The Lump

July 2, 2014 | Julie Hall

If my mother were still living, she would be aghast that I have not personally reached out to you — my friends, colleagues, and blog followers. You may know of me or know me personally, have read my writings or just started following me. But I want to make the time to say “THANK YOU” for allowing me to share pieces of my life, and for your willingness to listen and reply. It is my desire to inspire others, and in doing so, help myself to grow into the finest human I am capable of being.

Last week was a rough week. My daughter got her first job, which is wonderful news in this economy, my husband’s company is downsizing and sending jobs overseas (he’s still ok, thankfully), and me, well, I found a lump.

To some of you, that may seem incredibly personal, but sitting here in my early 50s, I really have nothing to hide and everything to share, especially if it can help others. The week was filled with “what ifs” and dread. I let my imagination run wild, and I have one incredible imagination, if I do say so myself. Then I got scared. I mean really scared, and not much spooks The Estate Lady®. I called the doctor immediately. Truth of it is, I should have taken better care of myself a long time ago.

I found myself crying in the shower, and the best I can figure, it came from guilt. Guilt because I have not taken good care of myself in years. I have not eaten well, not exercised diligently. I put on weight and am stressed out just like everyone else, still grieving the loss of my parents, etc. My imagination suddenly threw me years into the future, where I so desperately want to be a part of my daughter’s life and see grandbabies grow.

Then I prayed. I asked friends to pray for me. It brought a calm over me when I needed it most. There’s nothing easy about dealing with things that go wrong with our bodies, and medical stuff is scary. I sat and waited my turn for the mammogram and other tests with other women in a small room, and I realized that not everyone in that room would get good news. I prayed for them too.

Long story short, the news was good! It was just a lump that will stay with me the remainder of my life … a calcified thing. I got the wonderful news and my legs made it as far as my car in the parking lot when I broke into tears of great joy and heartfelt gratitude. It seemed only right to give thanks for this blessing, and to pray for those who are also living in fear or receiving less than good news.

If you know someone who is in the midst of this kind of scary experience, just be there for them and offer support. Everyone needs good friends to walk them through and keep the “what ifs” at bay.

“Taking our lumps,” unfortunately, is a part of life, but it sure is frightening on the literal side of things. On the figurative side, we carry them from injuries, past experiences, and lessons learned; we live with them emotionally, mentally, and physically. They are a part of how we become “us.”

I came home that day, and in a very uncharacteristic manner, took a selfie. I have much to smile about and I am wishing you the same!

Julie Hall, The Estate Lady®, is the foremost national expert on personal property in estates, including liquidating, advising, and appraising. http://www.TheEstateLady.com She is also the Director of American Society of Estate Liquidators®, the national educational and resource organization for estate liquidation. http://www.aselonline.com.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Close Encounters of the Creepy Kind

June 25, 2014 | Julie Hall

From ancient times to the present, snakes have been looked at with disgust, as a harbinger of bad luck. Indiana Jones certainly showed his repulsion for snakes from the very beginning. We all know the trouble the serpent caused Adam and Eve.

Everyone always wants to kill snakes, when in reality, they just want to be left alone and can be very helpful to the environment. The snake is really quite incredible, though I must admit I have no love lost for them, as undoubtedly my neighbors testify to my shrieks from several streets away when they slither across my path.

Did you know scientific studies have been conducted to demonstrate that a part of our brain and consciousness senses a snake before we visually see it? Thank God for that!

I’m researching snakes because in the last two days, two large black snakes have crossed my path. Both were large. One was a black Carolina racer (the constrictor kind) and the other a harmless black snake who glided past my garden door and into the woods with gentle, nudging spray from my garden hose (after the neighbors heard the shriek, of course).

A long time ago, I shared a story about a client of mine who lived symbiotically with a 7 ft. black snake named “Frank.” She loved Frank and let him go anywhere he wanted in her house, because he took care of the rodents and other undesirables. Then she added that Frank was far less trouble than her ex-husband and far more pleasant!

Here are some interesting facts about snakes I didn’t know:

Only about 20% are poisonous. (That’s a good thing, right?)
Snakes do not live in Antarctica, Iceland, or New Zealand. (I start looking for real estate there shortly.)
Snakes have no ears but feel vibrations. (I wonder if the vibrations from my spontaneous operatic high “C” had any effect on it?)
Snakes are very helpful. The small ones often eat harmful bugs and insects. The big ones eat rats, mice, gophers, and animals that destroy crops. Good farmers and gardeners know how helpful most snakes are, and are happy to have them around. All snakes, except those that threaten people, should be kept safe from harm. They are part of the chain of living things, as we are! (Thanks to TeacherVision.com for this information.)
In certain parts of the world, they can be as tiny as a toothpick or as long as 33 feet, and weigh 320 pounds. (Eee-gads)
Some snakes can live up to 30 years.
The ancient Greeks and Romans believed snakes to be healers. To this day, two entwined snakes are on the medical Caduceus.
Native Americans and other cultures believe snakes can bring transformation and healing. They also believe they are protectors.

After seeing this, I managed to put my shovel down and watch in wonder as this large snake balanced on its tail. If he was trying to get my attention, he succeeded. Instead of killing him, which I really didn’t want to do, I gently used my 6 ft. long tomato pole to gently guide him away from my back door! He left in no great hurry, as if to say, “OK crazy pole lady, just let me explore and snooze in the sun for a while, eh? I won’t bother you if you won’t bother me.”

And what thanks did I get? I found another snake today, who also slithered right beside me and left me completely alone. I offered him the very same courtesy, after jumping several feet in the air.

Snakes are everywhere this time of year. Think twice before killing them because many species are beneficial!

TIP FOR THE DAY: Be careful if cleaning out an estate, attics, garages, outdoor barns and sheds, etc. Be especially careful if reaching under piles of stuff in these environments. Always wear blue jeans, boots, and heavy gloves!

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Failure is Just “Redirection”

March 25, 2014 | Julie Hall

Working as a mentor for many in the estate industry, I am often confronted by questions that are not always easy to answer. Just this week, a newcomer to the industry commented that she forgot an appointment and lost the job to a competitor, feeling she had failed at the task at hand. Another called to tell me he is failing miserably at his current occupation and has no passion for it any longer. Even my teenage daughter has struggled with English at school; anything having to do with words and putting them together makes her feel she has failed.

Failure is a terrible word. It can crush the spirit and make us feel small. It permanently mars our confidence level and will have great impact on how we view ourselves now and in the future. I always go back to my theory on planting trees, and the same goes for raising children. If you are going to plant a tree, plant it straight. If you plant it crooked, so the tree grows. I think we are not so very different from trees.

There is not one among us reading this now who has not felt the sting of failure or the tears that accompany that sting. But here’s the thing we need to remember.

Failure is not a bad thing. A “failed” relationship is a sign you need to go in a different direction. “Failing” to get a job, because you accidentally forgot your appointment, may have been a blessing in disguise. Failing at your current job just means you need to find something to do that you love and you will succeed at it.

Failure is a great teacher. It teaches us what we do not want, and this is vital for personal growth. I remember many years ago, I dated a man who was absolutely the wrong kind of guy for me. It ended miserably. He commented later on, when I ran into him, that I must be very disappointed or angry. I simply replied, “Actually, I thank you. You were a wonderful teacher. You taught me what I didn’t want.” He probably thought I was crazy, but I meant it. Because he taught me such a valuable lesson, I knew from that moment what I did want, and I went and found it.

If you feel you are failing at something, you need to take some time to reflect, redirect, and move forward. We need to go inside with our dark thoughts, face them head on, and turn them around to our benefit. If you keep doing the same thing over and over again, and remaining miserable, isn’t THAT the crazy part? I think it is normal to be fearful of change, but if you don’t do it – if you don’t take that risk – you’ll never know what you could have been.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Shake Off the “Woogies”

December 10, 2013 | Julie Hall

Lately I’ve been noticing more and more people with lower spirits than normal and what seems like ever-growing obstacles in their lives. In my industry, I have colleagues in a wide variety of occupations and I will ask them how the economy is affecting them or their business. Across the board, most everyone is not necessarily complaining, but weary and concerned. Rightfully so.

I am no different, as things have an effect on me too. That’s usually about the time I go to my garden to renew my spirit, give thanks for everything I have, talk to the veggies and to my late parents. It usually makes me feel better. No one really knows this, but sometimes I go to my garden just to let out a few tears and decompress. It is a normal and healthy release for all the unknowns we are living through. We need to place the emphasis on “living through,” meaning, this will pass and we will do our best to find ways to deal with it all.

When my daughter was a toddler, she often fell because she ran everywhere like the road runner. There was no typical walking, just running. She would start to whimper, which quickly escalated to a full-blown cry, from skinned knees or hands, or the jolt of suddenly becoming horizontal. Wanting to raise an independent daughter, I would go to her side, comfort her with my words and a motherly hug or pat, then encourage her to get right back up and “shake off the woogies.”

I remember the phrase exactly; “you’re okay … look … you’re fine, just a little scratch, no problem. You just have to get up and shake off the woogies. Let’s get up and shake them off so they’ll go away.” It worked like a charm. She stood upright, shook her little body, and went on with life.

Don’t ask me where my brain picked up that silly phrase, but it made sense then and it makes sense now, to learn to shake off the woogies in our own lives. The “woogies” mean different things to different people, but the one thing we need to remember is to always get up and do what we can to shake them off. It’s not as simple as cleaning a toddler’s skinned knee anymore, as our maturity has brought far greater challenges, but if you are creative, you can find a way to shake them off.

I highly recommend growing a garden.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Simple Yard Sale Becomes Eye-Opener

October 15, 2013 | Julie Hall

All of us can relate to the ever-growing piles of stuff in our homes and I am no exception. One day, you’re forced to do a double-take as you scan a room and realize, “Oh my, when did this happen?” It hit me a couple of months ago and I decided to gather it all up – all the stuff I’m not using or haven’t used in the last couple of years – and have a yard sale with a good friend of mine. Why not sell it at very reasonable prices to those who want it or need it, and make a little extra money while thinning out my home? It sounded like a win-win to me.

Most of you know I got my start as an estate liquidator and have been in this business well over 20 years, so this would be a slam dunk for a pro, right? My friend and I got together all kinds of goodies ranging from antiques and collectibles, to vintage items and some nice household items too. None of it was junk. Since both of us wanted to sell these items, we made sure these items were priced very reasonably. So reasonably, in fact, that you couldn’t even buy them new at Wal-Mart for the prices we set on clothes with tags still on them, kitchen ware, etc.

Since both of us know the industry well, we put on a great spread. The tables were perfectly lined up and the items were displayed nicely. So many unusual items that dealers would have loved to buy and resell on Ebay. The advertising went out flawlessly to 1,500 of my personal client emails, as well as the local newspaper and Craig’s List. Everything was set to go, or so we thought ….

Much to my surprise and chagrin, when we opened at exactly 7 am, only 9 people were in line. Only 9! I remember thinking how weird that was, justifying in my mind that attendees must be at other nearby sites and would come in flocks later on. As is the personality of a sale, people first come in droves, then a quiet and steady flow, then a little slower, then another wave. I could predict by looking at my watch when each phase would occur, just by observing the flow of people. It’s been this way my entire career … until today.

A few here, a few there. No major groupings of buyers. People trickled in all morning, but very few bought much; certainly not the frenzied energy of sales in the past. Something was very wrong and I tried to figure it out while sitting next to my friend. It was a drawn out, painful process, since we knew we had great items at great prices, did our due diligence with advertising, the location was desirable in my city. From running down the mental check list, everything was done correctly.

Suddenly my friend turned to me and said, “What’s going on, Julie? Something doesn’t feel right. Where is everyone? Why are they struggling to part with a dollar?” (A woman just bought a new shirt with the original price tag of $39.99; we sold it for $4 but she wouldn’t pay more than a dollar.) My friend and I just sat there, scratching our heads. It wasn’t our sale or the things we had. We did everything right, but what wasn’t right was the energy people brought into the sale. It was sad and low, and not the usual jovial energy these treasure hunters normally exuded.

You could tell the dealers were not there in large groups as usual, and the dealers who did come did not buy much because “we aren’t selling much.” I had seen it with my own eyes. After all these years, the economy, while appearing to hold on, was in deeper trouble than most realized.

You could see the worry and anxiety on everyone’s face and the struggle to part with just a little bit of money, even though they were getting great deals. There were a handful of buyers that were serious and clearly had the money to buy large quantities of items, but most could not.

People will always buy, and things will always sell, but just not for the prices they used to … at least not at the moment. As an intuitive individual, I am sensitive to others’ energy and I know that what I felt and experienced from them was real.

People are in real trouble out there.

Life always amazes me. You can go into something with a certain mindset, like having a simple yard sale for things you no longer need. You come out of it a kinder, more understanding person, because you had firsthand exposure to those less fortunate than yourself. I don’t know what will happen, but my prayer is for everyone, and for things to improve rapidly.

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

“Dear Dad”

October 1, 2013 | Julie Hall

Part 1

There comes a time in everyone’s lives where you either face the demon or you don’t. Not one to shy away from much, including a nasty demon who was helping himself to my father, something simply had to be done.

I knew long before anyone else in the family that dad was exhibiting signs of dementia. When I brought it up to my mom and sibling back in 2006, they thought I was nuts … only, I wasn’t. It was the one time I wished I was wrong. It wasn’t long before dad knew something was wrong too. One day he confided in me that he was worried because his once sharp memory was “fading fast and he couldn’t remember things anymore.”

I encouraged dad to see his family doctor for testing, but he never did or he cancelled appointments. Mom didn’t push the issue, despite my sweet badgering, because as I was to learn later on, she was afraid. So afraid to uncover the truth that it seemed to paralyze her, and she was a strong woman.

The letter I will share with you is a very personal demonstration of love between my father and myself, and how I saw things as they were rudely unfolding and trying to blacken our world. Not knowing what to do, or even how to begin doing it, I looked deep inside to find the right kind of solution because I felt damn helpless. All my life I could solve any problem, help anyone, come up with solutions. But I couldn’t beat this … not with all the tenacity in the world!

Of everything that I had heard about dementia, how could anything ever be right again? It was that quiet inner voice that won my attention and I tried to reach my father through the love I had for him. “Love conquers all,” they say, and if that is true, my words would touch my father’s soul. That is exactly what I intended. If I couldn’t help him fight and win, the least I could do was offer love and hold him up.

I just found this special letter in a box among my mother’s “keepsakes” from her estate; she kept it for a reason. If you know anyone who can benefit from it, please pass it along, because it worked. It reached both mom and dad and we all faced this demon together. Being the front guy facing this enemy is the single, most frightening experience of my life. There was no sword big enough, nor shield large enough to protect from its talons. But there is always love …

Part 2 … coming next week

No part of The Estate Lady® blogs, whole or partial, may be used without Julie Hall’s written consent. Email her at Julie@TheEstateLady.com

Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave

August 21, 2013 | Julie Hall

I hate spiders. Being a lover of nature, I shouldn’t say that but it’s true. Maybe if they weren’t so spooky looking with all those hairy legs. It doesn’t matter what the spider looks like to me; if it’s in the house, it is usually caught by my husband in a container and escorted out … immediately. The movie, “Arachnophobia” had me curled up in a ball, knees in chest, and freaking out if something touched me (like my cat). Even writing this, I have a case of the itchies! Sometimes I think that squishing them would be easier, but I believe in karma.

Recently however, I have changed my way of looking at these formidable creatures. Creepy? Sure, but incredibly smart and beneficial. They are great gardeners since they eat bad insects, and pretty much eat anything they can. (I can relate.) Spider silk is among the strongest material on earth and that’s pretty amazing! People are actually studying their silk to see if it can be replicated. Pound for pound, it’s stronger than steel.

Spiders generally don’t bother people unless provoked, but I would hate to do that by accident. In many cultures, like some Native Americans, the spider is highly revered and considered a goddess. In other cultures, it’s eaten as a meal. Yikes, I don’t want to know how big they are! Some have even made nursery rhymes about spiders. Remember LIttle Miss Muffet who sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey?

I got to thinking about spider webs, because webs are a work of art. Being an appraiser and lover of all kinds of art, I have an appreciation for how long and dutiful this little creature works to create his web art. I certainly would not have the patience or perseverance to create one. It is a lesson in volatility, watching it be destroyed by the pass of a lawn mower, someone’s leg, or a rain storm. But the spider doesn’t give up. It just rebuilds without complaining. Webs are particularly beautiful when the sun catches them just right and you see every line.

See the photo I took in my backyard.

We should take a lesson from the spider. All of life seems to be a web. It goes in so many directions with a crossroad at each intersection. You make a little progress, then you get stuck. Did you know that the vertical spokes of a spider’s web are dry and the horizontal lines are sticky to catch prey? The spider will only walk on the vertical spokes, but of course, their prey doesn’t know that.

I think the goal is to avoid the sticky parts of our own webs, lest we be pulled into a web where we have trouble getting out. Mom always said to walk a straight like in life. I think I’ll stay with the vertical line!

The Estate Medium

June 5, 2013 | Julie Hall

Give me a little while in an estate – any estate – and I will tell you more about that loved one’s life than most people who knew them. Walking into an estate, sight unseen for the first time, can be compared to an artist starting on a new canvas. We wipe the mental slate clean from the last estate and clear ourselves before going in to “receive” thoughts, feelings, and even a certain energy about the home and the people who lived there. One can sense many things immediately, if they are open to it.

In my career, I have handled the estates of young and old alike: the mentally ill, the lost souls, those who end their own lives, the hoarders, the estranged, those with dementia, eating disorders, chronic disease, those who died rich, and those who died poor. While these are all very different, I have come to the conclusion that in the end, we are all pretty much the same regardless of the situation that led to the eventual demise.

I went into an estate last week where someone ended their life. This is not common, but I see it a few times each year. The feeling is always the same once I have entered the home. I walk in and instantly feel a wall of despair. It is a profound sense of sadness. As I walk through the home, I will see other signs that something wasn’t quite right; either the home is too clean (as in OCD clean) or I see hoarding tendencies. Often scattered around in the strangest places, I will see liquor bottles coupled with a multitude of prescription bottles; you know what a dangerous combination this is. I look at what their hobbies and interests were, which will reveal much about them. And sometimes I can see conflict in their lives just by observing what was in their home. Was it mental illness, untreated depression, drugs, etc? We’ll never know. It is not unusual to sense that at one time, they were a very bright light.

If we are in the home for any length of time, would you believe me if I told you that my staff and I begin to cry, or that we are filled with sorrow we don’t understand? It’s as if we can feel what they felt. We can feel that they were “stuck” in a dark place even though they had much to offer. A very sad situation indeed. We always end up praying for that person (for everyone, really), lifting lovely thoughts and words hoping that they have found peace at last, and that we are there to help the family begin to heal by handling the estate for them.

On the flip side, we can also sense lives and homes that are buoyant, colorful, joyful, and productive. These homes are filled with light, usually lovers of animals and nature, and hobbies such as volunteering, bird watching, and gardening. In these homes, we usually just feel a stillness that has no heaviness to it. And in some cases, we start singing and are lighthearted while working in the estate. We don’t always understand why the environment affects us and our feelings.

Two completely different experiences, and everything you can imagine in between.

I believe there’s a way we can incorporate a conscious change into our lives and homes, so we can positively shift the energy we carry with us, for it remains long after we are gone, and deeply affects our loved ones left behind.

Sharper Than a Serpent’s Tooth is a Thankless Child

April 26, 2013 | Julie Hall

(Literal meaning: It is especially painful to raise an ungrateful child.)

Shakespeare really understood human nature, tragic as it can be sometimes. From his King Lear in 1605, he writes about the pain of a thankless child.

Here’s my hair-raising story:

In an estate I was handling, I was privy to a situation that made my stomach turn. It still blows my mind! After all these years, certain situations still get to me … because I care.

Before an elderly parent died, knowing what her children were like, she assigned a trusted friend to be the executor. The children were estranged, yet greedy. I cannot comprehend how a child can be estranged, yet still feel they are entitled to an inheritance. As I have often written in my books, we are entitled to nothing unless it is given to us. But that’s just my opinion. It seemed this parent left nothing to the children, save the personal property. And the hunger games began … literally.

Among the siblings, it became an epic battle of name calling, expert manipulation, grabbing possessions just to spite the other, take as much as they could to sell for cash, and even physical assault. Besides shaking my head in disbelief, a pitiful thought enters my mind: These behaviors in no way honored the decedent. Self-centered, disrespectful, discourteous, greedy, bratty …

I wouldn’t want to be around when the karma train pays them a visit.

This parent exited life knowing her children were like that. Even in death, they pathetically displayed every behavior that shouldn’t be allowed. This parent lived and died with disappointment and sadness, knowing the kids were like this. She did what she could from a planning perspective and put someone else in charge of the estate; this was a smart move. Was this a good parent? Who knows? There are two sides to every story, but the kids should at least be respectful in death.

All of these children are middle age which means they are old enough to know better. They were angry that the parent had the last laugh, so to speak, and hit her in the wallet where it hurt. This was not a case of loving and missing a parent so much that they wanted select items for sentimental reasons.

I watched as they stripped this once beautiful home like a school of piranhas would strip a cow bone. The only emotion was anger.

Lessons I’ve learned from my work:

Do your best to always be genuine, kind, respectful, and loving.
Turn your cheek and bite your tongue often.
Bad behavior can invade your soul, so don’t allow it.
Bad behavior is contagious, so don’t allow it.
Honor those who go before you, and then one day, you’ll be honored too.
Bring as much “light” as you can to the situation. People can get lost in the dark during estate settlement situations.

The Reflection

April 17, 2013 | Julie Hall

Everyone needs to renew and restore their spirit every now and again, especially in such a hurried society. Some people go away to the country or the beach where they find solitude and solace as a remedy for feeling overwhelmed and worn out. It is a good thing to do so. But do we really journey inside ourselves and heal what’s in there? I’m willing to stick my neck out and say I don’t necessarily think so.

Today I exited my home and approached my car in the driveway. On top of the driver’s side mirror was a kooky little bird behaving in the strangest manner. It was completely enamored with its reflection in the mirror. Its little feet danced and it bobbed its head like crazy, joyous that it found an amiable friend … one that looks just like it! It was so preoccupied with its reflection that it was not deterred by my presence only 3 feet away. The next thing you know, the little bird side-stepped along the rim of the driver’s side mirror until he was completely upside down, flapping its wings and having a wonderful time looking at its new friend.

Don’t you wish we could greet ourselves each day in the mirror just like this?

Everything is relative. The little bird does not have the advanced intellect to realize it was him in the reflection, yet he was a free spirit having the time of its life. When we, the highest created intellect on earth, look in the mirror, we don’t see who we really are or even like the reflection we see. We are too self-critical. So many of us really don’t want to go there, but we need to, in order to restore ourselves and make peace with the person inside.

I’ve been pretty hard on myself lately. The fat fairy keeps visiting me (the wench!), and middle age has settled in, not to mention all that comes with that fact. When I saw that little bird who was so happy to see itself, I thought, “Why can’t we all be more like that?”

Nature has always been amazing to observe. It teaches us lessons if we pay attention. Because of that looney little bird, I will look at myself with more enthusiasm from now on. How could you not smile when you witness something like that … a tiny creature with a Herculean spirit. An important lesson for us all.