“Truck Carrying Heirlooms Stolen”

April 10, 2013 | Julie Hall

Can you imagine dealing with a loved one’s passing, dividing the estate, renting a truck to bring heirlooms home, and on the way back … the truck gets stolen?

This is a true story that happened last week. Apparently, the children packed up everything they wanted to keep and headed home with a truck full, including $100,000 worth of jewelry in the cab of the truck, $7,000 worth of furniture, and $4,000 worth of power tools in the trailer of the truck. The children started in Ohio and were heading home to Florida, when they decided to stop and rest for the night at a Microtel Inn. By the time they woke and were ready to hit the road at 9:00 am, they discovered everything was gone, including the truck.

Sadly, there was no outside surveillance at this Microtel, but most economy hotels do not have outdoor surveillance. The children seemed to be befuddled that the truck was stolen because it was “parked under a light in the parking lot” and they locked the truck. Lights and locks don’t stop thieves. The thief broke in and hot-wired the truck.

Call me crazy, but it seems to me they could have been followed from where they started. Someone probably knew what they were carrying and decided to help themselves when no one was looking. Besides the obvious pain of feeling violated and cheated by some thug out there, one has to wonder what they were thinking when they left $100,000 worth of jewelry in a small suitcase inside the truck. It begs the question, “Why not take the jewelry into the hotel room with you for the night?” That’s what I would have done.

Would-have, could-have, should-have will not be of any help in this case. The damage is done! The police will most likely not find the jewelry, as it’s my guess it was flipped for quick cash or it sits in someone’s safe for a while until the coast is clear. They will find the truck, abandoned somewhere and completely gutted of its contents.

Estate Lady tips when transferring or traveling with valuables:

1. Jewelry/cash needs to be carried on your person at all times (fanny pack, backpack, pinned inside garments, shoulder bag worn across your chest, etc.) until you arrive home and get it to a safe place.

2. Furniture and other items, such as power tools, that add up in value should be moved professionally if the family can afford it. Moving companies have insurance and if it were stolen/damaged under their care, they would have at least been given some replacement money. Professional movers usually have checks and balances in place to ensure theft doesn’t happen. Make sure to use a larger, well-known, professional mover.

3. For smaller valuables such as figurines, small paintings, jewelry, etc: Whenever we move, I take on the liability myself, pack the car with them and get to my destination in one day. If I can’t do that, then they need to be professionally packed and moved, making sure you take out additional insurance and have the items appraised, just in case. Or, I will sell items that no longer mean much to me and that lightens my load.

I realize people want to do it themselves because it is more economical to do so. But as you can see, this cheaper option was overwhelmingly more costly.

I remember packing up my car from mom and dad’s estate and making the 10 hour road trip back home alone. I never left the car, except to run in to use a restroom and stretch my legs. Mom’s jewelry was on my person, hidden. So even if my car had been stolen, because it looked like something out of the Beverly Hillbillies, at least the more valuable and sentimental jewelry items were safe with me.

Such a tragic story that didn’t have to happen!

“I Never Saw it Coming!”

April 2, 2013 | Julie Hall

A client of mine knew he faced a hellacious task ahead of him — cleaning out the parental home of lifelong collectors. Some people call it collecting; others like myself call it pseudo-hoarding. After an initial consultation, and explaining the process of disassembling the estate, he was completely on-board with emptying the house. I promised I could undo 40 years of heavy “collecting” in 56 hours.

He assured me the family had already chosen the items they wanted to keep, and we even gave his sibling a few extra days to go through it. My instructions were clear; please make your selections and remove the items because once I am in the home, it would be best to remain away until our work is done. The client was very understanding of this and we scheduled the work.

On a personal level, I know it can be emotionally draining to go through this process of sorting through and selecting items from mom and dad’s home, who are now deceased. I have always believed this is part of the grieving process. But there is a fine line where it can quickly turn to hoarding, and it becomes clear a child can’t let go for numerous reasons. I have long preached that memories are not found in things, but in the precious relationships we build along the way. Sadly, most people do not get this concept.

Long story short, one sibling could not stay away from the home, and could not stop filling their vehicle each day. Things were missing that were slated for auction; so much that we had to all but cancel the auctioneer! My client was most baffled by his sibling’s actions. “I don’t understand why they are doing this! I have been very clear with them to stay away, and they assured me they didn’t want much. I don’t get it. I NEVER saw this coming! Why are they doing this?”

The explanation was simple: She could not properly digest that mom and dad were gone, and as a close second to having them there (which is no longer possible), she took their possessions. I also see many children who never made amends or rectified any pending issues prior to a parent passing away. This leaves a tremendous weight on their shoulders that they don’t know how to deal with. The problem now became that this sibling took so much, there was no room in their own home to enjoy. Don’t look now, but they just continued the pattern of being a heavy collector, I mean … hoarder.

It is easy for me to critique what I see because I am on the outside looking in. I know the sibling who took so much will be miserable with all this stuff. They won’t be able to move around their own house, which forces them to make decisions to let go of some items when they are not thinking clearly, probably causing marital strife also.

Bottom line: Just when you think you can predict a family member’s actions, you can’t! We all handle infirmity, death, and grief differently. In this case, there was one sibling who was in serious emotional turmoil and could benefit from grief counseling — and I mean that most sincerely, as it helped me greatly.

It Was As If She Never Existed

February 6, 2013 | Julie Hall

All it would have taken was some planning. Mrs. Jones was recently removed from her home due to rapidly progressing dementia. Since she had no children and her husband pre-deceased her, there was no one to care for her and her financial matters. The case was turned over to a guardian who nothing about her or her situation. I was asked to go to Mrs. Jones’ home and evaluate the possessions to see what could be sold for her continued care.

I went to the home and spent some time photographing it for the guardian so they could see the type of home and possessions that were in it. While the home was basically clean, you could see that someone afflicted with dementia was living there, as the upstairs was all askew. Food was left in the refrigerator from months before, and the drawers, cabinets, etc. had been rummaged through. My job was to report back my findings, what could be sold, and offer an estimate to clean out the house.

As it turns out, they do not know if the house is falling into foreclosure, or if it is owned outright, or if there is even any money in Mrs. Jones’ name. It would appear from a stranger looking in, that there were little-to-no facts about Mrs. Jones at all — it was as if any knowledge of her took leave when her dementia took hold.

My heart really went out to Mrs. Jones. I am no stranger to dementia and how it affects the one who has it, and also the loved ones around them. Yet, no one stepped forward to claim Mrs. Jones. No one even knew if she had any financial means. All they knew is all the utilities had been turned off because she forgot to pay the bills. One day she was there and one day she was moved. It’s as if she never existed.

If ever there was a classic example of planning ahead, it’s this one. Ask yourself, your parents, your spouse … what IF? Isn’t it better to give this life situation, and many others similar to it, some serious thought now while you can?

I am an old softy. Tough as nails when I have to be, but soft when it comes to the elderly and infirmity. Most of this scenario, if not all of it, could have been avoided with some pre-planning. It’s too late for Mrs. Jones. I don’t even want to think about where she is or the kind of care she is receiving. But it’s not too late for us and our loved ones.

Have the talk today!

Don’t Mess with My Mojo

January 24, 2013 | Julie Hall

Twinkies are soon to be a thing of the past. How could they do that to us carb-aholics who suffer from a permanent sweet tooth and require the perfect comfort food? I can hear mom say, “All good things must come to an end,” but seriously, Twinkies? There goes a special taste from my childhood, along with a few cholesterol points. Sometimes I wish everyone would leave well enough alone. It’s true that we become creatures of habit and enjoy things our way. Then one day we wake up, and someone has messed with our mojo – again.

The same is true for the different chapters in our lives. One day, if we’re lucky, we find the love of our life, then a baby or two arrive, along with mounting responsibilities. Our children grow in the blink of an eye; we start to age. Suddenly, our parents get old, sick, and pass away. So much of this we learn as we move through it. There is great joy, there is great sorrow, and there is everything in between. Just when we understand how to handle it, life throws us a new experience and it all changes again.

I think much of life is about our ability to adapt and accrue wisdom, painful as it may be.

So too, when I am handling an estate where a loved one has recently become ill or died, it is important to remember that each of us bears the scars of loneliness, frustration, pain, depression/anxiety, grief, worry, etc. This is why I go the distance to always treat my clients as if they are family, because I understand their pain. Their mojo will never be the same, and if I can shed a little bit of light and direction at that given moment and alleviate some of their heaviness, I have lived a good day.

The bottom line is I can live without the Twinkies, but I can’t live without my nearest and dearest very well. I need to get over the fact that people and circumstances will mess with my mojo, with or without my permission.

I just looked outside my window at the backyard to see the many squirrels eating the bird seed that has fallen to the ground. Out of the blue, a large bird of prey swooped low and plucked an unsuspecting squirrel who suddenly found himself air-bound. Man, did someone mess with his mojo. All things considered, I’m doing okay … comparatively speaking.

Senior Scams are in Full Swing

October 8, 2012 | Julie Hall

… And it’s going to get worse!

Boomer children, be warned. While the poor economy is definitely a huge culprit when it comes to senior scams, we also need to face the fact that many people out there are indescribably unscrupulous, earning money to hurt the ones you love. I’ve often wondered how these people sleep at night and live with themselves, but I have come to realize these scam artists don’t seem to have much of a conscience.

Since I have had several blog followers ask me to write about the scams that have robbed their loved ones in many different ways, I want to shed light on what our seniors are going through, that often as children we don’t see … or don’t want to see. The phone rings and it’s a friendly voice the elderly person is attracted to. Our elderly relative might be lonely or soft-hearted and give information they shouldn’t give to the stranger. Sadly, they are of a generation that may not fully recognize the impact of the world wide web and its power. The stroke of a finger on a keyboard could mean financial devastation to them, and their personal information is spread around the world in an instant, never to be retrieved.

The telemarketers prey on them, promising a lottery, other forms of a windfall, and free stuff. There is no “free.” It all comes at a price. We must also take into consideration that many of our relatives suffer from dementia, and the effects it has on their logic and reasoning. In some cases, they don’t know any better, or they are just sweet-natured and gullible. Some even buy things from TV home shopping channels just to have social interaction with the customer service rep on the phone and the UPS man when he drops off their purchases.

These are some of the things I see, but the National Council on Aging has this to say about senior scams:

All seniors are targeted, both low income as well as high income, because it is perceived they have plenty of money saved.
Over 90% of all reported elder abuse is committed by an older person’s own family members, most often their adult children, followed by grandchildren, nieces and nephews, and others. (Wow, this is really sad!)

Their top 10 list of senior scams:

For more details on each, go to: Top 10 Senior Scams

Health Care / Medicare / Health Insurance Fraud
Counterfeit Prescription Drugs
Funeral & Cemetery scams
Fraudulent Anti-Aging Products
Telemarketing
Internet Fraud
Investment Schemes
Homeowner / Reverse Mortgage scams
Sweepstakes and Lottery scams
The Grandparent scam

Also, consider contacting your local Better Business Bureau for senior scams in your area, and how they can be avoided. Make sure to place your elderly loved one’s phone number on the National “Do Not Call” Registry. Registry

While scammers still do call, it is done less frequently. Remind them your number is on the “Do Not Call” list.

Please do your research, and do everything in your power to protect your loved one!

An Estate is a Sitting Target

September 4, 2012 | Julie Hall

(Please send this to everyone you know is dealing with an estate.)

I just received yet another sad phone call. A client’s deceased father’s home was broken into and 90% of the estate is now gone. These thieves weren’t in any rush either. They came with a huge truck, left odds and ends in the yard, drank beer as evidenced by beer cans left around the home, and proceeded to rob this family without care, concern, conscience, or karma. Not only is she grieving, but now she has this to contend with as well. The contents of this estate were sitting, waiting for a long distance sibling to arrive in town to divide it with his sister.

The old phrase “sitting duck” applies here. It alludes to a duck floating on the water, not suspecting that it is the object of a hunter or predator. Let’s take a closer look at this situation, so we can avoid it in the future.

Since the beginning of man, there have been thieves. Through the millennia, man has stolen everything from other people held for ransom, to meat, to money, to gold, you name it. But take a good look at the state of our economy right now. Unscrupulous individuals, who feel entitled to take what others have rightfully earned and inherited, are moving in on the good side of man. They saw a house sitting, they made a plan, and they helped themselves. As times get tougher, we will see more of this.

Do you really think law enforcement is going to find these possessions? My guess is no — they are gone forever — slipping into flea markets, personal safes, sold cheap, etc. I’m not blaming the police, as they are overwhelmed with this sort of thing on a daily basis. In my opinion, it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

I’ve said it before in my writings and I’d like to offer the best advice. Don’t let the estate be a sitting duck. Deal with it in a timely manner, get professionals in there to help you, and get it done. The longer it sits, the more likely it will become a target.

With the permission of the executor (unless the executor already has done so), document and remove all the valuables from the home so they can be divided at a later date: sterling items and flatware, gold, jewelry, high-end electronics, expensive tools, etc. Keys/locks should be changed immediately upon learning of a death, because you don’t know everyone who has keys. Work through the estate and don’t delay! Don’t become one more ugly statistic, like this grieving woman who only did what she thought was right by waiting. Work closely with siblings, and find the time to meet to make decisions.

I’m Seeing a Paradigm Shift

July 9, 2012 | Julie Hall

Lately, I have had an influx of calls that are resembling a pattern. Boomer children are coming to grips with the financial hardship of long-term care for our elderly parents — and it comes at a high price. We are living longer, but not necessarily healthier.

It used to be these boomers, of which I am one of them, called me to come out and appraise a few items or advise them on the best way to dissolve their estate. Today, the phone calls have shifted to something a little more alarming. “We need you to come out and advise us what these items will bring in today’s market. Mom is in assisted living/nursing home and we have to sell everything to keep up with her care. We even have to sell the family silver and heirlooms.”

These distress calls for help are a sign of the times. It’s part poor economy, part living longer, and part not planning or saving as well as we could have or should have during our lives. But even that last statement has multiple causes … I know many people who worked hard their entire lives, or were quite affluent, only to lose it in the stock market, ending up in possible foreclosure or financial ruin.

Sometimes it’s as simple as going through all the money the parent had, and now the children are doing their best to keep the parents’ care going; that includes selling what the children thought were valuable heirlooms. Sometimes they do have value and sometimes they don’t, but the wrong time to sell is when the market is soft.

We need to learn from these hardships which are taking so much out on the children. All of them thought it wouldn’t happen to them, but it did and it can.

I see a common denominator: We are buying too much stuff we don’t need. Shopping compulsions abound for men and for women. At the end of the day, we are surrounded by piles of stuff and little money for our future.

MORAL TO THE STORY: The frugal survive and thrive. A little less HSN and QVC and a little more money saved for a rainy day. This won’t solve all our problems, but it will build our confidence that we are doing all we can for an uncertain future, especially in healthcare costs.

A Lesson in Humility

June 25, 2012 | Julie Hall

Oh, how we all wish we had more money! Most of us are watching our money more closely, using coupons, and buying at good sales. There are some who spend in a thrifty manner and some who buy at high retail. Think for a moment, how blessed we are to hat least have money to buy the things we need. For the purpose of this blog, let us forget about the things we want, and concentrate on what we need.

My daughter and I spent time this weekend in a large homeless shelter that serves breakfast to about 250 homeless men. We were the new volunteers, and initially felt a bit awkward in this new environment. I think we also arrived with a “preconceived” notion of what to expect. Visions of dirty people from the street lying around, passed out from drugs and alcohol, filled my head. I silently wondered why so many of them were there and why they couldn’t get their lives together. Still, I wanted to give back and help instill in my daughter a sense of community and an understanding that not everyone is as fortunate.

About 20 volunteers buzzed around, each having a special job “behind the counter” setting up the food, juice, cups, trays, etc. I immediately sensed a hesitation for people to cross that line and be out front where the homeless people were getting lined up for breakfast. This hesitation, whether on a conscious or subconscious level, added to my trepidation about going out there and serving coffee among them — with my very attractive daughter in a room full of homeless men. This was concerning to me, but they needed two volunteers, and since no one came forth, it seemed life was pointing the way for us to do it. So, off we went to our new adventure. My teenage daughter and I went out there and served coffee and water to these men.

I expected these men not to maintain eye contact and was forewarned of this possibility. I expected them to take the food and coffee and run. I expected them to look down on us because we were “rich” to them. I expected bad attitudes and resentment. I expected my daughter to be creeped out and never want to return.

Boy, was I wrong. I suddenly found myself choked by both my own toxic thoughts, as well as humility that smacked me in the head. I was instantly humbled by their genuine “Thank you” and “We appreciate what you do for us.” I also heard “God bless you” and “Have a nice day.” Sure, I heard a few grumbles and complaints, but such is human nature. Not only was I forced to eat a piece of humble pie at that moment, but much like the Grinch, I could feel my heart grow three times as large.

And a miracle occurred as well. My teenage daughter, who is a good girl but rather “prickly” at times, smiled from ear to ear at an older man who told her to stay sweet. She told him, “Have a nice day. Sir!” I hadn’t seen her that animated and involved in a long time. And miracle #2? She can’t wait to go back! Wonders never cease.

What I Learned From An Old Cat

June 11, 2012 | Julie Hall

It seems we are all in relentless pursuit of happiness. Maybe we have trouble finding it because we are so busy in the actual pursuit of it. If you’ve ever watched a kitten chase its tail or a hamster on a wheel, that’s pretty much how I view society in general. We are always racing to get somewhere, but if we are smart, we will learn to step off the track and breathe for a while before getting back on. We need respite and renewal first. Our old cat, Tommy, was the teacher for this one.

This past weekend, my family gathered around to watch a movie together. Halfway through the movie, I looked over at my elderly father who was fast asleep, and most surprisingly, the cat crashed next to him. Then the cat got up, stretched, and moved over to my daughter.

A true lap cat, Tommy is getting old, arthritic in his hips, getting thinner, and certainly not the fierce mouse hunter he once was. He used to stalk his territory and control the mole population. He used to leap in the air at falling leaves in autumn, and attack your leg as you were walking by. Incredibly vocal, he will tell you exactly what he needs when he needs it. But now, you could see youth was leaving him, yet he looked more contented than ever.

Here’s what went through my mind as I witnessed his contentment:

Life is too short not to take cat naps.
Happiness is found in simple things, like getting your back scratched.
No worries if the work doesn’t get done this second. It will get done eventually.
Kick back and dream about catching a big mouse.
He’s earned his rest.
He loves and trusts unconditionally.

I know our furry friends do not have the worries that we humans have, but if we go through life aware of what’s around us, we can learn a lot from nature’s intelligence!

This Part of Life Doesn’t Come With An Instruction Manual

June 4, 2012 | Julie Hall

I fell to pieces last night … literally an unrecognizable, weepy being frozen in my bathroom. My husband heard my sobs over his ever-increasing TV volume and shoot ’em up Army movie, so I must have really let it all hang out. To his credit and excellent nature, he came to comfort me without saying a word, understanding the pain inflicted on this lovely family.

I always thought I was incredibly strong, but when the realization hits that you are helpless against a loved one’s disease, there is no pain quite like it.

My dad is battling Alzheimer’s and he is losing. I can see it now and the heartbreak is almost more than I can bear. He answers the door when the telephone rings, pushes buttons on the telephone to lower the volume on the TV, and just fell last week and broke his nose. There’s more, but I won’t bore you. Dad is still exceptionally conversational and cares for himself very well. He’ll talk on virtually any topic, but politics and gardening seem to be his favorites.

Recently, for what seemed like an eternity but only took a few seconds in reality, he forgot that I was his daughter. Then a moment later, he caught himself. That is the first time that ever happened. I somehow managed to keep a poker face only through the grace of God, I’m sure, then managed to walk out to my car where I promptly called my brother and let it all hang out again.

I am not complaining. I am hurting. I hurt for dad who never deserved this horrid affliction. I hurt for him because he is in the stage where he knows something is amiss; it seems like a hellish limbo to me. Truth be known, I hurt for all the people out there that have this disease, and for all of us that are dealing with it on a daily basis. “It must be the work of the devil,” I told my husband. “He must be in such a lonely place.”

On the one hand, I praise the doctors for knowing as much as they do and helping as much as they can. On the other hand, I curse them because they don’t know enough. My mom made her exit from life rapidly, and I am seeing what a blessing that was.

As with anything negative, it is the wise who will turn it into something positive. Because of this life experience, I can now add another dimension to my work as The Estate Lady: assisting my clients who are also dealing with this same issue. I can most definitely relate, and now I can comfort them too. It has long been said that in comforting others, you also will be comforted. I certainly hope so. I feel another book coming on. I’m open to title suggestions ….