Sometimes I wish I had that crystal ball, but since I don’t, I would encourage all of you. When you consider selling your possessions or heirlooms, first have them professionally looked at by someone who knows exactly what they are doing, not your Aunt Betty’s neighbor or friend who dabbles in stuff. You need someone who understands not only the market, but the trends we are currently seeing from region to region.

Most of all, the best advice I can offer is to go into it with neutral expectations. I know mom always thought it was worth a fortune, but chances are it was worth a fortune to her. If mom paid $5,000 for a designer piece, look at the time period when she purchased it or had it appraised. Those days are long gone! Something is worth what someone will give you for it. It has become a buyer’s market and buyers are more frugal because they know this.

No one person, especially an estate professional, is to blame for the many reasons our market is soft, but it is up to us to educate our clients and each other. Looking forward to better days …

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

10 Commandments of Estate Behavior

October 23, 2013 | Julie Hall

With great reverence for God’s 10 commandments, here are the basic rules which should be followed in any and every estate situation. Often, we aren’t thinking clearly in the middle of the estate settlement and distribution process.

While there are no laws that pertain to human behavior when handling an estate and the distribution of property, these commandments should be “etched in stone” to remind us how we should behave.

Thou shalt not worship material possessions. They can be a monkey on your back and, ultimately, you can’t take them with you.
Greed and the love of possessions can be false idols which can, and often do, ruin families.
Don’t forget to take Sabbath for yourself. We all need time and space to breathe and reflect.
Honor your loved one that just passed away. Take actions that would respect them and make them proud.
Thou shalt not kill thy family relationships by destroying your chance to find peaceful resolutions. Mend your fences.
Do not cheat anyone, including yourself, in the estate distribution process.
Thou shalt not steal anything, even if you think no one is watching. Someone is always watching.
Thou shalt not throw thy sibling(s) under the bus. What goes around often comes around.
Thou shalt not covet anything a sibling gets. It’s not worth it; let it go.
Stay true to who you are and walk as straight a path as possible. Not only is immediate family watching, but your children and grandchildren as well. Set an excellent example.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Don’t Let Parents Leave Without This!

September 27, 2013 | Julie Hall

It always puts a smile on my face when people email me to let me know they enjoy my writings. Sometimes I get great advice too. I heard from Mary, a lovely lady who works as a nurse in an Alzheimer’s Assisted Living facility. She enjoyed my book of checklists, “How to Clean Out Your Parents’ Estate in 30 Days or Less,” and thought of a few more things to add to the book.

How to Clean Out Your Parent’s Estate

She lived through this process with middle-aged children and elderly parents, and she knows what may be needed. Here are her recommendations:

A copy of a marriage certificate is necessary for most insurance policies.
Be sure you have on hand a birth certificate. If you don’t have it, order a couple of original copies from the state where they were born.
Documents for a cemetery plot or Neptune Society plans
Military discharge paperwork for burial in a veteran’s cemetery, or even to implement veteran’s benefits for medications or financial benefits toward long-term care. EXCELLENT POINT!
Has your loved one pre-chosen or pre-paid funeral home expenses? People die unexpectedly and often the family has no clue what was prepaid, where to bury them, or what their wishes were (cremation, laid to rest). As you may recall, both of my parents died rapidly. Thank goodness, we had all of their paperwork, including dad’s veteran papers.
Copies of will/trust and living will. Whether they do or do not want a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate), it has to be documented and you will need copies if you are suddenly faced with making life or death decisions. Dying without a will or in debt is not a good idea.
Medication disposal: Please dispose of medications in a lidded glass jar with coffee grounds or cat litter, and soap and water. Dissolve medication in that jar and then throw away. You can also contact your local pharmacy for their drug “take-back” program. Mary reminds me that many meds, like chemo drugs, can be especially toxic.

Thank you for these words of wisdom!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Guilt – The Gift That Keeps on Giving

September 18, 2013 | Julie Hall

Each day, I work closely with heirs attempting to deal with what their parents have left behind. Some parents leave more than others, and some downsize long before their time comes. Some are so attached to their possessions, they leave it all for their children to contend with. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear they use their possessions as an anchor to this world, not fully understanding that when you are called to enter the heavenly gates, you can’t take a thing with you. You leave this earth much as you entered it, and we didn’t bring one material possession when we arrived.

On a daily basis, I hear middle-aged children tell me their mother “would kill them” if they sold or gave her possessions away, or that mom “always told me how valuable it was and to never sell it,” or that “I had to pass this down to the kids or she’d roll in her grave.” They openly share with me that mother always stressed the importance of these things and they now feel badly, wanting to sell them.

Friends, this is what I call strategically applied guilt and I am offering you some helpful advice here with the hopes that you will read it, re-read it, and pass it along to those who need to read it!

Every “thing” has a season. That season of cherishing that item was during your mom’s lifetime, not necessarily yours. Free yourself and make peace with this.
You may need permission to let it go. Here it is: It’s OK to let go and let someone else derive pleasure from it. There’s no sense in the item collecting dust, being stacked in your attic, or wrapped up in old newspaper in a box where it has remained since 1977. Let it go!
No, the kids and grandkids really don’t want it, most of the time. Even if you have an idea in your head that they will want it in the future, most of the time they don’t. Ask them what they would like to keep now. If it’s not on their list, don’t force them to take it. All you are doing is “passing the buck” to the younger generation that has no tolerance for “stuff.” They prefer cash.
Why would you clutter up your house with someone else’s stuff? It’s not fair to you, your spouse, your children. Make a pact with yourself that you will sort through it in a timely manner … not years, but weeks. Hire an appraiser to uncover what has value so you can make sound decisions. Get the kids on board and set dates for them to come get what they want. If it is unclaimed, give it to a charity of choice; let it go to someone who will appreciate it. It really is simple — you just have to make up your mind to do it, and forgive yourself for anything you think you are doing incorrectly. Always look forward.
I’m sure they don’t care about their material possessions in heaven. Agree?
Relieve yourself and your children of guilt. Here’s how …

My mom gave me a great gift before she died (her death was not expected). She took me to the guest room closet which had several packing boxes stacked. She told me those boxes were filled with family photos. “When I die, Julie, just throw them away because they are photos of people I don’t even know; I will not give you the guilt my mother put on me.”

When mom died unexpectedly and I was in her home cleaning it out, I walked up to that closet and replayed that scene in my mind. I actually laughed out loud when I reached for the boxes, telling my brother what mom had told me. Even though we went through the boxes, she was right and I had no trouble letting go. I was incredibly grateful my mother gave me that “gift” and relieved me of that burden. That’s love!

It’s OK to feel a pang of uncertainty. It’s not OK to drag this stuff with you through life, allowing it to drag you down with it. It’s not right to place it all on your children. Learn from this painful experience.

Show Me the Money

September 10, 2013 | Julie Hall

Yesterday I went to a local, but well-known, antique show held once a month. I was there at 9:00 am to get in the door early enough to try and seek out treasures, but the strange thing was that no one was waiting in line. At first, I thought maybe I had the date wrong. I could not figure out why the attendance was so low.

Granted, it was still early, and as the day went on, more people came but I didn’t see anyone buying much.

I was lucky enough to find a motivated, successful dealer. I use the word “successful” because he gets it … you must negotiate to sell items, unless you have very rare pieces that will command top dollar. That is much harder to find than people realize. I must have spent a couple of hours with this one dealer who let me “pick” through his tubs of scrap silver, jewelry, etc., and he gave me very fair prices, so I will be a repeat customer.

Picture this: Dealers who have been there year after year with the same items, refusing to come down in price, even though the heyday for these items has come and gone. The heyday may come back again one day, but not anytime soon. Sadly, these dealers are so set in their ways; they will probably perish before they come down in price. They have the mentality that they must double or triple (or more) their money and they won’t settle for anything less. They are the dealers sitting in their booths, reading a book or newspaper, and not engaging in any human contact. I almost took a photo of one dealer fast asleep!

When these dealers pass away, their kids will sell these items by sending them to an auction or through a liquidator. They are holding out for a certain amount or perceived value that will not come to fruition. Can you imagine traveling, packing, and unpacking these items for years and not selling all that much? To each his own, but that seems like a waste of time to me. I would be more motivated to move product.

Compare these dealers to the first dealer who cut me great deals and was willing to negotiate … Who do you think will find favor with more buyers? Who will get more business because they negotiate, and are pleasant and easy to work with?

Still, there are other dealers that are catching on and placing signs on their tables: “$1.00 Table,” “$5.00 Table,” “Nothing over $30.00 but ask for best price” tables, I even saw “FREE STUFF” boxes and they were still full! These dealers are beginning to see the light. It’s as if I wanted to jump on top of the table to shout, “ATTENTION EVERYONE! We are battling weary economic times! Come on now … this stuff is not going to bring in what it did in 2005!”

If you want buyers to show you the money, you have to meet them halfway. It has, without question, become a buyers market. For those with extra cash to spend, you can rack up some great deals, even investment quality pieces.

ESTATE LADY TIP: Silver and gold are beginning to inch up again. Buy what you can afford now. It could go up rapidly depending on current global situations.

David Vs. Goliath

August 29, 2013 | Julie Hall

Images of the nasty, colossal giant filled our heads when we first heard the story of David and Goliath as children. For purposes of today’s blog, let’s look to this story as the little guys vs. the big guys (small business owners vs. large corporations).

Recently, I attended numerous small business events and a few weekend festivals. I was surrounded by hundreds of vendors, each trying to sell something: widgets, kitchen ware, handmade jewelry, insurance, small appliances, books — you name it! While I participated in what appeared to be a vibrant display of colors on a beautiful day, what I noticed most of all popped my balloon and sent my spirits southbound.

While everyone was caught up in the festivities, I saw something no one else seemed to notice; no one was buying much of anything. There were free give-aways and samples, but very few people were doling out the cash for any product. The thought occurred to me that all these vendors shelled out cash to rent space, with the high hopes of selling their products or services. When one looked at the people in the booths, you could see the weariness on their faces, as they worried that their business might not make it.

I took notice of the small jewelers who were silversmiths, etc. Their work was lovely but high-priced. I am the first to acknowledge and praise the labor of love that goes into a work of art, but people these days are buying precious metals at spot price, not four or ten times spot price. I realize they are buying art and not weight, but in my circles, I see it sell by weight. So how on earth is the little guy supposed to make ends meet?

This is a common theme among small business owners, especially in the last few years. There are numerous causes for concern: the economy, demand of what’s hot and what’s not, capital needs to run the business, taxes, etc. My business adviser said the two main reasons businesses fails is:

People run out of money, and
People lose their follow-through and tenacity.

While these may be accurate, we are living in strange times. Many people are anxious about money and worried that they won’t have enough or already don’t have enough.

It seems lately that the little guy is getting beat to a pulp. They are losing their benefits, having to let go of employees because they can no longer afford them, etc. I think the government often hurts the little guy instead of helping them. Such a shame!

Many of the greatest corporations came from modest roots. Look at Facebook, Microsoft, and others. These guys started out in one room with very little money, but armed with fantastic ideas that changed our daily lives. Can we all be Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg? No. We’re not meant to be. We’re meant to illuminate our corner of the world with our thoughts and ideas every day and do the best that we can.

I can’t pretend to know all the issues out there that affect small business owners, but I know this much — If little David can slay a giant with one strategically placed stone, we just need to have a little faith and practice more strategic thinking. Then, we too can be successful.

Thou Shalt Not Steal

August 15, 2013 | Julie Hall

Life sure is getting harder … and weirder. Call me a twentieth century throw-back, but people and times seem to be changing fast and I don’t think it’s my imagination. Just yesterday, my husband and I were out taking a drive in the gorgeous Blue Ridge mountains enjoying the magnificent views. We had no clue where we were, other than a curvy country road. The adventure is half the fun! Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a huge yard sale and shouted to my husband to “Stop! Yard Sale!” Since being married to me, he has thrown his car into reverse more than he ever used to.

Who would have thought that all the way out there with no street signs, but plenty of goats and chickens, you would find an awesome sale with great finds and reasonable prices? My family knows when I am “shopping sales” it’s best to leave me alone because it takes great concentration to select and negotiate the great buys. I piled up a few items, greeted and exchanged conversation with the sellers, and enjoyed their company. One seller there told me she had real jewelry – if I was interested – because I looked like the honest type. Lucky to be born with a kind face, I politely accepted her invitation to see the real stuff and she hauled me up to her front porch where it was all tangled and piled in her shoe boxes. Some of the pieces were very nice.

She was only 40 but she looked much older, and I knew she had a story to tell – and tell, she did. Once the wife of a wealthy man, he was always unavailable to her, busy making his money. Her job seemed to be going out and buying jewelry. But he was also abusive to her. She escaped with her young son and her jewelry, and that was it. Now she was living in a tiny home in the middle of nowhere, where no one knew her. Her young son was by her side, as I expect he’ll be most of his life, taking care of mom. She told me she didn’t want to sell her jewelry, but that she had to. Her prices weren’t cheap, but the pieces were quality and I did purchase a handful from her. She was so appreciative.

During the sale, an older woman was wandering around the front yard. She was very sweet, like your grandma, saw the jewelry and asked to see it. When the younger woman who had been helping me turned her back, the older woman took a handful of the good gold and silver jewelry and stuffed it in her pockets and in her blouse. Someone yelled out, “Hey lady, you can’t steal that stuff. That belongs to Karen and you haven’t paid for it!” It was quite a tense moment. No one really knew what to do because no one expected a sweet older woman to steal!

Don’t get me wrong. Since the dawn of man, people have been stealing … from merchants, family, neighbors, even out of necessity. I can’t sit here and tell you I am the world’s most religious person, but I can tell you I am a person with strong moral convictions. The problem is that most people seem to have lost their own moral compass. I wonder where it all went in such a short time. I am a child of the 60’s and now it seems like that was eons ago.

I also wonder when it was that I turned into my parents. I am officially an old fogey … but at least I’m a moral one.

Ms. Faye

August 7, 2013 | Julie Hall

As with most of my clients, I have a tendency to get attached. At 94, she carried herself in a very youthful manner and looked more like a 60-year-old with manicured nails, perfectly applied makeup and gorgeous white hair that was set every few days.

She and I had grown close while working together on her downsizing move to a retirement/continuing care community. Ms. Faye turned out to be one of my biggest supporters, always making an appearance at one of my local speeches and having photos taken with me for her memory book. She had outlived everyone, including a beloved husband that she often reminisced about, but she was determined to enjoy life solo.

Uncharacteristic for a woman of her era, she made the decision to sell her estate jewelry and travel extensively, because in her words, “When you’re gone, you’re gone.”

Unusual as she was bustling with energy and always had a smile on her face, I asked her one day over lunch what her secret was. She paused for a moment to reflect and suddenly a wide smile, that matched her glowing complexion, emerged on her face. “It’s really very simple. Always look up and never look down. And always choose close friends that are younger than you because they will keep you young in spirit — the older ones die and leave you.”

There it was in a nutshell — life according to Ms. Faye. She said it with gusto through her red Estee Lauder lips. It’s difficult to forget someone like Ms. Faye. Her words were so simple but powerful, and were her secret to longevity.

Not long after our lunch together, Ms. Faye died quietly and unexpectedly during the night. While she is no longer here, I still smile every time I think about her. I think of this older woman who had lived through and seen so much, and I remember her words, “Always look up and never look down.”

I think it is important to spread stories as upbeat as this, especially when the news all around us seems all doom and gloom. Some would think it is sad that she died, but she left this earth doing what she wanted, whenever she wanted, and how she wanted it. In my eyes, not a bad passing at all. Thanks for the smiles and new mantra, Ms. Faye.

Rest in heavenly peace.